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| Well I haven't been on here for awhile because I started back to college so hello. I hate to vent but I feel lost and need moral support...I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. Listen, I know I'm young (almost 21) but I believe I'm pretty mature and I've been through a lot myself as well as we've been through a lot of things since we've been together (immediate family member passings and so many other things). Out of nowhere Sunday he texted me wanting a break...I was shocked. Even the day before and days leading to it he said he loved me and was working a lot for us. He said he wanted a break because he's stressed (just started working 7 10's) and wants to be single...he is going through a lot with some things but so am I and I feel like I have been there for him through so much that he should lean on me and come to me instead of pushing me away and treating me like a stranger. it just feels like someone punched me in the face. I thought I meant more to him than wanting to be single or anything. I thought I was a priority. He was a priority to me. I tried talking to him about it and he said I needed to stop making it hard on myself by talking to him and won't talk to me.. He deleted me off facebook (I deleted mine period anyways because I'm sick of social media except for BHW) and I texted him asking if he understood why I wanted to talk to him, that it had been a long time we were together and I would like to have some understanding and get some closure. By the way, I would talk on the phone over text any day but he's a texter and immature when he's mad and upset and would definitely not talk on the phone then. He then threatened to get a restraining order and block my phone number if I contact him...even though I wasn't blowing up his phone and just asked to talk so I could get some understanding. My heart feels broken...I feel like this is more permanent than a break and I just can't believe he's treating me like I'm a psycho. It makes me feel crazy with what he did and said he was going to do if I talked to him, and I haven't talked to him for 2 days. It kills me but I'm just gonna have to put my big girl pants on and leave him alone and let him talk to me if he wants to. I'm just so shocked and didn't see it coming at all. I've been making it and luckily I go to school full time, work two part time jobs, and volunteer so I stay busy but I feel like I'm in a fog and feel numb. I can't sleep and wake up so sick every morning (I'm not pregnant by the way). I just feel so low and just...I can't even explain it to be honest. I'm close to God and have been praying a lot, what else can I do to heal this pain to you others who have been through this or something similar? And no "You gotta lay under one to get over another" won't work with me. Lol. I'm not like that and get too attached. Time helps but I just feel completely lost and I want to be around people but don't. It's a weird feeling. Listen, I know I'm young and have my life ahead of me but I just want some advice and prayers for now. I don't wanna hear about the young thing cause you don't know me ya know. I just need some prayers please. I feel guilty to ask knowing others are going through illness and deaths, but I just need a few please. No snide comments, I'm not in the mood.. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
 
| I have no comforting words except to say I'll sure put you in my prayers.  |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
 
| He sounds very immature. I don't want to make you feel worse, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else, honestly.
He is treating you like dirt because he is feeling guilty about something. By treating you like a psycho, he is trying to pass the guilt to you.
Also, about the "getting under another man to get over the first" advice. DON'T let people talk you into that BS. I'm sure you're aware of the possible outcome. Take care of yourself and seek some help either from your pastor or a therapist. The things you are experiencing right now sound like more than the standard sadness after a break up.
I think you dodged a bullet. Not only that, but the trash just took itself out. That almost never happens!
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | No advice but many hugs for you  and prayers that you get over your broken heart soon |
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 Expert
Posts: 1440
Location: Texas | No real advice other than keep yourself busy to keep from having too much idle time. It sounds to me like he has had this planned and finally get enough guts to finally do it. One doesn't take such drastic actions if it is just a break. Cut your losses and go hug on a dog or a horse! |
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 pressure dripper
Posts: 8699
Location: the end of the rainbow | I'm very sorry you are going through this. A broken heart can be very hard on you both mentally and physically (I once lost 40 pounds in less than 6 weeks). Just do your best to take care of yourself. Go talk to a counselor. You are never going to get the answers you want from him. Talk it through with a professional, it will help. |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| I shudder to think what my life may have been like if I would have stayed with the guy I was with at 21. Girl, this is THE time of your life, enjoy YOU, do things YOU enjoy - you have your whole life to find a man! (Gawd, I sound old - but really it's TRUE)! Learn to love and enjoy YOURSELF!! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Been there. My first long term boyfriend dumped me out of the blue during my first year of college after being together 3 years. I had no real reason from him...just..."we are young and shouldn't tie ourselves down". Years later I came to know that what he was really saying was that he thought the grass would be greener and he wanted to "sow his oats". (Joke on him is that the pickings werent as easy as he had hoped) Well of course I was devastated. Felt worthless and confused. But...I got involved with school, work...and made new friends on campus. Next thing you know I'm happy and feeling better and more confident. It happens by degrees. Make good positive choices every day and do things for YOU and your future. The pain fades I promise.
Part of the hopeless feeling is that right now HE has control of your emotions. He doesn't deserve that kind of power. Cut him off. Don't try to contact him in any way. If he starts to regret this and contacts you...as hard as it would be...you need to ignore him. Take back control. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | Just Plain Lucky - 2014-09-17 10:19 PM He sounds very immature. I don't want to make you feel worse, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else, honestly.
He is treating you like dirt because he is feeling guilty about something. By treating you like a psycho, he is trying to pass the guilt to you.
Also, about the "getting under another man to get over the first" advice. DON'T let people talk you into that BS. I'm sure you're aware of the possible outcome. Take care of yourself and seek some help either from your pastor or a therapist. The things you are experiencing right now sound like more than the standard sadness after a break up.
I think you dodged a bullet. Not only that, but the trash just took itself out. That almost never happens!
Yep, he is pushing you away for a reason. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | Break ups are really hard. They just suck. Plain and simple. Nothing any of us say will make you feel better.
But I think you should know that all of us have been there. I am a firm believer that every person gets their heart broke at LEAST once. I think it helps us be more compassionate, empathetic, and grateful for when we do find the one we are supposed to be with.
My advice... As BADLY as you just want to talk to him. Don't.
Don't call him, don't text him, don't stop by to see him.
And I can almost guarantee you that as soon as you START to feel a little bit better, just start thinking maybe you CAN do this, he is going to contact you. "Baby I think we should talk." or... "Babe, you want to grab a bite to eat?" Something that seems completely harmless. My advice.... Don't.
I promise you won't feel better, even as much as you convince yourself that it will help. It will only prolong your getting over him. It will only make it harder in the long run.
Break ups really are like ripping off the band aid. They are going to hurt regardless, but the more time you spend pulling it off the longer they hurt. The quicker you do it, the sooner you get over it. |
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | been there done that, just in July. Although mine gave me his reasons and wants to work on things. It's now in my court I guess what I want to do. I don't think I can ever make myself busy enough to get it off my mind…and I'm taking 20 hours in vet school. |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | Griz - 2014-09-19 4:33 AM I shudder to think what my life may have been like if I would have stayed with the guy I was with at 21. Girl, this is THE time of your life, enjoy YOU, do things YOU enjoy - you have your whole life to find a man! (Gawd, I sound old - but really it's TRUE)! Learn to love and enjoy YOURSELF!!
im with griz on this one...............
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| Just Plain Lucky - 2014-09-17 10:19 PM
He sounds very immature. I don't want to make you feel worse, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else, honestly.
He is treating you like dirt because he is feeling guilty about something. By treating you like a psycho, he is trying to pass the guilt to you.
Also, about the "getting under another man to get over the first" advice. DON'T let people talk you into that BS. I'm sure you're aware of the possible outcome. Take care of yourself and seek some help either from your pastor or a therapist. The things you are experiencing right now sound like more than the standard sadness after a break up.
I think you dodged a bullet. Not only that, but the trash just took itself out. That almost never happens!
^This.
I've been in your shoes before (I'm 28 now). Feels like your heart was ripped out and you want to do anything you can to fix it.
I don't want to put more panic into your already anxiety-filled state, but guys don't end things for no apparent reason. I agree with Just Plain Lucky that something is going on, whether it be that he's planning to go have fun with someone else, or he already is.
And honestly, either way, you're better than that. If he can't be up front and discuss the relationship in a mature manner, let him go. If he can't have the cahones to just say why he's leaving (there is a reason, for him to say "no reason, I just need space" is bogus) then let him go and don't take him back. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| BamaCanChaser - 2014-09-18 9:22 AM
Break ups are really hard. They just suck. Plain and simple. Nothing any of us say will make you feel better.
But I think you should know that all of us have been there. I am a firm believer that every person gets their heart broke at LEAST once. I think it helps us be more compassionate, empathetic, and grateful for when we do find the one we are supposed to be with.
My advice... As BADLY as you just want to talk to him. Don't.
Don't call him, don't text him, don't stop by to see him.
And I can almost guarantee you that as soon as you START to feel a little bit better, just start thinking maybe you CAN do this, he is going to contact you. "Baby I think we should talk." or... "Babe, you want to grab a bite to eat?" Something that seems completely harmless. My advice.... Don't.
I promise you won't feel better, even as much as you convince yourself that it will help. It will only prolong your getting over him. It will only make it harder in the long run.
Break ups really are like ripping off the band aid. They are going to hurt regardless, but the more time you spend pulling it off the longer they hurt. The quicker you do it, the sooner you get over it.
Great advice! I agree completely!
This is what I did....
In my phone address book, under my ex's name, I put a close girlfriend's phone number. That way, when I texted him or called him, it didn't really go to him, it went to a girlfriend who could talk me back off the ledge. Worked like a charm! |
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| Griz - 2014-09-18 5:33 AM
I shudder to think what my life may have been like if I would have stayed with the guy I was with at 21. Girl, this is THE time of your life, enjoy YOU, do things YOU enjoy - you have your whole life to find a man! (Gawd, I sound old - but really it's TRUE)! Learn to love and enjoy YOURSELF!!
Griz has a point - do things that you enjoy. Put yourself back together slowly and allow yourself to grieve over the loss. Then go ENJOY the heck out of your life!!!!
Maybe talk with your pastor or someone you trust at church? Allowing yourself to vent to someone who knows you and your morals can be very uplifting and empowering.
prayers and hugs that you continue to heal!! |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | I have been in your situation, but on the other side. I was the one who broke up with someone "out of the blue" after being together for about 5 years. We started dating at 18, I thought I had found The One, we got engaged, and then as things got more serious (having to actually plan a wedding, looking at houses), I realized he wasn't the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Ending our relationship was a decision I did not take lightly, and he didn't see it coming, but let me tell you, it wasn't "out of the blue". I KNOW I gave him signs things weren't right and he knew it, but didn't want to admit it. So there are signs, but people either choose to ignore them, or don't realize it's actually a sign. People don't break up with someone they've been in a long-term relationship with for NO reason. There IS a reason, you just don't know what it is and he's too chicken sh!t to tell you what it is.
The fact that he is cutting all contact with you and refuses to talk to you shows how guilty he's feeling and he's not man enough to explain himself. He's hoping you'll just go away so he doesn't have to deal with what he did.
So whether he's seeing someone else or just had a change of heart, just let him go. I know it's hard, but if you take him back, chances are he'll do it again. If he's willing to let you go to "sow his oats" or whatever he's doing, he doesn't deserve you. |
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  Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | Griz - 2014-09-18 5:33 AM I shudder to think what my life may have been like if I would have stayed with the guy I was with at 21. Girl, this is THE time of your life, enjoy YOU, do things YOU enjoy - you have your whole life to find a man! (Gawd, I sound old - but really it's TRUE)! Learn to love and enjoy YOURSELF!!
Couldn't have said it better...I think the guy sounds very immature and I imagine she will look back and be grateful for this day....
BTW, my guess is he met another woman and is too chicken to face you with the truth...so sorry you are going through this, but in my opinion, you deserve better.... |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | It's either another girl, drugs, or another issue you don't want to deal with. As much as it hurts, count your blessings that he did this now and not when you were married with kids.
He's not mature. A man handles issues, he doesn't avoid them. And this one threatens a restraining order since you won't allow him to be a coward. That speaks volumes.
List him in you phone as @$$hole or something else. Do NOT contact him. Give him enough space and you'll hear from him again. Be prepared for that. You never know when it will happen, but he will show up again at some point just like a bad penny. I hope for your sake, you are strong enough to tell him where to stick what he has to say.
Good luck. Cry for a day and move on. He's not worth your tears. Fake it till you make it. Spend time with horses, family, and friends. Stay so busy that you don't have time to think about him. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | I wouldn't change his name in my phone at all...I would just block him completely that way he can't mess with my mind and make me go through the hurt again, but that is what I would do. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | Been there! Dated a guy for a while in high school. He was a year ahead of me so he graduated and left town while we were still together. Broke my heart the day he came home and told me we were breaking up. I didn't get off the couch for a week. Then I learned that it was funner being single and I could do what I wanted. (I came to find out he was cheating)
Went off to college and met new friends and the person who is my best friend and husband. Couldn't see my lift any different and when I look back it was the best thing. Hugs to you, it will all be better in the end. |
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