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 Party Girl
Posts: 12293
   
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | I will be meeting my soon to be step-daughter (I don't like that word) for the first time in about 3 weeks. Her dad and I have been together for over 5 years and it will be the first time in those 5 years he has seen her as well. Nothing to do with me.
Long story short, she is now 18 and has realized not everything that went wrong was her dads fault and has reached out to him to put things behind them. We will be meeting her and her boyfriend. She reached out to her grandma (SO's mom) a couple of weeks ago to see if she could spend Christmas with them (every other year his whole family gets together for Christmas and this just happens to be the year). SO wanted to meet with her before Christmas to get all the akwardness out of the way.
I am so dang excited this is finally happening and have told him for 5 years that one day she will want her dad back in her life. Just happens to be now.
Now I don't know what to do when I meet her. Do I hug her, shake her hand, tell her nice to meet you.... I have really no clue. Any advice would be great!
Edited by UTAHCANCHASER 2014-10-13 10:25 AM
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | tell her you have waited for this day for a very long time and then give her a big ole hug. |
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 Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| I agree with Lulu! Keep us posted! |
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Good Ole Boys just Fine with Me
Posts: 2869
Location: SE Missouri | THAT IS AWESOME!!!
A big sincere hug and tell her how glad you are to meet her! Just roll right with it and it will make it less weird for her. Or start with a hand shake and when they leave hug them. (screw the handshake, give that girl a hug) THat's how it's supposed to be, lol.. I'm from a little farther south, so everyone gets hugs when you are meeting the family, lol... (kids, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, inlaws, it doesn't matter that's just the deal, lol)
Edited by abrooks 2014-09-25 4:34 PM
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 Go Your Own Way
Posts: 4947
Location: SE KS | give her a hug and tell her you are so excited this day has come... it will make her feel very welcomed and you will
be great in her eyes... be honest. |
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Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | abrooks - 2014-09-25 3:32 PM THAT IS AWESOME!!!
A big sincere hug and tell her how glad you are to meet her! Just roll right with it and it will make it less weird for her. Or start with a hand shake and when they leave hug them. (screw the handshake, give that girl a hug) THat's how it's supposed to be, lol.. I'm from a little farther south, so everyone gets hugs when you are meeting the family, lol... (kids, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, inlaws, it doesn't matter that's just the deal, lol)
The SO is from Texas and all his family are huggers. |
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Good Ole Boys just Fine with Me
Posts: 2869
Location: SE Missouri | UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-09-25 4:35 PM abrooks - 2014-09-25 3:32 PM THAT IS AWESOME!!!
A big sincere hug and tell her how glad you are to meet her! Just roll right with it and it will make it less weird for her. Or start with a hand shake and when they leave hug them. (screw the handshake, give that girl a hug) THat's how it's supposed to be, lol.. I'm from a little farther south, so everyone gets hugs when you are meeting the family, lol... (kids, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, inlaws, it doesn't matter that's just the deal, lol)
Well there ya go!!!! Gotta go with a hug then, lol..
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Everyone loves hugs!!  |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Be your warm and friendly self! Be prepared to have her set back slightly from you and not engage with you, it will be hard for her to know that her Dad has spent all this time away from her, but tons of time and shared memories with another female. That's just human feelings, and nothing personal against you. I have a 19 year old stepdaughter, and she's growing less suspicious of me all the time, but it's taken a couple years. Just remember to always be yourself, never stop smiling, and never act as though you disapprove of anything she does. You'll do great!! |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | luluwhit - 2014-09-25 4:25 PM tell her you have waited for this day for a very long time and then give her a big ole hug.
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | luluwhit - 2014-09-25 4:25 PM tell her you have waited for this day for a very long time and then give her a big ole hug.
Yes, definitely this. |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | luluwhit - 2014-09-25 4:25 PM tell her you have waited for this day for a very long time and then give her a big ole hug.
^^^THIS |
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Veteran
Posts: 186
Location: Good ole SE Mo | No additional advice than what's already been given but I do want to say that you have given me hope that one day by husband's kids will reach out to him and want to get to know him. Long stupid story but end result was we don't get to see them or have anything to do with them. Congrats to you and him! |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | I am going to jump in on the other side. I would suggest that you take your "cue" from HER body language....Some people are just NOT huggers and dislike being touched. I would give her a big ol' smile and tell her how very happy you are to meet her and ask "Can I give you a hug?" Good Luck! |
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 The Purple Princess
Posts: 2226
Location: Charlestown, IN | I agree with getting a feel for her body language before you go all out hugging her. I am personally not a hugger. I actually went thru the same situation a few years ago. Good luck, hope it turns out well for everyone. |
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 BHW's Lance Armstrong 
Posts: 11134
Location: Somewhere between S@%&# stirrer and Saint | UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-09-25 4:19 PM I will be meeting my soon to be step-daughter (I don't like that word) for the first time in about 3 weeks. Her dad and I have been together for over 5 years and it will be the first time in those 5 years he has seen her as well. Nothing to do with me.
Long story short, she is now 18 and has realized not everything that went wrong was her dads fault and has reached out to him to put things behind them. We will be meeting her and her boyfriend. She reached out to her grandma (SO's mom) a couple of weeks ago to see if she could spend Christmas with them (every other year his whole family gets together for Christmas and this just happens to be the year). SO wanted to meet with her before Christmas to get all the akwardness out of the way.
I am so dang excited this is finally happening and have told him for 5 years that one day she will want her dad back in her life. Just happens to be now.
Now I don't know what to do when I meet her. Do I hug her, shake her hand, tell her nice to meet you.... I have really no clue. Any advice would be great!
Girls do this type of thing. Been there done that! It is called patching things up with daddy so he will pay for my wedding! |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I agree with NJJ dont be so fast to start hugging her, she has not seen her dad in 5 years, give her time to get that feeling of love going, I would watch how she reacts to her dad, after she had some time to dad, and if you feel like it you need to ask her for a hug. When you meet her just give a big smile and shake her hand. Unless she hugs you first and if this happen's then I say hug away. 
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2014-09-26 10:34 AM
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | I'm glad some people have made the suggestion not to immediately jump in and give a hug. I'm NOT a hugger with people I don't know, barely a hand shaker. It doesn't mean I'm not friendly and won't talk your ear off. But I only tend to hug family and close friends and usually at birthdays and Christmas. I'm really stiff in a hug with a person I'm not familiar with, just isn't easy for me. Always been that way. |
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| I've been in the situation of your soon to be step daughter...
I'd say to go off her body language... i dont like being touched by others and in this situation i agree she will be jealous of you more than likely and you dont want to push yourself on her.. just be yourself.
I didn't have anything to do with my dad for about 7 years too until i finally got moved out of my mothers house then started reconnecting. Now we vacation together and if i dont see him for a few days i begin to miss him :) It is so sad to think i missed 7 years of this! But divorce is tough on everyone. so to everyone out there in similar instances just give the kidos time! you have no idea what they were told and what the situations all were. |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | I personally don't liked to be hugged, unless I really, really, like you. So, my suggestion is what NJJ said.
And, another suggestion - no matter what she says about lost time, no contact, her mother - DO NOT say a word. Use the hmm sound if you have to. Later as the relationship develops - words like - I wish things were different, your mother and father could not communicate very well, both parties had things to work on. Even if the mother was a total BA and you have written and verbal proof, don't mention it.
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