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 Perky Gal
    
Location: On a paint horse... | Watching several folks I know go through different situations recently, I realize how truly lucky I am to have a supportive husband that puts me first even after almost 35 years of marriage!!  One gal I know is not allowed to drive their truck...ever!! Another wants a tattoo and her husband told her no way, no how. I guess my man knows me well enough that if he told me no, guess what the first thing I would do would be LOL. Seriously though, in watching alot of my friends, I see their marriages are more like 90/10 or 80/20 than 50/50. Im just surprised how many women allow themselves to be treated this way. How about you?? |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| My husband is fantastic, we have pretty much been on the same page our whole marriage- not alot to fight about. He is the person I must love spending time with. He doesn't say a word about how much I spend on the horses, truly wants me to be happy and if we can afford it, he will pay for it. We did have to have a little "meeting of the minds" when I started riding 4 years ago, it was not about the $$ but him paying attention to it. When the girls were riding our weekends were about them and their rodeos. When they went off to school he got into shooting sporting clays and that became his passion andhe was over the horses and barrel racing. I was happy for him but he got so wrapped up in it he would not ask how my runs were or acted interested in watching the videos. Hurt my feelings, I let him know, he felt really bad, apologized. Since that conversation 4 years ago, if he is not shooting he comes to watch or asks for the video and if I am not racing I go watch him shoot. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Nope, No, No Way. If you hear me use the words "my husband doesn't want me to", it means I don't want me to either and am throwing him under the bus. We don't tell each other what to do. We have expectations of respect and behavior, but we are not the boss of one another. |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Three 4 Luck - 2014-02-02 12:15 PM Nope, No, No Way. If you hear me use the words "my husband doesn't want me to", it means I don't want me to either and am throwing him under the bus. We don't tell each other what to do. We have expectations of respect and behavior, but we are not the boss of one another.
Well said. I can't remember the last time I heard "no" from my husband and vice versa. Like you said, we operate within the boundaries of our expectations of respect and behavior. |
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Perky Gal
Location: On a paint horse... | It just really saddens me to watch people lose their identity and individuality and not have the guts to speak up. To me, you must speak your mind or you cant expect others to know what you want. And that goes both ways!  |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | LOL....48 years and counting and IF my hubby told me "no" to whatever I wanted to do, he might be sporting a "new" black eye..... |
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 Regular
Posts: 88
Location: IA | My husband is full of NO. He's a big home-body and doesn't deal with change well. I have to fight him tooth and nail for everything. But once I do something and he sees the good. Then, he's supportive. But any idea or thought of money spending is a NO. I get tired of fighting, feeling like I have to stick up for myself. |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | I love my husband. He is my best friend and my biggest supporter. I wouldn't have horses, dogs, a home on acerage, or the ability to haul and run my mare if not for him. It doesn't mean there's no "give and take". We give to and for eachother. He's a great man, provider, father, friend and husband. Period. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | I'm not married but my SO and I have been together for almost 6 years. We have always been a team. We sort of know what's going too far. He supports my riding 100% and comes when he isn't working or doing what he loves. I also do the same, I have been known to get up before sunrise and go sit in a deer stand with him or go fishing all night long in a tournament. We work together with bills and saving. We are now looking into buying our first home and maybe get married in the next few years. I hate seeing those people in relationships where one over rules the other all the time and it's not always the husband doing it. I grew up with parents like that. My mom always does what my dad says and he is in control of everything. To me that isn't what it should be about. That is the person I want to spend my life with and I want us both to be happy! |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | I've been with my SO for...4 years now I think. He knows I'm independent. I do what I want. I've always been like that. He would never forbid me from doing anything. They second he does that about something, I'm gone.
I read about all these ridiculous situations people on here find themselves in and I honestly cannot even wrap my head around it. |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | rodeomom3 - 2014-02-02 12:33 PM Three 4 Luck - 2014-02-02 12:15 PM Nope, No, No Way. If you hear me use the words "my husband doesn't want me to", it means I don't want me to either and am throwing him under the bus. We don't tell each other what to do. We have expectations of respect and behavior, but we are not the boss of one another. Well said. I can't remember the last time I heard "no" from my husband and vice versa. Like you said, we operate within the boundaries of our expectations of respect and behavior.
^^^This.
We often sit down and talk about goals, dreams, priorities..... We fight from time to time, but I always know he has my back. He's never told me I can't do something. I wouldn't put up with that kind of crap. By the same token, I don't ever tell him no. |
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Perky Gal
Location: On a paint horse... | MS2011 - 2014-02-03 8:07 PM rodeomom3 - 2014-02-02 12:33 PM Three 4 Luck - 2014-02-02 12:15 PM Nope, No, No Way. If you hear me use the words "my husband doesn't want me to", it means I don't want me to either and am throwing him under the bus. We don't tell each other what to do. We have expectations of respect and behavior, but we are not the boss of one another. Well said. I can't remember the last time I heard "no" from my husband and vice versa. Like you said, we operate within the boundaries of our expectations of respect and behavior.
We often sit down and talk about goals, dreams, priorities..... We fight from time to time, but I always know he has my back. He's never told me I can't do something. I wouldn't put up with that kind of crap. By the same token, I don't ever tell him no.
I so agree! It is a give and take and ultimately about respect. I watch couples play games, try to guilt one another, not be honest with each other. It just makes no sense to me. |
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Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | There are so many areas of life that you don't have a say or are mediocre....love shouldn't be one of them. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 246
Location: OK | I have been in one of "those" marriages, no fun-had to pass up some opportunities that would have been awesome. Finally, you get to the point of either you can live with it or you can't. That being said, I know of a few cases where it's the wife who is the one running the show as well.
Relationships are rarely 50/50 on everything-it's all about give and take-sometimes you take more than you give and others, it's vice versa. |
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| skeeter 777 - 2014-02-02 11:33 AM
Watching several folks I know go through different situations recently, I realize how truly lucky I am to have a supportive husband that puts me first even after almost 35 years of marriage!! One gal I know is not allowed to drive their truck...ever!! Another wants a tattoo and her husband told her no way, no how. I guess my man knows me well enough that if he told me no, guess what the first thing I would do would be LOL. Seriously though, in watching alot of my friends, I see their marriages are more like 90/10 or 80/20 than 50/50. Im just surprised how many women allow themselves to be treated this way. How about you??
Maybe it just the way you worded it? But yours doesn't exactly sound 50/50 to me either? |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1163
Location: Foot of the Smoky Mtns, East Tennessee | I am lucky in that my husband trains and barrel races also, so the horses have never been a problem. He is into them as much as me if not more. Do we have our problems? Sure. Do we argue some? Sure, but we know we both love each other. He works, I don't. Not out anywhere anyway. I stay home and take care of a barn full of horses so he doesn't have too. I also take care of the house, etc. I feel like he shouldn't have to do much (except ride) when he's home from work because he is the one out making money and supporting our family. When I was working outside the house, it didn't leave a lot of time for him to ride because of the hours he works. It might not be 50/50 exactly but it works for us. He never tells me no I can't buy something unless we don't have the money. Is he as affectionate as I would like? No, but I know he is as affectionate as he knows how to be and loves me so I overlook it and accept it. It makes the "little" things mean more. Is our relationship perfect? No, but it's perfect for us and we feel like it's a true partnership. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2135
Location: Somewhere else | Thought I had a great one....but over the last 5 years it's fell apart. Total trust on my part, he could do anything, go anywhere. He rodeo'd all over the east coast and I NEVER questioned anything when I counldn't go with him. Too bad he had to ruin it by hooking up with a skank and having an affair that ran for several months. Slowly but surely it's all falling apart. I've tired to make it work but it has to take 2. He should have left when I found out about the affair. |
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 Water Weight Barbie
Posts: 6829
Location: Oz, Kansas | I've been married over 20 years & it hasn't been all smooth sailing but for the most part we are 50/50. I couldn't imagine having to ask my hubby for permission to do something. Granted, if it's a big purchase we discuss it together but just everyday things we are adult enough to do what we want. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | We are a team. Sometimes it's not always 50/50. My husband is into performance cars and trucks, and of course I have my horses. There are times when we buy parts instead of things for the horses, and vice versa. He hasn't been able to get any parts this winter because we are building a barn. We know that sometimes it's the other person's turn. This summer, we will be back at the truck pulls and buying parts, so I know that I won't be buying any major horse purchases. Which is OK. We know the drill :) |
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 Veteran
Posts: 168
Location: Wyoming | Been married for 12 years and we both have 100% respect for each other and are on the same page 99% of the time. We can sit down and discuss everything without having to raise our voices, we respect each others view and work to come to a common conclusion( even if it's to not agree). I try to never take him for granted and we make sure we show each other appreciation and common curtousy. Always please and thank you for even the little things and we don't sweat the small stuff. We worked side by side on the ranch every single day until I had our first boy 3 years ago. I am very lucky to have him in my life.
Edited by luv2trainhorses 2014-02-03 10:31 AM
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