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Expert
Posts: 1543
  
Location: MI | I think my main questions are:
1. How many chores do you require your kids to do? (and what is the age of the child? how do you change this as the child ages?)
2. What are your expectations regarding how often they ride/for how long do they ride each time and how often they show?
If your child isn't in to horses, what is your expectation of your child when you ride and go to shows? Do they go along?
Now for the verbal diarrhea (sorry, feel free to skip):
I'm trying to figure out if my expectations for my children are realistic. My children all 'like' riding, and really seem to enjoy the horses, but I'm wondering if they enjoy it enough to warrant having some of these horses around for them. Most of the time lately the oldest 2 have preferred to play horses rather than play with the horses. They are young, the oldest are 5 and 6, but I'm worried that by having the horses available for them, they won't want it and have drive to work with them - which I'm ok with if they don't want to have the horses, but it bugs me that they like them and talk about them, but then don't want to spend time with them lately. I didn't get a horse until I was 15, and even then I worked my tush off 3 days a week for his board - it meant a lot to me to have a horse. Don't get me wrong, the kids have chores (getting eggs and cleaning them) and they help out when asked around the farm, but I just feel like a lot of time they don't value what they have.
I have been told by others they are polite kids and helpful when away from home, they don't whine and get what they want in stores, etc. I just really don't want to raise spoiled children and I want them to know that what they have is really special. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 4121
 
Location: SE Louisiana | Ridenrun4745 - 2014-08-20 7:37 PM
I think my main questions are:
1. How many chores do you require your kids to do? (and what is the age of the child? how do you change this as the child ages?)
2. What are your expectations regarding how often they ride/for how long do they ride each time and how often they show?
If your child isn't in to horses, what is your expectation of your child when you ride and go to shows? Do they go along?
Now for the verbal diarrhea (sorry, feel free to skip):
I'm trying to figure out if my expectations for my children are realistic. My children all 'like' riding, and really seem to enjoy the horses, but I'm wondering if they enjoy it enough to warrant having some of these horses around for them. Most of the time lately the oldest 2 have preferred to play horses rather than play with the horses. They are young, the oldest are 5 and 6, but I'm worried that by having the horses available for them, they won't want it and have drive to work with them - which I'm ok with if they don't want to have the horses, but it bugs me that they like them and talk about them, but then don't want to spend time with them lately. I didn't get a horse until I was 15, and even then I worked my tush off 3 days a week for his board - it meant a lot to me to have a horse. Don't get me wrong, the kids have chores (getting eggs and cleaning them) and they help out when asked around the farm, but I just feel like a lot of time they don't value what they have.
I have been told by others they are polite kids and helpful when away from home, they don't whine and get what they want in stores, etc. I just really don't want to raise spoiled children and I want them to know that what they have is really special.
I don't think enjoying them has anything to do with it if you have them for yourself. My mom had dairy goats and I was expected to help with all aspects of her project.. including helping to build all the barns and hauling hay and feed and cleaning the barn and milking the goats. I didn't like them but I did what I was told. | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Horses are a luxury,not a project like goats or cows which are money making endeavors. I think your kids are too young to determine if horses are going to be their passion. I do believe if they want to enjoy the luxury of horses they need to partipate in the work of taking care of them. Mine were old enough to safely feed and clean stalls when they first got horses. I think it can still be special even though horses are a regular part of their lives. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 154
Location: Tennessee | My husband and I have always said that our children will have to help around the barn and with the horses no matter if they like it or not. Those are the chores they will be given becuase that is how we bring income into our household. Although if our children do NOT want to rodeo or show horses like we do then that is just fine and we will support them in whatever hobby they want to commit to. This is how my husband and I were both raised and how we intend on raising our children. It will be a while before our little ones have chores though.....since our little boy is about to turn one and we have a little girl on the way.
I know from the time I was 7 that if I didn't keep my horse/horses in shape (riding at least 3 or 4 days out of the week), feed, keep the barn clean, etc.... my mother had no problem telling me we weren't going to a rodeo or barrel race that we had been planning on going to. That was just part of it, if you want to enjoy the fun of the horse shows and rodeos on the weekend then you have to put in the work during the week.
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I think these kids that you are talking about are a bit to young to know what they have right now. And if you make them do all these chores now and try to make them like horses I think its going to back fire, they have to want to do it. My boys were raised around horses from day one, but it didnt make them like them, they rode for awhile, but their interest went the other way, dirt bikes, baseball. | |
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 I'm Cooler Offline
Posts: 6387
Location: Pacific Northwest | I got my first horse when I was 4 and I don't think I was ever "made" to do anything. I wasn't "expected" to help or anything like that, and I'm pretty sure I was in the way more than I was helpful. I remember being horse crazy and wanting to ride all the time but I only got to ride when my dad rode, so I would bet I only rode like once a week, if that.
I started completely taking care of all 4 of our horses when I was about 11, without being asked to. That was around when I started competing and again, I didn't have to be told to ride or take care of my horse or anything like that, I just did that on my own.
With kids that little I wouldn't expect them to do anything. If they haven't ridden in 2 weeks and want to go to a playday or something, I would let them. 5 and 6 is still a little, little kid to me, and I think at that age you walk a fine line of encouraging a passion and annoying them to the point that it's not fun and they end up not wanting to ride. Not all little kids want to ride, ride, ride but that doesn't mean they won't get more passionate as they get older, and on the other hand I know girls that I grew up riding with that just randomly decided they didn't want horses anymore and sold everything.
I think it's one thing when you have an older kid that wants to be competitive, obviously their horse needs to be in shape and they need to practice in order to go to a show. But I'm pretty sure if when I was 5 years old my parents told me I couldn't go somewhere because I "didn't ride enough" (which again, I wasn't allowed unless they took me...) I probably would have ended up hating it.
Edited by livexlovexrodeo 2014-08-20 10:36 PM
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| I don't have kids, but was a kid once.
Your kids are just kids, it sounds like you are forcing them to grow up waay to fast.
A 5 and 6 yr old do not have the decision making skills to decide whether or not they like something, they also don't have the brain to handle that responsibility.
My parents had horses I was on a horse before I could even walk. I have photos and memories of my family riding together. These are the memories I cherish.
I did not clean stalls, feed horses, or care for them till I could saddle my horse myself and it was all done with parental supervision as it should, horses are dangerous.
Children don't become spoiled because of having everything handed to them, they become spoiled because of lack of respect and family values.
I have cousins that have had everything given to them that they ever wanted great horses, race cars, quads etc. Those kids are the kindest, most polite, helpful kids and this is because of the family values.
I also have neighbours kids that had the best money can buy all the kids are awesome do not act like spoiled kids very respectful and grateful for what they have.
It sounds like you have resentment towards your kids as they have stuff you didn't at that age. | |
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 Not Afraid to Work
Posts: 4717
| Im not a parent but when I was growing up... I went with everywhere (rodeos, shows, feeding time). I truly loved horses and it was in my blood. I would sit and groom this older mare for hours and hours because I was too little to really be helpful with feeding. At age 3 I got a pony named "the bucket" aka rusty and I rode him all the time. Groomed him, practiced polo wraps which never stayed on and at 4 I got my first big horse. I rode all the time, begged to ride and loved just being around them.
I think your kids will tell you in time... some of the basic horse care doesnt feel like a chore when you truly love it. I'd clean the tackroom once a week when I was a kid but I hated cleaning my room lol.
Give it time, they'll tell you if they love it. If you have the ability get them an older horse, one you feel comfortable caring for forever if they choose not to be interested or if you already have one, kinda introduce them to the basic care. See if they choose to do it on their own. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Thats the thing with the little ones you cant made them like something that they dont really understand just yet. I never made my boys do anything like cleaning pens and feeding, the horses were my hobbie and I was not going to make my boys do something that they didnt like, and they grew up to be good men, not horsey like their mom, they took after their dad and love hotrods, so glad that they got away from the dirtbikes, I was a nervous mom when they rode their bikes.. | |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | My kids are 6 and 9 and help me feed horses, cats, and dogs in the evenings (they also help with house and yard work). My older child (boy) has had to clean stalls as punishment, but I don't make him do that regularly. I do make him help me unload feed and hay even though it would be easier to do by myself and he helped me scout cotton this summer for the first time. He rarely rides, just not his thing.
My daughter (just turned 6) does ride and got her first barrel horse for her birthday. She helps groom her, but is too little to saddle. I require riding one day during the week at home if she wants to go to a barrel race. When the weather is nice she wants to do more. She decided to take the week off this week because it's hotter than it's been all summer and she's worn out from it being the first week of school anyway. They made an awesome "run" last weekend, big improvement and she's a good little student, but she's 6. I don't want to push her, but I'm trying to show her that the more you put into it, the more you get out of it, so when she's ready to step it up she will understand what's required. Right now, I want her to play and have fun with it, and grow into herself at her own pace. I was probably 11ish when I got serious about my horses. Every kid is different. | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 495
Location: Washington | I have a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old, both girls. The older one eats, sleeps, breathes horses. The younger one likes them because it's a family affair. They are expected to help even though my 5 year old will go above and beyond. They've both been riding since they could sit up. The 5 yr old was loping at 2 1/2 years old our 3 year old can barely ride by herself.
I know they are too young to appreciate what they have. I wish I had the childhood my 5 yr old does. She starts school this fall and realized the other day it will cut into her riding time.
I wouldn't push them. Leave them wanting more. It will come or it wont. It was hard for me to realize that with my younger daughter. She's too young/immature yet. She sits with me and watches her older sister ride, which is almost everyday (her decision). She rides from the trailer to the riding area and back and might get led around a little but she's satisfied with that. She, too, like your would rather play with toy horses then the real thing. | |
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I Need a Xanax!
Posts: 2774
| Good thread. They are little though...IMO you should let them get a little older until you expect them to do actual work with and show commitment to the horses though. | |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I wanted to add I have friends whose first daughter was horse crazy from day 1. Second daughter was a few years younger and just tagged along, that was until she turned 12 and she did a complete 360, became just as horse crazy as her sister. Her parents never forced her to ride or be part of the daily horses chores, they let her find her love of horses on her own. Now that she has her own horses she is expected to take care of them.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-08-21 9:02 AM
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Expert
Posts: 1543
Location: MI | Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the thoughts and opinions. I certainly don't want to push my kids, and totally realize that horses may or may not be their passion, and also that it is way to early to tell. I'm very much ok with that...but, horses (animals in general really) are also expensive and a responsibility, and I do want the kids to learn that, step by step. I feel like they are too young for independent chores with horses (especially as my gelding does not respect the kids), which is why they get a clean eggs right now as their chore. But, looking at the future, I appreciate hearing what other families have implemented as their children grow.
Three for Luck - I currently have the same rule for my 6yo about riding at least once during the week if she wants to show on the weekend. I don't have a problem if they don't want to ride that week, but I do feel like just riding on the weekends isn't going to help her horsemanship, and I think that's important for the horse's sake. Question though, if she doesn't ride during the week, do you not go to the show either? Do you still go and she just hang out? I very much agree with you on showing them that what you put in you get out...that's a life lesson for sure, no matter what you are doing.
Lopin' Leopard - my oldest are similar. The oldest loves horses and enjoys riding and all the work associated with it (most of the time, lol), whereas the 5yo would just ride, lol.
Thanks y'all :) | |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Oh no, I still go whether she rides or not.  | |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7543
| My mom was the first person to have horses in our family. I was 3 and my sister was 1 when she got her first horse. We went to the barn with her, but we weren't expected to help, just behave. Lol. It wasn't until WE wanted to be involved when we were made to help. I think it will backfire on you if you MAKE them help. Horses are A LOT of work, and being made to help you enjoy your hobby could make them resentful. That's where a lot of people go wrong in trying to get their kids into ho4ses. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| Another person who doesn't have kids, but I used to be one 
I got my first horse (pony) when I was 5. My parents were NOT horse people. We had this pony purely for my sake, because I was horse crazy and I wanted one.
I was little, but it was expected that I would help do whatever I could physically do to take care of my pony. If I decided I didn't want to do it, the pony wasn't staying. I was big enough to get grain and hay ready, pick poop, and clean my tack. I couldn't carry water buckets or throw hay bales, but if I was able to do it, I did it.
Throughout middle and high school, the expectation continued. When I got my first paying job at 16 years old, all of the financial responsibility for my horses became mine. My parents didn't fork over one cent for my horses once I started getting a paycheck.
I'm 27 now and I still have horses. They are kept at my parents, because they have a lot of pasture and I don't at the house where I rent with my boyfriend. But I'm still the one taking care of them year-round.
I think its perfectly acceptable to expect children to take care of what is theirs or they do not value what they have. In your case OP, if your children decide that they don't like the work that comes along with horses, and don't want to take care of them (which means they truly aren't 'horse crazy' anyhow ;-)), they don't need to have them. Less work for you that way.
I will add that a friend of mine has a 9 year old daughter. My friend has two horses - hers, and a Quarter Pony for her daughter. My friend does not require her daughter to help out in any way, shape, or form. The kid has really no interest in horses, and asks to show maybe once a year, and even then she shows her mother's gelding and not her pony. If that were my kid, I'd be down to one horse - mine.
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | Your children are still really young. My 7 year old just started chores. I have specific chores for each child, I have 4 so I have lots of help kind of. They know what they are supposed to do daily and if they don't they get the cell phones and I-pads taken away for an hour for evey chore they skip! They do homework as soon as they get home no exception. Family and school comes first all the playstations and Ipads and cells phones come as a reward. Only one of my children likes horses and he loves to help with them naturally, the rest I don't make them do anything with the horses and I don't take them to shows unless they really want to go which is not often. Children will find what they like in life themselves, I just make sure I expose them to everything so they have lots of options. | |
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | My 7 year old claims she likes horses. She doesn't have one of her own yet, but we are looking into riding lessons for her. She does help me take care of mine. We have a donkey that is our herd guardian that is hers and she brushes and feeds him. She helps me with grain, getting hay, etc. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1543
Location: MI | See, I totally think that if my children (I have 4 as well) don't want the work associated with horses, then they don't need to have one available to them.
Honestly, I say that, but the only thing I 'make' them do is ride the thing once a week if they want to go to a show on the weekend. In our family, the farm is a 'family deal', and we all help each other out (age and ability considered), no matter what the animal or chore is.
But the reality is that they will grow up seeing the work that is put into it. I don't see there to be a way for it to 'backfire', because regardless of what they choose, they will have known what it takes to take care of a horse (or substitute horse with whatever).
ThreeForLuck, does she still go along?
TwistedK, I do love how you said that..."My 7yo claims..." :)
LOL...I totally realize that I sound like a mean Mama. I may be...but I do love my kiddos more than anything :)
Edited by Ridenrun4745 2014-08-21 1:57 PM
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