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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
 
Location: Texas | I am a mess today, my husband and I are not speaking. During the past 2 months a 18 year old girl and her brother are showing up at my house to rope, they are from a recently divorced family, the father is not in the picture, they live with the mother, the mother showed up with them once, I may be wrong but I told my husband I did Not want them there unless I was home too. I am not fond of the fact I am at work and a divorced woman is at my house with my husband while I am at work, and she has only came once but it can happen again,that being said she has a so called boyfriend which was her best friend's husband, that's the reason behind all these feelings I am having..... My husband and I have split up twice before, each time he was cheating. I know I asked for this, but anyway I get home from work yesterday and the two kids are there ,she isn't, but I told him I did not want them there unless I was home , so I am the B&@$& now and I was called that 4 times yesterday. The kids keep coming over because my husband keeps inviting them.... Am I being a b$@&$???? Just need an outsiders thoughts |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
  
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | i dont think the kids and their mom are the problem.............jmo
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| My first thought is why are you still with the hubby if he's cheated twice. One time, with counseling and reconsiliation, etc MAYBE stay together. Twice...No freakin way.
That being said, I understand not wanting other people on your property when you aren't there, but if he's there and it's his property too, he can kind of do what he wants. He's inviting them, so unless you are cutting him off from the outside world, he can do that. Kids showing up uninvited, diff. story.
It seems to me that you are trying to keep the kids away because you don't want their mom showing up and seducing your hubby. If you are that worried about hubby, see first paragraph. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | OMG you're husband is a jerk for acting this way to you, this is your home and you have the right to feel the way you are feeling, you are NOT a bi**h, but he is a JERK. Ugggg I hate this, I feel that you feel like he will cheat on you again, pack his bags.  |
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 Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | Well......it's your house to and your family.......BUT, why the problem with the kids coming to rope? I think it's great your husband has taken an interest in these kids who's dad appearantly isnt man enough. Kudos to your husband for stepping up to help these kids. My advice, is not to rock the boat with these kids and get a real handle on your jealousy and imagination. I've been there so I know the tune all to well and quite frankly, you are driving yourself crazy. You have to let it go. No amount of worry and fretting is going to keep your husband faithfull if he chooses not to be. However, I honestly dont see anything in this scenerio to get wound up about. |
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Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | ThreeCorners - 2014-04-24 1:31 PM Well......it's your house to and your family.......BUT, why the problem with the kids coming to rope? I think it's great your husband has taken an interest in these kids who's dad appearantly isnt man enough. Kudos to your husband for stepping up to help these kids. My advice, is not to rock the boat with these kids and get a real handle on your jealousy and imagination. I've been there so I know the tune all to well and quite frankly, you are driving yourself crazy. You have to let it go. No amount of worry and fretting is going to keep your husband faithfull if he chooses not to be. However, I honestly dont see anything in this scenerio to get wound up about.
well said..........
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | Nateracer - 2014-04-23 2:29 PM
My first thought is why are you still with the hubby if he's cheated twice. One time, with counseling and reconsiliation, etc MAYBE stay together. Twice...No freakin way.
That being said, I understand not wanting other people on your property when you aren't there, but if he's there and it's his property too, he can kind of do what he wants. He's inviting them, so unless you are cutting him off from the outside world, he can do that. Kids showing up uninvited, diff. story.
It seems to me that you are trying to keep the kids away because you don't want their mom showing up and seducing your hubby. If you are that worried about hubby, see first paragraph.
Yes the have been on the property with neither of us there,husband told them it was okay to use the 4 wheeler to pull the hot heels around. The seducing thing, yes your probably right |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | I hate that you are with a "man" that has given you every reason not to trust him. In my experience...you have to go with your instincts on this and your feelings are likely completely justified.
My ex husband cheated...I stayed...he continued to break my trust so I got out.
I hate when people say you "need to deal with your own trust issues"...Well...when you have been burned before...twice even...by the same guy...I say you are justified in having these issues and if he has so little respect for you and your feelings as to call you names over fears that HE created. I'd be moving on...as soon as possible.
No one deserves to be treated like that.
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 Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | kickincans - 2014-04-23 2:37 PM Nateracer - 2014-04-23 2:29 PM My first thought is why are you still with the hubby if he's cheated twice. One time, with counseling and reconsiliation, etc MAYBE stay together. Twice...No freakin way.
That being said, I understand not wanting other people on your property when you aren't there, but if he's there and it's his property too, he can kind of do what he wants. He's inviting them, so unless you are cutting him off from the outside world, he can do that. Kids showing up uninvited, diff. story.
It seems to me that you are trying to keep the kids away because you don't want their mom showing up and seducing your hubby. If you are that worried about hubby, see first paragraph. Yes the have been on the property with neither of us there,husband told them it was okay to use the 4 wheeler to pull the hot heels around. The seducing thing, yes your probably right
No way would I want teenagers on my property using my 4 wheeler and hotheels, when they get hurt (I said WHEN), you are liable! If the mother has no more morals and values than to sleep with a friends husband, then she won't have any quams about sueing you either. JMO. |
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 Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| kickincans - 2014-04-23 12:37 PM Nateracer - 2014-04-23 2:29 PM My first thought is why are you still with the hubby if he's cheated twice. One time, with counseling and reconsiliation, etc MAYBE stay together. Twice...No freakin way.
That being said, I understand not wanting other people on your property when you aren't there, but if he's there and it's his property too, he can kind of do what he wants. He's inviting them, so unless you are cutting him off from the outside world, he can do that. Kids showing up uninvited, diff. story.
It seems to me that you are trying to keep the kids away because you don't want their mom showing up and seducing your hubby. If you are that worried about hubby, see first paragraph. Yes the have been on the property with neither of us there,husband told them it was okay to use the 4 wheeler to pull the hot heels around. The seducing thing, yes your probably right
This would bother me simply for liability reasons. They would not ride at my house period if no one was there. HUGE liabilitiy issue. The rest well, I will let everone else comment. |
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 Always Off Topic
Posts: 6382
Location: ND | if you're gonna stay together you either trust him or you don't....if you don't, then move on.....otherwise, don't b>>>> about something that's nothing.....
Edited by dhdqhllc 2014-04-23 2:44 PM
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Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | TrailGirl - 2014-04-23 2:39 PM I hate that you are with a "man" that has given you every reason not to trust him. In my experience...you have to go with your instincts on this and your feelings are likely completely justified.
My ex husband cheated...I stayed...he continued to break my trust so I got out.
I hate when people say you "need to deal with your own trust issues"...Well...when you have been burned before...twice even...by the same guy...I say you are justified in having these issues and if he has so little respect for you and your feelings as to call you names over fears that HE created. I'd be moving on...as soon as possible.
No one deserves to be treated like that.
AMEN! My husband cheated on me too, even had the nerve to tell me it was MY FAULT! However, at this stage of the relationship, I can guarantee you if I had feelings of insecurity that were caused by his previous actions, I would be respeceted! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | Southtxponygirl - 2014-04-23 2:30 PM
OMG you're husband is a jerk for acting this way to you, this is your home and you have the right to feel the way you are feeling, you are NOT a bi**h, but he is a JERK. Ugggg I hate this, I feel that you feel like he will cheat on you again, pack his bags.
Yes I am guilty of thinking he may cheat again, but I put myself in this situation and I know if he wants to nothing I do is going to stop it ,just don't like the idea of being at work and this going on at my house
I asked him to put himself in this situation and how he would feel
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| I would ABSOLUTELY NOT let anyone on my property to use my mechanical things without a full disclosure statement being signed and dated. Because even if they have permission, if they get hurt, you are liable and not only that, they could sue.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | TrailGirl - 2014-04-23 1:39 PM I hate that you are with a "man" that has given you every reason not to trust him. In my experience...you have to go with your instincts on this and your feelings are likely completely justified.
My ex husband cheated...I stayed...he continued to break my trust so I got out.
I hate when people say you "need to deal with your own trust issues"...Well...when you have been burned before...twice even...by the same guy...I say you are justified in having these issues and if he has so little respect for you and your feelings as to call you names over fears that HE created. I'd be moving on...as soon as possible.
No one deserves to be treated like that.
This is very well put... |
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 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| I'd be more worried about the 18 yo girl than the mom. I know thats not helpful, but thats what I see in this. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | ThreeCorners - 2014-04-23 2:31 PM
Well......it's your house to and your family.......BUT, why the problem with the kids coming to rope? I think it's great your husband has taken an interest in these kids who's dad appearantly isnt man enough. Kudos to your husband for stepping up to help these kids. My advice, is not to rock the boat with these kids and get a real handle on your jealousy and imagination. I've been there so I know the tune all to well and quite frankly, you are driving yourself crazy. You have to let it go. No amount of worry and fretting is going to keep your husband faithfull if he chooses not to be. However, I honestly dont see anything in this scenerio to get wound up about.
I understand what your saying that's why I wanted an outsiders view, I need to maybe reword .... When I said the dad is not in the picture, I meant he is not coming around,he has never came over and he is not what I would call a deadbeat , these kids come from money, the have anything he can give them, they had an arena at their old home and the high dollar horses and anything else they want,,,, the mother broke up her best friends marriage and is dating that guy..... That's why her kids have no arena to ride in, the place was sold in divorce and she is now renting
Her history is what triggered how I feel
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 The Original Cyber Bartender
Location: Washington | I am still trying to get over him calling you a b itch. A loving husband doesn't do this. AND as far as trust, it's the last thing he should get from you. He has been taught by someone that treating you as garbage is okay. Well it's not. Kick him to the curb. |
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| You don't trust your husband that's the problem. You have to realize that if he is going to cheat on you again you can't do anything to stop that and that includes restricting who comes to the house and when they come. It sounds as though you totally expect him to cheat again and you're blaming this divorced lady for your feelings and she's kind of an innocent bystander. You would think that he would respect your feelings enough to understand why you feel the way you do even if he doesn't think you have anything to worry about. You have some serious marital problems. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | TrailGirl - 2014-04-23 2:39 PM
I hate that you are with a "man" that has given you every reason not to trust him. In my experience...you have to go with your instincts on this and your feelings are likely completely justified.
My ex husband cheated...I stayed...he continued to break my trust so I got out.
I hate when people say you "need to deal with your own trust issues"...Well...when you have been burned before...twice even...by the same guy...I say you are justified in having these issues and if he has so little respect for you and your feelings as to call you names over fears that HE created. I'd be moving on...as soon as possible.
No one deserves to be treated like that.
Thanks you have related and I may be weak but it hurts, that's the reason I have given the second chances is because I do love the man, I knew the trust issue would be hard and it is
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