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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
 
| Was told by a friend and my 15 yr old that my wife is filing for divorce in February, my daughter wanted to know if I had money put up for an attorney. Said she was worried about me. I just told her not to worry about me I would be just fine. It's going to be hard on her for sure. Any thoughts on what I should do to make this easier on her ? |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
  
Location: Kansas | all I can say is hugs  |
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 Do You Feel Lucky Punk?
Posts: 3156
Location: NM...the Land of Manana | The only advice I have is to keep it civil and don't talk bad about the wife in front of your daughter. Sorry you have to go through this. |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | WOW! Not a way I would want to know my spouse is filing for divorce. Hugs to you and prayers. |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | No matter what do not ever, ever say anything bad about her mother. You can think it, you can know the facts are true, but there is no reason to drag her into it. Just keep repeating to her -just like a parrot- if you have to - that you wish things were different. Different means many things. Let her draw her own conclusion. Don't add to it. She will figure it out on her own later in life. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I am cival. I will never talk bad about her mother, I wouldn't want anyone talking bad about my mother, she said she wasn't going to live with her. Wants to live with me we rodeo together her mother never comes to her barrel races. And always complains about her horses. She is graduating early and going to college in 2 yrs |
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Veteran
Posts: 100
| I am divorced and happily remarried, I had a child involved in my divorce, she was 8 at the time. My advice to you is DO NOT involve your daughter in any of the legal or emotional aspect of this. This is between you and your soon to be ex wife. So many times a side will try and rally the child to side with them on issues and it's just not fair to the child. Protect yourself, don't believe 99% of what is told to you by the other person, their attorney is usually telling them to play nice for alterior motives. Get a great attorney, they are worth the money if you have assets to lose. Save ALL communication with the other party. Most important keep your hurt out of your decision making, this is now business making decision time and follow your attorney's instructions to the LETTER! Just my advice from my personal experience and several close friends experiences. Good luck and remember this too shall pass. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1162
Location: White Mountains of AZ | I have a friend who is going threw divorce, his kids are younger though. But don't drag her into it, keep it civil as best you can, it will all work out. She will understand in the future and appreciate you not trash talking or undermining her mom. Hugs and prayers to ya!! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| This is exactly what I'm going to do. She is very mature for her age. She will see in her own time |
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  Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4557
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | Your lawyer will put you under hypnosis making your life a burning he)(.be very cordial In giving. Let your wife have half of everything and move on or give your wife everything and move on.in the end you have nothing anyway on top of attorney fees time 3 . Neither party will have a thing to show for it except heart ache and loss of jobs that include several jobs and hopefully not having your vehicle repoed. They will also have you filing bankruptcy you and your wife. You have 30 days to make a choice. I would walk away and save yourself the insanity. Keep your composure for you and your daughter. Good luck to you. Neither one of you will win. That is how the courts handle it. |
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 Playing the Waiting Game
Posts: 2304
| After my divorce my boys would ask "Why do we have to go to dads?" My pat answer everytime was "Because he loves you and wants to spend time with you." I did sound like a parrot.. The boys came to realize that thier dad really wanted free slave labor but every other weekend and wednesday they went to thier dads, with me saying the same thing. Try to make it easy for the child... It won't be easy for you..
Edited by suzy2qtee 2015-01-02 9:44 AM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Yes there are a lot of assets invoked. Home and land 6yrs old and paid for. I don't want to loose everything, I was going to leave it for my daughte, but was told my wife wants to sell and split everything |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:45 AM Yes there are a lot of assets invoked. Home and land 6yrs old and paid for. I don't want to loose everything, I was going to leave it for my daughte, but was told my wife wants to sell and split everything
So sorry, no doubt this is going to be hard on everyone.
Best to get a lawyer now and not make decisions based on speculation/hearsay. Not trying to discredit your daughter or friend, just telling you to play it safe.
Also, the fact that you want to help your daughter through the process speaks volumes-you need to keep that attitude. It's already been said enough by everyone else, but do not talk bad about her mom no matter how difficult she may be. Can't stress this enough!
Edited by Just Plain Lucky 2015-01-02 9:53 AM
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | Boy, what a way to find out! Are you seperated now? My advice, start researching for the very best divorce attorney now. Once you have obtained the very best to be had in your area at least you know she can not retain that attorney. If you are seperated now, through your attorney file for legal seperation so community property assets, and bank accounts and debts/credit card debts are protected and you wont be suprised by emptied bank accounts, second mortgages taken on your house, or $30,000 credit card debt. Any debt she enters into now untill your assets are legally protected you are liable for. Sorry your going through this. It's a tuff time. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| So to keep attorneys from taking everything . It would be better to just sell and split everything 50/50 ? |
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Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:52 AM So to keep attorneys from taking everything . It would be better to just sell and split everything 50/50 ?
You will not be protected if you do that. Best to get a lawyer, and a good one. Might seem easy to just sell and split, but it could go very, very wrong and the fit could hit the shan BIG TIME. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| We are not seperated. So if I wait for her to file will they just kick me out of my home or what ? |
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 Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 9:52 AM So to keep attorneys from taking everything . It would be better to just sell and split everything 50/50 ?
It doesn't work that way. You need to consult an attorney on the laws of your state. He can tell you your options and probable settlements. Any other move would be foolish. |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 9:52 AM
So to keep attorneys from taking everything . It would be better to just sell and split everything 50/50 ?
My advice is go and consult with an attorney before you make any rash decisions. It also really depends on how amicable you both are and if the 2 of you an actually, rationally communicate. Which in reality, that almost never happens. But you do need to protect assets and debt incurred. Once your attorney is obtained, you and your wife CAN come to agreements if both are forthright and amicable so no large attorney fee's are incurred. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | I would have a civil conversation with your wife now! Approach her and confront her without telling her how you know. Maybe she had a bad day and mouthed off to your daughter something she didn't really mean just blew where she shouldn't have...I agree with the advice of not saying negative things to your daughter about her mother.Stay civil even if she doesn't. The hi road always takes you farther. Maybe she will agree to a good counselor who even if your marriage can't be saved can mediate your divorce and assets without having the court decide for you. Saving you both hard earned money in the long run. Prayers to you- no one wins in these situations but the lawyers. |
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