  Roan Wonder
         Location: SW MO | This is the number for the National Domestic Violence hotline 1-800-799-7233. Call them and they can help you, if your afraid to contact someone in your area they will connect you outside your area with someone who can help you |
 Living within my means
Posts: 5128
   Location: Randolph, Utah | I'm not sure if you want to put your location on here, but maybe a board member is close to you and can help? I'm sorry you're going through this! Good thoughts for you and your 2 kids. I hope you find the exit and help you need. |
  Location: in the ozone | First off, BE VERY CAREFUL. If he has any idea you are thinking of leaving, he will get more & more dangerous. Men like this do not have a "stop" button. They are nice, kind, friendly until they get you caught in their web - extremely controlling & it's all "your" fault, since "you made him do it". I highly recommend finding a domestic violence group/office in your area to help you. He will do ANYTHING or hurt ANYONE to get to you -including your horses. (hopefully where you board they have security in case he tries to sneak in there & kill your horses or harm them). Having a direct deposit from your paycheck can be very dangerous also if he sees your pay stubs since it WILL show on there. Does he give you the $$ to pay your horses' board or does he do it himself? But don't let not having the funds available be the only thing to stop you from getting help & getting out. Churches & the DV groups WILL help & help support you. He WILL come after you - so you need to be very well hidden or get out of dodge completely! (you can set up visitation for your older child in due time). He is dangerous & you NEED to be extremely careful and have solid help! PLEASE be careful!!!! |
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 898
       Location: Idaho | First, when you get a chance call 211. It is a national hotline that will be able to provide you with a resource in your area that you can retreat to, whether it is an inpatient facility, therapist, etc. You will want to look into a possibility of a case manager as well, case managers are trained to provide resources in the area including therapist, shelters etc. I would NOT send your son to his father, your son will probably require therapy as well as your youngest. Children are exceptionally impressionable and if he has witnessed the violence there is a chance he may develop those tendencies as a young man.. because that is what he learned from his dad. Chances are also if these men were abusive to you, chances are they were abusive to your children as well when you were not around (or even if you were). If you have a friend you can stay with, do it. You say you cannot call the police, I understand that they are your husbands friends, maybe you can request a female officer instead of a male. Technically there are police officers out there that do have training for this type of situation. If you can, physically WALK into a police station and ask if they have a victims unit. Fear is a big thing that DV abusers rely on. They beat you down emotionally so you will not go to the police. They threaten you, because in the human mind, our most innate instinct is to SURVIVE. So in your mind if you go to the police, it is threatened you and your child's existence, so you stay silent and under his thumb. If you could find the courage, go the the police station. Take a friend with you for emotional support if possible. |