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Member
Posts: 17
| I'm not a new BB but I am so embarrassed and heartbroken and confused that I don't want to use my normal name.
My marriage is crumbling beneath my feet and my world seems to be falling apart. I'm desperate for some sort of answer or sign or anything that would tell me everything will be okay. I found out last night my husband has been lying to me about some pretty big things and I just don't know how to move forward from it. I'm so lost and heartbroken that I can't even see a day ahead. I don't know what to do. I talk with several of you on a regualr basis but I'm just so embarrassed and sad that I can't even talk to you using my regular name.
I would so greatly appreciate a hug or a prayer or a good thought or anything. I don't know where my life is going to go and honestly I'm scared.
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Hungarian Midget Woman
  
Location: Midwest | All I can say is that I am sorry you are going through a bad time. I hope things get better, and that you can get things worked out. |
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  Expert
Posts: 1584
 
Location: Central Texas | Oh man, that is an awful feeling. When you are caught up in the middle of it, it is very difficult to see any light. Reaching out is a good way to get through very painful struggles. A lot of people have experienced their world falling apart and can offer some support and insight. You are abe to get through it! Hugs. |
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 Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | Prayers for you!!! I PROMISE you that regardless of what happens and which direction you choose to go from here, that everything absolutely WILL be ok. I know it hurts and how heart breaking it is for someone you love and trust to deceive you, believe me! The one thing I told myself and my friends who have ever gone through something like this is that YOU cannot hold yourself responsible for the choices that others make. It is not your fault! These are choices HE made, and you cannot guilt yourself into believing that you are responsible for them. The only thing you can do is to make a choice to be strong, and yes I do believe it is a choice. That's not to say you won't have weak moments and that the hurt will immediately go away, but you cannot let the choices he made dictate you or how you feel about yourself. You have nothing to be embarassed about, believe me! You are not liable for his bad choices in any way!!!
The hardest part is choosing a path and not waivering in your decision. I do believe any situation is repairable if both parties want to work on things, so please don't hear me saying you should leave him......YOU are the only one who has the right and the knowledge to make those decisions. I am here for you if you need to talk. I will not ask your name or any private details you don't want to share, but I can share some stories with you as well to let you know that you aren't alone and that life does go on....and often improves drastically. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 806
Location: Arkansas | Said a prayer for you.
I don't have any advice but what works for me when I feel this way is to find scripture that pertains to how I feel, reflect on it, write it and write about it, and somehow I always feel better and find the right answer for me.
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | Prayers for you. I know there are likely others that can give better advice. I do know that counseling helped my husband and I when we were struggling. |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | I'm so sorry. Please know that there is nothing to be embarrassed of. Your family and true friends will be there for you. |
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Member
Posts: 17
| I feel that if he could lie to me about this that he could lie about anything. I found out by opening his mail. He said I disrespected him by opening his mail.. were married, can't I do that?
I don't know who this man is anymore and I'm confused how someone could change so much.
Maybe he never changed, maybe he was always like this and just hid it so well. I don't know but I'm lost. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| I am so sorry. Prayers said for you.
Trust in God. Reflect on scripture and turn to those you trust implicitly. You cannot hold yourself responsible for someone else's actions, only your own. Take a deep breath and remember that when you hit rock bottom, God has something waiting for you on the other side of all this.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
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 Voice of Reason
Location: NOT at Wal Mart | And this too shall pass......
Hang in there,  |
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 Born not Made
Posts: 2937
Location: North Dakota | I don't have any advice for you, but just wanted to post so that you know there's another soul keeping you in their prayers.
Hang in there. Take it one day at a time.
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 No Tune in a Bucket
Posts: 2935
Location: Texas | LostAlongTheWay - 2014-05-07 9:04 AM I feel that if he could lie to me about this that he could lie about anything. I found out by opening his mail. He said I disrespected him by opening his mail.. were married, can't I do that? I don't know who this man is anymore and I'm confused how someone could change so much. Maybe he never changed, maybe he was always like this and just hid it so well. I don't know but I'm lost.
If opening your husband's mail were a problem then I would have been divorced a long time ago. |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | lost, i dont know anyone who has never had their world shattered along the way.... each of us has or will deal with it with in our own means.... lots of us can share experiences and be here to help you and lift you up along the way.....
and if i am one of the regulars that you speak with please never be embarrased to reach out to me no matter what the life event here. 
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Member
Posts: 17
| I have no where to go. My husband and I have this house together.
After I confronted him last night he never once said that he was sorry. I don't understand. I'm so hurt! |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | LostAlongTheWay - 2014-05-07 9:26 AM I have no where to go. My husband and I have this house together. After I confronted him last night he never once said that he was sorry. I don't understand. I'm so hurt!
Do you have family or friends close by? You ALWAYS have a place to go. You just have to have enough faith in yourself and the willpower to make the choice. I can tell by yours posts you're beat down because of the shock of this. Raise yourself up, be strong. |
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Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | Are you wanting to leave? Are you needing some time to sort things out? There is always somewhere to go, whether it be short term or long term. Please don't use that as an excuse! Go get a hotel room for a day or two if you need to get away. Or ask him to leave for a few days. Go stay with a friend, family, whatever you need to do, but don't use the "nowhere to go" as an excuse. This is scary, I completely understand, but there are always options. |
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 Looking for Lady Jockey
Posts: 3747
Location: Rodeos or Baseball games |
Hang in there. All I can say is pray and talk about things with each other.  |
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 Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | LostAlongTheWay - 2014-05-07 9:04 AM I feel that if he could lie to me about this that he could lie about anything. I found out by opening his mail. He said I disrespected him by opening his mail.. were married, can't I do that? I don't know who this man is anymore and I'm confused how someone could change so much. Maybe he never changed, maybe he was always like this and just hid it so well. I don't know but I'm lost.
That comment about disrespect was just to deflect away from the more important issue of his lying. Herbie is so right, everything will be ok, you just have to see it for what it is and try to step back and handle it from the perspective of what is best for you and what will make you feel like a valued partner....
People change for a variety of reasons, and if he won't sit down and talk like a mature adult without placing blame, then you don't even have a place to start to fix it.....maybe you need to ask him to leave for awhile to allow him to be who he really wants to be, because if he's lying to you then he's hiding his real agenda....even if you love him, you have to give him this space, you can't force a person to be the way you want them to be....if he sees the error of his ways and wants to talk it over, you can be there...or not! I personally couldn't stay day to day in a relationship where I was so devalued as a person that I was being lied to...hugs... |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | I am sorry for this difficult time you are going through. Sometimes God feels the need to test us or show us things thru pain and frustration. Lean on HIM in your time of need. Maybe there's something He wants you to see. We don't always get to understand the whats, wheres and whys. We just have to know Who. Stay strong. Stay steady. Trust in God. Because this hard time will pass.
Sending prayers for you. |
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Member
Posts: 17
| I'm overwhelmed. The person that I love doesnt seem to care back. He says he does but the lying doesn't show that. What really showed me is that he thinks I can't open hid mail. Were supposed to be in this together. I don't hide a single thing from him, nothing and I feel like I don't even know him now.
Some days I want to leave so bad but where am I going to go with my horses? The good days we have seem to not even count anymore because he's been lying to me since we got married.
Edited by LostAlongTheWay 2014-05-07 9:42 AM
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