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 Expert
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Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | So dumb? Is that mean?
Ok, I'm 20 so I am "one of those young people" BUT I don't act like anyone my age. That's why I only have 1 friend my age and she is the complete opposite of me and is "one of those young people"
Anyways....I see all over fb and in life them doing drugs and partying and dating BAD people! It drives me insane! Do you have nothing to live for? Do you not have any hobbies or interests? Does that guy that hits you/buys drugs for you/or whatever seem like someone you would have children with?!?!
What brought this on I guess is my SO's cousin. She's a year younger and I'm pretty close with her. Well, she had a baby at 16. She started dating a new(way older guy last year. She's 18 now. They lives together and she left bc he was controlling. Decided to go back and then just 2 weeks ago left again and filed charges bc he BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF HER! Bruises from head to toe and she admitted he has pushed her child down. And then last night she posts a picture with him and says he's the love of her life and he's so amazing and stuff.....what goes on in people's minds?!?! Her family tries to talk to her and stuff but she doesn't care or listen. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Believe me. Good, solid, seemingly stable adults are just as guilty. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | classicpotatochip - 2014-08-01 8:45 AM Believe me. Good, solid, seemingly stable adults are just as guilty.
Yup!
High school never ends.... |
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| Whew ... I don't know either. My BFF from college went through something similar. I stepped in when she showed up to class with unexplainable bruises - I asked her to move in with me. We literally took a stock trailer and 4 of my very close guy friends and moved her out ... all the while, her SO at the time sat in a lawn chair berating us and throwing beer cans at us. Many years later, she has spoken openly about how she felt trapped and that he was her only option in life, she felt at the time that she had nowhere to go and no one she could rely on - which was TOTAL BS as her family and I spoke to her about it often and moved her out of the situation.
I think the desire for something better has to be there, ya know? And the desire to stand on your own two feet and be something - maybe not just desire but to actually DO it and not be afraid of failing? A very good mentor in my life said it best - you have to love yourself and value yourself before anyone else will.
I'm incredibly thankful that I have a wonderful family that taught me early on to be a strong independant woman. They instilled a work ethic and faith in God, which are two thing I attribute to never settling for anything.
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Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | lindseylou2290 - 2014-08-01 9:46 AM
Whew ... I don't know either. My BFF from college went through something similar. I stepped in when she showed up to class with unexplainable bruises - I asked her to move in with me. We literally took a stock trailer and 4 of my very close guy friends and moved her out ... all the while, her SO at the time sat in a lawn chair berating us and throwing beer cans at us. Many years later, she has spoken openly about how she felt trapped and that he was her only option in life, she felt at the time that she had nowhere to go and no one she could rely on - which was TOTAL BS as her family and I spoke to her about it often and moved her out of the situation.
I think the desire for something better has to be there, ya know? And the desire to stand on your own two feet and be something - maybe not just desire but to actually DO it and not be afraid of failing? A very good mentor in my life said it best - you have to love yourself and value yourself before anyone else will.
I'm incredibly thankful that I have a wonderful family that taught me early on to be a strong independant woman. They instilled a work ethic and faith in God, which are two thing I attribute to never settling for anything.
She has a place to go at her moms and she knows it. She's afraid to be alone with out a boyfriend....this guy was also in the army and claims he has been to war and crap and he hasn't. My SO used to be friends with him and I know his ex wife...he says his issues are from PTSD? A load of crap!
How can you have your 2 year old little boy around this garbage?!?!
I came from a home where my mom isn't independent. Relies on my dad for everything. All that. I've never been like that. I'm independent and I do things myself. If my SO and I decided to break it off I would be upset...I would not be out looking for a new guy the next day bc I can't be alone. There is so much better out there and she is so pretty and awesome and he tears her down |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: GA | I don't understand it either. I feel like nobody stands up for themselves these days or wants to work for anything. I'm 21 and my SO is 24. We both have decent jobs, our own house, and pay our own bills.
But like Lindsey said, some women get trapped into these relationships where they feel like they're not good enough for anything else - especially if that's all her A-Hole boy has been telling her. And many of these so called "men" threaten these women's families. It's something that is very hard to understand if you've never been there. I never have, but I know someone who has.
It's a very hard, frustrating feeling but unfortunately there's not much you can do. If she needs help, you can always be there but it's hard to step in or give advice to a woman in a situation like that. |
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 Midget Lover
 
Location: Kentucky | I just ignore it. I flushed my FB of all the POS's. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: GA | Murphy - 2014-08-01 9:54 AM I just ignore it. I flushed my FB of all the POS's. Agreed. Facebook causes too much unneccessary drama.
ETA: Not saying this is unneccessary but there's not much you can do. You can't change her mind. Seeing these posts from her will just bother you more..
Edited by kgraham38 2014-08-01 8:59 AM
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 Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | Honestly... I think a lot of it comes from girls growing up without a strong male role model in their life (Dad). They just want attention and SOMEONE to love them, they aren't taught they are better than that and they don't know what it really means to respect and love someone. It's truly heartbreaking. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 246
Location: Idaho | Its not just young people. It happens even when people are adults. A big difference today is social media. You see their dirty laundry daily because they want the attention. (That , i feel is this generation more than any other) i was in a relationship that wasnt abusive but he did maintain some control over me without me knowing it. He was a cheater but when id confront him about things id heard, he had a way of sounding so sincere and innocent. How could i not believe him? But i was young and didnt think people could or would be that deceiving.Then I literally caught him in a lie. I knew the truth and he didnt know i knew. I confronted him giving him the opportunity to come clean and all i got was lies. I broke up with him, which was still hard for me to do. I wanted to go back so bad even though i knew it was a bad relationship. However, im glad it happened. Because that guy gave me one of the best skills! I now can feel when a person is a bad person. Mostly guys. When i meet someone I can generally feel something either i like them or I dont. And when i dont like them for no outwardly obvious reason, I know here is something about them that is bad. And so far my feelings have been right on the money! Ill tell my husband, you know for some reason, I really dont like So and So, and he will defend him... Oh he is a good guy... and down the road we find out he is a cheater, controller, liar, abuser, or something like that. No better feeling than your husband saying, you know... you were right about that guy!
Long story longer! :) People need to be needed. And if a person isnt confident in themselves or has been made to believe they arent capable living without certain things/people, that is powerful. Its like a drug addiction. You can live without it but you dont think you can. Whoever controls you mind is in charge.
Edited by TSlashO 2014-08-01 9:12 AM
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| I am hearing two different issues,
First your Facebook friends, I am not friends with anyone who would post things that would be inappropriate for my boss, or my mother to see.
The second the abusive relationship. The physical abuse heals, it is the emotional, and financial abuse that keeps people in the situation. It is a very hard circle to get out of.
PTSD is a real diagnosis, it should not be a crutch, but again it comes down to coping mechanismsand support systems. It sounds like both need to go to counselling separately. |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | classicpotatochip - 2014-08-01 8:45 AM
Believe me. Good, solid, seemingly stable adults are just as guilty.
Exactly! Some people never grow up! |
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Expert
Posts: 2457
| lexyy12 - 2014-08-01 8:53 AM lindseylou2290 - 2014-08-01 9:46 AM Whew ... I don't know either. My BFF from college went through something similar. I stepped in when she showed up to class with unexplainable bruises - I asked her to move in with me. We literally took a stock trailer and 4 of my very close guy friends and moved her out ... all the while, her SO at the time sat in a lawn chair berating us and throwing beer cans at us. Many years later, she has spoken openly about how she felt trapped and that he was her only option in life, she felt at the time that she had nowhere to go and no one she could rely on - which was TOTAL BS as her family and I spoke to her about it often and moved her out of the situation. I think the desire for something better has to be there, ya know? And the desire to stand on your own two feet and be something - maybe not just desire but to actually DO it and not be afraid of failing? A very good mentor in my life said it best - you have to love yourself and value yourself before anyone else will. I'm incredibly thankful that I have a wonderful family that taught me early on to be a strong independant woman. They instilled a work ethic and faith in God, which are two thing I attribute to never settling for anything. She has a place to go at her moms and she knows it. She's afraid to be alone with out a boyfriend....this guy was also in the army and claims he has been to war and crap and he hasn't. My SO used to be friends with him and I know his ex wife...he says his issues are from PTSD? A load of crap! How can you have your 2 year old little boy around this garbage?!?! I came from a home where my mom isn't independent. Relies on my dad for everything. All that. I've never been like that. I'm independent and I do things myself. If my SO and I decided to break it off I would be upset...I would not be out looking for a new guy the next day bc I can't be alone. There is so much better out there and she is so pretty and awesome and he tears her down
You just hit the reasons on the head right there Lexy - She's afraid to be alone. That is real emotion and can cripple people in a heart beat.
You are independent and can do things on your own. Totally different frames of mind.
I agree with other posters about social media. People seeking attention are gonna air their laundry on facebook. Thus people will pay more attention to them! Tada ... the cycle keeps going! Being that I was in college when Facebook started ... the attention seekers will always do this and the people who have real lives outside of facebook don't. They would rather talk in person to someone about it and don't want everyone to know their business.
I'd do some removing of people from your facebook - it really is ok to do this ...  |
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Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | She has already deleted me because I put my opinion out there. She deleted everyone else that did same. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 814
Location: California | You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I have learned this after trying several times to help friends when they were in bad situations or in need.
I am 25, married, a home owner, have a great job, can afford nice things, etc...I look at people that are my age and I can honestly say, that I am one of the few "successful" ones. You know why?? OUR GENERATION FEELS ENTITLED TO EVERYTHING. THEY DON'T WANT TO WORK FOR ANYTHING. THEY ARE LAZY. THEY DON'T HAVE THE DRIVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL.
That's a little off topic from the issue with your friend, but she is in that cycle with the crappy boyfriend because she doesn't have any DRIVE to make herself the best possible person that she can be. She's the only one who can decide to make her's and her childs life better. Nobody will be able to force her to do anything. That's why I say that you can't help anybody that doesn't want to be helped. Tough love. |
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 Dancing in my Mind
Posts: 3062
Location: Eastern OH but my heart is in WV | I have to stand up for the millions of young kids that are great kids/ young people. I just returned an hour ago from a mission trip. Of the 35 people at our camp, 21 of them were teenagers under the age of 19. What a great group of teens! Hard workers and kind people. There are lots of great young people out there but they are not on fb or other social medias causing the drama because they have more important things to do!!!!! |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | It starts at home! Good parents make great kids! |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Guess I was one of those stupid young people......I got pregnant at 20, and was with the man up until a year ago. He would beat the living crap out of me, and told me if I ever left him he would kill me.
I felt forced to stay with him, because I had nowhere else to go, I was foolish.
Sometimes you have to learn a lesson, before reality really takes holds of the reins and tells you where you need to be for the future. |
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  Twin Sister to Queen Boobie
Posts: 13315
Location: East Tennessee but who knows?! | IMO, people are dumb because they've had too easy.
Think about it... in the normal city/suburban world everything is easy and quick. People don't have to struggle to do anything any more, and most don't do without anything of real necessity.
Struggle and hard times uses the thinking part of the brain. There's no reason to get creative or figure something out if everything easy.
Edited by Fairweather 2014-08-01 5:38 PM
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 I don't pay very good attention!
Posts: 6615
Location: The line between sanity & insanity in Oklahoma |
If I knew the answer I could have saved my sister..
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Folks on-line