veintiocho - 2017-06-14 2:50 PM You know, in a perfect world that’d be it. I’d be the Negative Nellie and need a little kick in the pants to get over it. But, when my day starts at 4:30 in the morning making lunches, laundry, working at least 1 horse, then feeding, getting husband up and off to work, getting kiddo ready and off to daycare, working from 7:30-4:00 at a high stress job, pickup kiddo, run any errands, get home, start getting horses saddled and ready to be worked by a little after 5:00 when he is home so he can watch kiddo while I ride and vice versa. I usually end up working his horses too because he doesn’t always care to. I don’t mind, I love doing it. By the time horses are worked, feeding is done it’s usually 8:00-8:30. I go inside and they’re waiting for dinner. I make dinner (that he never likes, which I’m not a good cook) wash dishes, bathe the kiddo, play, read, and put him to bed, straighten house, all while husband sits in recliner and relaxes. Which is fine, I don’t have a problem with that. I’ve tried limiting the time working with the horses, well then come the weekend/roping we’ve got horses that have issues and act up since they’re not being rode regularly. Or, he sees the horses sitting there not doing anything and complains about that. I guess what I have an issue with is that I try to make everything easier on him, because I know how hard he works, but it’s never good enough. I take too long working and feeding the horses, but he never offers to help feed to get it done sooner. I worked my tail off and got a nice pickup and it’s not good enough, so & so’s is better. Well mine is paid for! Or I pick up a movie I think he’d enjoy – it always sucks. He hates his job and wants to go back home to the ranch. I said ok, so we went and checked it out down there and he says he’d never move back. But he hates being up here. Honestly, I truly listen to him and told him whatever he wanted to do I’m fine with. Give me my horses and a piece of ground and I’m happy! I know he gets tired, frustrated, and feels overwhelmed at times, but having a sh***y attitude just makes everything worse! I guess growing up if I had a bad/negative attitude I was told to shape up or ship out. If I didn’t like something, I had better change it. If I didn’t change it, well that’s my own fault and I had to live with my decisions and had no right to complain about it. So that’s where I’m coming from. ** I’ve never said anything of the above to him or anyone and really the only thing I’ve brought up to him in regards to this is to tell him not to be crabby at our son, or asking him what’s bothering him/why is he in a bad mood. And I do recall saying, “Don’t be crabby at me” a time or two. *whew* that was longer than I intended!

kwanatha - 2017-06-14 5:04 PM


hey I am glad you vented. you must have needed it. I don't take you as negative, just stressed out. Tell him to shut the hell up when he acts like a nag. Ask him what nice thing he did for you today and tell him what you did for him. But only one... maybe he will realize that he is allowing stress to turn him selfish

veintiocho - 2017-06-14 4:50 PM You know, in a perfect world that’d be it. I’d be the Negative Nellie and need a little kick in the pants to get over it. But, when my day starts at 4:30 in the morning making lunches, laundry, working at least 1 horse, then feeding, getting husband up and off to work, getting kiddo ready and off to daycare, working from 7:30-4:00 at a high stress job, pickup kiddo, run any errands, get home, start getting horses saddled and ready to be worked by a little after 5:00 when he is home so he can watch kiddo while I ride and vice versa. I usually end up working his horses too because he doesn’t always care to. I don’t mind, I love doing it. By the time horses are worked, feeding is done it’s usually 8:00-8:30. I go inside and they’re waiting for dinner. I make dinner (that he never likes, which I’m not a good cook) wash dishes, bathe the kiddo, play, read, and put him to bed, straighten house, all while husband sits in recliner and relaxes. Which is fine, I don’t have a problem with that. I’ve tried limiting the time working with the horses, well then come the weekend/roping we’ve got horses that have issues and act up since they’re not being rode regularly. Or, he sees the horses sitting there not doing anything and complains about that. I guess what I have an issue with is that I try to make everything easier on him, because I know how hard he works, but it’s never good enough. I take too long working and feeding the horses, but he never offers to help feed to get it done sooner. I worked my tail off and got a nice pickup and it’s not good enough, so & so’s is better. Well mine is paid for! Or I pick up a movie I think he’d enjoy – it always sucks. He hates his job and wants to go back home to the ranch. I said ok, so we went and checked it out down there and he says he’d never move back. But he hates being up here. Honestly, I truly listen to him and told him whatever he wanted to do I’m fine with. Give me my horses and a piece of ground and I’m happy! I know he gets tired, frustrated, and feels overwhelmed at times, but having a sh***y attitude just makes everything worse! I guess growing up if I had a bad/negative attitude I was told to shape up or ship out. If I didn’t like something, I had better change it. If I didn’t change it, well that’s my own fault and I had to live with my decisions and had no right to complain about it. So that’s where I’m coming from. ** I’ve never said anything of the above to him or anyone and really the only thing I’ve brought up to him in regards to this is to tell him not to be crabby at our son, or asking him what’s bothering him/why is he in a bad mood. And I do recall saying, “Don’t be crabby at me” a time or two. *whew* that was longer than I intended!

veintiocho - 2017-06-14 4:50 PM You know, in a perfect world that’d be it. I’d be the Negative Nellie and need a little kick in the pants to get over it. But, when my day starts at 4:30 in the morning making lunches, laundry, working at least 1 horse, then feeding, getting husband up and off to work, getting kiddo ready and off to daycare, working from 7:30-4:00 at a high stress job, pickup kiddo, run any errands, get home, start getting horses saddled and ready to be worked by a little after 5:00 when he is home so he can watch kiddo while I ride and vice versa. I usually end up working his horses too because he doesn’t always care to. I don’t mind, I love doing it. By the time horses are worked, feeding is done it’s usually 8:00-8:30. I go inside and they’re waiting for dinner. I make dinner (that he never likes, which I’m not a good cook) wash dishes, bathe the kiddo, play, read, and put him to bed, straighten house, all while husband sits in recliner and relaxes. Which is fine, I don’t have a problem with that. I’ve tried limiting the time working with the horses, well then come the weekend/roping we’ve got horses that have issues and act up since they’re not being rode regularly. Or, he sees the horses sitting there not doing anything and complains about that. I guess what I have an issue with is that I try to make everything easier on him, because I know how hard he works, but it’s never good enough. I take too long working and feeding the horses, but he never offers to help feed to get it done sooner. I worked my tail off and got a nice pickup and it’s not good enough, so & so’s is better. Well mine is paid for! Or I pick up a movie I think he’d enjoy – it always sucks. He hates his job and wants to go back home to the ranch. I said ok, so we went and checked it out down there and he says he’d never move back. But he hates being up here. Honestly, I truly listen to him and told him whatever he wanted to do I’m fine with. Give me my horses and a piece of ground and I’m happy! I know he gets tired, frustrated, and feels overwhelmed at times, but having a sh***y attitude just makes everything worse! I guess growing up if I had a bad/negative attitude I was told to shape up or ship out. If I didn’t like something, I had better change it. If I didn’t change it, well that’s my own fault and I had to live with my decisions and had no right to complain about it. So that’s where I’m coming from. ** I’ve never said anything of the above to him or anyone and really the only thing I’ve brought up to him in regards to this is to tell him not to be crabby at our son, or asking him what’s bothering him/why is he in a bad mood. And I do recall saying, “Don’t be crabby at me” a time or two. *whew* that was longer than I intended!

IRunOnFaith - 2017-06-15 11:23 AM


After this post here is what I vote:
2 week vacay without Hubby, preferably on a beach with a little umbrella in your drink. Take your son, leave the horses and have fun. Be spontaneous. Show your son how to be positive in every situation. Let Hubby see how terrible his life really would be if you were gone. 
Best thing I've ever did was to leave on a vacay without him lol I got back and he was a completely different person. 
 

veintiocho - 2017-06-14 6:56 AM

I do not like negative people and try my best to stay away from them or at least limit my time with them if it is necessary to be around them. However, I’ve noticed more and more lately that my husband is very negative. Honestly, just about everything that comes out of his mouth is negative in some way! A mutual friend of ours made the comment to him that he’d complain if his ice cream was cold. I laughed at the time, but the more I thought about it the more it hit me that that is SO true!
It’s to the point where I don’t like having conversations with him; I just feel brought down after being around him. I am the complete opposite, very positive and an eternal optimist..so I don’t know if that has kept me from seeing how negative he always was or if it is getting worse, or if I am just finally realizing how bad it is.
I’ve brought it up to him and he says it’s from all the stress, working too hard, financial stress, not doing anything fun, etc. Ok, so I do as much as possible so he doesn’t have any extra stress, I can’t do anything about his job, but at least he can relax when he’s home. I plan fun stuff on the weekends for us to do, but nothing changes.
And you know what? I have a lot of stress too! Everyone does! That doesn’t mean you have to be a miserable old cow.

Growing up he had a very difficult childhood and honestly, I think he needs to go to counseling and I offered to go with him or to go as a couple and he absolutely won’t do it. He won’t talk to his doctor about the possibility of being depressed either. He says he’s fine.
He says things will get better when he gets his raise, when our house is finished, when he gets a better pickup/trailer, etc. .…well you can spend all your life waiting for “better things” and it’s never going to make you happy or be good enough!

I don’t know what to do! The thought of this for the rest of my life give me a sick feeling. We have a young son, and as he’s getting older I’ve noticed him being more negative and that scares the sh!t out of me. I don’t want him growing up to be a miserable person!

I am so frustrated and don’t know what to do. I want to tell him to stop being a miserable old grouch, pull his head out of his @ss, and make his own happiness! Actually, I’ve done that and it didn’t work!

veintiocho - 2017-06-16 9:14 AM


I will be doing exactly that in September! If I can hold out until then, lol! If you read a headline “Woman murders husband after he complained about eating spaghetti for the 3rd night in a row” – know that it was me!

veintiocho - 2017-06-15 12:44 PM

I am sorry to hear all that! It’s tough! Trying to be positive and happy for 2 people is impossible and just wears you down! Sometime I wonder if my husband doesn’t have adrenal fatigue from stress which has led to a slight depression? He is ALWAYS tired and wants to sleep A LOT too. He still does the stuff he loves, but not as often and doesn’t seem to care about it as much as a few years ago.
I think a lot has to do with diet and lack of exercise. His job is very physical so the last thing he wants to do is come home and work out.

I’m sure he thinks he married into the 7th circle of hell because I try to get him to lift weights with me, go for a run/hike, or even eat a veggie….
I don't pester him about it, but continue to hope he slowly comes around.

I will keep you in my prayers!