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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
  
| missroselee - 2014-04-24 10:54 AM
The medication is not working because they either refuse to take it, or abuse it by taking too much.
There are injectable medications some are weekly, some are monthly.
Depending on the dynamics of the family/people you could look at homecare coming in and giving it, or a monthly doctor visit and have the doctor inject it |
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 Pork Fat is my Favorite
Posts: 3791
  
Location: The Oklahoma plains. | I feel for you- this is another thing you and I may have in common unfortunately. I pray for resolve for you and your husband. |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| If the parents don't respect/care for you, I wouldn't say anything unless your hubby was there. They would probably take it as you trying to be a pot stirrer, keeping them from their son, etc.
I would volunteer yourself to be the one to speak up, but WITH your hubby present.
I'm sorry that the other family members don't help out, but maybe they would if you are quite a distance away and no one else was around. OR there are facilities or home health care agencies that could come in and do routine checks for them if they moved back to GA. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| We have been through this same thing for the last three years. My father in law passed away three years ago and since then she has decided my husband owes her something. He stresses so bad that we are having a heart cath on him tomorrow because of chest pain. The only difference is my husband brings a lot of his stress on himself. If he would just walk out when she starts to complain about stuff she will stop. I know because she has in the pass. He will get his fill of her and leave sometimes and for a while she is better. I have posted recently about all the things we have gone through so I will not elaborate here. I am glad to know I am not the only one with this problem and I pray that yours gets better soon because I don't want to know that anyone has to live through this. |
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  Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I straight out asked hubby if he wanted me to say anything and he asked me to wait....so decision made....he had to think about it for a bit..... |
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| missroselee - 2014-04-24 11:40 AM I straight out asked hubby if he wanted me to say anything and he asked me to wait....so decision made....he had to think about it for a bit.....
If he's anything like mine, he doesn't want you to say anything, but then it'll take him a month to jump into action or ask you to do it anyways. :)
But that's the way men operate. Until then, keep your chin up. Inlaws are always a pain. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Well this just a whole new kind of interesting.......no worries though.....I will sit my butt in the car in the parking lot until they are ready to be driven home. Then I will refrain from going inside to converse with them as I normally do in order to contain what it rally want to say to them right now. Apparently their lives are none of my business and I am not permitted to go I to the doctors office with them....... |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I want to help them.....I really do.....but to be perfectly honest.....right now I just want them to move back home......nothing we do is good enough......neither myself nor my hubby. They accuse me of being born with a silver spoon in my mouth and expecting everything served to me on a silver platter...... |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7550
Location: In The Land of Cotton | missroselee - 2014-04-24 2:13 PM I want to help them.....I really do.....but to be perfectly honest.....right now I just want them to move back home......nothing we do is good enough......neither myself nor my hubby. They accuse me of being born with a silver spoon in my mouth and expecting everything served to me on a silver platter......
Whether you were born with a sliver spoon or not, isn't their business. Sit in the car, enjoy the peace and quiet, take them home and wave bye. Go home and hug your husband. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I behaved yesterday. Today I did not. I finally had enough.
Long story short....their elderly neighbor gave them two push lawnmowers. Both of which needed minor work. Hubby brought them both to our house to work on. I never asked what they needed or anything about them. Yesterday I noticed their grass needed cut. I had free time today, so I took my push mower down there and mowed their grass.
When I went inside to take them some prescriptions that I picked up for them, they blew their tops over the two push mowers they were given, accusing hubby of trying to steal them. Acting like he wasn't going to bring them back.
I finally had enough...I walked out, called hubby, asked what was wrong with the two mowers, came home and fixed them myself, then let his parents know we had enough of the disrespect and attitude and that if they wanted to go back to their hometown, then I would make sure they could get out of their lease (they say that's the only reason they are still here, but I had talked to the rental manager and explained that they may decide to do this, and they will let them out of the lease, I just didn't tell his parents that) |
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 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
Location: Opelousas, LA | Looks like they have either lost thier minds or are the kind of people that just aren't happy unless they have something to gripe about. You have been nothing but kind, so sorry you are going thru this.
Family issues are part of the reason we moved to Louisiana, Texas just wasn't big enough for all of us, lol. As long as you and hubby have each others backs, you will be just fine. |
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 Goat Giver
Posts: 23166
| My FIL stopped by Thursday. I went to the bedroom and stayed until he was gone. Kinsey has a barrel race today, it is in the town where they live. I stayed home.........
I tried for 15 years to find a common ground. I just can't tolerate them. The bad thing is husband grows more like them every year. It's getting so I can barely tolerate him. |
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 Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | missroselee - 2014-04-25 9:19 AM cheryl makofka - 2014-04-24 11:17 AM In the parents any memory loss? As it sounds like depression, maybe dementia. Is it possible to have a geriontologist assess each one completely. If they check out fine, send them packing. If they have some deficits, they may need mood stabilizers. A friend of mine is going through this with both his parents, the meds finally stabilized his dad. That's not the issue. That's already been done and "treated". Meaning diagnosed and properly medicated, but getting them to stay on board with it is a whole new dilemma. Part of the reason we did want them close to us, so we could help. But you can't help ppl who don't want to help themselves.
It sounds like control by GUILT to me. And, your husband is accepting that guilt. Tell him he needs to stop that. From what you posted, it sounds like you two are doing the best you can for them. He needs to tell them that. And, he needs to tell them to move back home if that is what they want to do. This cannot come from you, it has to come from him. You cannot protect him from his own parents, he has been groomed for years to accept this guilt, that is how they manipulate him. He has to break the cycle by not taking it on anymore.
My mother-in-law treated me like crap for years. She would have treated anyone that was married to her son like crap, because she wanted total control of him. (I have a feeling that is what is going on with your in laws). She was a mean spirited woman who was happy only when she was the center of attention and controlled with guilt. When she was old and had a stroke, I took care of her because I felt it was the right thing to do. She went to a nursing home and I visited 4 or 5 times a week, helping her to participate in activities. If I didn't go, she would just lay in bed. Only after she was dependant did she say good things about me, then you would have thought I walked on water, LOL |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1096
| Hollywood's Fan - 2014-04-26 10:08 AM
missroselee - 2014-04-25 9:19 AM cheryl makofka - 2014-04-24 11:17 AM In the parents any memory loss? As it sounds like depression, maybe dementia. Is it possible to have a geriontologist assess each one completely. If they check out fine, send them packing. If they have some deficits, they may need mood stabilizers. A friend of mine is going through this with both his parents, the meds finally stabilized his dad. That's not the issue. That's already been done and "treated". Meaning diagnosed and properly medicated, but getting them to stay on board with it is a whole new dilemma. Part of the reason we did want them close to us, so we could help. But you can't help ppl who don't want to help themselves.
My mother-in-law treated me like crap for years. She would have treated anyone that was married to her son like crap, because she wanted total control of him. (I have a feeling that is what is going on with your in laws). She was a mean spirited woman who was happy only when she was the center of attention and controlled with guilt. When she was old and had a stroke, I took care of her because I felt it was the right thing to do. She went to a nursing home and I visited 4 or 5 times a week, helping her to participate in activities. If I didn't go, she would just lay in bed. Only after she was dependant did she say good things about me, then you would have thought I walked on water, LOL
I feel for you. I unfortunately get the "guilt" from my mother. I live an hour from her and she would LOVE to Control Me!! She thinks I force my children to do things, she thinks the horses are crazy, she thinks I do everything wrong. Unfortunately for my brother he farms with my parents and I have doubts he will ever be totally self sufficient because she "controls" him. I made the decision to just smile and do what I need to do for my family. She can say what she will, I will be calm, cool, and kind toward her but I'm going to do the "water off a ducks back" approach and ignore her nonsence. It's tough, I'm so their! |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | He pretty much told them today to go back home if thats what they want. I know I can't fix how they have made him feel. All I can do is support him no matter what.
I guess what really bothered me as well was the day I did take them to the doctor. They needed to go to the pharmacy, so we drove by there. His dad went inside while his mom and I waited in the car. Now it's no secret that I have a "running" script for narcotics. Vicaden and Codeine. Each are technically supposed to be filled once a month, but they aren't. I just call the doctor when I need more. Reason being is a one month supply will last me about 6 months, so no need to keep filling them.
Mother in law knows this. She asked me to get my scripts filled so she could give them to his dad....... |
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