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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 600
 
Location: Oklahoma & Texas | My husband isn't into the horses... there was a time at the beginning of our marrige (now married almost 11 years) that i gave up hauling and training all the time and focused on my career and our lives... i never sold the 2 horses i had left and just had nice pasture ornaments that occasionally got rode... then after about 3 years of that i got tired of not doing the one thing i loved so much... and i just started easing it back into my life now i have a whole herd again and a big rig to haul with and a couple broodmares even lol... he was never against the horses.. he just got jealous of time spent out there or we were busy doing other things... occasionally now he will make comments like i like the horses more than him lol or the dogs.. lol.. i usually respond with - and you're just now realizing this? LOL.. seriously..you have to draw the line at some pt.. you have every right to be happy as well. your hopes and dreams are no less important than his.. and if this is what makes you happy - he needs to stand back and let you do your thing.. im not saying he's going to be sitting in the stands watching your runs... mine never hardly goes... but when its time for you to feed em or go ride - he needs to get over it... i sort of encouraged mine to get hobbies of his own - which was hard b/c he's kind of a home body but i got him a membership for his bday for the gun club/skeet club and then he also decided he wanted a harley - i was all for it.... then its hard for them to justify the money/time spent on the horses when they have their own "hobbies" too.. whenever he complains about the feed bill i remind him about the harley payment or the harley insurance or whatever lol... fair trade right! But its also not a pt of tension for us because of it!
Remember too with your kids you are their example - and do you want them seeing/growing up knowing that its ok to give up the things you love or be bullied by your partner... i totally agree if its financial there's no question i would cut back too but if its just for the sake of making him happy b/c he just doesn't understand - no way.. he knew what he was getting into when he married you and your dreams are no less important now. |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
  
| I went to a barrel race tonight and here comes a guy with a baby stroller. He stopped at the bottom of the steps. Unbuckled the baby, went upstairs to sign the wife up. You could tell that he knew what he was doing so this was not his first time. I immediately thought of this post. |
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 Three in a Bikini
Posts: 2035
| If it were me...
I would take into consideration the cost of this hobby. Most importantly, who is paying for these fun filled weekends?
If it is 100% all on you then I would not give it a second thought. Poopoo on him for behaving that way.
But if he is footing the bill then maybe it is time to rethink your priorities.
Take care of yourself first. If this is your thing then take control of the situation and let him know you can do ith WITH or WITHOUT him. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 926
| I am so sorry that you as a horse lover/addict is in this position. I told my husband, who was an animal lover, but not a horse addict, before we were married....if you find that I need to chose between you and the horse, I'll understand, I'll help you pack, and we can always be friends. He jokes about it, is my video guy at the barrel races, and we will celbrate our 40th anniversary this year.
While this may not solve your issues, I hope that for others it will encourage them to be honest about their equine addiction. Help him understand you love him, and your children, however you have this life long addiction/love of equines.
It sounds harsh, but you'll be much happier in the long term with your equines, than without them.
Good luck.
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 Veteran
Posts: 262
| Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses and encouragement. I also enjoyed reading about the lucky ones who have supportive spouses. It gives me hope. I have encouraged him to get a hobby. He has done some golfing but thats it. It is not strapping us for me to Barrel race. As a matter of fact we separated our accounts a few months ago so I give him my portion for bills. He makes more money than I do and doesnt even need my portion. At this point our arguments are getting more frequent and I'm seriously considering packing our things and leaving. I'm almost there but it's scary. I just don't want to make the wrong choice for my kids. But something has to change. We can't go on like this. It's a rough place to be in. I have support from my family and close friends but it's still scary. Do I leave or stay. It's a constant question. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 512
| Canchsr5 - 2015-07-07 3:35 PM
Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses and encouragement. I also enjoyed reading about the lucky ones who have supportive spouses. It gives me hope. I have encouraged him to get a hobby. He has done some golfing but thats it. It is not strapping us for me to Barrel race. As a matter of fact we separated our accounts a few months ago so I give him my portion for bills. He makes more money than I do and doesnt even need my portion. At this point our arguments are getting more frequent and I'm seriously considering packing our things and leaving. I'm almost there but it's scary. I just don't want to make the wrong choice for my kids. But something has to change. We can't go on like this. It's a rough place to be in. I have support from my family and close friends but it's still scary. Do I leave or stay. It's a constant question.
Praying for you.
Was in a similar situation a few months ago (not as drastic) but things have really improved with the help of the good Lord, prayers, and time. Plus standing up for myself!
Edited to say: Even if you are spending his money and you are staying home caring for the little ones. Does he know how much it would cost to pay for full time day care? Someone to come clean? Cook? And take care of everything? You can probably google this, but a guy had calculated how much his wife was making as a stay at home mom and it was a significant amount of money. I will try to find the article. Anyhow, your job is SO important and we, as mom's deserve time to pursue dreams. I constantly battle guilt, but we shouldn't! We want our children to experience and see us pursuing things we are passionate about. I want my son to have passion, fire, goals, and dreams!
Here is the article: http://www.weareglory.com/blog/fathers-you-cant-afford-a-stay-at-ho...
Edited by Blueridgedreaming 2015-07-07 3:53 PM
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  Texas Lone Star
Posts: 5318
Location: where ever my L/Q trl is parked | Canchsr5 - 2015-07-07 3:35 PM Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses and encouragement. I also enjoyed reading about the lucky ones who have supportive spouses. It gives me hope. I have encouraged him to get a hobby. He has done some golfing but thats it. It is not strapping us for me to Barrel race. As a matter of fact we separated our accounts a few months ago so I give him my portion for bills. He makes more money than I do and doesnt even need my portion. At this point our arguments are getting more frequent and I'm seriously considering packing our things and leaving. I'm almost there but it's scary. I just don't want to make the wrong choice for my kids. But something has to change. We can't go on like this. It's a rough place to be in. I have support from my family and close friends but it's still scary. Do I leave or stay. It's a constant question.
Do you think its fair of him to ask you to give up something you enjoy? If you are a good mother by taking care of your children and it's not breaking the bank then he's the one that needs to grow up. He's jealous that you are doing something you like and still able to take care of all the other things that go along with your life. Do you think it's okay to constantly have fights about this when you have your children around, even if they can't actually see or hear? Children pick up on the anxiety of all that, just like your horse can feel if you are nervous or anxious when riding, is that fair to them. He's also probably feeling left out when you are gone barrelracing.
IMO you supported yourself before him and even though you have 2 more to suport you can and will do it again. Ditch the sucker (it is scary) and have enough guts to get out and start again.... you say you have the support of your family and it will be a bit hard. But wouldn't the peace of mind and all be worth that alone. Prayer for you and all involved. 
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Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| Sounds to me that the hand writing is on the wall and he is grasping at anything to have control over you and start a disagreement. Kids are better off out of a situation then to have their parents having disagreements all the time. They are smarter than you think. |
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 Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | streakysox - 2015-07-07 10:04 PM Sounds to me that the hand writing is on the wall and he is grasping at anything to have control over you and start a disagreement. Kids are better off out of a situation then to have their parents having disagreements all the time. They are smarter than you think.
This is very true.
I say pack up and go stay with family or a friend if you can and see how he reacts, maybe it will be a wake up call for him and he will put some effort into changing. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | streakysox - 2015-07-07 10:04 PM
Sounds to me that the hand writing is on the wall and he is grasping at anything to have control over you and start a disagreement. Kids are better off out of a situation then to have their parents having disagreements all the time. They are smarter than you think.
I agree that it is not really about barrel racing and more about control or insecurity.
I am very sorry you are having trouble.
My husband jokingly complains about the money I spend, but he also encourages me to go to races and go riding. He wants me to be happy.
I am usually not on the "leave him" train, but if what you are saying is all true, that may be your best option. I would not want my children to see that behavior day in day out and believe that to be acceptable or normal. That has the potential to affect their relationships in the future. |
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Duct Tape Bikini Girl
Posts: 2554
| Sell your husband. Not the horses. |
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