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 Expert
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Location: Shhh.. I'm hiding. | How do you let it go? It is taking over my life. It feels like its slowly killing me. I have lost my best friend to a selfish distgusting jerk. My mother chose a man who does not respect me, over her own daughter. A man who talks to me like an object, who makes me feel like nothing more than a piece of meat. I'm so angry. I can't let it go. please help | |
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
 
Location: PNW | First, I would pray.
The key to letting go of your anger is accepting that you can't change these people, their choice, or the circumstances - and just let it go.
I've never dealt with anger really, but I have had some bouts of anxiety and depression in the past. And letting go of the things I couldn't change is what works.
If your best friend chose a guy over you, let her go.
If your mom chose a guy over you, let her go. I know that that is a particularly tough thing to do, as I'm STILL struggling with this with MY mother - who has never seemed to be able to act much like a responsible adult.
When I hear of my mom making a less than wise choice, I let myself get angry or sad or whatever about it, and then I tell myself "but I can't change her or her choices - this is not my fault."
Focus on the fact that none of this is your fault, you can't change them no matter how angry you are, take a deep breath, and say a prayer asking God to help you let your anger go.
Good luck  | |
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | And if your mom's boyfriend ever makes you feel uncomfortable or is inappropriate towards you - tell him to go fug himself.  | |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13502
Location: OH. IO | Do you mind if I ak how old you are? It may help with advice from some of the folks on here | |
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| svincent - 2014-01-04 5:01 PM First, I would pray. The key to letting go of your anger is accepting that you can't change these people, their choice, or the circumstances - and just let it go. I've never dealt with anger really, but I have had some bouts of anxiety and depression in the past. And letting go of the things I couldn't change is what works. If your best friend chose a guy over you, let her go. If your mom chose a guy over you, let her go. I know that that is a particularly tough thing to do, as I'm STILL struggling with this with MY mother - who has never seemed to be able to act much like a responsible adult. When I hear of my mom making a less than wise choice, I let myself get angry or sad or whatever about it, and then I tell myself "but I can't change her or her choices - this is not my fault." Focus on the fact that none of this is your fault, you can't change them no matter how angry you are, take a deep breath, and say a prayer asking God to help you let your anger go. Good luck
I agree prayer is the answer and if you can't do it with prayer by yourself, find yourself someone that is strong in the Word and have "hands laid on you" and have them help pray it out of you. This is kind of like an exorcism, I guess. My daughter was just telling me today that she witnessed a young lady that needed to get some major anger and hurt out of her get hands laid on her and the got totally sick, vomited but when it was over she felt peace. | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 468
Location: Crazy House | svincent - 2014-01-04 4:01 PM First, I would pray. The key to letting go of your anger is accepting that you can't change these people, their choice, or the circumstances - and just let it go. I've never dealt with anger really, but I have had some bouts of anxiety and depression in the past. And letting go of the things I couldn't change is what works. If your best friend chose a guy over you, let her go. If your mom chose a guy over you, let her go. I know that that is a particularly tough thing to do, as I'm STILL struggling with this with MY mother - who has never seemed to be able to act much like a responsible adult. When I hear of my mom making a less than wise choice, I let myself get angry or sad or whatever about it, and then I tell myself "but I can't change her or her choices - this is not my fault." Focus on the fact that none of this is your fault, you can't change them no matter how angry you are, take a deep breath, and say a prayer asking God to help you let your anger go. Good luck
I the OP sorry this is great advice!!! And thanks to posting this just what I needed to hear right now. I got to keep telling myself this is not my fault and I cant change her....
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 Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | Something that I very rarely share but I was in anger management for quit awhile and a few things that helped me was to rate my anger. 1 thru 10. Make a list. When blank happens I feel like my anger is at blank level and do that everytime your angry. You will start to see the things that make you feel like an anger level of 10 and you will see a common thread between those things and so is true for all the levels. Develope an idea for what to do before these said situations happen.
A calm box is also a good idea. Get a box and fill it with things that make you feel calm. Some examples of what I have in my calm box are peppermint candies, a rainforest CD, my baby blanket, pictures of my horses and my favorite lotion. When you are feeling angry go to your calm box and pick something from it.
You are not alone. Please feel free to PM me if youd like. You can always call me as well. :) | |
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  Ms. Marine
Posts: 4626
Location: Texas | I have also struggled with my anger in the past. As others have said, pray. That's the number one thing to do. Along with that, go to the gym, go for a walk, jog, pad up and hit some stuff. | |
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Expert
Posts: 2270
Location: Shhh.. I'm hiding. | Thank you so much for the replies. I do not believe in God, but perhaps this is the time for me to give it a shot. I'm really at a loss. Your replies brought tears to my eyes, thank you all so much. I am 25 years old. I also deal with depression, which is why I moved into my mothers house. But her husband says things and does things that are inapropriate. Not to the extreme, but enough to make me feel uncomfortable in my own home. I feel like a piece of meat, the feeling you would get at a bar. Moving home has not helped with my depression, it only added anger. I've been keeping these emotions bottled up inside for about 3 months now. Yesterday I exploded with full force. I said very mean things to my mother about him. I know I was wrong about how I went about it. I said things I regret saying, and some that I don't. I wish I could have gone at it another way. But things are worse than they should have ever gotten. The real issue (the way he treats me) has been swept under a mat, and all the focus is on how I reacted, but the problem has not been addressed. In turn, I was punished for speaking my mind. They shut off my phone. Yes I know, I'm 25 I should pay for my own phone. And you better bet I plan on getting my own plan, I will never give them that kind of control over me again. I am moving out asap, had been planning it for a few months now. Just have a little over a week to finish at my current job, have another job lined up and a place to live. But the anger, and the hurt is all still there. I just want to break something. I've never in my life been so mad, its taking over my life. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| Elisa2007 - 2014-01-04 7:22 PM
Thank you so much for the replies. I do not believe in God, but perhaps this is the time for me to give it a shot. I'm really at a loss. Your replies brought tears to my eyes, thank you all so much. I am 25 years old. I also deal with depression, which is why I moved into my mothers house. But her husband says things and does things that are inapropriate. Not to the extreme, but enough to make me feel uncomfortable in my own home. I feel like a piece of meat, the feeling you would get at a bar. Moving home has not helped with my depression, it only added anger. I've been keeping these emotions bottled up inside for about 3 months now. Yesterday I exploded with full force. I said very mean things to my mother about him. I know I was wrong about how I went about it. I said things I regret saying, and some that I don't. I wish I could have gone at it another way. But things are worse than they should have ever gotten. The real issue (the way he treats me) has been swept under a mat, and all the focus is on how I reacted, but the problem has not been addressed. In turn, I was punished for speaking my mind. They shut off my phone. Yes I know, I'm 25 I should pay for my own phone. And you better bet I plan on getting my own plan, I will never give them that kind of control over me again. I am moving out asap, had been planning it for a few months now. Just have a little over a week to finish at my current job, have another job lined up and a place to live. But the anger, and the hurt is all still there. I just want to break something. I've never in my life been so mad, its taking over my life.
okay...so you need to move out on your own as soon as you can. Do not look back, do not ask your parents for any help or any money no matter what you need. I have been through this same thing before, only when my step father got angry with me he tried to push me down the stairs. When I told my mother I was calling the sheriff she took his side because my "outburst" caused him to "react."
Get out of there. Live on your own and learn to live within your means. It is the most freeing experience and will help you build your self esteem and get rid of the anger and the depression. Even when you are upset that you "don't have much," remember that what you DO have is because YOU did it. Have a horse that you can't afford? Offer to clean stables or groom for someone in exchange for board. Still angry? Go running or get a punching bag. Pretty soon you will look amazing...AND you will CRAVE the workout just because it releases stress.
Not only will you learn to be your own best friend, but you won't be subjected to others telling you what you do and don't feel. From here, YOU control who is and is not allowed in your life, and to what extent.
You can also PM me if you feel like it, too. I have a lot of experience with this kind of thing, as well. | |
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Expert
Posts: 2270
Location: Shhh.. I'm hiding. | Looks like I'm moving out tomorrow. I don't understand why I am so self destructive. I feel like this is all my fault. Why am I so angry? For some reason I am very un-happy with my mother. No matter what the situation is. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 319
| At 25 you have so much life ahead of you. Get some help with your anger. God believes in you whether you believe in him or not. You are smart to move on, but don't try to do this by yourself. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| Elisa2007 - 2014-01-04 9:33 PM
Looks like I'm moving out tomorrow. I don't understand why I am so self destructive. I feel like this is all my fault. Why am I so angry? For some reason I am very un-happy with my mother. No matter what the situation is.
Because your mother (and father) is the ONE person who is supposed to love you more than themselves. Or at least that's how it's "supposed" to be. As a result, you do not love yourself because your mother has inadvertently taught you that you are unlovable. So you need to get away from her, your best friend, and ANYONE who gives you that "icky" feeling whether it be anger or sadness. If someone wants to get into it with you...just leave in the middle of their ranting. It is not good for you...and sorry, with that kind of anger you need to find those people who LOVE you, who can help you calm down and see the beautiful things in life, even if one day it is only one thing, like your horse. The next day look for 2 things, like you love your horse and you love the way he sounds when he eats, or how the smell of horse mixed with the shavings or straw bedding smells. Then the next day look for 3 things. When you get angry or depressed, go back to these things you love. This is YOUR health and YOUR life. Kick all the negative people OUT!! | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | nance - 2014-01-04 11:34 PM At 25 you have so much life ahead of you. Get some help with your anger. God believes in you whether you believe in him or not. You are smart to move on, but don't try to do this by yourself.
Its time to start believing in God, you are needing to start believing, hugs to you and I will say a prayer for you | |
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Member
Posts: 9
| Hi I want you to know the I am praying for you. I can relate to your situation a bit and try to give you the best advice from my personal experience that I can. My mother was married to a very abusive (physical and emotional) man from the time I was 2 until I was 13 when they finally divorced. He beat me my entire childhood and adolescent life and treated me differently from my younger sister and brother which he eventually told me was because I wasn't his child... When they divorced my mom had a breakdown and eventually started drinking very heavily and meeting men at bars which was a disaster. She eventually met this weird trucker guy and took off with my younger siblings leaving me behind at 16 because the boyfriend didn't want to deal with my attitude. I was homeless, but I learned how to fend for myself. BTW the few boyfriends she had, a couple of them used to stare at my young body and make sly disgusting remarks. I was a very angry young adult and I had to learn to control it. I was always very kind and quiet, but if I was angered watch out! I learned to control my anger conversating with good people, praying of course, my horse, competing, my job, school, ect. Basically I FOCUSED on everything I enjoyed and loved. Please don't let anger and negativity ruin your life. Especially only being 25 years old. The best revenge you can have is being independent and successful. Do you go to school? I'm assuming you ride and compete. I know it's hard and I used to bottle up my emotions due to fear, and I was raised that we didn't tell anyone our business. I would highly suggest that you try and talk with family or a close friend(s) since your mother will not listen. Bottling your emotions can really affect how you progress on life, I know this from personal experience. Sorry I typed so much, but your post struck a nerve. You are welcome to send me a message if you need to talk, vent, or just need an ear. I hope things get better for you, no child should be shunned from their mother over a boyfriend. I have 2 young daughters now and they will always come first. God Bless you. | |
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Expert
Posts: 2270
Location: Shhh.. I'm hiding. | I feel so worthless, an all time low. My heart has never hurt so bad. | |
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Expert
Posts: 2270
Location: Shhh.. I'm hiding. | Boxingqueenb - 2014-01-05 12:12 AM Hi I want you to know the I am praying for you. I can relate to your situation a bit and try to give you the best advice from my personal experience that I can. My mother was married to a very abusive (physical and emotional) man from the time I was 2 until I was 13 when they finally divorced. He beat me my entire childhood and adolescent life and treated me differently from my younger sister and brother which he eventually told me was because I wasn't his child... When they divorced my mom had a breakdown and eventually started drinking very heavily and meeting men at bars which was a disaster. She eventually met this weird trucker guy and took off with my younger siblings leaving me behind at 16 because the boyfriend didn't want to deal with my attitude. I was homeless, but I learned how to fend for myself. BTW the few boyfriends she had, a couple of them used to stare at my young body and make sly disgusting remarks. I was a very angry young adult and I had to learn to control it. I was always very kind and quiet, but if I was angered watch out! I learned to control my anger conversating with good people, praying of course, my horse, competing, my job, school, ect. Basically I FOCUSED on everything I enjoyed and loved. Please don't let anger and negativity ruin your life. Especially only being 25 years old. The best revenge you can have is being independent and successful. Do you go to school? I'm assuming you ride and compete. I know it's hard and I used to bottle up my emotions due to fear, and I was raised that we didn't tell anyone our business. I would highly suggest that you try and talk with family or a close friend(s) since your mother will not listen. Bottling your emotions can really affect how you progress on life, I know this from personal experience. Sorry I typed so much, but your post struck a nerve. You are welcome to send me a message if you need to talk, vent, or just need an ear. I hope things get better for you, no child should be shunned from their mother over a boyfriend. I have 2 young daughters now and they will always come first. God Bless you.
That is me... My glory days were in high school, when I competed in OHSET and many other clubs and events. I was much more focused and happy. I do have a horse, but since I have moved back here I am much further away from him and the others I get to ride. I am there 0-3 days a week when I used to be there 5-7 days a week. It has really taken a toll on me.
I was also raised to not tell anyone our business. I am horrible at bottling up my emotions. I fear rejection, and I have low self esteem.
When I had the job I wanted, and the place to live and the horses, I was still depressed. I longed for my mother. I had serious issues at my job due to low self esteem. I wanted so badly to go back to school and make a better plan for my life. My mom promised to help me get emotional help, and get back into school, we never did. Now it just seems like a pipe dream to think that we could all live under one roof and get along and get back on track. I can't ask for help. But I need to find a way to have inner strength to do it by myself. And I'm extremely co-dependant. However I have been without a boyfriend since 2011, and have not wanted one at all. I have enough issues of my own that I don't need to complicate things more. | |
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Expert
Posts: 2270
Location: Shhh.. I'm hiding. | Do I need to be the bigger person and appologize to him for how I reacted? Certainly feels like the right thing to do. But it also would not be coming from the heart. I'm still mad and upset. I still don't like him. and its childish, but I don't want to give in. Its hard to accept your faults. I keep asking myself if I would have felt better if I had just said "Hey, I don't like it when you do that," or "say that'. Would it have released some tension? Or would I still be a ticking time bomb around him?
edited for spelling
Edited by Elisa2007 2014-01-05 1:01 AM
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | Elisa2007 - 2014-01-05 12:34 AM I feel so worthless, an all time low. My heart has never hurt so bad.
I was just thinking of you last week and wondering how you were doing. God put you on my heart and I'm glad to see you here.
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Are you no longer riding for anyone? I'm sorry to hear you feeling like this. It's never easy to see a young person struggle and feeling so alone.
Edited by Tilt The Kilt 2014-01-05 7:31 AM
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Expert
Posts: 2270
Location: Shhh.. I'm hiding. | Tilt The Kilt - 2014-01-05 7:25 AM Elisa2007 - 2014-01-05 12:34 AM I feel so worthless, an all time low. My heart has never hurt so bad.
I was just thinking of you last week and wondering how you were doing. God put you on my heart and I'm glad to see you here.
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Are you no longer riding for anyone? I'm sorry to hear you feeling like this. It's never easy to see a young person struggle and feeling so alone.
Thank you for the kind words. I am still riding a couple horses here and there. But I mostly work at a restaurant. I probably wont be able to respond for a day or so. I'm moving out tonight and staying in a hotel for the night. Hope to have my phone turned on soon. | |
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