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Location: East of the Pecos | I came across this and thought it might help some of the people on here who are having relationship difficulties, especially the younger ones with no life experience with boyfriends who don't support their barrel racing. Remember, you all deserve a supportive partner in any of your hopes and dreams.
Sheryl Sandberg’s insight that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is, and her observation that, “I don’t know of a single woman in a leadership position whose life partner is not fully—and I mean fully—supportive of her career.” I know—after almost twelve years of marriage—that picking the right partner is a make-or-break-your-happiness kind of deal. I am lucky to have a supportive spouse, but many of my friends—even many of my graduate degreed friends —do not have supportive partners.
Here are the ideas I’ve come up with for how to go about finding a supportive partner:
Use your time as a single woman to get to know and respect yourself. When you’re in a relationship (especially when you’re in high school or college), it can be too easy to lose yourself in the haze of romance. So make sure you take advantage of those in between times to get to know yourself. What do you like to do when it’s just you? What career paths seem most attractive to you? What kind of a life do you want? What are your priorities?
Be friends to each other before you get “friendly” with each other. Your friendship with your partner will last much longer than your raging hormones, so you have to make sure your friendship is solid. I know this is easier said than done, but the more you work on your friendship with your partner before the hormones rush in and make you crazy, the better off your relationship will be.
Set the right relationship ground rules from the beginning. In other words, be respectful and demand respect right from the beginning. Be honest and demand honesty. Be kind and demand kindness.
Be honest with yourself and each other about your hopes, dreams, and goals. You have to know yourself first. Assuming you know what your hopes, dreams, and goals are, share them with your potential partner. Don’t hide them because you’re afraid he won’t approve or won’t be interested. You’re going to have to let him know at some point—and it will be harder if you’ve set misleading expectations at the beginning.
Take a close look at your potential partner’s parents’ relationship. Depending on how your partner was raised, this could be a parent and step-parent’s relationship, or grandparents’ relationship. This is the pattern he knows. If it looks radically different from the relationship you want, be afraid!
Recognize that your hopes, dreams, and goals—and your partner’s—will change over time. And that’s OK, as long as you regularly check in with yourself and your partner.
If you can’t talk to each other, get out of the relationship. You and your partner need to be able to share your thoughts with each other, and you need to be able to really listen to each other. If you realize early on in the relationship that you can’t talk with or listen to each other, then don’t waste your time. Or, if for some reason you’re already committed before you realize that you have a serious communication problem, get outside help as soon as possible.
A list of warning signs that your partner will not be supportive, and a list of signs that your partner will be supportive:
Nine warning signs that your potential partner will not be supportive:
Your partner doesn’t listen to you.
Your partner won’t talk to you about his hopes, dreams, or goals.
Your partner belittles you, your intelligence, your goals, your career, or your interests.
Your partner’s mom caters to her spouse’s every whim.
Your partner’s mom caters to your partner’s every whim.
Your partner has no interest in your friends, your school work, or your career.
You’re already doing your partner’s laundry, dishes, etc.
Your partner has a personality flaw that you’re sure you can change.
Your partner expects you to adapt your schedule around his schedule.
Eight encouraging signs that your potential partner will (probably) be supportive:
Your partner really listens to you, and even brings up things you’ve said in earlier conversations from time to time.
Your partner is interested in hearing about your hopes, dreams, and goals.
Your partner shares his hopes, dreams, and goals with you, too.
Your partner’s mom supports him without giving him everything he wants.
Your partner’s dad supports and encourages your partner’s mom.
Your partner is interested in your friends and (school) work.
Your partner knows (or is learning) the basics of keeping house.
Your partner makes time for important events in your professional (or school) life.
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  Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4557
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | Very right on. However 99% will be NON supportive. Most cause men believe they are the ones who are in control and supposed to spend your life on your knees.washing dishes and putting soup on the table. Society is flawed. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1631
Location: Somewhere around here | I agree, right on and I'm glad I read it! But I do disagree on "99% will be NON supportive". Maybe I just found the 1% of a guy that was supportive of me and my dreams. He went with my to barrels races before we were married and he still went with me after we married. Yes, I do a majority of cleaning inside the house but he does ALL the outside work (and I love it!!). We take turns making breakfast/lunch/dinner and I wouldn't change him or trade him for anything! | |
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 The Vaccinator
Posts: 3810
Location: Slipping down the slope of old age. Boo hoo. | I agree there are supportive partners / spouses out there to meet! I will soon celebrate my 37th wedding anniversary with a non-horse person who has been and continues to be supportive of my horse addiction. (The first structure built on our farm was a barn!) I was not "looking" when we ran into one another -- we were friends first and had some time to get to know one another just as this suggests. Respect, kindness and courtesy for and to one another is so important... it is vital. And remember moms -- YOU are raising the men folk -- you have a huge impact on how your son will treat women.... please raise them well. (I will never forget one man who - on the first date - took me to his home to meet his mother -- that was our first and LAST date. She catered to his every need -- I thought she was going to cut the meat up on his plate - she actually offered. Yikes.) | |
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 I am Woman hear me Roar
Posts: 3395
Location: Choctaw, Oklahoma | I had an ex that was odd. He bought me everything I wanted and then some. However I was never "allowed" to haul, trail ride with friends, or spend much time out in my own barn. I finally got my head clear and kicked his sorry arse to the curb.
fast forward 3+yrs and I have a non-equine husband. But he is 100% supportive, encouraging, and excited about my barrel racing. His parents are awesome and they all have a healthy relationship. He is into classic cars and we go to car shows and barrel races. We have found a very happy medium. | |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | OK COW PIE, enough with the negativity ALREADY. | |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | hammer_time - 2015-01-03 10:15 PM OK COW PIE, enough with the negativity ALREADY.
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