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Location: Philly | Touchy subject and am interested to see any opinions/experiences from the rodeo crowd. I help coach a baseball team with a few other coaches, we all have kids on the team (8-11 year olds) – one of the coaches has a son that has a disability, he mentioned it once and never really talks about it.
There are more times than not where the coach’s child is “rude/disrespectful”(no filter) to other players as well as myself and their parent. Every game/practice there is usually at least a couple of incidents that are to the point where all the teammates stop what they are doing and have the WT…is going on look. I don’t know how many other parents/kids are aware of the situation as I have had a talk with my son so he is aware and that the behavior is unacceptable
Although I have learned to ignore most of the incidents (primarily talking back) it is starting to be an issue during practices. The parent that is the other coach never disciplines their child and myself and the other coaches unfortunately seem to discipline more by simply “being a coach” (go here, do this, stop, listen, etc). At the first of the season it was manageable yet seems to have gotten worse as the year has progressed (possibly because he knows what they can get away with).
Any experiences/opinions on how to handle?
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
  
Location: Displaced Iowegian | First question....what is the "disability".....mental/physical? |
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 Expert
Posts: 1446
Location: Wisconsin | Without knowing what the disability is, I suggest a Code of Conduct refresher. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 678
Location: Canada | Without knowing what the disability is the fact that it is progressively getting worse as the child spends more time with everyone (and likely more comfortable) leads me to believe that this may be something that can be controlled better.
I'd speak with the parent/other coach separately and privately and say we've noticed that XYZ has been agitated/aggravated lately during the games/practices. Is there something that we as a team can help with so they start enjoying the game more? Try to approach the subject from a concerned point of view. The parent may be afraid to discipline the child in front of others for fear of being lashed out at by other parents, or they may just be oblivious to it at this point.
I'd have a private conversation from a place of concern and see where that leads to.
If that doesn't work when the child speaks rudely to you or other team mates let them know that that behavior is not acceptable. If he's being rude to other players let him know that unless he's shouting words of encouragement he can keep his opinions to himself. If he's being rude to you let him know that when he wants to talk to you respectfully you'll be happy to listen but rude behavior will not be tolerated and he can go sit on the bench/run a lap/etc.
As a coach you need you set the example for how to properly handle difficult situations in a mature manner (which isn't always easy). I wish you luck and hope for the best. |
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Location: Philly | believe a mild form of autism |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 612
| There is a boy in my sons class and also on his football team that is similar. (They are third graders.) This boy is especially bad when he is sitting on the sidelines during practice. I have told my son that he has to tell one of the coaches when the boy is being mean to another boy. The one coach is trying to watch for the behavior, but they are busy and can't see everything that happens on the sidelines.
I don't know what to do if the boys parent is one of the coaches and doesn't correct the behavior. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | thomas paine - 2016-05-04 2:42 PM believe a mild form of autism I think the parents should have nip the behavior as soon as it started.
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2016-05-04 3:20 PM
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 Shoot Yeah
Posts: 4273
Location: Where you need a paddle... Oregon! | I provide behavior support at a k-5 and work with several kids with mild to mid degrees of autism. Social interactions are SUPER hard for them - probably the biggest struggle that I see. Remember, it IS a disability. You can't expect something from them that they can't do any more than you could require a child with 1 arm to catch a football like the other kids. They will never act like the other kids. There will be constant teaching and reteaching of expected behavior.
With that being said, I do think many parents avoid confrontation and/or coddle their child and allow behavior to continue on. It's like they just expect everyone to have the same level of numbness to it that they do.
We have behavior expectations in the schools and the kids are worked with in small social groups and taught about being appropriate and respectful. So if that child is attending school outside his home, he is likely expected to maintain a certain level of behavior during the day. Most all have accommodations - a point system, or seating arrangement (close to teacher, away from loud door), scheduled breaks, special sensory seats, etc. There's tons of supports in place for these kids, BUT the expectations are different than the mainstream kids also. If that makes sense. It's an Individualized Educational Program based on their specific set of needs and behaviors.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that little Billy probably has behavior expectations at school and is worked with to improve his social skills all the time, but it is a modified set of expectations based on his disability and how it shows itself. So, maybe say something to the parent about how it seems like the child is struggling and it's causing the teammates and adults to feel confused about how to respond to him. If he says ignore it, or something along those lines, I think I'd be okay saying that you really aren't comfortable continuing to ignore it because it affects the entire team.
Good luck. I think that the parent being one of the coaches is what makes this situation most difficult. |
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