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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 578
 
| My husband and I are really at a cross roads to the decision of having another child. My son is a little over 2, and if I'm going to have another I'd like it to happen now or next April. Why did everyone else choose to have( or not) another child? Did you like them close in age? My husband and I both lead busy lives and both have hobbies( mine being barrel racing), and our first son has fit into the mix pretty well. Is it that easy with number 2? Any input would be great. |
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  Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
  
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | Mine are 4yrs apart (and 2 days). They are so fun together. Very little bickering and the oldest has been a lot of help with the baby who is going to be 2 in May. He will give him snacks/sippys and toys while I am busy riding...or driving. The baby idolizes him too. It has just been so neat seeing how play together. We also live 50 miles from town so to only have one around and no other kids anywhere near by helped make the decision to get the older one a play buddy. I lucked out too. The oldest was born independant and never cared for cuddles much and the little guy is such a mamas boy and gives me kisses and hugs just about anytime I give him a smile. Love my boys!!! |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | My brother is 3 .5 years younger than me and it seems like such a big difference. Like we could never relate amd we were never in the same school at all.
If the kids are close enough, you have to pay college tuition for two kids at the same time.
on the other hand, they have someone to hang with, and can share clothes.
This is coming from a 25 year old without kids.  |
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Member
Posts: 32
| I am 24 with no kids. My best friend has a 4 yr old who has always went right in the mix of things. Always just seemed to for right into everything with the horses and whatever else we did. She also has a 2 yr old. Huge adjustment so much more difficult going or doing anything in the barn or to shows. Showed me that of I ever do decide to have children it would only be 1 with the lifestyle we have with the horses. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I had 4 in 4 years, not planned but just kept getting pregnant. Plus of being a year apart is they have built in friends and pretty much on the same page when they were a little older for vacations, etc. They are now 20-24 and very close. The only negative was 3 in college at the same time, 3 in high school rodeo at the same time- lots of $$ :) but
wouldn't change a thing. |
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Member
Posts: 36
| I love my big family, and having older siblings. It really gave me someone to look up to and strive to be the best I could be! I was able to follow them into activities like rodeo and 4-H and was able to always have someone there to help and guide me. It was just easier and more fun to have their help and we got to share the same passion like barrel racing and showing livestock! Don't know what I would have done without them! I cant even imagine what my life would be like without siblings, never would have accomplished the great things I have done without them! |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I'm very close to my sister, who is 4 years younger btw, and I wanted my kids to have the opportunity for that kind of relationship. Mine are 3.5 years apart. IMO, isolated country kids are more likely to be close to their sibs even with an age difference because they don't have anyone else to play with. Not saying town raised kids won't be close, but they have the option not to be. |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | I believe I had a Word that we were to have another. I told DH it would be a boy and I was right. We had ours 11 months apart as we got a late start. They love each other to pieces. We both come from a small family and I didn't want her walking this earth without another relative after we're gone. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | I thought about this the other day. My husband and I are trying for our first, but already thinking about the future if we do have one. We had always thought 2 would be great, but now I'm thinking just one. Both of our parents favorite one child over the other, and I really don't want to risk either of my children feeling as thought they are not "the favorite". |
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 Veteran
Posts: 224
Location: Southern OK aka God's Country | We are at your same place, plus 2 years. We have a little boy who is 4 now, and he is at the stage where I can leave him to play outside at our house (within viewing/shouting distance) while I saddle and ride in the arena, but not old enough I would leave him in the stands at a barrel race while I warm up and make a run. I have been to big barrel races and seen mothers leave their kids younger than him in the stands with an iPad and some toys, but my gut says I'm not ready to do that yet. At this point I don't really have the desire to have another child, but the pressure to do so is crazy. People I don't even know will ask me when we're having another and to not "do that to him" (leave him an only child). But I think either way he will be fine, because he won't know any different. Siblings are great and wonderful when they get along, but there's no guarantee they will. I have friends who have siblings that they adore and are close to, and some that hate each other and couldn't wait to get out of the same house, and haven't been close since. So if your sole motivation in having another child is to give your child a guaranteed relative when you're not around, then I would think long and hard about it. Some of the worst family fights I've seen are over parents' property after they die. It's really sad and pathetic how ugly people get over money and property. Going off topic, sorry. |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Wanted to add that I have several friends who raised an only child and they are as well rounded, adjusted and kind as any kids out there. You have to do what is right for your family.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-03-04 8:25 AM
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I would have been totally happy with one and kept putting off trying, but the Good Lord finally stepped in and OOPS, here came #2. I can't imagine life without her. Seriously, it's very obvious her little soul was meant to be here as part of our family. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I don't have kids but I just wanted to say that I loved and love having a sibling. I have a twin sister and of course you can't plan for twins..Lol. But we have a bond stronger than anything! My cousin is like a sister to us but growing up,she was an only child until 7 and it really stunk for her when she wasn't with us because she had no one to play with and all that. I honestly think only children have a harder time learning values like sharing and caring when they first start out just because they don't have someone that they had to do that with naturally. Of course, they learn and that's just my opinion, but I personally have a few friends and know people who were only children and SOME of them you can tell. Not all of them though. Having one would be easier but two is just MY preference. I do have to say that my sister and I are in college right now and we luckily both got scholarships that pay for all of our tuition! Good luck with your decision, whatever you decide will be a blessing!! |
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 Texas Taco
Posts: 7499
Location: Bandera, TX | I am a 41 year old only child with no children myself. I hate being an only child. When growing up (and still today) the sole focus of my parents is and has always been on me. Good or bad. It would have been good to not always be the center of attention. I spent a lot of time alone growing up, which made me comfortable entertaining myself but also lonely at times.
It is even worse now that I am an adult and my parents are getting old. I live in Texas, my parents live in Germany. I am dreading the day that they will be frail and in need of constant care, or the day the phone call comes that something really bad has happened….. I am still at a loss on how this all should go over, and terrified of this.
Also, my decision to not have any children was hard on my parents. Like any parent I guess they would have loved to have a grandchild.
It would be great to have a sibling to share all these responsibilities with.
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 Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | My husband and I were just talking about this. I am an only child and he is one of four. I only want one and he wants at least 2 if not 3. We both have valid reasons for why or why not to have more than one so I honestly think it depends on the family. Right now since I don't have children I find it hard to understand how you can love your second as Mich as your first. I was an only child and my mom and I were never apart. She loved me and gave me her complete attention. I don't know how I would of felt or how she could off loved another child like she loved me. Now my husband has 2 older brothers and an older sister. He says that he felt the same love and attention from his mom that he saw his siblings get and to me that is just so hard to understand.
I tried to give both sides and hopefully that isn't a confusing mess to read. As of right now I only want one child but I can say for sure that when I have my first child that I won't want another. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | If you are going to have another child now is the time. I have three and they are 2 1/2 years apart. They are all really close because of the age difference. They play and talk about school and just really enjoy haveing each other. My sister was 10 years older than me so by the time I started school at the age of 6 she was 16 and never really cared for me at all, we speak maybe once a year tops and I have no feelings about her really. An only child would be really lonely but you could poor all your time into that one child thats the only advantage I can see. Men never want children as much as women so the longer you wait the harder it will be to get your husband convinced. I have to say I was an extremely lonely child having nobody around near my age! It gets easier when your children enter school trust me! |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Ctrygirl14 - 2014-03-04 8:31 AM My husband and I were just talking about this. I am an only child and he is one of four. I only want one and he wants at least 2 if not 3. We both have valid reasons for why or why not to have more than one so I honestly think it depends on the family. Right now since I don't have children I find it hard to understand how you can love your second as Mich as your first. I was an only child and my mom and I were never apart. She loved me and gave me her complete attention. I don't know how I would of felt or how she could off loved another child like she loved me. Now my husband has 2 older brothers and an older sister. He says that he felt the same love and attention from his mom that he saw his siblings get and to me that is just so hard to understand. I tried to give both sides and hopefully that isn't a confusing mess to read. As of right now I only want one child but I can say for sure that when I have my first child that I won't want another.
Your heart gets bigger to make room for each kid. Seriously. I think a lot of us question if we will love our next child as much as the ones we have...and then we do. Most people are wired that way. My mom was the last of 10 and if anything she felt even more loved by her parents than her siblings did. The hardest part for her being the youngest in a large family was losing her parents at a young age, and then watching her brothers and sisters die. She has one brother and one sister left and it breaks my heart to watch how hard they are clinging to each other after all the losses they have been through together. Whichever one is the last to go is going to have a very hard time. |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Btw, I think I was grandchild number 40 for my mamaw, and she couldn't have loved me more if I had been her only one. She passed when I was 8, but is such a huge influence in my life to this day. |
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Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | Three 4 Luck - 2014-03-04 8:48 AM
Ctrygirl14 - 2014-03-04 8:31 AM My husband and I were just talking about this. I am an only child and he is one of four. I only want one and he wants at least 2 if not 3. We both have valid reasons for why or why not to have more than one so I honestly think it depends on the family. Right now since I don't have children I find it hard to understand how you can love your second as Mich as your first. I was an only child and my mom and I were never apart. She loved me and gave me her complete attention. I don't know how I would of felt or how she could off loved another child like she loved me. Now my husband has 2 older brothers and an older sister. He says that he felt the same love and attention from his mom that he saw his siblings get and to me that is just so hard to understand. I tried to give both sides and hopefully that isn't a confusing mess to read. As of right now I only want one child but I can say for sure that when I have my first child that I won't want another.
Your heart gets bigger to make room for each kid. Seriously. I think a lot of us question if we will love our next child as much as the ones we have...and then we do. Most people are wired that way. My mom was the last of 10 and if anything she felt even more loved by her parents than her siblings did. The hardest part for her being the youngest in a large family was losing her parents at a young age, and then watching her brothers and sisters die. She has one brother and one sister left and it breaks my heart to watch how hard they are clinging to each other after all the losses they have been through together. Whichever one is the last to go is going to have a very hard time.
You make a very valid point. If I would of had a sibling there with me after I lost my mom I think it would of "helped".
I think until I have my first child and realy get to see what its like will determine whether or not I'd want another. I can imagine how very important the decision is and I think the OP got great advice.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 578
| Do you all still find time to ride/barrel race after having more than one? There is no way I'd want more than 2, but even the 2nd scared me! I am not willing to give up my whole life just to raise children... I simply want them to be a big part of it. |
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