|
|
 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
   
Location: Arkansas | cow pie - 2017-05-07 10:20 PM
Keep the job.so many are losing there homes with all the floods and fires.going on.there is no such as thing as a steady permanent job. You can make it work. There are no guarantees .
I am blessed to own my own business, so when Chan was born, we moved my office home and I worked from there. I never took time off, but I worked from home for 6 months. Every few days Chris or I'd take the tax returns or financial reports to my office in town and a friend would stay and let my customers pick up or drop off. (The first few weeks I went back to town to work, I cried and cried and was nauseous ALOT. At least he was in good hands because he was with my aunt.) It's a big decision, so I wish you the best of luck on deciding. . . . | |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 1718
 
Location: Southeast Louisiana | With your great job situation, would he be open to being a stay at home dad? | |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | I thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom when I had my Rainbow baby too.
She was being watched by a Family friend at her own house and she was diagnosed with cancer and no longer could watch her. I didn't want her going to daycare because I've heard horror stories. I wanted to shelter her and keep her at home instead.
Turns out, you're literally so exhausted from housework and chasing them and playing with them that all you want to do is lay down and nap with them.
I took two weeks off last year to see if I could do it simply because daycare scared me. Sure, I missed her while I was at work. But there is no way in heck I could be a stay at home mom. What's worse is when you're hubby comes home and says: "Uhmmm...Not trying to be mean but.... I thought the point in you staying home was so you could have a clean house 24/7 and dinner ready before 8?" LOL None of what I had planned to do happened in that 2 weeks. I've never been more happy to see my cubicle. 
We moved Daycare's three times before finding one at a Cowboy Church. My little one has very special health needs and I couldn't find a daycare willing to follow her doctors orders correctly.
The Cowboy Church is the Best. Thing. Ever.
My little one LOVES to go see her friends and see her teachers. She gets so excited when we pull into the drive. It's greatly improved her manners and her speech. She is a social butterfly. The things she comes up with to tell her teachers is HILARIOUS. She turns two in August. I wouldn't have it any other way. 
Maybe take 2 weeks off and do a trial run like I did before you jump completely. I would finish the year and then reconsider come January....
All I know is, I can't believe I almost gave up my 401k and nest egg. She will need those one day, and I'll be able to give her a portion. 
Edited by IRunOnFaith 2017-05-09 8:25 AM
| |
| | |
I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
|
You brought up a great point - how supportive will your husband be? Is he the type that will expect a spotless house and supper at a certain time, or will he acknowledge the fact that you will be very busy with a baby and things may not get done every day? My husband got a little mouthy (for him, so it was really just one remark) so I told him I needed a day off when our first child was about 2 months old. I was gone for several hours and was even an hour late. He NEVER said another word about supper being on time or the house not being spotless. He, to this day, thinks I am super woman because he was at the door waiting for me when I came home. He said it was the hardest job he had ever done just watching and caring for her for 4 hours, lol.
If your husband can't give you that kind of support, you may want to keep your job.
I think it is way harder to work in an office with people you aren't crazy about.
Beautiful thing about life is it takes all kinds. If we all did the same thing and felt the same way, how boring it would be.
Whatever you decide to do, remember you can always change your mind, nothing is set in stone.
You are a good mom no matter what you decide.
| |
| | |
 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| GLP - 2017-05-09 8:50 AM You brought up a great point - how supportive will your husband be? Is he the type that will expect a spotless house and supper at a certain time, or will he acknowledge the fact that you will be very busy with a baby and things may not get done every day? My husband got a little mouthy (for him, so it was really just one remark ) so I told him I needed a day off when our first child was about 2 months old. I was gone for several hours and was even an hour late. He NEVER said another word about supper being on time or the house not being spotless. He, to this day, thinks I am super woman because he was at the door waiting for me when I came home. He said it was the hardest job he had ever done just watching and caring for her for 4 hours, lol. If your husband can't give you that kind of support, you may want to keep your job. I think it is way harder to work in an office with people you aren't crazy about. Beautiful thing about life is it takes all kinds. If we all did the same thing and felt the same way, how boring it would be. Whatever you decide to do, remember you can always change your mind, nothing is set in stone. You are a good mom no matter what you decide.
You just need to have more kids :). I did not find it hard staying home. I did nap when they did, I needed my rest or I got grumpy. The plus side of having mine so close together is they played with each other, I was able to get laundry done, dinner ready, etc. house definitely was not "company clean" but it was not a wreck either. Enjoy them while they are little, find the balance, it is a special time to treasure. | |
| | |
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| GLP - 2017-05-09 8:50 AM
You brought up a great point - how supportive will your husband be? Is he the type that will expect a spotless house and supper at a certain time, or will he acknowledge the fact that you will be very busy with a baby and things may not get done every day? My husband got a little mouthy (for him, so it was really just one remark ) so I told him I needed a day off when our first child was about 2 months old. I was gone for several hours and was even an hour late. He NEVER said another word about supper being on time or the house not being spotless. He, to this day, thinks I am super woman because he was at the door waiting for me when I came home. He said it was the hardest job he had ever done just watching and caring for her for 4 hours, lol.
If your husband can't give you that kind of support, you may want to keep your job.
I think it is way harder to work in an office with people you aren't crazy about.
Beautiful thing about life is it takes all kinds. If we all did the same thing and felt the same way, how boring it would be.
Whatever you decide to do, remember you can always change your mind, nothing is set in stone.
You are a good mom no matter what you decide.
Yes, a supportive husband is very important. Mine is always telling me to get a nap in, take a lot off or watch a movie. Sometimes if I get sick and he has to stay home so I can rest, he hangs out with the kids all day. He will tell me how lucky he is because just after one day he knows he could not do it day in and day out. Now he doesn't even want me going to the grocery store with both of my little ones because he did it once lol.
Sure, sometimes there is down time like right at this very moment. But I mostly stay busy. Off to go mow the back yard lol. | |
| | |
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1074
| You will have the same feeling when your children go to school. It's very hard to be away from them for any reason. I hated to leave my kids to go to work, I hated to be away from them when they go to school, however it is good for them to be around other people too. Your child will love spending the time with each Grandmother during the week too. It is hard, but I enjoy the time I do spend with my children. I work so that we can afford life and horses. Make the best decision for you and your family. | |
| | |
Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| SloRide - 2017-05-09 9:47 AM GLP - 2017-05-09 8:50 AM You brought up a great point - how supportive will your husband be? Is he the type that will expect a spotless house and supper at a certain time, or will he acknowledge the fact that you will be very busy with a baby and things may not get done every day? My husband got a little mouthy (for him, so it was really just one remark ) so I told him I needed a day off when our first child was about 2 months old. I was gone for several hours and was even an hour late. He NEVER said another word about supper being on time or the house not being spotless. He, to this day, thinks I am super woman because he was at the door waiting for me when I came home. He said it was the hardest job he had ever done just watching and caring for her for 4 hours, lol. If your husband can't give you that kind of support, you may want to keep your job. I think it is way harder to work in an office with people you aren't crazy about. Beautiful thing about life is it takes all kinds. If we all did the same thing and felt the same way, how boring it would be. Whatever you decide to do, remember you can always change your mind, nothing is set in stone. You are a good mom no matter what you decide. Yes, a supportive husband is very important. Mine is always telling me to get a nap in, take a lot off or watch a movie. Sometimes if I get sick and he has to stay home so I can rest, he hangs out with the kids all day. He will tell me how lucky he is because just after one day he knows he could not do it day in and day out. Now he doesn't even want me going to the grocery store with both of my little ones because he did it once lol. Sure, sometimes there is down time like right at this very moment. But I mostly stay busy. Off to go mow the back yard lol.
I shopped with all of mine, they were well behaved but still not the most fun. My husband would ask me if I am being sure the prices are ringing up correctly, why is the checkbook so messy (always holding a baby) and did I open a bag and let them
eat in the store ??? I told him I get home with stuff I didn't know was in the cart, no idea what I paid and YES-they snack while I shop-questions from a man who had never shopped with 4 kids ages 4 and under. | |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 1409
| BS Hauler - 2017-05-08 9:29 AM I will give the father side of this. Keep your job. My wife and I raised 3 kids. We have put all three of them thru college. Since we both worked we could afford it. They have all started life without any college debt. My wife is in the school system and she only has 4 years left to be able to retire. She will make more on retirement than she did when working. She also had health care all those years that did not cost us anything. Also as she says that she has been able to stay in the " land of the living" going ot work not just just watching TV or being on FB all day. If you think that you are stressed now. What til you see what stess is like when you are short on money every month trying to pay bills. Lots of people make it work both ways. Just remeber that if you stay home your husband will expect housework to be done when he gets home as you will not have an excuse that you were too busy. Its easy to fall into that trap.
That's hilarious
Other than that..... YOU DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS BEST FOR YOUR BABY. NO OTHER OPINION MATTERS!
Edited by TyE 2017-05-09 1:44 PM
| |
| | |
 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| I'm a stay at home mom... my youngest went to kindergarten this year so I thought about finding a job but my husband really wanted me at home, he's supportive either way.. I take care of EVERYTHING here... yardwork, house cleaning, laundry, keeping horses fit up, cleaning the barn, groceries... everything ... I feel extremely blessed to be able to be home and taking care of the place and I'm happy to be able to be the one to greet my kids at the bus stop after school or if 1 gets sick or needs something I'm not stuck at a job. Sure, the extra income, if I worked would be nice, but it's not ABSOLUTELY necessary at this time. And sometimes I do have an extra hour or 2 to kick my feet up and unwind before kids get home from school ... then it's homework rush, and getting supper started or off to baseball, football or cheer leading practice! | |
| | |
I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| want2chase3 - 2017-05-09 2:00 PM
I'm a stay at home mom... my youngest went to kindergarten this year so I thought about finding a job but my husband really wanted me at home, he's supportive either way.. I take care of EVERYTHING here... yardwork, house cleaning, laundry, keeping horses fit up, cleaning the barn, groceries... everything ... I feel extremely blessed to be able to be home and taking care of the place and I'm happy to be able to be the one to greet my kids at the bus stop after school or if 1 gets sick or needs something I'm not stuck at a job. Sure, the extra income, if I worked would be nice, but it's not ABSOLUTELY necessary at this time. And sometimes I do have an extra hour or 2 to kick my feet up and unwind before kids get home from school ... then it's homework rush, and getting supper started or off to baseball, football or cheer leading practice!
Yep, when fence is down, cattle escape, someone breaks down I am the one my family calls. Taking care of home and place so he doesn't have as much to do when he gets home is a stress reliever for my husband, although now with kids grown I do work part time. | |
| | |
Location: Wherever the Army sends my husband | I stay at home with my son. I was working full time when I got pregnant and had every intention of going back to work. But then I had him. I couldn't leave him. I didn't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone, daycare or individual. So I worked part time on weekends only so that he was with my husband while I was at work. I had to downsize and sell a couple horses. We are pretty tight on funds but we make it work. After we moved and my hubby got deployed I stayed home full time because I still won't leave him with anyone. It is a personal decision for sure. But my hubby was on board and we make it work. I plan on going back to work at least part time if not full time once he is in school.
Edited by KD Running Horses 2017-05-09 6:25 PM
| |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 3534
Location: Stuck in a cubicle having tropical thoughts | He actually has a job very similar to mine with a similar company with similar benefit package. We even work in the same field and industry n even have the same suppliers and customers. He makes more money than me because he's older n has more years of experience n he has a bachelor degree. That is the only reason it would be me staying home. If I made more than him, he would gladly stay home. | |
| | |
Expert
Posts: 3534
Location: Stuck in a cubicle having tropical thoughts | I have been a little worried about the "land of the living" thing but When I was home when I had her for 12 weeks, I loved it. If I'm home, grandparents will still visit so I can mow yard. Right now we're both exhausted n can't keep up with things. I pay a cleaning lady to come every 2 weeks to help clean because when I have a spare hour to clean, I'm to exhausted to do it. We have great jobs but they are very mentally exhausting. We barely have time to get groceries. I love going grocery shopping with her. She has an amazing temperament n travels well. We already took her on a road trip vacation about 6 weeks ago n she was awesome. But if I stop working, we won't be able to afford any vacations for awhile. It's a double edge sword | |
| | |
I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| barlracr429 - 2017-05-09 4:07 PM
I have been a little worried about the "land of the living" thing but When I was home when I had her for 12 weeks, I loved it. If I'm home, grandparents will still visit so I can mow yard. Right now we're both exhausted n can't keep up with things. I pay a cleaning lady to come every 2 weeks to help clean because when I have a spare hour to clean, I'm to exhausted to do it. We have great jobs but they are very mentally exhausting. We barely have time to get groceries. I love going grocery shopping with her. She has an amazing temperament n travels well. We already took her on a road trip vacation about 6 weeks ago n she was awesome. But if I stop working, we won't be able to afford any vacations for awhile. It's a double edge sword
We never had vacations either. We did get to travel some when the kids were older and showing their heifers. We would go to the Jr .National Show and some of the big Stock shows in Texas along with some TCCA shows, so I guess those were our vacations! lol | |
| | |
Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8552
Location: sunny california | when i first read this I thought I would suggest that you take your check and subtract gas and sitter fees. take what is left and put into savings and do not touch it for any reason, so you could really see what it will be like to not have that income. The problem with this is that it takes time to really show what you spend because there is always something that breaks and needs repair or replacing. and over time you will have to keep down grading/selling until there is nothingleft to sell. and well that time is what you are trying to get for your family LOL
the point i am making is we always think we have the bills figured out and we will be OK but something always comes up. so if you don't mind selling everything off, then go for it. I am not saying you will have to but your mind set should be " I don't care what i have to sell and I will live in a van down by the river, because this is what I need to do"
| |
| | |
 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | I have a 9 year old and an 8 month old. Both of my girls have always been in daycare. I spent the last 2 days home with my little one and I am so happy to be back at work today. It is my sanity. If you can go to part time, I'd suggest that. Some moms are cut out to be able to adjust to being a stay at home mom. I am not one of them. I was bored out of my mind. I love the daycare my little one goes to and it helps her learn skills and socialize. | |
| | |
Assistant to the Braun..
Posts: 1249
Location: Texas | I did both. I stayed home until my son was 2 and kept a child to help out financially but it was rough. I had family that could have kept my son if I had chose to go to work immediately. I now have custody of my 5 year old granddaughter and have had her full time for over 3 years. I work 2 jobs and my husband works 1 and honestly its everything we can do to get ends met with having a farm that we both work on after we get home from our other jobs. I enjoy my time away and am lucky to have a wonderful babysitter. Here is my advice. I think that you are working yourself up when you go to work because your heart wants to be with your daughter which is understandable, but you also have to realize that you being away from her for 3 days is really good for the both of you. It gives you a chance to unwind and really appreciate when you are with her. As good as it sounds now quitting is going to cause strain no matter what you do.
From what you have described it sounds like you have a really good flexible job that is really quite rare these days that affords you to put money aside for the things that you really want and will need in the future for your daughter. Before you give up your job I think that you need to really separate your heart from making any decisions and look at your future long term. Life is expensive and its not really going to get any better. Keep your job so that you can provide for everything you want and have a little free "YOU" time that you will desperately need as time goes by. Don't make yourself feel guilty for not being there, she needs those relationships that she is making and molding more than anything as I am sure her grandmothers need their time with her as well. When you are at home try to see if you can schedule a mothers day out for those two days for a couple of hours so you can do your work even if it going to a coffee shop right down the road so you don't have to take away from your evenings and weekends with her. Schedule planning is of importance especially when trying to fit everything in.
Again I just would not quit, retirement benefits, as well as the financial security that you have is so much more important than you realize, and since I got a second chance to raise a child I see this. You can never predict the future and just because you don't think things will happen you never know for sure, so being prepared is going to always be a priority. Struggle especially financial causes alot of marriages to deteriorate so if you can avoid that then I would definately do that. Just make sure you thing this through rationally and by taking your heart out of the equation so that you can make clear and concise decisions. | |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | I am the worst version of my self when I'm stressed about finances.
That's all I need to know to make the decision about whether or not to be a sahm. | |
| |
| |
Folks on-line