Ya'll might remember I posted a while back about after having baby #2 I got a broken tailbone and compressed nerve. Tailbone has healed, going to PT for nerve and overall doing better and have been riding as I've had time with 2 kids and being back to work.

I had our 4 y/o filly act up tonight, acting spooky and wanting to crow hop (probably due to weather change and storms) and I realized my confidence is so dang low. Instead of wanting to work it out of her like I would have done 5 years ago, I just wanted to attempt to end on a good not and get off.

While I know futurity isn't everything, my big plan and goal for this horse was to try our hand at futurity. She won't have a futurity year with me at this point.

I know, I'm just down and complaining, but tonight I'm on the struggle bus. 

The struggle bus is a real thing! I'm so sorry you're down in the dumps.  Prayers that you recover quickly! 

I think the older we get the more we realize too, that we can get hurt.  And we pick our battles wiser. 

It's ok... we have all been on the struggle bus... shake it off and take it easy on yourself... take a deep breath and try again... 

Nothing wrong with picking your safety over a goal, and honestly one ride won't derail you to a futurity if thats what you want. You can always do things to prepare yourself if you notice them having an off day. There are days mine snorts just coming in the barn like she hasn't lived there for 5 years, and for that I have cbd oil I give before I saddle and I lunge her a little before getting on. Mine isn't hurt you stupid, she just spooks HARD and I'd like to not die falling off from a spook of all things lol. I let her walk a few minutes on the lunge line & then maybe just 5 minutes of some trotting mixed with some direction changes to get her thinking & its a nicer ride. And there's nothing wrong with that, don't be afraid to make adjustments to help you keep your confidence. And even if you don't get on that day, lunging can still help your training if its a day here or there. Keeps them listening to you & you're not losing a day of fitness. There was an article awhile back when Taci Bettis was talking about her horse Smash around the time they won the American. She said there's days she gets him in the pasture & he snorts a certain way & she knows just to stay off him that day, & thats ok