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 Expert
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Location: Never in one place long | So next month I turn 30 and I still have no desire to have kids! Everyone always told me "oh you'll change your mind" "when you get older you'll want kids" etc etc.... but I still really do not! I have no desire to be pregnant, give birth or spend my time raising one or spend $1,000's on a child! When we got married, we both said we really didn't want children but now my husband has said he does and I don't! I have always said if I DID decide I wanted kids, I'd like to adopt an older child but he wants no part of that so we're at a standstill. I'm really not a baby person and don't think I'd enjoy it and knowing my husbands job, he'd not have a lot of time to spend with a child so I'd be doing most of the work. I know everyone says "when it's your own kid it's different" or "you need to have someone to take care of you when you're old" but I don't think it's a responsible decision to just have a kid in hopes that you'll like it or for "someone to take care of you" which just because you have a child is NO gaurentee that they will and the decision is irreversible obviously!! I'd be fine today getting my tubes tied and not looking back but my husband says no as he thinks I'll change my mind! Maybe in time I will change my mind but I'm 30 and don't want to be a super old parent and still don't want to so I'm thinking no! Anyone else feel this way? How do you know? I don't want regrets but really am thinking I'll never change my mind about this! It's not that I don't like kids, I am very involved with them in several ways but after a few hrs, I'm exhausted and ready to give them back to their parents! Any thoughts!? |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | i knew i never wanted any..i honestly dont like them..nasty little creatures.....but some are cute when they are sleeping....
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
 
Location: Kansas | I always told myself I never wanted kids.....but now that I have my daughter, I couldn't imagine my life without her. Best feeling in the world when sometime you made looks you in the eye, smiles, and calls you mommy. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | I always knew I wanted them even though I don't care for babies much. Now having my daughter and expecting my second I still have the same feelings. My own baby was one thing, but I still don't care much for other babies. I struggled with my neice until she was about 6 months old because I am just not a baby person. My daughter is 2 1/2 and she is such a blessing. |
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 The Comeback Kid
Posts: 1564
Location: lost in missouri | I have never wanted kids, still dont. I have been told all the things you have been told. Luckily my husband doesnt want any either and at 37 and 44 we still havent changed our minds after 18 years together. Much to my sister and mothers dislike. If the mother thing has passed u by then it has passed u by. not all of us are made out to be mothers and i think it takes a special woman to stand up to peer pressure to say nope it isnt for me. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | I too have been told all the things you have about having kids!!! I'm 41 & no human kids, horses are my kids!!! You know you, don't let anyone sway you!! (they aren't the one(s) that will be taking care of the child. |
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 Texas Tenderheart
Posts: 6715
Location: Red Raiderland | redracinmo - 2014-10-17 1:04 PM I have never wanted kids, still dont. I have been told all the things you have been told. Luckily my husband doesnt want any either and at 37 and 44 we still havent changed our minds after 18 years together. Much to my sister and mothers dislike. If the mother thing has passed u by then it has passed u by. not all of us are made out to be mothers and i think it takes a special woman to stand up to peer pressure to say nope it isnt for me.
This is a very accurate statement. I am not a baby person at all but put a puppy or a kitten or really any baby animal in front of me and I become mush. I am 47 and my DH is 49 and we have been married over 20 years and did not want any kids. I can say that my dad gave us the worst time out of all the people close to us. Oh well, that decision was between me and my hubby. I thoroughly enjoy my life and do not feel I missed out on anything. I have two teenaged nieces on my side of the family and one 21 yr old niece on my hubby's side and we like spoiling them but then sending them back home when they get to be pains.
My dogs are my babies and I truly like it that way.
To the OP the only person you have to make a decision with is your husband. Do not worry about what others think or say. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| DLV you and I could have nice sit down talk about this very thing. I turn 30 (sigggghhh...) in Dec. and I have never had a single desire of any sort to have a kid. My husband feels the same, so we differ there, but as for me and you - I get it.
I sometimes catch myself thinking about if I am going to regret it? I don't know. All i do know is time keeps ticking by and still I don't want it. I always tell people that ask (who I think can handle the truth) that I don't want any but In the back of my mind I've always thought I have plenty of time to change my mind if I wanted to. That isn't always going to be the case and then THAT freaks me out.
Right now it's I don't want them...soon it would be I can't because I'm past the right age...time will decide for me and that is scary. |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | lhighquality - 2014-10-17 1:08 PM
I too have been told all the things you have about having kids!!! I'm 41 & no human kids, horses are my kids!!! You know you, don't let anyone sway you!! (they aren't the one(s) that will be taking care of the child.
Very true, everyone who has kids says oh "wait till you have kids" like it MUST happen. I don't think so and I'm like you, I have 4 dogs, a few horses and lots of barn cats. I'm pretty content and plan to have a lifestyle where we move every few years and go on long trips. My lifestyle just doesn't fit in with having kids at all and I don't really see a future with them. Glad to know I'm not the only one!
Only problem... my husband DOES want a kid but I do not! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 972
Location: Texas! | I'm the same way, the older I get the more certain I am I don't want them. I think my boyfriend would have them if I wanted but he's also ok with not (so he says). I have too many goals for myself to drop everything and put a kid infront of all of that. Call me selfish all you want I guess! |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | star1218 - 2014-10-17 1:27 PM
DLV you and I could have nice sit down talk about this very thing.  I turn 30 (sigggghhh...) in Dec. and I have never had a single desire of any sort to have a kid. My husband feels the same, so we differ there, but as for me and you - I get it.  Â
I sometimes catch myself thinking about if I am going to regret it? I don't know. All i do know is time keeps ticking by and still I don't want it.  I always tell people that ask (who I think can handle the truth) that I don't want any but In the back of my mind I've always thought I have plenty of time to change my mind if I wanted to. That isn't always going to be the case and then THAT freaks me out.
Right now it's I don't want them...soon it would be I can't because I'm past the right age...time will decide for me and that is scary.
Wow! you are so right! I think it's the thought that at some point you can't MAKE the decision. You hit the nail on the head! We could very much so have a good conversation! I do have a few friends my age without kids so that is nice for support! :) |
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 Jr. Detective
Location: Beggs, OK | Jazz's Girl - 2014-10-17 12:56 PM The mothering a human gene passed me by. Now kittens, puppies, or horses. I LOVE. Little humans are disgusting. And yes Ive been told I'd change my mind. Almost 27 and it aint happened. Luckily or unluckily, my husband has 3 monsters and has been snipped so NO BABIES FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do not care for kids and after dealing with his 3 I like them even less. And Ive been told everything you have. I reply with I have 4 legged kids. And will have many more of those. No advice but heres a (((((((((hug)))))))))))))
But, why would you marry a man that has three children? I feel fairly certain that my ex-husband's girlfriend feels the same way about my daughter....and it makes me sick. My daughter is a beautiful child and one of the sweetest human beings you will ever meet...you can ask anyone who has ever met her, except this woman who lives with her father.
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Jazz's Girl - 2014-10-17 12:56 PM The mothering a human gene passed me by. Now kittens, puppies, or horses. I LOVE. Little humans are disgusting. And yes Ive been told I'd change my mind. Almost 27 and it aint happened. Luckily or unluckily, my husband has 3 monsters and has been snipped so NO BABIES FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do not care for kids and after dealing with his 3 I like them even less. And Ive been told everything you have. I reply with I have 4 legged kids. And will have many more of those. No advice but heres a (((((((((hug)))))))))))))
You were a disgusting little human once........... |
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 The Purple Princess
Posts: 2226
Location: Charlestown, IN | I have always said I didn't want any kids. Heard all the same things you did, blah blah blah. Loved kids, always had them around, but did NOT do babies.. Then, I got pregnant... Everyone knew I was so adamant about not having kids that several, including my own mother, didn't believe me when I told them I was pregnant... I cried every single day for the first 3 months because I did not want to be pregnant or have kids... Then I had my first ultrasound and everything changed. When you see that little something growing inside of you, it is simply amazing. No words can really pin point how that moment changed my mind. From that point on, I could not wait to have my baby. I had a pretty simple pregnancy and stayed extremely active the entire time. I was up bouncing around after a few hours of giving birth. Felt great. My little girl is beyond the best thing to ever happen to me. She is my life. I didn't know what I was missing out on by not having a child. I didn't know true love until I laid eyes on Stella. I agree that kids aren't for everyone but if you're considering it, your mother instinct will kick in during the baby stage. I wasn't worried about how I would be but it's more than obvious that a few friends/family were. HA I hear constantly how great of a mother I am and how they couldn't believe I'd have kids or be that kind of mother, blah blah blah. I am always like you saw/see how I take care of my animals, which is better than most people live so what would make you think I'd treat a human any different?!?! And one other thing I love more than anything is the barn/horse time my daughter and I spend together. I think she has a passion for it more than I do/did at her age. She is only 4 and tells everyone she's going to be a veteranian. |
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  Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | I just have always known that kids were not for me... Am not very comfortable around them, just plain don't like most of them. When my brother's son and daughter where born I thought long and hard. And decided that it just is not my thing. Of course with them it is a bit different, they are family. And I love them very much.
My horses and dogs are my kids. And at 43 I still don't regret anything.... My hubby had his 2, they had a falling out and we hardly hear from them. And luckily for me he feels the same way now. He had his, and he is done.... snip snip.... so no accidents!
And of course people told me I was going to change my mind, or I was selfish.... well you know what... I am selfish! I want to be able to do what I want, spend what I want, and when I want.... And with kids that would not be possible.
Hopefully you and hubby can get to an agreement ont his, but don't feel guilty for not wanting kids. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| When I got pregnant. LMAO!!!
I didn't want kids. I wanted horses and time to barrel race. Then I got pregnant and had my first son - when they laid him in my arms there in the delivery room I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. I was even a little sad to know I'd never hold him as close as I did when I was pregnant.
I wasn't a baby person. Now I have four. HAHAHAHAAAA!!!
ETA: I still don't like other peoples kids.
Edited by HorseMommyFiveO 2014-10-17 1:46 PM
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | It seems everytime they do research on this subject the results are that the happiest couples are childless and I have found that to be true with every couple I know that doesn't have kids.
Personally...There is no way I would want to raise or bring a baby up in our New America. |
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 Vodka for Lunch
Location: Lala Land | 33, no kids, no desire for kids. Luckily my husband is on the same page. We love our nieces & nephews, but after a visit we go have cocktails and call it a "no kid party". I think we're making the right decision! lol I love my animals like they're my babies, but just never had the desire to have any. |
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Vodka for Lunch
Location: Lala Land | Nevertooold - 2014-10-17 1:48 PM It seems everytime they do research on this subject the results are that the happiest couples are childless and I have found that to be true with every couple I know that doesn't have kids.
Personally...There is no way I would want to raise or bring a baby up in our New America.
Love this!! Me either!! It's so scary these days. |
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Jr. Detective
Location: Beggs, OK | Nevertooold - 2014-10-17 1:48 PM It seems everytime they do research on this subject the results are that the happiest couples are childless and I have found that to be true with every couple I know that doesn't have kids.
Personally...There is no way I would want to raise or bring a baby up in our New America. Now...you know how happy I am! ...and I have four of them now, lol. I have a fantastic partner though. That man is head and shoulders above any other I've ever met for helping out with our every day life from cooking, cleaning, and taking care of children. It's a matter of what your relationship is based on, what your goals are, and what your support system consists of. That will be a huge deciding factor in whether you can be a happy productive couple/family with children....should you decide that you want them.
I 100% agree with not having children if you don't want them. I can refer you to several great books to read about the damage that can be done by being raised by an emotionally unavailable mother.
And to address the current state of the world....I hope to raise children that are sympathetic to the needs of others, confident in their own abilities, and can make a difference in the world around them..no matter how small. It is terrifying to raise children knowing that there are any number of dangers out there to take them away from you...but, I can't imagine my life without them.
Edited by rachellyn80 2014-10-17 1:57 PM
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