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boon
Posts: 2
Location: South texas | Cant remember the login to my old account but i was so desperate to know opinions that I made a new one! ok ok so my husband & I have been married for 5 years and we really had never talked about children until I got pregnant with my only daughter who is now 2! I grew up as an only child and was incredibly happy as I am extremely introverted. My husband has been hinting often lately that he would love another child (or more) because its not fair to my daughter to be an only child if we have the choice to give her siblings. I however am honestly not a huge fan of the idea of more children because I enjoyed growing up as an only child so much. I know some people get really touchy on this subject about "selfishness" but i would still love to hear yalls opinions!! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1357
 
Location: Mississippi | I was an only child, and my daughter is an only child. I have never missed having siblings - never knew the difference. Honestly, I'm not sure how people afford more than one these days. My daughter seems well adjusted - she just passed the bar exam and has a great job as an attorney. I don't think it affected her to be an only child either. |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
 
Location: Displaced Iowegian | I know both.....those who loved being an only child and those who are not very well adjusted because they WERE the only child........That being said, this is an "in-depth" discussion that you NEED to have with your husband. If he really wants more children, he could grow to resent you for making the decision to not have any more........
Edited by NJJ 2014-12-28 6:52 PM
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boon
Posts: 2
Location: South texas | @NJJ my husband is a really laid back guy and I know it wouldnt phase him either way. I think he is just coming from a place of wanting to make sure our daughter is happy. We are both not the "i want a huge family" kind of people. I think he is just worried for her. |
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 Heeler Hoarder
Posts: 2067
| I have a brother and I know as we get older I couldn't imagine being a only child. But if your child is close with cousins etc. that might make a difference ? I think personally I would want my child to have a sibling if given the option. I would sit down and discuss it with your husband, it's really a personal decision. |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | I never wanted kids much of my adult life. Then I married and we planned for the first. Three weeks out from having her I "knew" I was to have another. I didn't want her walking this earth alone after we're gone - but past that I had an overwhelming feeling she was to have a sibling so we had another. He blessed us with a boy. One of each, they love each other immensely, and compliment each other perfectly.
You need to be making this decision with your husband - my decision to have another stemmed from something else telling me she was not to be alone in this world, hard to explain, as it didn't come from me having planned it ahead of time. My sister and I never get along and we were close in age, and my husband and his brother didn't get along and they are 5 years apart. I heard another voice when the thought crossed my mind and it was about her, I went with those feelings, I'm glad I did.
You'll get a different opinion from everyone anyway. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | laurenR85 - 2014-12-28 6:47 PM @NJJ my husband is a really laid back guy and I know it wouldnt phase him either way. I think he is just coming from a place of wanting to make sure our daughter is happy. We are both not the "i want a huge family" kind of people. I think he is just worried for her.
Your child is only two......you have several years to consider whether or not to add to your family....Good Luck! |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | I think it's very personal but my sister and I are BFF's and with all the moving my family did and my shy, introverted nature, I would have had NO friends in many situations if I didn't have her. We only wish we were closer in age (5 yrs apart).
Edited by cavyrunsbarrels 2014-12-28 6:52 PM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 678
Location: Canada | My son is four and he will be an only child. I work from my home office but he goes to daycare so he gets to socialize with other kids his age. He loves it.
There are 10 years between my sister and I so we both grew up basically as only children. I really think it depends on how you raise your child to how they act. As long as you insist on manners, values, and hard work whether you have one or one hundred they'll be just fine :) |
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 No Tune in a Bucket
Posts: 2935
Location: Texas | I have a sister that is 8 years older than me. We worked together for years with me as her supervisor. We still have a close relationship and do lots of things together. I have another sister who is 14 months older an me. If something good happens, she is my first call. If something bad happens, she is my first call. We really didn't have 'best friends' in high school because we did everything together and didn't need one. I would never have kids 14 months apart, but it worked for us. My older sons are 5 years apart and I think that is a little too far much.
Edited by RocketPilot 2014-12-28 10:07 PM
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 Veteran
Posts: 149
Location: Mississippi | A siing would be a good thing. I was an only child and sometimes missed not haveing a someone to play with. Untile we got neighbors with kids. It's 50/50 |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1118
Location: The South | Well I'm an only child and I'm fabulous 
Sorry I'll try to be serious. My roommate in college said she couldn't tell that I was an only child so hopefully that means I'm not a spoiled selfish brat LOL.
My husband has one sister that's 5 years older so I'll give you my perspective on the differences.
His parents did more for her financially when she was in school. She graduated with less $$ in student loans and didn't work all through school like my husband did. Then she got pregnant from a one-night stand and now they are spending a buttload of $$ putting the kid in a decent school, etc.
My husband doesn't really talk about it, but I can tell that deep down it hurts his feelings that they've helped her out more.
I guess my point is this-I don't see how parents can keep everything "equal" when they have more than one kid; it seems like someone might always feel like they're getting the short end of the stick.
Who knows though. You'll get tons of opinions I'm sure, but what really matters is what your gut tells you is right for your family.
We've decided not to have children and believe me, everyone has an opinion on that too!  Good luck! |
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 Super Woman
Posts: 1368
| I am a only child and my son who is 17 is a only child and grandchild. He is well adjusted with goals he is accomplishing that most 30 yr olds don't have. My son hated the thought of even adopting a sibling. He has been for being the only child since he could talk. Lol! However, the older I get the more I wish I had a sibling. It is very hard dealing with older parents being sick ect. when you are a only child. I wish the best for you its a hard decision. |
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 Mature beyond Years
Posts: 10780
Location: North of the 49th Parallel | I'm an only child and somedays I do wish I had a sibling. I do have a cousin, that as we have grown up (now early 20s) has become my "brother". When/if I have kids, I want more than one. |
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 Texas Taco
Posts: 7499
Location: Bandera, TX | I'm a 42 year old only child. I wish I would have a sibling, especially now with my parents getting older.
My parents spoiled me growing up and still do, however I wish I could have shared the love as well as expectations with someone else. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | barn goddess - 2014-12-28 9:10 PM
I am a only child and my son who is 17 is a only child and grandchild. He is well adjusted with goals he is accomplishing that most 30 yr olds don't have. My son hated the thought of even adopting a sibling. He has been for being the only child since he could talk. Lol! However, the older I get the more I wish I had a sibling. It is very hard dealing with older parents being sick ect. when you are a only child. I wish the best for you its a hard decision.
It would be worse if you had siblings who didn't agree with you and weren't willing to share the work load equally of caring for elders daily. |
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Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | I believe if you grow up in a dysfunctional environment, as an only child or with siblings, you will likewise have negative experiences. It has nothing to do with simply having siblings or not.
Discuss it with your husband and do what is right for your situation. Just don't tell the child her whole life that you wish you'd had other kids and she likely won't see it that way. Be happy with your choices and voice that. |
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 Ace Ventura Pet Detective
Posts: 2411
Location: Wisconsin | I have often asked my son this same question. Does he miss having siblings? He is 28 and very successful..and his answer is always the same. "Mom, my success is because of you and Dad...and then always adds, "and How could you have afford two of me"! Just to add..this is a personal choice for some and not for others, so this is for you to decide..
Edited by nettieb3 2014-12-28 11:41 PM
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Expert
Posts: 1477
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | I'm a only child and love it! But I won't lie I'm about the biggest spoiled brat you will find. I'm not proud of it but that's just the way I am. I never missed having anyone to play with because I was never a sharer. What's mine is mine and you don't touch it. I'm 22 and don't plan on having kids but if I do I just want one. I think if you have just one you can do more with him/her and give more. There's no way I could have everything I have now if I wasn't a only child. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| It is a very personal decision and what ever you decide will be the right one. My kids (2) didn't get along when they were younger. They were almost 4 years apart, girl and a boy. But now you mess with one you've messed with them both. They love each other and love hanging out with other now. I never let them be ugly to each other and I encouraged their individuality. I have a brother and a sister and there have been times as adults we have not gotten along, but we do now and I love them so much. Even when we didn't get along, we stuck up gor each other because that's what family is supposed to do. We never lived close to our cousins and other family so maybe that explains our experience. Like others have said, only you and your husband know what is right for your family. |
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