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Posts: 2276
  
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | Soo I'm going to try and shorten this as much as possible.
My SO has had a hard life. His mom had him at an extremely young age, he didn't know his dad and his mom have up custody of him to her sister when he was a baby. Once he got older they shared custody and then when he was 13 his aunt that pretty much raised him died of cancer so he went to live with his mom. She's a drug addict and is crazy soo after dealing with her for 7is years he left and moved in with his cousin which he considered a brother because he was the son of his aunt that he was raised with...they promised that he was welcome there and they were helping him gain credit and make a good home life for him until he was able to move out on his own.
Fast fwd 5 months..he stays at my house
on the weekends. He got a text from his brothers wife that they think he needs to move out because he wasn't going to be able to move out on his own for awhile?? And they needed to focus on their family. He was a little upset because he thought for once he had some family that was willing to be there for him and he was going to be able to get his life together. He told her he understood and would come and get his things.
He went and his brothers wife kept acting weird and sort of trying to distract him so he wouldn't talk to his brother and he went to leave and his brother asked where he was going and acted very comfused about why he was leaving but knowing my SO he didn't tell him that his wife told him it was best to move out. Almost like his brother didn't know what she did. mind you this is the weekend before Christmas.
Since then no one has talked to him and his wife has deleted us off fb and other social networking sites.
I don't understand how they could do that to him. They know what kind of life he has dealt with his they promised they would be there for him.
just needed to vent about how frustrating it is to see him so confused and upset. This was his family and he was finally getting things figured out and we were trying to buy a house. Something was just so fishy about her and the way she was acting.
Thank god for my amazing family treating him so well and letting him move in full time. |
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Posts: 1482
Location: on my horse | Makes you want to bang your head on the wall and hug him huh  |
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Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | redmansmyman11 - 2014-01-08 10:47 PM
Makes you want to bang your head on the wall and hug him huh
Yes 
He will never admit how much it hurts but I can see it. He finally felt like he had a home. His home life at his moms was horrible. He paid them to live there also so it's not like he was a free loader. Gosh I just want to call them up and tell them exactly how I feel and how he feels. BTW, Sorry the the spelling errors and gibberish. Lol |
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 No Tune in a Bucket
Posts: 2935
Location: Texas | I think he needs to talk to his cousin/brother to just keep in touch with him and forget about the wife. Maybe casually mention that the wife sort of suggested that he move out or maybe not even discuss that. He just needs to reconnect and reinforce his relationship with him. |
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Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | RocketPilot - 2014-01-08 10:56 PM I think he needs to talk to his cousin/brother to just keep in touch with him and forget about the wife. Maybe casually mention that the wife sort of suggested that he move out or maybe not even discuss that. He just needs to reconnect and reinforce his relationship with him.
Thanks! I think he needs to do that too. Ugh, this is so frustrating. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | She probably just wants alone and private time with her husband her family and just went the wrong way about asking him to move out. If I were your SO, I would just talk to his brother/cousin and just let him know that everything is ok between them. Of course the brother/cousin has to stand by his wife... he lives with her and is married to her.
As far as your SO, if he is living with you on the weekends anyways, I would try to get an apartment together. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | I am sorry he is going through this!
If I am reading it right... he is 20 or 21? Does he have a job? Why doesn't he get his own place? |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | regaurdless of circumstances...... your SO gets to decide what kind of man he is going to be.... he can rise up and overcome if he choses. or roll over and follow a path that will lead to alot of bad choices... right now he gets to decide. Prayers for him. |
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Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | He is 20. I can't move out with him until we have a place to take the horses. I am the only reason my family has horses so I have to move somewhere that has land and a barn. He works at Honda so he has a very good job but is trying to save for us to find a house for us to take the horses. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | I don't mean to sound accusatory
My mother came from similar beginnings... crazy mother, grandparents raised her, both died while she was in middle school. She got a job after graduating high school and moved out. She lived on her own until her and my father got married. If he was paying to live with his relatives, I bet he can find an apartment somewhere. My mom did what she had to do to pay her bills. She worked as a secretary for many years. I hope everything works out for your SO. I agree with Lulu though. It is time for him to figure out how to provide for himself, and his future family if you are wanting to marry him. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | i saw you answered as I was posting. Honda is a good company! |
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | lexyy12 - 2014-01-09 9:58 AM He is 20. I can't move out with him until we have a place to take the horses. I am the only reason my family has horses so I have to move somewhere that has land and a barn. He works at Honda so he has a very good job but is trying to save for us to find a house for us to take the horses.
Maybe he could get a lease on an apartment until he saves up. It's a tricky situation living with people when you are an adult. |
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| I think he should keep lines of communication open with his brother/cousin because that is family no matter what, and sounds like he needs that also. However, I would be sure to let him know that he only moved out because the wife told him to. Not to let that come between them and don't expect the brother/cousin to not support his wife. But, I think that he needs to know that your SO did not do this on his own volition.
Good Luck. |
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  Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | I'm with Lulu here. He's 20. We all have had set backs when we thought life would go one way and it didn't. His life was rough, but he's old enough now to make good or bad choices and take care of himself. If getting an apartment right now is what he has to do, then that is what he has to do and should do regardless of what has happened before now. We all want a house with land and horses, but sometimes the road there is a little longer than we would like. The cousin isn't responsible for him and maybe his wife didn't tell him what she did, but that is their home and their family and your SO is old enough, with a job, to take care of himself regardless. Good luck. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | You are VERY young and need to stay where you are for now. I am sorry your boyfriend has so many problems and wish him well. I have to say this just to make you think a little. My sister made the mistake of marrying a man when she was 19 that grew up in the same situation your boyfriend did. He has NEVER gotten over the life he came from and has made her life miserable for YEARS. He will not keep a job and has been in jail more than once. She takes him back because she feels sory for him and he threatins suicide etc everytime she tries to move on in her life. My point is to just open your eyes and be aware of your situation. A grown man should stand alone and not feel sorry for himself. I am just letting you know what I have seen with my sisters husband and hope you think about YOUR life before you take on your boyfriends problems. Go to college get a degee and build a future for YOU because you need to be able to stand alone in the future if necessary! Step back and really look at your relationship and your boyfriends behavior at times. People from problem homes succeed all the time but just as many never get over a bad childhood. I wish you well girl but you are just too young to have any problems besides school and work now! |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | angelica - 2014-01-09 9:24 AM You are VERY young and need to stay where you are for now. I am sorry your boyfriend has so many problems and wish him well. I have to say this just to make you think a little. My sister made the mistake of marrying a man when she was 19 that grew up in the same situation your boyfriend did. He has NEVER gotten over the life he came from and has made her life miserable for YEARS. He will not keep a job and has been in jail more than once. She takes him back because she feels sory for him and he threatins suicide etc everytime she tries to move on in her life. My point is to just open your eyes and be aware of your situation. A grown man should stand alone and not feel sorry for himself. I am just letting you know what I have seen with my sisters husband and hope you think about YOUR life before you take on your boyfriends problems. Go to college get a degee and build a future for YOU because you need to be able to stand alone in the future if necessary! Step back and really look at your relationship and your boyfriends behavior at times. People from problem homes succeed all the time but just as many never get over a bad childhood. I wish you well girl but you are just too young to have any problems besides school and work now!
^^^^ THIS........It is OK to feel bad for him but you shouldn't make excuses for him. Ultimately, it is HIS responsibility to rise above his upbringing (not his cousin's)! |
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Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | Ok so I guess the part that is upsetting is that when he needed to leave his moms he had the option to come live with me and my family instead of moving out on his own but his brother/cousin told him that they wanted him to come there and stay. They both work at Honda so they would car pull, he paid for what he used and helped his brother do work around their land.
He has every reason in the world to feel sorry for himself and he could have gone down a bad path. He never has. He always saw the bad things that happened at his moms and didn't want that life(drugs, jail) things like that. He chose to be a better person. He has had steady income since he was 16. Fast food, Fedex and Honda. He makes GOOD money and I make pretty decent money as well so money isn't a problem. It wasn't that he had no options or no where to go or a way to take care of himself when they told him to move out, it was the way she did it and the things she said that was hurtful to him and shocking.
When they told him to leave he had intentions on getting an apartment but my parents told him no to keep saving and he can live with us.
He has a very good head on his shoulders and rose above the life he was doomed to have and is making life better than he ever imagined.
I completely understand all of your replies and are grateful that you guys care enough to give that sort of advice. Although I don't think he is putting problems on me or he is going to go down a bad life. As of right now we are living with my parents and saving for a house and we are trying to create a good life.
Edited by lexyy12 2014-01-09 10:01 AM
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | I believe, that things happen for a reason Lexy. So, to hear that he is doing the right thing and is not letting this effect him is good. Try not to let the cousin situation bother you. In the end, it may be a blessing in disguise. Let it be and move forward positively. We don't know the reason the wife decided to do what she did, but that is her family, their home and they have the right. No matter who it came from or why. I wouldn't hold a grudge and I would be thankful for the time that they did allow me to stay there. There are all kinds of good things that could come out of this new situation. Try to focus on the good and not the bad. |
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Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | LRQHS - 2014-01-09 11:12 AM I believe, that things happen for a reason Lexy. So, to hear that he is doing the right thing and is not letting this effect him is good. Try not to let the cousin situation bother you. In the end, it may be a blessing in disguise. Let it be and move forward positively. We don't know the reason the wife decided to do what she did, but that is her family, their home and they have the right. No matter who it came from or why. I wouldn't hold a grudge and I would be thankful for the time that they did allow me to stay there. There are all kinds of good things that could come out of this new situation. Try to focus on the good and not the bad.
Thank you LRQHS! It's just so crazy that she would delete us off social networks and things like no one did anything to her. I completely understand her wanting privacy and wanting him to move. But the way she did it and then shutting us out. I think that's the worst part. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | lexyy12 - 2014-01-09 10:16 AM LRQHS - 2014-01-09 11:12 AM I believe, that things happen for a reason Lexy. So, to hear that he is doing the right thing and is not letting this effect him is good. Try not to let the cousin situation bother you. In the end, it may be a blessing in disguise. Let it be and move forward positively. We don't know the reason the wife decided to do what she did, but that is her family, their home and they have the right. No matter who it came from or why. I wouldn't hold a grudge and I would be thankful for the time that they did allow me to stay there. There are all kinds of good things that could come out of this new situation. Try to focus on the good and not the bad. Thank you LRQHS! It's just so crazy that she would delete us off social networks and things like no one did anything to her. I completely understand her wanting privacy and wanting him to move. But the way she did it and then shutting us out. I think that's the worst part.
Jennifer has good advice
I agree... that was odd to delete you. |
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