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Member
Posts: 35
| My husband hates my barrel racing and is constantly saying I go too much and I spend to much money. But we are not poor we both work and I support my own habit with the money I make from my three jobs I work full time threw the week and give riding lessons on the weekends which he also complains about even tho I'm making money. And I clean an office every other Sunday. He makes great money all of our bills are paid and we have Money saved.... I love barrel racing I always have I haul my lesson kids and myself, it's not a just a hobby I want to make it a carrier but in order for me to have any chance I have to win and get better. I run open ibra shows and I'm chasing a saddle I have to go a lot if I'm going to win. Ad even when I take off a week or two as soon as I plan to go again he starts complaining I just don't know what to do I was like this when we met and I always will be but I'm tired of fighting. Also we have no kids. I just needed to vent any advice would be great |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
  
Location: Phoenix | Perhaps he feels neglected because you work three jobs and don't spend enough time with him? |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 926
| Just curious, were you running barrels when you got married? Does he have a hobby as well? The love of horses, and competing is usually a lifelong passion and very strong. I've been married over 30 years and CLEARLY explained to my hubby before we married about horses and ever asking me to choose. Sounds harsh, but when it's a deep passion like mine has been since I was about 5, well, it's part of who you are.
I would that you first re-confirm how much you care about him and your marriage. This is part of who you are, what makes you, well you. Can't really be separated, and ask for his support.
Best of luck, sounds like you've got a lot going for you and are working hard to chase your dream. |
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  Twin Sister to Queen Boobie
Posts: 13315
Location: East Tennessee but who knows?! | I was married to a guy that complained about anything I did with the horses. I left. The horses weren't the real issue.
What is the basis of his complaint? When you fight, what is it that he's complaining about? I would get specifics and get to the real issue and try to address that.
If you can't narrow down the real issue or nail down a specific reason, then it's not about you, it's about them, IMO.
Here's the thing... life is short and we're not guaranteed tomorrow. You can put all your energy and effort into trying to make someone else be happy and die tomorrow or have your life completely altered in two seconds. And what would you have gained?
In the big picture of life what do you really want? What really makes you happy? Bottom line, ultimately no one is going to make sure you're happy and taken care of but you and life is short. |
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 Can You Hear Me Now?
Location: When you hit the middle of nowhere .. Keep driving | My boyfriend has known since day 1 that I come with baggage... 10 horses for now, and 8 macaws. We have talked about it and he knows they are my babies and they stay. He doesn't have to contribute to them but he does (not with expenses but he helps me with fencing/watering etc when I need a hand) and I do include him in decisions. He started trail riding with me once and a while and he loves to play with the babies when they are young. He's learning how to halter break and teach one to lead.
He has a camp and loves to hunt. Spends a week at thanksgiving moose hunting plus numerous other trips. I don't hunt but do spend as much time as I can at camp with him.
We try and have at least a weekly date night where one of us treats the other to dinner and sometimes a movie or we go do something else. It works for us. I would talk to him... Maybe see if he's up for learning about horses. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 600
Location: Oklahoma & Texas | My husband is not a fan of it either...he definitely sees the amount of money we sink, into our horses and such and likes to point it out regularly...of course like you I am making good money and he is too and its not that we are short but he likes to point out how we could be doing other things with it...at any rate I encouraged him to pursue a hobby and he got into motorcycles...which is perfect for me because he's spending about the same...so thus eliminating the whole money pit argument lol he still has his moments when im gone for a weekend or out in the barn half the evening and he wants attention and I get the ol you spend more time with the horses whining...I try to make a point to cook his favorite meal or go on a date night to spend some quality time doing what he wants ....just like we like to feelspecial I think they do too....needy suckers they are lololol |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Why did you married him, what made you fall in love with him to what to be married? I love my horses, but when I met my husband 34 years ago it was like wow I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Still have my horses and do what I want and still love my husband the same as when I first met him and have two grown sons and 3 beautiful grandkids. Husband comes first, hes not a horsey guy, but supports me in what I love doing and I support him in what he does. Its a two way street. Sounds like he wants to be spending more time with you. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1218
Location: South MS | Its probably not the money thats the issue but the time you spend away from him.
I usually barrel race 2 weekends a month and spend the other 2 doing things with my family. You have to show them they are as important to you as the horses are.
Does he have a hobby or friends that he can hang out with when you are gone? Or even better tell him that you will spend every weekend together - he goes with you to barrel races and you go with him to do things he wants to do
There has to be give and take to make your relationship a successful one
Sit down and talk to him and figure it out |
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Regular
Posts: 99
| My ex-husband told me I should have married a horse. Lol  |
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Duct Tape Bikini Girl
Posts: 2554
| Go trade him in. |
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 I Prefer a Beard
Posts: 1944
| I've been there and it's not fun. I don't barrel race anymore and I miss it so much. It just wasn't worth the battle for me anymore. I wish I had some advice for you but unfortunately I don't. I hope you can work it out so you can continue to do what you love. |
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 Husband Spoiler
Posts: 4151
Location: North Dakota | hammer_time - 2014-04-13 10:35 AM Perhaps he feels neglected because you work three jobs and don't spend enough time with him?
My thoughts as well. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| Divorce him. No man is worth giving up your identity. |
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 Texas Lone Star
Posts: 5318
Location: where ever my L/Q trl is parked | You have 2 choices- #1 give up barrel racing and a few jobs then hang out with your husband
#2 get rid of the problem that's complaining.
Most men will complain- since he probably doesn't have a hobby or something to take up his time.
He's jealous of your horse habit and he's not going to go away.
If you give up your horses and quit barrel racing do you honestly think he will quit bit(hing?
But then I'm selfish and I will only live once. If you 2 can't get on the same page what's the point.
My choice-
#1 - check
#2- delete
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 Expert
Posts: 1440
Location: Texas | Guess he has never heard the saying happy wife happy life. My husband used to gripe a lot about horses and the $$ I sunk into them. My horse was hurt for about a year and he realized I was no fun to live with because I was miserable not being able to go run.... He bought me a new horse to run just incase my old one did not come back from surgery. Everyone in a while he gets a little gripy but he stops pretty quick. |
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Location: East of the Pecos | cavlier - 2014-04-13 3:44 PM Divorce him. No man is worth giving up your identity.
Have to agree. It won't get better. I made that mistake. My horses are my identity and I wasn't going to give that up or walk on eggshells to pacify someone who didn't want me to live the life i wanted. Imarried too young and wasn't thinking clearly, a big mistake. I thought love meant you wanted the best for each other, but it's a control issue. Don't bring kids into this situation until you have resolved it one way or the other. |
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 The BHW Book Worm
Posts: 1768
| I would deff stand back to look at the big picture to make sure it's not something else that is really bothering him. Not saying everyone should do this but before my hubby and I even got serious I said do not bother dating me if you can't handle the horse tthing.before we got married we had the discussion of I will divorce you if come between my horses and I. He agreed to that and doesn't particularly like horses but he sure loves me and doesn't even dare to gripe. But he was pro bmx before children and I support him in that. |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | luckyjo - 2014-04-13 1:54 PM Go trade him in.
 LOL ...this really did make me laugh out loud....By your own admission the warning signs were there before you got married. Life is WAY too short to be miserable.....I would venture to say that horses are NOT his problem.....you need to either set him straight or get on with your OWN life. |
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Member
Posts: 35
| Thanks to everyone for the advice, I was barrel racing before we met and the whole time we where dating and he even went to shows with me an bought his own barrel horse not long after we got Married. But he wouldn't practice and started hitting barrels and gave up also was to stubborn to take my advice, I do think he want more of my time but I'm just not the clingy type I mean we are together very night of the week mostly. He does have a hobby he likes off roading in jeeps, he's bought two jeeps and his friends usually come help him work on them when I'm barrel racing so he isnt alone and board and I always ask him if he wants to come and he says no, that's fine with me I like us being able to do our own thing, but clearly he dosent. I've told him over and over I'm not going to stop I will never change myself for a man.... Maybe the date night would help I'll have to try that. He does help with the fencing and things like that but we also have 25 cows. I will give him credit today he has been building me stalls all day. He always says I go too often and and I'm never home, but I'm always like I never go anywhere your not invited too. He just wants nothing to do with it he even gave me his horse..... I don't want to divorce I just want support from him and the complaining didn't start until after we got married
Edited by RidgeViewFarms19 2014-04-13 7:26 PM
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 Loves to compete
Posts: 5760
Location: Oakdale, CA | thats tuff! wait on having children! My husband knew I as horse crazy when we met. He did rope alot too. However he is my biggest supporter always has been and always will be! he does tell our son don't marry a barrel racer too expensive........lol
he might be feeling neglected too............good luck |
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