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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
   
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | missroselee - 2013-12-06 12:52 PM
LoudAppy - 2013-12-06 1:50 PM I'm gonna be the bad guy here. I am sorry this happened to you. It happens to a lot of people and it's perfectly normal. Yes, the doctor's office is not going to be sympathetic because it's just another medical thing to them. There is no way of knowing if you're susceptible to miscarriages until you have multiple miscarriages. Just go on back to your life as best as you can. It does get easier. This experience has taught you that you are able to get pregnant and you can do it again. It will make you more appreciative of the child you will carry to term. I speak from experience.
"If" I ever carry one to term...not that I would have appreciated this child just as much.
My doctor pretty much told me today that this was my fault because I've waited so long to get pregnant (33 years old) and I just have to deal with it.
Get a different doctor. That's ridiculous. |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM
Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier.
That makes me angry for you. You are not too old. Not by any stretch. I was almost 31 when I had my first. I had a miscarriage before him--only about 25% of pregnancies result in live birth, it happens to many of us. I was pregnant again less than 2 months later. I had my 2nd at 34. There are SO MANY women waiting until their 30s to have babies, and doing it successfully, it is absolutely archaic that a doctor would tell you that. I had woman issues too, and going off BC after using it nearly continuously for over a decade was hellish. But it didn't impact my fertility. |
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 Water Weight Barbie
Posts: 6829
 
Location: Oz, Kansas | My mom was 45 when she had my sister & that was 19 1/2 years ago. She had 2 miscarriages prior but her Dr was wonderful to work with & was so encouraging & supportive.
As to wanting to know why this happened only God can answer that question but I can tell you that is wasn't from something you did to cause it. Terrible things happen to good people for unknown reasons. Please don't let the Dr.'s make your decision for you. You are not too old to get pregnant. If you need some referrals of some good OB's in Kansas let me know. |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | The more I think about this, the madder I get. Even if you were 45 years old and trying to have your first child, how dare they tell a grieving, woman in physical pain who is weakened emotionally and mentally by her ongoing ordeal that she brought this on herself. I want to slap him and yell F you arsehole. And the fact that you are only 33 just makes it more absurd. Fertility declines with age, egg quality declines with age, but you can still have a healthy baby as long as you can get pregnant, which for many is into your 40s. Women do it every day. My mamaw was in bad health when she had her 10th child at 42 and the dr said the baby would be messed up and should be aborted. That was my mom. Thank God she told the dr where to stuff his opinions. Hang in there and don't let doctors with a God complex make your decisions for you. If you're done, you're done. If you want to try again, you should. Give yourself time to heal and pray about it. |
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 Works Hard For The Money
Posts: 4469
Location: Memphis, TN | Three 4 Luck - 2013-12-11 11:44 AM
missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM
Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier.
That makes me angry for you. You are not too old. Not by any stretch. I was almost 31 when I had my first. I had a miscarriage before him--only about 25% of pregnancies result in live birth, it happens to many of us. I was pregnant again less than 2 months later. I had my 2nd at 34. There are SO MANY women waiting until their 30s to have babies, and doing it successfully, it is absolutely archaic that a doctor would tell you that. I had woman issues too, and going off BC after using it nearly continuously for over a decade was hellish. But it didn't impact my fertility.
Makes me angry for you too. Please do not listen to these doctors. Only God knows the plan he has for you. I can't remember the scientific backing but I've always heard your chances of getting pregnant are a lot higher right after a pregnancy. I would try as soon as you can. You are already feeling your heart change about how having a child changes your life. Do not let a cold doctor diminish that. I'm not too fond of the direction female doctors have taken lately. They blow matters away based on "age" or that it's "normal". My mom had emergency surgery after 3 different doctors said it was nothing. Turned out her ovary was encased in a large abscess that had burst and was filling her abdomen with infection. But it was "normal female pain" according to them. She could have lost her life over it considering she is diabetic and any small issue turns into big issues quick. If you feel in your gut that you are meant to have a child then go for it. God is talking if you listen. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 625
Location: Harrisonville, Missouri | Not all Missouri docs are like that. I had a miscarriage many years ago. I was 33. The reason I even knew I was pregnant was because of the pre-op tests for my hysterectomy. Needless to say, when they called the night before my surgery to tell me my pregnancy test was positive and they had cancelled my surgery, I was in shock. Two days later, I miscarried. My doctor told me he WOULD NOT perform my hysterectomy surgery for at least a year, to give me time to decide about another child (I had my oldest at 26). It was never supposed to be an option for me. He sent me to a reproductive endocrinologist and then told me to start living my life. I had my second child at 36. My point is this, not all docs are like the ones you have seen. Sometimes you get that old-school mentality and it is unfortunate. I worked with a gal who was in her mid-30's when they started to try. She had two miscarriages and now has a beautiful 3 year old daughter. Don't let someone take that decision away from you and your husband!
FYI - I had problems with adhesions and had many of the same symptoms you had.
Edited by engravedinvitation 2013-12-11 12:15 PM
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 The Famous Hot Wing Chicken Girl
Posts: 2964
| missroselee - 2013-12-06 1:45 PM So is it common enough that there's a really good chance there's nothing wrong with me physically?
Yes. You can be perfectly healthy and have a miscarriage.
My aunt had several miscarriages before she had her daughter and my cousin-in-law had 2 miscarriages, she's now 20 weeks with a healthy baby. She had a miscarriage about 2 months before this pregnancy.
Miscarriages are a lot more common than you think. The percentage of a healthy pregnancy after one or several miscarriages is high.
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  Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I guess I just need a lot more time then I planned on. I know nothing can prepare someone for the emotional part, but I misjudged the physical part and just how draining it is. I thought I would be back and "normal" quickly but it's been the opposite, and not having a doctor willing to explain everything hasn't helped. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | I am sorry for your loss but I promise it will get better. My sister lost her first pregnancy around the same amount of weeks you did. She waited a year before trying again. She now has three children, which are all teenagers! give yourself some time everything will be ok. |
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 Magnet for Stupid People
Posts: 2775
Location: If I ever get back to Oklahoma..... | I'm pregnant with my second (31 weeks), and I turned 35 this October. My OB has never once mentioned the fact I am "too old" to have kids. I had my first in 2011 when I was 32, and again, she never said anything about my age. She did mention when we were discussing options for tube tying at my last appointment that they consider 35 "advanced maternal age," but turned around in the next breath and said, don't let that discourage you. She said she has much older patients than I am.
I feel as though I am much more prepared to take care of a child at this point in my life than I was when I was 20, 25 or even 30. Don't let two stupid doctors let you feel any other way. You are not too old!
There are forums on www.thebump.com and their loss board is very good to read through. I haven't experienced what you have, but you've been on my mind and I can't even imagine what you've been through.  |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | I have not had a miscarriage, but I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 months. I know that's not a long time (in the medical world, at least), but there is a certain pain whenever you test and get a "not pregnant". I can sympathize with you. My husband is starting to think there is something wrong with me since it seems like so many women get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I'm 27 years old, so not too far behind you. You are NOT old by any means - especially in the pregnancy world! How dare they talk to you like that. I would be checking with my female friends and finding out who they use and looking elsewhere. |
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Water Weight Barbie
Posts: 6829
Location: Oz, Kansas | Murphy - 2013-12-11 12:31 PM I have not had a miscarriage, but I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 months. I know that's not a long time (in the medical world, at least), but there is a certain pain whenever you test and get a "not pregnant". I can sympathize with you. My husband is starting to think there is something wrong with me since it seems like so many women get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I'm 27 years old, so not too far behind you. You are NOT old by any means - especially in the pregnancy world! How dare they talk to you like that. I would be checking with my female friends and finding out who they use and looking elsewhere.
I was off the pill for 12 months & had made my hubby an appointment to have him checked out to make sure his swimmers were good & luckily for him I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks before his appt. It takes awhile to get that out of your system. My second child was an oops baby. I was content with having 1 child but God had other plans & I got pg with him after 6 years on being on BC from an antibiotic. Talk about a shocker but I wouldn't know what to do without him.
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | lookout hill - 2013-12-11 2:40 PM Murphy - 2013-12-11 12:31 PM I have not had a miscarriage, but I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 months. I know that's not a long time (in the medical world, at least), but there is a certain pain whenever you test and get a "not pregnant". I can sympathize with you. My husband is starting to think there is something wrong with me since it seems like so many women get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I'm 27 years old, so not too far behind you. You are NOT old by any means - especially in the pregnancy world! How dare they talk to you like that. I would be checking with my female friends and finding out who they use and looking elsewhere. I was off the pill for 12 months & had made my hubby an appointment to have him checked out to make sure his swimmers were good & luckily for him I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks before his appt. It takes awhile to get that out of your system. My second child was an oops baby. I was content with having 1 child but God had other plans & I got pg with him after 6 years on being on BC from an antibiotic. Talk about a shocker but I wouldn't know what to do without him.
I've been off NuvaRing for 8 months, and off all birth control for over 5 months. My face is so broke out now, that I believe all my lovely BC is out of my body (good for baby making, bad for my face!) I've threatened that if I don't get pregnant soon, that I'm going back on BC. |
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 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | Three 4 Luck - 2013-12-11 10:44 AM missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier. That makes me angry for you. You are not too old. Not by any stretch. I was almost 31 when I had my first. I had a miscarriage before him--only about 25% of pregnancies result in live birth, it happens to many of us. I was pregnant again less than 2 months later. I had my 2nd at 34. There are SO MANY women waiting until their 30s to have babies, and doing it successfully, it is absolutely archaic that a doctor would tell you that. I had woman issues too, and going off BC after using it nearly continuously for over a decade was hellish. But it didn't impact my fertility.
Makes me mad too. My mom was 36 when she had my sister and I almost 12 years old, we are the only two she had.
My cousin had her son when she was 36 also.
My daughter was 32 when she had her first baby.
None of this is your fault. I just always like to remember that God is control.
Pooh on the doctor that told you that. |
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