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 Expert
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| I don't want to have to be mean. So yesterday I was sitting in my office at work and a coworker came in. He usually does this at least two or three times a day to just ramble and then he goes on his way. He's a really nice guy and usually our conversations consist of him talking and me shaking my head or replies like, "oh wow" "that's neat", etc. Well.....yesterday he came in and proceeded to profess his love for me. I was so taken back that all I could do was sit there and stare at him. He went on about how the things I do drive him crazy, how he purposely walks to get glasses of water just to see if I'll notice him even when he has two full ones in his office already... he just went on and on. I'm Married!!! he asked if I wanted him to leave my office and I said yeah that would be good. Later that day he asked me if I was weirded(if that's even a word) out by what he told him and because I didn't want to completely smash his heart in the ground I told him it was fine but I'm married and children and it just wouldn't work and that i'm sorry if I ever gave the impression that I was into him, etc, etc. He then asked me if he would be someone I would date. I told him if I had met him years earlier, you just never know what could happen. Wrong thing to say!! Today he keeps following me around and coming in my office telling me how beautiful I am and i'm really getting major anxiety over this. I told him that we shouldn't bring it up anymore but I don't think he thinks im serious. I don't want to make work anymore awkward than it now is... I tried to sneak into my office this morning so he wouldn't hear me but I dropped my keys and then he was there! I feel like I've done something terrible, I mean I obviously gave the impression that I was into him, when all I was doing was being nice, and now I don't know what to say to get it across to him without being a complete bitch. I keep thinking that if I just ignore him maybe he'll get the hint but..... it's not working! ugh..... rant over I suppose. |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | I don't know what type of work environment you are in but I would certainly go to my Supervisor (or Human Resources) and tell them about his advances....nip it in the bud......ASAP! |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | You are being much too nice
id tell him to get bent. Somebody that doesn't respect my wishes and my marriage is not welcome to talk to me unless it relates to work. |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | well sir... i am flattered but not interested in any relationship with you. if you continue to make inappropriate comments or jestures i will inform my supervisor and then my husband.... and fyi my husband has been to jail before and aint scared to go again....  |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | Oh wow, now that's an awkward situation! I guess the simplest/most obvious solution is to be very clear and direct without being mean. Maybe decorate the office with a few extra pictures of your family ;). If he really keeps it up, couldn't that be classified as harassment? I have the opposite issue, I am generally completely ignored by men so I'm probably not too helpful. I was completely sucked in by your story though. Good luck! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| WOW!
This post should be titled "most interesting thing on BHW today" - you'd get a lot more activity because this is insane!
This guys sounds like a serious goober. Get mean, he needs it! |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| I first off would inform your husband of this, so there are no surprises.
Secondly I would inform the individual that there is no attraction, and he needs to keep his thoughts to himself, only to come into your office if directly work related, if he cannot do this then HR will be involved.
If he doesn't keep his distance, I would inform HR, and go to the police and file a complaint, as this sounds like major potential stalker
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I've had the same problem and realized I was being too nice. It sucks to feel like you're hurting someone's feelings (because I personally hate doing it so much) but when it comes to this, he deserves it. He has no boundaries and if someone doesn't let him know what kind of freaky dickwad he's being, he could cross the line even more than he has!!! |
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Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | star1218 - 2014-08-06 2:52 PM WOW!
This post should be titled "most interesting thing on BHW today" - you'd get a lot more activity because this is insane!
This guys sounds like a serious goober. Get mean, he needs it!
i vote this a close second to the butt blister thread...  |
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 Lady Di
Posts: 21556
Location: Oklahoma | I would look him straight in the eye, and say, "If you EVER talk to me again about anything other than work, I will press sexual harassment charges on you." Then I would go back to work and ignore him and if he appears and tries to talk to you about ANYTHING other than something pertaining to work that you and he are both involved in, I would call a lawyer. He sounds like a stalker. This is not something to take lightly. JMO |
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Blessed 
Location: Here | dianeguinn - 2014-08-06 1:57 PM I would look him straight in the eye, and say, "If you EVER talk to me again about anything other than work, I will press sexual harassment charges on you." Then I would go back to work and ignore him and if he appears and tries to talk to you about ANYTHING other than something pertaining to work that you and he are both involved in, I would call a lawyer. He sounds like a stalker. This is not something to take lightly. JMO
And tell your husband now |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | dianeguinn - 2014-08-06 1:57 PM I would look him straight in the eye, and say, "If you EVER talk to me again about anything other than work, I will press sexual harassment charges on you." Then I would go back to work and ignore him and if he appears and tries to talk to you about ANYTHING other than something pertaining to work that you and he are both involved in, I would call a lawyer. He sounds like a stalker. This is not something to take lightly. JMO
Perfect advice. You've explained you're married, he's not being respectful of that. No more nice. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| blccwgl55 - 2014-08-06 1:53 PM
I've had the same problem and realized I was being too nice. It sucks to feel like you're hurting someone's feelings (because I personally hate doing it so much) but when it comes to this, he deserves it. He has no boundaries and if someone doesn't let him know what kind of freaky dickwad he's being, he could cross the line even more than he has!!!
This, this is my problem.... |
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 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
Location: Texas | Stop being nice. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about. |
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 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Crotch kick should fix your problem. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| LRQHS - 2014-08-06 2:28 PM
Crotch kick should fix your problem.
He'd probably think I was flirting with him!! |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 2:29 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-06 2:28 PM Crotch kick should fix your problem. He'd probably think I was flirting with him!!
Then, you didn't kick hard enough. Try again lol. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2258
| dianeguinn - 2014-08-06 1:57 PM
I would look him straight in the eye, and say, "If you EVER talk to me again about anything other than work, I will press sexual harassment charges on you." Then I would go back to work and ignore him and if he appears and tries to talk to you about ANYTHING other than something pertaining to work that you and he are both involved in, I would call a lawyer. He sounds like a stalker. This is not something to take lightly. JMO
Get serious with him. I totally agree with this I had a slalker right out of high school and had to get tough to get him gone. Don't take that chance ! I joked about mine because I couldn't figure out why anybody would stalk me I am not that special . He broke into my house, dated my neighbor and made threats to my husband. He was eventually shot and killed by cops years later . So Iam wary of weirdos ! The guy is most likely harmless but needs to know his advances and comments are not welcome in any way. Not trying to be scary either just my story. |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 2:24 PM I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about.
Stop being sorry and apologizing to him! You are being way too nice. He knows you're married with children and he doesn't care...continuing to be nice will get you nowhere. I'm not saying you need to turn into a major B, but you need to be more firm. He's the kind of guy who doesn't know how to take "no" for an answer, and if he thinks there's even a sliver of hope, he's going to cling to it for dear life.
If he brings it up again, tell him "I've told you several times I'm married, and I need you to stop. If not, I will have no choice but to go to HR."
He's creating a hostile work environment for you and needs to know you're serious. |
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