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Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | barrelracr131 - 2014-01-09 11:19 AM lexyy12 - 2014-01-09 10:16 AM LRQHS - 2014-01-09 11:12 AM I believe, that things happen for a reason Lexy. So, to hear that he is doing the right thing and is not letting this effect him is good. Try not to let the cousin situation bother you. In the end, it may be a blessing in disguise. Let it be and move forward positively. We don't know the reason the wife decided to do what she did, but that is her family, their home and they have the right. No matter who it came from or why. I wouldn't hold a grudge and I would be thankful for the time that they did allow me to stay there. There are all kinds of good things that could come out of this new situation. Try to focus on the good and not the bad. Thank you LRQHS! It's just so crazy that she would delete us off social networks and things like no one did anything to her. I completely understand her wanting privacy and wanting him to move. But the way she did it and then shutting us out. I think that's the worst part.
I agree... that was odd to delete you.
Yes it is. But nothing I can do. I've told him he needs to call and talk to his brother/cousin. |
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  Fact Checker
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Location: Displaced Iowegian | barrelracr131 - 2014-01-09 10:19 AM lexyy12 - 2014-01-09 10:16 AM LRQHS - 2014-01-09 11:12 AM I believe, that things happen for a reason Lexy. So, to hear that he is doing the right thing and is not letting this effect him is good. Try not to let the cousin situation bother you. In the end, it may be a blessing in disguise. Let it be and move forward positively. We don't know the reason the wife decided to do what she did, but that is her family, their home and they have the right. No matter who it came from or why. I wouldn't hold a grudge and I would be thankful for the time that they did allow me to stay there. There are all kinds of good things that could come out of this new situation. Try to focus on the good and not the bad. Thank you LRQHS! It's just so crazy that she would delete us off social networks and things like no one did anything to her. I completely understand her wanting privacy and wanting him to move. But the way she did it and then shutting us out. I think that's the worst part.
I agree... that was odd to delete you.
~~they needed to focus on their family
This statement is telling to me.......There could be problems in THEIR family that they need "alone" time to work on. Additionally, as with every story, you have only ONE side of it......I would heed the advice given to you here and "move on" and not dwell (or let him dwell) on it....... |
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Expert
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Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | Slowly working on it. |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | there is always 3 sides to a story.. good luck ..
he lives with you all now so yes he has brought his trouble to you all. and "if" you are young .. Id not make hasty decisions and be mature about things.. "if "your in school . stay in school.. this point now can affect the rest of your life. |
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 Blaines and Beauty
Posts: 1431
| I had a similar situation happen with me and I can let you in on the wife's perspective a little bit (not saying that this is how your SO is). My husband's half brother's dad was killed a few years ago at work in a freak accident. He was in his mid forties and my BIL was only 19. It hit him hard because they were very close. He wanted to make a move 800 miles away to our house to change his life a little. He was in with a crowd that his family (including me) didn't really think was good for him. I agreed to have him move in IF he helped out around the house since we were giving him a place to live for free. My husband also got him a good job so we would be able to get back on his feet. He stayed with us for almost a year and then I had enough. He did not help us with anything - buying groceries, cleaning the house, doing laundry, dishes, etc. I found out when we went out of town to barrel races, etc, on weekends that he was using my husbands truck and not putting gas in it and would leave his truck sit and use all of our gas so he wouldn't have to pay for it. He would come home all hours of the night and wake me and my 3 yo little boy up and we had not time to spend with each other without him interfering. It was just getting ridiculous and we finally told him that he would have to pay us rent or would need to move back home. He decided he would just move back home.
I am not sure what your SO's situation is, but coming from the wife perspective, I do know that you want to spend time (especially if kids are involved) with your family and if he is not pulling his weight, its hard to deal with an extra person living with you. I do not want to come off as cold hearted, because I am not that way at all, but there comes a time when you give and give so much and do not get anything in return and it gets frustrating. For example, if they were giving him a place to stay and he was at your house all weekend and not willing to help them out with chores, buying groceries, cleaning house, etc. I could see how that would upset them. I do agree that they went about it the wrong way and did not treat him right. I love my BIL and still talk to him all the time and I am very thankful for that. I do not think just completely shunning him was the right thing to do. They needed to talk it out and make amends if that is possible, but it sounds like the wife is not being very nice about it. Is there anyway your SO can at least contact his brother so talk with him? I have learned that life is too short to take things for granted and he at least needs to have his brother in his life, if not anyone else. |
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Warmblood with Wings
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Location: Florida.. | It is very difficult to allow someones cousin brother etc.. at 20 yrs old live with a married couple.. she did go about it wrong but are you sure thats the whole story |
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Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | Bibliafarm - 2014-01-09 11:53 AM It is very difficult to allow someones cousin brother etc.. at 20 yrs old live with a married couple.. she did go about it wrong but are you sure thats the whole story
As far as I know. I went there a lot and he was always out helping him and his room was always clean. And I know for a fact that he was paying them |
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Warmblood with Wings
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Location: Florida.. | I by no way mean he was freeloading.. I just mean that sometimes even money cant make a situation good.. every day interaction , the constant of having someone there in amidst your family. etc. just everyday stuff.. |
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Expert
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Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | I have no idea. My SO has said before that she is all about her side of the family and her husbands side gets forgotten about and she is all about having that perfect family image. And having a cousin/brother living there sort of ruined that. It just sucks. If your going to do that then you shouldn't have offered in the first place. |
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Warmblood with Wings
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Location: Florida.. | from a differant angle.. maybe they didnt know how hard it would be.. he is a grownup. maybe they tried it . wasnt working out .. she did it wrong I agree.. but remember theres always 3 sides to a story.. sucks yes but welcome to adulthood... |
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Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | I guess haha. It's in the past I guess. Just really irks me |
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 Chicken Chick
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Location: Texas | Bibliafarm - 2014-01-09 12:07 PM I by no way mean he was freeloading.. I just mean that sometimes even money cant make a situation good.. every day interaction , the constant of having someone there in amidst your family. etc. just everyday stuff..
When I married my husband he had a room mate. I moved in with them, and room mate lived with us for a year or two longer. He pulled his weight for the most part, especially financially... and we all got along fine. There is a certain amount of stress another person adds to a marriage though even when they are doing their part. Especially with a husband like mine that is so giving and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I finally had to be the one to tell our friend he needed to move out, which made me look like the bad guy... but it was just too much.
We are still all friends, and he has stayed with us a couple of times when he needed to. If he came up to us today and asked for a place to live, we would let him move in... but we would all know that it wouldn't be a long term thing. Come here, get your crap together, and get another place.
I don't know their whole situation, but maybe the wife just couldn't handle an extra person anymore (and maybe cousin/brother agreed but didn't want to make waves). Could she have done it differently, yes. Will he be fine, yes.
As for the hard life. There are a lot of people that have bad starts at life. You have to choose if you want to grow from it, or dwell on it for the rest of your life. Don't forget where you came from by any means, but don't use it as an excuse. |
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