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Posts: 209
| Ok I usually don't post about personal things on here but this is really getting to me and would welcome any advice. I have been with my SO for 3 years now, when I met him, he was honest and upfront that he had a sizeable amount of debt. I am never one to judge a person by their money so it didn't really bother me and I knew he was working on paying it off. Fast forward and he has ran into a few problems and not always been able to pay because his truck broke and he lost his job a couple times, but he was just served a summons to appear in court regarding his repo which is the biggest thing on his debt. He's considering filing bankruptcy and spoke with a lawyer who is recommending it. My issue is I want to settle down and start a family within the next 5 years and I don't want to start already being behind on things, I do love him but I don't see how he is going to be able to pay it all off or how if he files for bankruptcy that it won't affect trying to get a new car a new house ect. Any suggestions or am I just being crazy? |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
 
| You're not being crazy. It's a valid concern. I don't have any super suggestions, just a support on being concerned. Not going to lie, before we got married, my husband and I pulled our credit scores and listed all debts, and developed a serious 5 year plan. If it had looked too deep, I don't think either one of us would have tied the knot. Marriage isn't just about love.
Edited by classicpotatochip 2015-02-26 12:04 PM
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  That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
 
| Bankruptcy will prevent any lender from even looking at you for a minimum of 3 years. Even if I deal with a person who has filed bankruptcy I expect them to make the debt good no matter how long it takes them. It shows the character of a person, if they will just walk away from the debt or try to figure out a way to repay as fast as they realistically can. Sometimes that is the only option but the effort after the bankruptcy will make all the difference.
Edited by Whiteboy 2015-02-26 12:18 PM
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Whiteboy - 2015-02-26 12:09 PM Bankruptsy will prevent any lender from even looking at you for a minimum of 3 years. Even if I deal with a person who has filed bankruptcy I expect them to make the debt good no matter how long it takes them. It shows the character of a person, if they will just walk away from the debt or try to figure out a way to repay as fast as they realistically can. Sometimes that is the only option but the effort after the bankruptcy will make all the difference.
agreed |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| Chapter 13 or chapter 7. I believe chapter 7 will stay on his credit for 10 years while completed chapter 13 will stay for 7(it may take 3-5years for him to complete it however). Can he consolidate his debt and make one monthly payment on it all?
Edited by FlyingJT 2015-02-26 12:19 PM
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | There are a lot of RED flags here.
concern, when he is working, does he pay just the minimum or double up trying to get things paid off? While paying these debts, is he still using credit cards and being wasteful with his money?
Why can't he keep a job? When he isn't working is he trying super hard to find work and willing to do anything to keep money coming in? (Legal work).
think long and hard about a life with this guy. Your little voice is already trying to give you warning.
before advancing to the next step, get guidance from a paster of your church or someone that you trust their judgement. |
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Veteran
Posts: 209
| roxieannie - 2015-02-26 12:47 PM
 There are a lot of RED flags here.Â
concern, when he is working, does he pay just the minimum or double up trying to get things paid off? Â While paying these debts, is he still using credit cards and being wasteful with his money?Â
Why can't he keep a job? When he isn't working is he trying super hard to find work and willing to do anything to keep money coming in? (Legal work).
think long and hard about a life with this guy. Your little voice is already trying to give you warning.Â
before advancing to the next step, get guidance from a paster of your church or someone that you trust their judgement.Â
When he is working he pays as much as he can possibly afford to pay. He rarely uses a credit card and I wouldn't say he is wasteful with his money but he could be a bit more frugal. His job is in construction so often times its seasonal and sometimes it's hard to find a job in the winter and he's been working for a union company for 2 years now but they get slow and lay off a lot of people. Thank you everyone for your advice it is much appreciated!! |
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Location: Texas | How concerned is he about his debt? Does he want it taken care of as soon as possible or is he okay with living like this? Do you think this will be a reoccurring event?
I do believe bad things happen to good people, but the way they react to it means everything.
Edited by EqualRanch 2015-02-26 1:05 PM
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 Sorry I don't have any advice
Posts: 1975
Location: Sunnyland Florida |
Don't let an attorney fool you, bankruptcy can reflect negatively many areas of life in the future. Buying a house, renting a house, obtaining credit, getting a job. It's a very negative strike on a person's personal integrity.
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Veteran
Posts: 209
| EqualRanch - 2015-02-26 1:04 PM
 How concerned is he about his debt? Does he want it taken care of as soon as possible or is he okay with living like this? Do you think this will be a reoccurring event?
I do believe bad things happen to good people, but the way they react to it means everything.
He is extremely concerned, I truly try not to pester him or ask too many questions about it because he gets upset, he is unhappy about the situation and is sure trying to get it taken care of asap. I don't believe that it would be a reoccurring event. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Lyric203 - 2015-02-26 1:11 PM EqualRanch - 2015-02-26 1:04 PM How concerned is he about his debt? Does he want it taken care of as soon as possible or is he okay with living like this? Do you think this will be a reoccurring event?
I do believe bad things happen to good people, but the way they react to it means everything. He is extremely concerned, I truly try not to pester him or ask too many questions about it because he gets upset, he is unhappy about the situation and is sure trying to get it taken care of asap. I don't believe that it would be a reoccurring event.
Um, if y'all are planning to have a life together, he needs to get over the being upset about you getting in his business and asking questions. In a serious relationship, you have every right to know what's going on because it will affect you too if you get married. It doesn't matter if he's embarrassed or whatever--get over it, this is too important to gloss over. My husband had credit card debt and student loans when we got together, and I helped him budget and structure a payment plan that had him debt free in a year, except for his truck payment. |
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Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | Runaway - 2015-02-26 1:10 PM
Don't let an attorney fool you, bankruptcy can reflect negatively many areas of life in the future. Buying a house, renting a house, obtaining credit, getting a job. It's a very negative strike on a person's personal integrity.
Oooo, I forgot about the getting jobs. Companies do check credit history. And Facebook posts. |
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Location: Texas | I agree with T4L, he needs to accept it and just focus on getting it taken care of. If you can help him budget, I would suggest that. He could always speak to a financial adviser and get a structured 5+ year plan. He should do everything he can BUT file for bankruptcy.
This situation should only be a bump in the road.... |
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 Don't Need Sugar Coating
Posts: 1183
Location: AR & OK | ((( hugs )))
Highly recommend the both of you should take
Dave Ramsey 'Financial Peace University' course.
Edited by candyloveshorses 2015-02-27 2:05 AM
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| Runaway - 2015-02-26 1:10 PM
Don't let an attorney fool you, bankruptcy can reflect negatively many areas of life in the future. Buying a house, renting a house, obtaining credit, getting a job. It's a very negative strike on a person's personal integrity.
Â
THIS! My SO had filed YEARS ago, LONG before I ever met him. It STILL shows on his credit and I'll bet it's been 10-12 years. I wonder if it ever REALLY goes away. My SO now has NO debt other that his truck and the house payment but it did haunt him for YEARS whenever he got a loan for anything. |
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 The Vaccinator
Posts: 3810
Location: Slipping down the slope of old age. Boo hoo. | The bankruptcy will haunt him (and you if you marry) for years. He needs to pay up AND work on the reasons he has landed in this situation -- sounds like there are many reasons he has been unable to manage his finances. If he has unpredictable work - such as construction - then he needs to make sure he can handle it, i.e. perhaps purchasing and driving a very used truck that he can save up and pay cash for so he will not have payments when he has no work....and needs to build up a 6 to 8 month emergency / living fund for when he does not work.
Until the reasons for the financial situation are fixed this will just be a miserable cycle of life..... good luck. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | My sister's husband was in bad shape when they got married for his credit. He also had a repo. He also had an hourly wage and occasionally inconsistent work. They ended up getting a little personal loan (she had to cosign) of 1000 and sticking it in a bank and then making monthly payments out of that savings account on the loan. This allowed him to rebuild his credit some. They also just managed to buy a house by doing this a few times. She did help him get some things established too. They figured it out but he never filed bankruptcy. I would see if you could get your boyfriend to do something similar. DONT take out the loan to pay things off; its only to rebuild credit. You also need more of a committment. My sister was already married. |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | candyloveshorses - 2015-02-27 1:56 AM
((( hugs )))
Highly recommend the both of you should take
 Dave Ramsey 'Financial Peace University' course.
This is great advice! Love Dave Ramsey.
Those kind of issues are a serious red flag to me. Bankruptcy will haunt him (and you) for a loooonnnnngggg time. He needs to be realistic about the career field he's chosen, either figure out a way to plan for yearly layoffs or pick a new field. |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | I haven't read everything but wanted to share. I have a friend who went through a divorce last summer. She went into her marriage knowing the guy had debt in every direction, but she married him anyway, overlooking that problem, just thinking he fell into some bad situations, college debt, having to make a living and get a car and go to school, easy to justify his place when looking through certain glasses. Well...over the 15 years they were married, he didn't so much as "fall" into bad financial situations, but rather ran headlong into them. He was hiding CC's he'd taken out in her name, he'd say he was paying the bills when in fact he wasn't. He progressed to spending a TON of money on inappropriate websites, to the tune of 20k which he managed to hide from her. All the while she's working her ass off to save for a downpayment on a house - and he's spending it on porn sites. She overlooked ALOT and is kicking herself now for not protecting herself instead of justifying his situation. All their marriage because of his bad credit, she had to be on all the loans (trucks, etc.). Well, in the divorce he was to pay for one of the vehicles, and it only had 3 payments left to go...he has stopped making payments...and it's all in her name so it's dinging her credit over and over and over and she'll have to bear these various defaults for years. He's defaulted on high interest CC's he took out in her name, the truck issue, he's late paying resitution for the porn charges, which was to pay for her own car payment etc.
IMO it's like anything else you see as a potential character flaw...managing money - debt doesn't just happen to someone, they go into it and go further into it with every other previous and current decision they've made and continue to make. Sure people make mistakes, we all have, but I'd sure not be thinking of anything permanent with this guy until he's cleaned up his mess and has shown over a long period of time (years not months) that he's learned a lesson and won't overreach himself anymore. This friend of mine is not only trying to clean up whatever bills her ex hubby refuses to pay and knows he won't get into trouble, but she's also having to support herself and her kids on one salary now - because he defaulted on everything, including child support. She's is stretched so thin..she can't even afford to take him back to court because she's trying to plug all these financial holes he's left in their lives that are only affecting HER future.
Edited by Tilt The Kilt 2015-02-27 8:17 AM
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | I would definitely suggest Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey. My long term boyfriend and I are doing it and 5 weeks in it has helped LOADS. We are finally discussing money. |
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