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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
   
Location: Texas | I have read the entire thread and decided to give you my two cents. Take it for exactly as it is -- cheap advice. So you can take it or leave it.
Your boyfriend finds it more entertaining and prefers to hang out and act like his single buddies. Then he gets to come home and shack up with you. Kudos to him. He has the best of both worlds. If a man prefers to drinking and playing like a single guy, he's not a man yet and doesn't value the relationship he's in. IMO - he is NOT committed to you.
You on the other hand, have settled for what he is willing to give you and are putting up with behavior that is not conducive to a healthy or long-term relationship. I have never understood why women put up with a pig for a little bit of sausage. I've done it too and want to slap my younger self.
Let me give you a little insight that no one ever says: Men get a heck of a lot more out of a committed relationship than women. Not to say women don't get anything, but our society tells women we are not worth as much without a man. In turn, we are willing to put up with crappy behavior so we are not alone. That is BS!
If I could go back in time, I would not have dated the scumbags I did for the length of time I let them stick around. Your boyfriend does just enough to help you out that you are willing to let his inappropriate Thursday-Sunday night behavior slide. WHY?? This is an every weekend thing. It's not a once a month, let me hang with the boys thing.
Long story short: He is not committed to you. He's sticking around for the goods and gets to play the single life on the weekends. And by inviting you, he gets out of feeling guilty. Not only that, if you don't go, he can make you out to be the bad guy because "You didn't want to go drink with the boys." Well, no sh#t buddy. Most women don't like to sit around watching their SO drink like a fish and act like an idiot.
There is a huge difference in maturity in the two of you. He either needs to grow up or get out. And honey, he's not growing up any time soon. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | we have finally talked last night, his thing is we aren't 30 we have no kids, so why not go have fun since he has the means to do so now and can afford it,cuz he doesn't just wanna sit at home during the summer he said, its about to be football season so hes gunna be gone tailgating then winter time when it gets cold an that time of the year is for sitting around. I told him I all I hear in that is you you you and your plans nothing about me ang my plans to do things so we shall see how it goes from here |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | " You on the other hand, have settled for what he is willing to give you and are putting up with behavior that is not conducive to a healthy or long-term relationship. I have never understood why women put up with a pig for a little bit of sausage. I've done it too and want to slap my younger self."
This ^^^^^^ 1000 times This!! I too want to slap my younger self for selling myself short and putting up with being treated like crap. Those days are gone.
OP I'm glad you had a talk with him. But as the wise and clever person I quoted above said....He is in the cat bird seat. He has been partying like a single guy and then coming home to a nice home and a "sure thing" when it suits him.
Maybe make a plan to offer for this weekend. A weekend together doing activities you both enjoy. Hiking, riding, fishing, whatever...maybe one night with the party friends out of the weekend?. Plan this as a date weekend. Let him choose...have the date weekend to have fun and re-connect...or...he can go party with the boys. If he chooses the boys don't get emotional (at least don't show it)...just calmly tell him that he should just stay over at the guys place...while he is gone you will help by having his things packed. No way in heck there should be any question about where his priorities lie.
Fun at a young age shouldn't always equate to drinking and foolishness. That's so one dimentional. There are so many other ways to have fun. He is missing out. |
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Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | TrailGirl - 2014-07-11 10:46 AM
"Â You on the other hand, have settled for what he is willing to give you and are putting up with behavior that is not conducive to a healthy or long-term relationship. I have never understood why women put up with a pig for a little bit of sausage. I've done it too and want to slap my younger self."
This ^^^^^^ Â 1000 times This!! Â I too want to slap my younger self for selling myself short and putting up with being treated like crap. Â Those days are gone.
OP I'm glad you had a talk with him. Â But as the wise and clever person I quoted above said....He is in the cat bird seat. Â He has been partying like a single guy and then coming home to a nice home and a "sure thing" when it suits him.
Maybe make a plan to offer for this weekend.  A weekend together doing activities you both enjoy.  Hiking, riding, fishing, whatever...maybe one night with the party friends out of the weekend?.  Plan this as a date weekend.  Let him choose...have the date weekend to have fun and re-connect...or...he can go party with the boys.  If he chooses the boys don't get emotional  (at least don't show it)...just calmly tell him that he should just stay over at the guys place...while he is gone you will help by having his things packed.  No way in heck there should be any question about where his priorities lie.
Fun at a young age shouldn't always equate to drinking and foolishness. Â That's so one dimentional. Â There are so many other ways to have fun. He is missing out.
we worked out a thing he knew I wanted to go to a rodeo Friday, but his buddies and their gfs are wanting to take a weekend trip get away so we comprised he will come to my rodeo and then we can go meet them the next day once I get everything taken care of around the house and then we will come home that night. instead of stayin the whole weekend like they wanted him to do
Edited by jw1990 2014-07-11 10:53 AM
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | jw1990 - 2014-07-11 11:52 AM TrailGirl - 2014-07-11 10:46 AM " You on the other hand, have settled for what he is willing to give you and are putting up with behavior that is not conducive to a healthy or long-term relationship. I have never understood why women put up with a pig for a little bit of sausage. I've done it too and want to slap my younger self."
This ^^^^^^ 1000 times This!! I too want to slap my younger self for selling myself short and putting up with being treated like crap. Those days are gone.
OP I'm glad you had a talk with him. But as the wise and clever person I quoted above said....He is in the cat bird seat. He has been partying like a single guy and then coming home to a nice home and a "sure thing" when it suits him.
Maybe make a plan to offer for this weekend. A weekend together doing activities you both enjoy. Hiking, riding, fishing, whatever...maybe one night with the party friends out of the weekend?. Plan this as a date weekend. Let him choose...have the date weekend to have fun and re-connect...or...he can go party with the boys. If he chooses the boys don't get emotional (at least don't show it)...just calmly tell him that he should just stay over at the guys place...while he is gone you will help by having his things packed. No way in heck there should be any question about where his priorities lie.
Fun at a young age shouldn't always equate to drinking and foolishness. That's so one dimentional. There are so many other ways to have fun. He is missing out. we worked out a thing he knew I wanted to go to a rodeo Friday, but his buddies and their gfs are wanting to take a weekend trip get away so we comprised he will come to my rodeo and then we can go meet them the next day once I get everything taken care of around the house and then we will come home that night. instead of stayin the whole weekend like they wanted him to do  keep communicating.. it may work out.. so many are quick to say end it.. no one is in the relationship but you and him.. we dont know everything about you two.. I dont feel anyone can tell you what to do.. they can offer opinions and their own storys though.. its up to you to take it or leave it..but I think strongly that communication is the key and respect .. hes young.. no excuse but truth.. hopefully he will grow out of this crap if he knows you are thinking about leaving..
Edited by Bibliafarm 2014-07-11 8:11 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 1367
Location: mi | jw1990 - 2014-07-11 11:35 AM we have finally talked last night, his thing is we aren't 30 we have no kids, so why not go have fun since he has the means to do so now and can afford it,cuz he doesn't just wanna sit at home during the summer he said, its about to be football season so hes gunna be gone tailgating then winter time when it gets cold an that time of the year is for sitting around. I told him I all I hear in that is you you you and your plans nothing about me ang my plans to do things so we shall see how it goes from here
He is right to a point. You guys are young and if you can afford it going and doing and having fun now is ok. But both of you need to be on the same page on that. And you might be growing out of that stage a bit sooner then him. there is nothing wrong with that. I am WAY more of a home body then my husband. But I have no problem with him going and having fun with his buddies and he has no problem with me heading out to a horse show with out him. He used to go out and get drunk with his buddies and I would go get him later or I would go along and just not drink. He did grow out of that. So they do grow up I wouldn't call it changing per say but he did change as we all do over the course of our life. We have had some knock down drag out arguements but have survived 25 years. So only you know if he is worth dealing with. Nobody is perfect so be sure to add in his good points when getting frustrated with his bad. And keep talking that is the best thing you can really do. |
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