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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 823
 
Location: East Texas | We started telling people that were bringing dinner to make enough for them also and they had to eat dinner with us. It has been awesome getting to visit with those we would normally not have at our house. Also just go sit and talk. Yes, it will be awkward, and no one really knows what to say. Just be there, talk about the weather, the local team, good times, what ever..... they will cry, you will cry, but it all good. | |
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 Hate Windows 8
Posts: 2462
 
Location: Oregon | Be there for them in a couple months when it's quiet and everyone has moved on.
It's been 14 months and the quiet and loneliness is still hard.
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 Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | Pre cooked meals that just need to be heated, they will have a lot of food, but try and make things you know they will like, like macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, lasagna, just normal comfort food, or ask the kids their favorite meals and their moms, I don't think it's wrong to ask. The worst is when people bring you something you wouldn't eat or use because it makes you feel bad. Cleaning helps, laundry, cleaning the litter box, pet food, and then maybe rent a movie or the coloring books sounded nice. I think being their for them in a few months will be the nicest, when everything calms down they may still need help.
It also wouldn't hurt to start a gofund me account. Plenty of people have an extra $5, $10, $20, etc. laying around that they save to donate in times like these and i'm sure even if they have life insurance it will help ease her mind. Props to you for being such a sweet friend! | |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| This sounds crass but get those kids on social security ASAP. I think the thing that was hardest for me was the empty house after the funeral. Go drop in and check on your friend. If she wants you to stay a little while stay but just having someone check in helps. Take the family out for pizza or something they can all enjoy. It gets pretty lonely at home but I am by myself. One family invited me for their Christmas which was a few days early. I am forever greatful for that. Don and Deb Wasson invited me to their son's graduation party. That was wonderful. The point is don't let your friend sit at home and feel sorry for herself and be lonely,make her get out with friends.
This is what helped me most. | |
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 Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | My first husband, the father of my children died in a accident when they were very young. I can tell you, the hardest part is AFTER the funeral and everybody goes home. At first she will be surrounded by family and they will be helping her make arrangements. Helping with food at this time is good and I would call often, or go by and keep asking what you can do to help. Afterwards though, thats when it all really starts to set in, the loneliness, helplessness, feeling lost, and dealing with the day to day struggles alone are really tuff. Thats when you really need to be there for her. Help her, and take her out. OFTEN!! Go to lunch, go shopping, the movies, ect ect. Thats when she will really need friends and distraction and help. | |
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 Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| This is heartbreaking to read and think about. Prayers to them and thank you for helping. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | CrossDRanch - 2015-06-08 7:40 PM We started telling people that were bringing dinner to make enough for them also and they had to eat dinner with us. It has been awesome getting to visit with those we would normally not have at our house. Also just go sit and talk. Yes, it will be awkward, and no one really knows what to say. Just be there, talk about the weather, the local team, good times, what ever..... they will cry, you will cry, but it all good.
How are you doing? I think of you offten  | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | Don't forget her later on, people usually do lots of nice things in the begining when someone experiences loss then within a few weeks act like they should be back to normal. Make sure she knows she can talk to you about her loss anytime.
Don't tell her to "let me know if there is anything I can do to help" because people never will, you have to just act or ask her what can I do to help you right now. Maybe keep her husbands birthday, hers and her kids in mind and holidays for the next few years and let her know you're thinking about her. It's very kind what you've done already and I bet it's very much appreciated. It's the kindness and thougth that really count.
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 Looking for Lady Jockey
Posts: 3747
Location: Rodeos or Baseball games | | |
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Location: Stephenville, Texas | Gift cards! After the food runs out they are so handy to go grab a bite. Maybe offer to help car pool the kids. | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 407
| This happened to me about 5yrs ago. I can tell you that everyone wants to help right away and bring food which is nice and helpful. They also wanted to take care of my animals. That is the only thing that kept me sane was doing the stuff I always do. I would suggest helping with things that she is not used to doing. Things her husband use to do. Also be there for them in about 2 months when all the others have moved on with their lives and they are left alone. That was the worst. Saying a prayer for this family because I know it will be difficult but life will go on whether we want it to or not. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 823
Location: East Texas | Southtxponygirl - 2015-06-09 2:18 PM
CrossDRanch - 2015-06-08 7:40 PM We started telling people that were bringing dinner to make enough for them also and they had to eat dinner with us. It has been awesome getting to visit with those we would normally not have at our house. Also just go sit and talk. Yes, it will be awkward, and no one really knows what to say. Just be there, talk about the weather, the local team, good times, what ever..... they will cry, you will cry, but it all good.
How are you doing? I think of you offten
Thank you for asking. We are doing as well or better than expected. Staying busy helps. Our daughter is riding a good bit right now. She is also riding drill this summer. All of our "vacations" were trips to rodeos and baseball tourneys.... well, we are actually going to take a few actual vacations this summer. My son had already talked his aunt into taking him to Cheyenne this summer. So that is also a trip we are going to take.
Edited by CrossDRanch 2015-06-10 5:05 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 823
Location: East Texas | outrundaizy - 2015-06-08 11:54 PM
Pre cooked meals that just need to be heated, they will have a lot of food, but try and make things you know they will like, like macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, lasagna, just normal comfort food, or ask the kids their favorite meals and their moms, I don't think it's wrong to ask. The worst is when people bring you something you wouldn't eat or use because it makes you feel bad. Cleaning helps, laundry, cleaning the litter box, pet food, and then maybe rent a movie or the coloring books sounded nice. I think being their for them in a few months will be the nicest, when everything calms down they may still need help.
It also wouldn't hurt to start a gofund me account. Plenty of people have an extra $5, $10, $20, etc. laying around that they save to donate in times like these and i'm sure even if they have life insurance it will help ease her mind. Props to you for being such a sweet friend!
giving money is great, and go fund accts work great especially for those that live off. Someone did this for us to establish a scholarship fund. But if possible give, mail, etc. the money directly to the person so you don't lose the 8% or so that go fund takes out. | |
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