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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
    
Location: Kansas | My daughters grandmother (her fathers mother) picked my daughter up from daycare today without my permission. She lied to my daycare provider and told her that I said it was fine...which is not the case. Is there anything that can be done? Not talking jail or having her arrested....just legally can something be done since I have custody of my child and she didn't ask permission?
Backstory is......I had to file a PFA against my daughters father because of how abusive he was to me (he has 2 battery charges, among various other charges when he would hit me) and he was harassing me, as of right now I have full custody of her. I was constantly harassed, and threatened by him, he would harass my boyfriend constantly. He is not allowed any contact with me, nor my daughter....I've been allowing his mother to take my daughter every other weekend, but lately it has gotten worse and she has been snarky and rude towards me. I'm having to put my child into a new daycare that is closer to my home and is more of a "facility" rather than just a home daycare...and his mother blew up on me demanding I tell her all the information and proceeding to tell me I was a bad mother because I chose a facility who is a christian based daycare...and they teach everything to the children (and basically told me I was a piece of S**t if I wasn't teaching my daughter anything).
I get absolutely no child support, I'm raising my child alone, while being harassed by his family....I'm at my wits end, and I have no idea what to do. I understand most BB's are going to say it's two sided, but I have screenshots of text messages I will be showing my attorney. She has been texting me the last hour asking if she is going to be arrested since she took my child.....which I haven't said a word back to her. My anxiety is through the roof right now, I just want to break down and cry |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| Yell at your daycare! Around here they are supposed to have written parental permission to allow kids to go with anyone besides whoever's designated to pick them up on a specific day. Either that or a phone call to the parent for verbal confirmation at the time of pick up. Under no certain circumstances should a daycare let a child go with someone who is unauthorized, no matter what they say!!! That's how all sorts of bad things happen!
You might threaten a lawsuit or to report them to the state board if it happens again. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | I have had 2 different day cares the last couple of years and both have me list who is allowed to pick up my child. If you never filled anything out or gave them written permission, you day care is at fault for letting her go. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Is she back home with you now? Oh that would have made me very up set too, Hugs  |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | KylaKris - 2014-05-20 2:13 PM I have had 2 different day cares the last couple of years and both have me list who is allowed to pick up my child. If you never filled anything out or gave them written permission, you day care is at fault for letting her go.
She has a hand written note with his mother's name on the list to be allowed to pick her up. That is my fault for not even thinking of giving her a new list of who isn't to pick her up.
The PFA was recently filed |
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 Works Hard For The Money
Posts: 4469
Location: Memphis, TN | I don't know for sure but I think you can have a police officer go with you to get your daughter. If you tell the police you do not want her arrested or charged I don't think they will but maybe have them warn her not to do it again. Also I'd have a VERY stern conversation with that daycare. They could get in serious trouble for that. Get in touch with your attorney for sure. I'd document this in full detail for any future issues. |
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 Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | I guess I missed the reason why the father is not to have contact with his child? I only see the problems YOU had with him?
As ar as the grandmother goes, Why not talk to her like an adult and let her know under no circumstances is anyone to pick your daughter up without your knowledge and then have the same conversation with the day care. If no call from YOU, nobody picks her up but you. |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Southtxponygirl - 2014-05-20 2:13 PM Is she back home with you now? Oh that would have made me very up set too, Hugs
No I'm currently still at work for another 2 hours, so her grandmother has her. I told her she needed to drop my daughter off at 4pm back to the daycare, I am aware of grandparent rights :(
I just don't know what to do. The new daycare provider has been made aware, and this is the last week for my daughter to be in the currently daycare. She goes to the new facility next tuesday. |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | I agree with Nate and KK. The daycare needs to get an ear full. There should be a list of people that are allowed to pick the kids up and no one else. Don't text back. If she wants to talk to you then talk in person or by phone. I don't think there is anything by law you can do but talk to your daycare and make sure they know they are not to do it again! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| First. Get your daughter home with you.
Next, call police and get her added to the restraining order - this was kidnap. Taking of a child without custodial right or permission meets the legal definition. These things are precursors. I would worry that she will give your daughter to your ex and he will flee.
Then, tell your daycare about the problems. Tell them they should not let your daughter go with ANYONE not listed without prior IN PERSON notification from you.
ETA: I am a state trooper. If you go to her residence and she doesn't immediately have your daughter available for you to take - call 911 immediately.
Edited by HorseMommyFiveO 2014-05-20 2:22 PM
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | ThreeCorners - 2014-05-20 2:16 PM I guess I missed the reason why the father is not to have contact with his child? I only see the problems YOU had with him?
As ar as the grandmother goes, Why not talk to her like an adult and let her know under no circumstances is anyone to pick your daughter up without your knowledge and then have the same conversation with the day care. If no call from YOU, nobody picks her up but you.
I filed the PFA against him for the both of us because in the process of him choking me one day...he smacked her in the face so hard her lip split open because she was crying. I don't feel she needs to be around him until he gets help with his anger.
I have text messages of the converstations she and I had, civil...me being nice and allowing her to take my daughter regardless if I didn't want it to happen or not. I also have proof of texts from last night when she was asking if she could take my daughter today and I told her in the message "I would like her to remain in daycare for the rest of the week and I don't feel it's a good idea for you to pick her up at this time"
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 Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | When my oldest was in daycare (and even his school now) I had to list who could pick him up. Anyone else I had to call and tell them. I kept the list small because for the sake of it, I thought it was safer. I would go to the daycare and be firm with who can and can't pick your daughter up. As for the mother in law being a turd, you may want to put a little fear in her. Without knowing the woman I can't say, if you want her in your daughter's life, you need to make her understand she needs to do it YOUR WAY! |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | ThreeCorners - 2014-05-20 2:16 PM I guess I missed the reason why the father is not to have contact with his child? I only see the problems YOU had with him?
As ar as the grandmother goes, Why not talk to her like an adult and let her know under no circumstances is anyone to pick your daughter up without your knowledge and then have the same conversation with the day care. If no call from YOU, nobody picks her up but you.
If the sperm donor doesn't provide child support and has been physically abusive then he doesn't deserve to have contact with the child IMO. Even if he never laid a hand on the child....YET.....he still doens't deserve time with the child. ITs only a matter of time before he gets abusive with the child. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-05-20 2:16 PM
Southtxponygirl - 2014-05-20 2:13 PM Is she back home with you now? Oh that would have made me very up set too, Hugs
I just don't know what to do. The new daycare provider has been made aware, and this is the last week for my daughter to be in the currently daycare. She goes to the new facility next tuesday.
If you wanted to be that way, you probably could have grandma arrested for kidnapping!
I am on the list to pick up my sisters kids, but would never just go pick them up, without her first having called the daycare to let them know. Since Gma has pulled this "stunt", I would not put her on the list to pick her up, especially since she seems to be testing her boundaries.
How did you find out she had picked her up? |
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Porta Potty Pants
Posts: 2600
| First, contact the day care … get that resolved.
Second, contact authorities to at least make a record of it. Have them contact her to return the child to day care.
Third, if grandma wants to visit, given the fact that she's now taken the child without your permission, she needs to file a petition with the court for grandparents visitation. I would guess she is letting her son (child's dad) have time with the child, which is facilitating a violation of the protective order.
That's what I would do. Grandma is grandma, but she's being disrespectful. Just my 2 cents.
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| azsun - 2014-05-20 2:27 PM
First, contact the day care … get that resolved.
Second, contact authorities to at least make a record of it. Have them contact her to return the child to day care.
Third, if grandma wants to visit, given the fact that she's now taken the child without your permission, she needs to file a petition with the court for grandparents visitation. I would guess she is letting her son (child's dad) have time with the child, which is facilitating a violation of the protective order.
That's what I would do. Grandma is grandma, but she's being disrespectful. Just my 2 cents.
THIS ^^^ put your foot down so that your choices are respected. The sperm donor gave up all rights when he hurt you and your daughter so GMA should respect your decisions. |
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 Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Hugs, because this whole situation sucks.
I get she's your daughter's grandmother. But you are her mother first and foremost. She should have asked your permission no matter what. What if she took your daughter and nobody told you, and then something did happen?
There are no easy answers. I assume you want your daughter to have a relationship with her grandparents, but at the same time you need to be respected as her mother. |
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 Ms. Manners
Posts: 1820
Location: Oklahoma | Hugs and prayers to you . . . I'd be furious!
My concern would be the grandmother allowing the father to visit with his daughter. Does she allow your daughter's father to visit with her? Is that why she is picking her up while you're at work, so you don't find out he is having contact?
I agree 100% with going to the grandmother's house now and getting your daughter.
So sorry you are all going through this.
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Thankfully I was able to have my grandmother pick her up from his mom. So my grandma has my daughter right now. But his mom showed up at my office about 10 minutes ago, and screamed at me. I just spoke with my attorney and she suggested I file an extension on the PFA for protection from her on my end. |
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Ms. Manners
Posts: 1820
Location: Oklahoma | You are really aproaching this situation with a lot of common sense. Keep standing strong and hang in there! |
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