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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 443
 
Location: Southern IL somewhere between KY and MO | totally off the subject and here is the only place i can complain FB all the family sees it so here goes. I married my husband 6 years ago with him came 3 grown a$$ kids and grown i mean 2 had babies of their own. The oldest who is 32 and only son is getting married this weekend. My husband does not work and I am out on the road doing 60+ hrs a week as a travel nurse.
Well they called him and asked him if he could pay for the rehearsal dinner never called me. Now the real mother is a worthless POS and will not help with any expenses.
Do I have a right to feel offended that they did not ask me to help with expensive now they have my phone number and can contact me on FB. and should i be insulted that they did not invite my children to the wedding?
And third would I be a terrible person if I left after the I do's and go to a barrel race?? Which I would rather be at then this wedding that I see ending in 3-5 yrs.
Edited by coco~n~cash 2014-04-23 7:02 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| Maybe they don't feel comfortable asking their step mom to pay for it ya know? My step mom's been around for 14 years and I still don't ask for money, just makes me feel like it's not her job as much as I know she'd help me at the drop of a hat. I would probably feel a little offended if they didn't invite my children, but that also depends on the size of the wedding and how close they feel to you all. I don't think it'd be a big deal to go to a barrel race afterwards as long as you make your presence known and show them you care. That's just all my opinion though! Good luck with everything!! |
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | It's your money, do what you feel is right. If he is 32 he pay for his own wedding dinners or he should not be getting married. |
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 Off the Wall Wacky
Posts: 2981
 
Location: Louisiana | I find it strange that the weedin is next weekend and they haven't planned the rehersal dinner yet...
I wouldn't expect them to contact you specifically, but it would've been much more polite, proper, whatver to ask the both of you, IN PERSON.
Typically, the groom's family does pay for the rehersal dinner, but I don't think it is something that should wait until the last minute.
As for your other questions about your kids and leaving after the ceremony...That all depends on your relationship with your stepson, and your kids' relationship wih him.
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  More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | I have to question the fact that your husband isn't working? I guess I don't know the entire story but I don't think the mother is the only worthless POS. In my opinion I guess you need to ask your husband where he's getting the money to pay for it. |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | from their point of view. you guys have been married 6 years and that's not enough time to get comfortable with you paying for their things. they probably assumed dad would then ask you. but it seems your opinion of them might be the same as their opinion of you. you kids probably wouldn't want to go to the wedding anyways. and if you want to go to a barrel race anyways don't bother going to the wedding. I would find that leaving to do something so recreational is more rude than even bothering to show up in the first place. Send a gift and a card.
Taking everything at face value as you wrote it, and I don't want to offend you. just as an outsider looking in. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | If you're not close enough to his kids that you would rather be at a barrel race than their wedding, which is a monumental once-in-a-lifetime milestone, then I can see where they would not be close enough to you to ask for you to pay for the rehearsal dinner.
I don't see how you could be offended by them asking their dad, because the way I see it your feelings for each other seem mutual. Same logic applies for them not inviting your kids. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | With Dad not working...the kids should NOT have asked him to pay for the rehersal dinner. They are long grown and if he didn't approach THEM to offer...it's poor manners in my view to ask an unemployed person to pay for it....period. In essence...they would have to have known that it would be YOUR earnings that would be used to pay for it in the end. And that you have just one income. If they didn't want to ask you...they shouldn't have asked him. Tradition is not Obligation in my view. Also...is this the 32 year old's first wedding or? That matters too. If anything...you guys should only pay 1/2 as the bio-mom should pony up her half.
That all being said...it sounds to me as though you don't have a high opinion of the kid or his soon to be wife. (may be well justified...I don't know)...so I can see how they'd not want to ask you. And...it sounds to me like you don't care enough to even want to attend. How does hubby feel? He will be going...would you be willing to go in support of him? A barrel race shouldn't trump accompanying him to his only son's wedding...reguardless of your lack of close relations ship to the son. (Although I'm TOTALLY with you on a barrel race being a WHOLE lot more fun than any wedding...lol )
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 443
Location: Southern IL somewhere between KY and MO | First off Husband doesn't work because of back injury 2 surgeries and he is my barn man for now.
Second when I first met the son hubby and I went on vacation together and he decided to steal my car.....
Third the rehearsal dinner has been planned for sometime I'm just *****n cause I know ya'll will tell me to cowgirl up and deal with it. |
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 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| Go to the wedding, even if you don't want to. Make him pay for his own dinner, he is a big boy. Make a small gift in cash as a wedding present (to help with the cost of getting married). |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 443
Location: Southern IL somewhere between KY and MO | Wedding Update...Son had lunch with dad and is having second thoughts. Said but we've spent all this money on the wedding...OMG LMBO divorce will cost so much more. Hmmm seems Mama Coco might not have to go after all. |
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 Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | BS Hauler - 2014-04-23 8:30 PM It's your money, do what you feel is right. If he is 32 he pay for his own wedding dinners or he should not be getting married.
This. At 32 years old why would he expect any help to pay for a wedding? That is ridiculous. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Ok...I know this will earn me a big whack upside the head...but if he has a back injury and 2 surgeries keeping him from working...how can he be the "barn man"...that implies cleaning stalls, feeding horses etc. I have had back surgery...major back surgery with hardware installed...and my job is not a problem...it's the barn work that hurts. That statement just made me wonder about that.
Lately with the home repairs/renovation...cleaning up downed trees etc from the ice storms this winter... Heck...I go to work to get some rest!
Any rate...if the kid is having second thoughts...he needs to think long and hard. The knot can be tougher to undo and surely more costly. |
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 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Eh....Idk....I'd talk to my husband and see what his expectations of me were. 1-) hubby has no job, so technically he can't pay for anything (problem solved there, no dinero's, no can pay). 2-) I don't think it's your place to foot this bill (if asked and you wanted too cool, but no ask means no have to do anything) 3-) I wouldn't be upset that they didn't invite my children, may make them or the Mom feel uncomfortable 4-) it would be tacky to go to a barrel race after the I do's (sadly, you will have to sit there and suck it up for one day. Hopefully, they can afford the booze and you can at least get a good buzz.)
Any further questions, let me know lol. |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7550
Location: In The Land of Cotton | Since my hsuband has the children from hell here are my answers - If husband is not working, no, unless they ask you specifically - no money for the dinner. 2. Your kids probably don't want to go and you shouldn't feel bad. The other people aren't worth their time. 3. As this states - it would be tacky to go to a barrel race after the I do's (sadly, you will have to sit there and suck it up for one day. Hopefully, they can afford the booze and you can at least get a good buzz.)
I am hoping that if I have to go to my husband's children that they - 1. Supply booze, or 2. I can fit a flask in my small purse. They now sell "airplane" size bottles at my liquor store so either way I will be set. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | BS Hauler - 2014-04-22 9:30 PM
It's your money, do what you feel is right. If he is 32 he pay for his own wedding dinners or he should not be getting married.
100% agree.......he's an adult, you shouldn't have to pay for anything |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| Most of you are saying he has no right to the money since he does not work!
So you are saying since he is not the bread winner of the family he is entitled to no money.
That is financial abuse. Withholding money from a spouse.
To the OP what you have said on here please go back and read it as it makes you sound selfish and mean.
I don't know you and you may not be that way, but the way you wrote, I feel sorry for your husband as if you said what you have on the forum to him it puts him in a bad spot.
Also you are planning on going to a barrel race rather then supporting your HUSBAND on a very special day for him.
What do you think people are going to think about your marriage when you are barrel racing rather then being by the side of the man you love on a very special day?
To me this has nothing to do with your step son, it has to do with YOUR marriage, and YOUR love for your husband.
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | well..i wouldn't dish out one red cent and i wouldn't even show for the i do's.terrible cough you know..cough cough..........and then id be off to the barrel race.....................and im very serious.........:)
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | cheryl makofka - 2014-04-24 9:52 AM Most of you are saying he has no right to the money since he does not work! So you are saying since he is not the bread winner of the family he is entitled to no money. That is financial abuse. Withholding money from a spouse. To the OP what you have said on here please go back and read it as it makes you sound selfish and mean. I don't know you and you may not be that way, but the way you wrote, I feel sorry for your husband as if you said what you have on the forum to him it puts him in a bad spot. Also you are planning on going to a barrel race rather then supporting your HUSBAND on a very special day for him. What do you think people are going to think about your marriage when you are barrel racing rather then being by the side of the man you love on a very special day? To me this has nothing to do with your step son, it has to do with YOUR marriage, and YOUR love for your husband.
I'm with you on this one. When women work at home and the man works outside of the home, we get all bent out of shape when the man withholds money from the woman. It's not different from the women working outside, man at home.
Go to the wedding (if there is one) and support your husband. Barrel races are every day, weddings, for the most part, are not. It's just a few hours. As far as the rehearsal dinner, I would just pay for it. It's a wedding gift, and it's probably not going to be an outrageous amount of money. The groom's parents typically pay for it anyways. If this is his second marriage, no, I would not pay. I don't care if he is 32. I understand your frustration with the son not asking you, but it is what it is.
PS - If I made enough money, my husband would not work outside the home. It's 2014 ya'll. |
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| Son answered his own problem. Second thoughts mean you do NOT get married. Simple solution... And at 37, asking dad for money..... nope.. You're a big boy now... |
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