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Member
Posts: 13
| Okay so I have been recently married since October,
and I thought I had it all together organizing time making sure
I am doing my job at work and at home but yesterday I left
work feeling like I have the weight of the world on me because
I am not doing what I need to do both at home and work.
I am looking for some insight into how to manage my time as a newlywed.
I feel like I don't have enough time to spend at work. I am an
Ag teacher so I am after every day untill 4:15 with kids practicing for judging teams and can't work on lesson plans or grading papers,
then I have to rush home to make dinner for the new hubby and make sure
the horses are taken care of and the house is clean....but then am so exhausted
I have zero energy to put into "husband/wife time".
I have tried to ask hubby his suggestions and his idea is "IDK figure it out". But he doesn't
like the idea of me staying at work any more than I do. I am just at a total quandry on how to handle my schedule as an Ag teacher (which requires many more hours than a regular teacher) and a new wife! I am so thankfull we only have 4 legged children!! hahah
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 Own It and Move On
 
Location: The edge of no where | Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-04 10:26 AM Okay so I have been recently married since October, and I thought I had it all together organizing time making sure I am doing my job at work and at home but yesterday I left work feeling like I have the weight of the world on me because I am not doing what I need to do both at home and work. I am looking for some insight into how to manage my time as a newlywed. I feel like I don't have enough time to spend at work. I am an Ag teacher so I am after every day untill 4:15 with kids practicing for judging teams and can't work on lesson plans or grading papers, then I have to rush home to make dinner for the new hubby and make sure the horses are taken care of and the house is clean....but then am so exhausted I have zero energy to put into "husband/wife time". I have tried to ask hubby his suggestions and his idea is "IDK figure it out". But he doesn't like the idea of me staying at work any more than I do. I am just at a total quandry on how to handle my schedule as an Ag teacher (which requires many more hours than a regular teacher) and a new wife! I am so thankfull we only have 4 legged children!! hahah
He can't fix dinner (at least sometimes). Why?
He's a full grown man, not a child. Tell him to pitch in. |
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  Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
 
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Umm....stop cooking and cleaning....when he asks what's wrong.....tell him you figured it out and dirty laundry was your solution.....if he has a better one, you'd love to hear it :) |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | MS2011 - 2013-12-04 11:29 AM Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-04 10:26 AM Okay so I have been recently married since October, and I thought I had it all together organizing time making sure I am doing my job at work and at home but yesterday I left work feeling like I have the weight of the world on me because I am not doing what I need to do both at home and work. I am looking for some insight into how to manage my time as a newlywed. I feel like I don't have enough time to spend at work. I am an Ag teacher so I am after every day untill 4:15 with kids practicing for judging teams and can't work on lesson plans or grading papers, then I have to rush home to make dinner for the new hubby and make sure the horses are taken care of and the house is clean....but then am so exhausted I have zero energy to put into "husband/wife time". I have tried to ask hubby his suggestions and his idea is "IDK figure it out". But he doesn't like the idea of me staying at work any more than I do. I am just at a total quandry on how to handle my schedule as an Ag teacher (which requires many more hours than a regular teacher) and a new wife! I am so thankfull we only have 4 legged children!! hahah He can't fix dinner (at least sometimes). Why?
He's a full grown man, not a child. Tell him to pitch in.
I agree. Being a wife does not mean you do everything yourself. Tell him to grow up and help. |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-05 9:26 AM Okay so I have been recently married since October, and I thought I had it all together organizing time making sure I am doing my job at work and at home but yesterday I left work feeling like I have the weight of the world on me because I am not doing what I need to do both at home and work. I am looking for some insight into how to manage my time as a newlywed. I feel like I don't have enough time to spend at work. I am an Ag teacher so I am after every day untill 4:15 with kids practicing for judging teams and can't work on lesson plans or grading papers, then I have to rush home to make dinner for the new hubby and make sure the horses are taken care of and the house is clean....but then am so exhausted I have zero energy to put into "husband/wife time". I have tried to ask hubby his suggestions and his idea is "IDK figure it out". But he doesn't like the idea of me staying at work any more than I do. I am just at a total quandry on how to handle my schedule as an Ag teacher (which requires many more hours than a regular teacher) and a new wife! I am so thankfull we only have 4 legged children!! hahah
say what!!!!!!!!
i get the whats for supper every so often and i reply"whatever your making"...lol.........and then i go riding ;)
m |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 816
| Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-04 10:26 AM Okay so I have been recently married since October, and I thought I had it all together organizing time making sure I am doing my job at work and at home but yesterday I left work feeling like I have the weight of the world on me because I am not doing what I need to do both at home and work. I am looking for some insight into how to manage my time as a newlywed. I feel like I don't have enough time to spend at work. I am an Ag teacher so I am after every day untill 4:15 with kids practicing for judging teams and can't work on lesson plans or grading papers, then I have to rush home to make dinner for the new hubby and make sure the horses are taken care of and the house is clean....but then am so exhausted I have zero energy to put into "husband/wife time". I have tried to ask hubby his suggestions and his idea is "IDK figure it out". But he doesn't like the idea of me staying at work any more than I do. I am just at a total quandry on how to handle my schedule as an Ag teacher (which requires many more hours than a regular teacher) and a new wife! I am so thankfull we only have 4 legged children!! hahah
He can help you do those things! There is one bit of advice that my mother gave me. When she first told me I thought she was just being a bitter women towards men but..... she was right!! lol!
*never start doing something for a man, that you dont plan on doing for the rest of your life!
You start catering to his every need and put your needs to the side it will be like that for years and it will be expected of you! Our house is split, if he beats me home he starts dinner, he helps do chores, he helps pick the house up. I don't expect him to deep clean like I do but he can do dishes, vacuum, dust, etc. the easy stuff! You also have the weekends to worry about the house, it's not going anywhere, it may grow but it'll still be there!
Edited by JRC 2013-12-04 10:37 AM
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | You are making the mistake most women do when they get married. You are trying to be the 50s housewife in less than 25 percent of that time.
The reality is that you can't do everything, nor should you...unless you can stay home all day.
I made the same mistake and am still paying for it, but with a 4 year old and another on the way. My hubby is having wake-up calls on a regular basis. If I cook, he cleans it up. We both help fold laundry and pick up the house.
And...... I finally flipped out when he said he doesn't do toilets, that we now have a lady come clean every two weeks.
You can't do it all. This is a marriage, which means TWO people are involved. Don't do all the work. And put an end to the one-woman show before he gets too comfy with it or you have kids. |
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 Baby Blue's
Posts: 7306
Location: Texas | What does he do? |
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 The Rose of Rodeo...
Posts: 2560
Location: Where we still run to look when the siren goes by. | Best advice I have ever heard, and I think it was from someone on here..Don’t do anything now you don’t want to still be doing in 20 years..
He can help with cooking, cleaning and doing laundry, it would be better to start now while things are new and get him in the habit of helping out!
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Member
Posts: 13
| He works for the City and then works at a farm from 4-6 pm (some days)
He says he wants to compromise but seems like the compromise only benifit him,
and its very frustrating.
I am usually a very aggressive put my foot down person, but I am having a hard time doing that. :/ |
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-04 11:45 AM He works for the City and then works at a farm from 4-6 pm (some days) He says he wants to compromise but seems like the compromise only benifit him, and its very frustrating. I am usually a very aggressive put my foot down person, but I am having a hard time doing that. :/
Did you know he was like this prior to marriage? New wife, old wife, whatever wife..... it's a team effort. |
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 Chasin my Dream
Posts: 13651
Location: Alberta | bocephus's mama - 2013-12-04 9:41 AM What does he do?
Tell him you NEED help! Its not a one "man" operation....I assume he has horses as well....wears clothes, eats the food, no reason he can't help especially if you both work.....and if he isn't willing to help, well get used to things as they are....wouldn't fly for me!
Edited by dream_chaser 2013-12-04 10:49 AM
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | I got married in June. Who ever gets home from work first starts dinner. Everything in our house is a team effort... |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 816
| Just don't do it anymore. me and my husband used to but heads about him picking up his clothes off the floor in our bedroom, so I just left it there. When the week ended all of his clothes were in the bedroom and he had no clean clothes, he had to start wearing dirty clothes! He bit**ed and bit**ed about it but in the end he picked up his clothes and has ever since! Men need the visual, dishes piling up in the sink no clean dishes ( you only wash what your going to use for yourself) they magically remember how to wash them! they don't eat dinner for a few days, they learn to cook! it's an amazing thing! |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | Just wait until you have kids. He will expect you to do everything you are doing now plus take care of your kids. I don't understand the thought process that a woman should act like a full time housewife and work full time. To me it would be a heck of a lot easier to just be single. LOL. |
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 The Bling Princess
Posts: 3411
Location: North Dakota | Its team work at our house:) I'm super lucky because my husband does all the cooking and he helps me out with the housework and laundry too.
We split outdoor chores like mowing, feeding the horses etc.
sharing responsibility is the only way it will work. Its a little "cave man" thinking in my opinion for him to think you should take care of everything at home, chores, work full time, and then be there for "husband/wife" time.
Have you thought of hiring a housekeeper?? I know hubby and I often think we should, especially in the summer months when we want to be outside with the horses. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| I'm in the same time boat. I have a cleaning lady that also does laundry for about $100 a week. WORTH EVERY PENNY. That time is now not the houses and clothes time and bitter feelings at "having no help", but is our peaceful loving time together. We split the cost.
You have no idea what an amazing relief on our time and attitudes coming home to a sparkling clean house and folded laundry has been.
We also go to the grocery store one night during the week so our weekends are free to be together or be apart for competing, etc. it's our grocery pact. We hate it, but face it together.
Whoever gets home first is responsible for having some form of dinner available. That's usually me, but sometimes he's in the hot seat! I love those nights, it's almost worth not getting home in time to ride.. |
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 Coyote Country Queen
Posts: 5666
| I agree, you didn't marry a child, you married a grown man that is fully capable of helping out. Believe me, things will get way more hectic if you have children! It doesn't matter how long you dated, getting married is life-changing and really does take an adjustment period. You'll just have to figure out how to work together to get everything done. Something that I've learned with my husband is that hinting around doesn't work, if you want them to do something you've got to ask them. For example, tell him specifically that it would really help you out if he could be in charge of taking out the trash, etc. This way he knows exactly what to do, and then it becomes his responsibility (although it will probably take some reminders!). |
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Chasin my Dream
Posts: 13651
Location: Alberta | Jenbabe - 2013-12-04 10:06 AM I agree, you didn't marry a child, you married a grown man that is fully capable of helping out. Believe me, things will get way more hectic if you have children! It doesn't matter how long you dated, getting married is life-changing and really does take an adjustment period. You'll just have to figure out how to work together to get everything done. Something that I've learned with my husband is that hinting around doesn't work, if you want them to do something you've got to ask them. For example, tell him specifically that it would really help you out if he could be in charge of taking out the trash, etc. This way he knows exactly what to do, and then it becomes his responsibility (although it will probably take some reminders!).
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 Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | I know how you feel... when we first got married I had just started my student teaching and was working the night shift on a farm... it was really stressful! He was in college finishing his degree and working part time in the Air Force... then we moved and he had a job... I was only subbing when needed for the first year and then got a full time job which he really wanted me to do... I told him when I started he wasn't going to be spoiled anymore having the house always cleaned, dinner on the table, lunches packed, errands run etc... he said he was fine with that. I had to get after him a few times but he now does dishes often, takes care of the honey do list and cooks dinner about half the time. We had really learned to work as a team.... I def do more but he works a job and a half, builds all our furniture and is taking 6 credit a semester for his masters so I should be doing more.. my job is way less demanding too. You should just balance things out and help each other out... if he sees a need he should do it and like everyone else said... don't try and be a "stay at home" wife, doing everything AND working a full time job like you are! You'll kill yourself trying! |
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