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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
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Location: In the Hills of Texas | How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL | |
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 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | lexyy12 - 2014-08-01 7:53 AM lindseylou2290 - 2014-08-01 9:46 AM Whew ... I don't know either. My BFF from college went through something similar. I stepped in when she showed up to class with unexplainable bruises - I asked her to move in with me. We literally took a stock trailer and 4 of my very close guy friends and moved her out ... all the while, her SO at the time sat in a lawn chair berating us and throwing beer cans at us. Many years later, she has spoken openly about how she felt trapped and that he was her only option in life, she felt at the time that she had nowhere to go and no one she could rely on - which was TOTAL BS as her family and I spoke to her about it often and moved her out of the situation. I think the desire for something better has to be there, ya know? And the desire to stand on your own two feet and be something - maybe not just desire but to actually DO it and not be afraid of failing? A very good mentor in my life said it best - you have to love yourself and value yourself before anyone else will. I'm incredibly thankful that I have a wonderful family that taught me early on to be a strong independant woman. They instilled a work ethic and faith in God, which are two thing I attribute to never settling for anything. She has a place to go at her moms and she knows it. She's afraid to be alone with out a boyfriend....this guy was also in the army and claims he has been to war and crap and he hasn't. My SO used to be friends with him and I know his ex wife...he says his issues are from PTSD? A load of crap! How can you have your 2 year old little boy around this garbage?!?! I came from a home where my mom isn't independent. Relies on my dad for everything. All that. I've never been like that. I'm independent and I do things myself. If my SO and I decided to break it off I would be upset...I would not be out looking for a new guy the next day bc I can't be alone. There is so much better out there and she is so pretty and awesome and he tears her down
She needs to realize that she doesn't need a boyfriend to make her whole...no one can make her whole but God. That she doesn't need a relationship. She needs to know that there is that right guy out there for her, if she would just settle down, live her life, and wait for him to come along. I feel sorry for her because I know what it feels like when you want that relationship to work out...you want to feel secure and wanted a loved. But then later you look back and wonder what you were ever doing with that guy in the first place. But I especially feel sorry for her child as he has no choice in this. And if the man is treating her child like that at this point, I can only imagine how things can get worse. When it comes to the little 2 year old, we have wondered for a long time how someone could have a child around that type of influence. If you ever Google Great Falls, MT for child abuse deaths, I can think of 3 deaths in the last 5 years. And it was pretty much the same situation each time...a girl got pregant (either married or not), then someone she is having a relationship with other than the father of the child abuses the child to the point of death. I'm not saying every situation is the same, it just happens to be what happened around here. It is very sad and unfortunately quite prominent here.
Prayers that things get better. 
Edited by mtcanchazer 2014-08-01 10:43 PM
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10D Crack Champion
| It is about values, standards, self worth, insecurities, life experiences, expectations, etc. Some don't feel there is anything better out there. They may have grown up with a slew up people around them that aren't top notch. Some feel that this is the best life they can live. It has to do with social circle too. In reality the good men and women out there are slim pickens in some areas.
Some people can't stand to be alone. Therefore, they would rather be with a mediocre person than be alone. Also if they are alone by choice, people start to question them and think they are weirdos. In so many areas of the country people expect a person to be attached to someone. Single folks get embarrassed being single. How many people out there can go to a restaurant and eat alone? Not many could. That is just an example, but going to a gathering of friends, a party, whatever.
It is also very difficult to live on your own financially as a single person talking care of all responsibilities. Some people will take on a bf/gf/husband/wife just to help lighten the load financially or otherwise. Many say oh you can make it happen and it can be done. However, there was a time when people went straight from their parents home to a home shared with a spouse. Even if they lived on one income, it was not living alone and there were specific roles in that. A single person living alone takes on all those roles. Some will take on a mediocre person just to help split a few bills because they feel overwhelmed trying to make it on their own.
The biggest reason young people make these choices now is because it is considered acceptable behavior. No one has a line drawn for acceptable behavior anymore. I think about many years ago being almost mowed over by a kid on a scooter at a barrel race. That kid is probably old enough to have children by now. I can only imagine what he would allow his child to do in public. It's a cycle.
Sorry I got off topic a bit. LOL
Edited by sodapop 2014-08-01 8:30 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | doublezerogranny - 2014-08-01 6:41 PM
If I knew the answer I could have saved my sister..
I'm so sorry! This is our fear. She keeps getting out but just goes right back to it. She never has any money bc she pays for everything. Apparently he can't work bc of "his disorder" or whatever. Luckily, her son isn't around him much as she works a lot so he is with his dad or her mom most of the time. He is never alone with him thank god. But still. How could you be with someone you can't trust with your child? That's the most precious thing you could ever have and you put it in danger. So frustrating. | |
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10D Crack Champion
| Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 5:43 PM How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL Although people don't laugh or look down on adults whose parents give them some land, a down payment to build a house, a job in the family business, co-sign a home/car/land loan, etc. It's still substantial help in one way or another. If they've got the ability to do it and they want to do it then I would say good for them. Many parents likely had some kind of assistance from their parents starting out as well. Very few people have what they have without help from someone.
Edited by sodapop 2014-08-01 8:40 PM
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I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | sodapop - 2014-08-01 8:36 PM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 5:43 PM How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL Although people don't laugh or look down on adults whose parents give them some land, a down payment to build a house, a job in the family business, co-sign a home/car/land loan, etc. It's still substantial help in one way or another. If they've got the ability to do it and they want to do it then I would say good for them. Many parents likely had some kind of assistance from their parents starting out as well. Very few people have what they have without help from someone.
I'm talking about the dead beat adults that prefer to smoke dope, drink and sit around while their parents take care of them. My husband has 2 guys he knows that their 40 year old kids have come home to live off of them. Sad. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| I teach high school and last year had three girls get in to a fight one day in class( verbal not fist) when I got to the bottom of the problem they were all dating the same guy and didn't know it until that day. One of the girls had actually run away with the guy a few weeks before I thought she was sick was why she was out of school. Anyway the guy was 25 and the girls were all 16 he had beat all three up at one point or another and they all claimed they loved him. (I reported him to authorities and he is not serving time for rape x3) After we got the guy out of town I talked to all the girls in a group and they all said the same thing it made them feel Bad. They all came for very affluent families in our town and just wanted to be rebellious. I think this is a lot of the reason people act the way they do and make the choices they make. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 8:48 PM sodapop - 2014-08-01 8:36 PM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 5:43 PM How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL Although people don't laugh or look down on adults whose parents give them some land, a down payment to build a house, a job in the family business, co-sign a home/car/land loan, etc. It's still substantial help in one way or another. If they've got the ability to do it and they want to do it then I would say good for them. Many parents likely had some kind of assistance from their parents starting out as well. Very few people have what they have without help from someone.
Oh I know what your talking about, happens alot. | |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Southtxponygirl - 2014-08-02 10:52 AM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 8:48 PM sodapop - 2014-08-01 8:36 PM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 5:43 PM How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL Although people don't laugh or look down on adults whose parents give them some land, a down payment to build a house, a job in the family business, co-sign a home/car/land loan, etc. It's still substantial help in one way or another. If they've got the ability to do it and they want to do it then I would say good for them. Many parents likely had some kind of assistance from their parents starting out as well. Very few people have what they have without help from someone.
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | barrelracr131 - 2014-08-02 12:15 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-08-02 10:52 AM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 8:48 PM sodapop - 2014-08-01 8:36 PM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 5:43 PM How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL Although people don't laugh or look down on adults whose parents give them some land, a down payment to build a house, a job in the family business, co-sign a home/car/land loan, etc. It's still substantial help in one way or another. If they've got the ability to do it and they want to do it then I would say good for them. Many parents likely had some kind of assistance from their parents starting out as well. Very few people have what they have without help from someone.
Ha ha ha ha ha,,, thats funny right there  | |
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 Veteran
Posts: 253
Location: SoCal | I have a friend who got pregnant and ended up sticking with the guy, the baby is around 8 months now, and the guy is abusive, she'd known him for multiple years before they had started dating. I can't tell you how many times I've wished I didn't live 4 states away and had a place for her to stay, because I'd pick her up even if I had to drag her away. | |
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Sock Snob
Posts: 3021
| It is not just young people, i have am older brother he is 67 years old he wife died about 2 years ago unexpectly had been married for a long long time no kids, there is a 49 year old lady right across the street, they met went out she has a failed neck surgery and ptsd from the workman com person, she has latched on and has a 16 year old daughter. He went from on relationship into another he is a very nice guy too nice she will take advantage of him. I knew after a couple of months she did some wierd things he called me about he felt life and she played up too it gave her a bad hand she is not the same person as her family, i think they are in it because he has a little money and if he is buying they dont mind at all. Those too just dont match and he really doesnot look happy, he just made his mind up that he is not going to be lonley. I lost my husband a year and half ago i havent dated yet it is not that i havent been asked but they are the guys i want to spend time with. I like myself and can go home and not be lonley. my husban was not the most touchy feely person, but 2 things he taught was how me as a women to take care of my self and how to make money, he did not teach me but i learned to be confident and know that i am very smart the kind with common sense. My younger brother can do algabra and or,trig, but i can by a car for 400.00 spend 200.00 and getting 1695.00 for,it.
Edited by daisycake123 2014-08-02 4:02 PM
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