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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
  
Location: Bastrop, Texas | By Dr Laura Schlessinger. Has anyone read it? If so, what did you think? | |
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 Worst.Housekeeper.EVER.
 
Location: Missouri | I did and I hated it. Her entire theory is based on reciprocity. You give, and give, and give, and someday, he will give back. This probably works for some, and maybe some need this message. But, in my relationship, it was hurtful and counter-productive.
Just my experience, I'm sure many have benefitted. 
Edited by just4fun 2014-01-08 11:28 PM
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 Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | just4fun - 2014-01-09 8:44 PM I did and I hated it. Her entire theory is based on reciprocity. You give, and give, and give, and someday, he will give back. This probably works for some, and maybe some need this message. But, in my relationship, it was hurtful and counter-productive.
Just my experience, I'm sure many have benefited.
I am just curious. How is giving to someone hurtful and counter productive? Serious question, I am not challenging your view. | |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | What do you suppose she means by that title? | |
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Worst.Housekeeper.EVER.
Location: Missouri | Hollywood's Fan - 2014-01-08 9:46 PM just4fun - 2014-01-09 8:44 PM I did and I hated it. Her entire theory is based on reciprocity. You give, and give, and give, and someday, he will give back. This probably works for some, and maybe some need this message. But, in my relationship, it was hurtful and counter-productive.
Just my experience, I'm sure many have benefited.
Because, in my situation at the time, I was giving 4000%, my entire being, and every time he didn't respond, I felt like more and more of a failure. I finally learned that I should be/do/feel not for his approval or appreciation, but because it was the right thing to do. I COULD NOT control his response, which I felt was exactly opposite of what this book was trying to teach.
BTW, that was about 10 years ago when we were newly weds, new parents, moved cross-country for his job, and I was suffering PPD (his perspective was that I was crazy). We're doing worlds better now :)
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Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-09 8:56 PM What do you suppose she means by that title?
Well, it leaves little to ponder. I don't think she is talking about feeding with pastry, LOL (Or maybe a little pastry in moderation.) | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| I read it a long time ago when I was a liberal and thought it was stupid. But honestly, if my husband knows that I LIVE for my horses and if it came down to him or the horses, I would probably pick them...what does it hurt if I put on some mascara and smile for him when he gets home or make dinner to show how much I DO appreciate him? | |
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Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | just4fun - 2014-01-09 9:02 PM Hollywood's Fan - 2014-01-08 9:46 PM just4fun - 2014-01-09 8:44 PM I did and I hated it. Her entire theory is based on reciprocity. You give, and give, and give, and someday, he will give back. This probably works for some, and maybe some need this message. But, in my relationship, it was hurtful and counter-productive.
Just my experience, I'm sure many have benefited.
BTW, that was about 10 years ago when we were newly weds, new parents, moved cross-country for his job, and I was suffering PPD (his perspective was that I was crazy). We're doing worlds better now :)
Glad to hear that your relationship is doing better now. All relationships are a work in progress. Marriage is never 50/50 - is it?
Edited by Hollywood's Fan 2014-01-08 10:09 PM
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | I haven't read the book, but I have heard a lot about it over the years. I remember how it was a very objectionable title to a lot of women.
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Worst.Housekeeper.EVER.
Location: Missouri | Hollywood's Fan - 2014-01-08 10:07 PM just4fun - 2014-01-09 9:02 PM Hollywood's Fan - 2014-01-08 9:46 PM just4fun - 2014-01-09 8:44 PM I did and I hated it. Her entire theory is based on reciprocity. You give, and give, and give, and someday, he will give back. This probably works for some, and maybe some need this message. But, in my relationship, it was hurtful and counter-productive.
Just my experience, I'm sure many have benefited.
BTW, that was about 10 years ago when we were newly weds, new parents, moved cross-country for his job, and I was suffering PPD (his perspective was that I was crazy). We're doing worlds better now :)
Glad to hear that your relationship is doing better now. All relationships are a work in progress. Marriage is never 50/50 - is it?
No, it's never 50/50 ! What a hard lesson, huh? 
Yes, I was giving my all, and I expected him to give something, anything. I don't want to rat on him, but suffice it to say that he had to decide for himself that he wanted to be married and I had to dig deep and hang on to the tiny shred of faith that I had left. It was a hard, dark, and lonely time.
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | My husband does a great job at feeding us. He likes to cook..I don't.
Since going on the Paleo Lifestyle, I have been baking him pies and cookies so when he does want a sweet snack it isn't full of preservatives and other crap.
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | just4fun - 2014-01-08 8:15 PM Hollywood's Fan - 2014-01-08 10:07 PM just4fun - 2014-01-09 9:02 PM Hollywood's Fan - 2014-01-08 9:46 PM just4fun - 2014-01-09 8:44 PM I did and I hated it. Her entire theory is based on reciprocity. You give, and give, and give, and someday, he will give back. This probably works for some, and maybe some need this message. But, in my relationship, it was hurtful and counter-productive.
Just my experience, I'm sure many have benefited.
BTW, that was about 10 years ago when we were newly weds, new parents, moved cross-country for his job, and I was suffering PPD (his perspective was that I was crazy). We're doing worlds better now :)
Glad to hear that your relationship is doing better now. All relationships are a work in progress. Marriage is never 50/50 - is it?
you say it didn't help but who is to say it didn't? maybe it was just not happening fast enough. It is possible that all the effort you put in did sink in and your hubby had a slow learning curve. Who knows if you would be where your are today if you had not read that book and tried some of the advice! | |
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Veteran
Posts: 159
Location: Central TX | i recently read it. I wish i had read it before i got divorced....... i think that giving as much as you can to your husband is absolutely necessary. | |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas |  The book has a lot of valid points.
If I remember correctly, she is trying to teach women on how to train men.  As a rule, men don't operate/think like women. Having that tool and how to apply it can give a women advantages they never had before. | |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Someone gave it to me as a wedding present 10 years ago, but I never bothered to crack the cover. What I know of it is what my mom did early in their marriage and it almost killed her. They have been married 41 years now, by the Grace of God, because my dad never changed. She had to change to be able to live with him happily and it did not include doing extra for him and allowing him to be the center of her universe. He doesn't appreciate service, he takes it as his due, and is a workaholic. I made it a point to marry someone very different, and we are happily married without the aid of a book.  | |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | Just from the title of it, I wouldn't read it or buy it. It sounds like a book you buy when you pick up your new puppy at the pet store. | |
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 Baby Blue's
Posts: 7306
Location: Texas | I've read the cliff notes. I hope Schlessinger has no daughters to raise. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | I prefer Tough Love by James Dobson. | |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | My mother used to listen to her radio show when I was younger. I couldn't stand her then, and that opinion hasn't changed. lol | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I know men and women are different but I don't think treating someone with love, kindness and respect is gender specific. My first reaction to the title is it is not just the woman's responsibility to make a marriage a happy one. Maybe she has a book out there for men too, idk. I am generally a fan of Dr. Laura's but don't always agree. We have been married 25 years and have never had a rough year, did not fight much. Our marriage is based on what can I do to make the other happy. The youngest is now 20, I still don't work so I do wait on him when he gets home from work. A small gesture of appreciation for how hard he works and all he does for our family. He knows he is loved and appreciated and likes to feel like the king of the castle. He supports and encourages my riding habit, never saids a word about the $$ I spend.
If both spouses work, I would expect both to help with dinner, chores- do what ever it is to make life better for the other.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-01-09 8:15 AM
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