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 Regular
Posts: 50
Location: Canada | To start, please go hug each and every person that encourages you and makes you feel worthwhile...because I am someone who does not have anyone like that in my life, never have, to be quite honest! My confidence is shattered, my ability to ride is REGRESSING and I'm seriously thinking I'm not worthwhile to even try to be a contender in the barrel pen. I have always trained on my own and been very good at staying motivated, but after a very bad experience with a 2 yr old, I no longer have positive thoughts to tell myself. It breaks my heart seeing the people I care about and respect as barrel racers, watch me ride and be disappointed and tell me "sweetie, maybe you're aiming a little to high..." A grown man I care about told me that today. He has also said he thinks it's "cute" that I try so hard and care so much.
This is my last attempt to find some confidence, please help! Does anyone feel alone like this? | |
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Veteran
Posts: 247
Location: Crossfield Alberta | I have no worthwhile advice.... Just that I feel your pain and send you a huge hug!!!!! | |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| I have felt alone this way. The best way to keep going is set tiny little goals each day. Start by getting up and feeding right away. Then by saddling. Then by just riding at a walk for 10 minutes. Tiny. Little. Goals. It's a snowball effect. Be nice to yourself. Eat right, work out, take care of the little loose ends and recalibrate.
Then chuck everyone that makes you feel insignificant. Tell your beloved man that all talk of horses and goal setting are off the itinerary until further notice, you need to regroup. Then don't tell him anything about it until he can ask an intelligent question or give some good input. Receive all positive input with positivity and smiles. Receive all negative input by walking away to a neural area and a new topic politely, away from you man, your friends, and your family.
Seek friends that can lift you up, encourage you when you're feeling badly, and help brainstorm problems. Study up on someone that might ride in a style you can handle and get to a clinic. Go ride with a friend that truly loves the sport and the animals. Go ride with someone that you have to pin down, kicking and screaming, that might just accidentally input some new tips.
It's extremely tough to feel this way. Keep reevaluating everything that has made you fail. Check your physical fitness, check your riding level, check your horse fitness, check your saddle, check your horse's true potential, not the potential you want him to have. Check into the very basics of your understanding about the basics. When you're alone, you constantly have to reevaluate your system and constantly improve it. Tiny little improvements are sometimes all that's needed, sometimes a complete redo is called for. Be honest with yourself, and never ever ever give up.
Just keep smiling, and keep moving, and find something to make better every day, even if it's only cleaning your tack room out and grooming your horses. Do something every day that you can feel smug about and proud that you took the time to hash it out. For you. You can go as high as you really want to! | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | Hugs to you!!!! | |
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 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
Location: Opelousas, LA | Maybe your riding is not as much of a problem as your taste in friends?
Unless they are truly concerned that you are going to get hurt or put yourself in a financial bind, you shouldn't be concerned with thier opinion of you. Find some new friends or just tune them out if the crap is coming from family. The mental game of this sport is hard enough without having negative dead weight dragging you down.
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
 
| You need to change the negativity in your life to positivity
Set realistic goals, I set goals daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly.
When it comes to riding I set goals I want to accomplish with the certain horse before I even catch them. I had one horse who taught me less is more. She was the worst horse for loping circles, the more aggressive I got with her, the worse the circles got to the point it became dangerous (she would run right into fences). It took me an entire month to fix this, it started out by loping one circle both directions then the lesson was done. I increased the no of circles by one each day.
This goal was attainable, and with this process, it actually changed my practice with all other colts.
With each ride, I evaluate it and consider all learning experiences, I think back to what went right, what I did to set the horse up success, and what I could have done differently to have achieved success faster, better, etc. don't think about what didn't go right, think about what went well and build on that.
Currently you may be setting yourself up for failure, you may be asking too much out of yourself with what finances, tools, and time you have. You do need to be realistic with your goals. I learned this when I started college years ago, I realized my education needed all my time, and I couldn't comitt to starting my horses from scratch, it was at this time I started sending my horses out for the first 30 days. This year I am at another crossroads with my horses and am having to retailer my plan to suit my current needs.
I am also a realist, not all horses work with my program, not all horses want to be barrel horses, and some horses will have setbacks in any program. This is what differentiates great horsemen/women from the average people, great horsemen can identify the set backs and adjust their program for the horse, the great horseman will also identify the horse needs to go to someone else to succeed.
You say you had a bad experience with a 2 yr old, we all have. Now you need to turn that bad experience into a good one. I had one horse I sent to a barrel trainer as I did not have the time this one needed, nor did I have the confidence I needed for this specific horse, our personalities were different. I usually train my own, but I wanted this horse to succeed, and by me sending her to someone else made this happen. The trainer got her to the point where I could continue on and feel confident and build on the success.
If you want to message me about specifics, tell me your concerns/feelings/goals I can try to help you, support you, and be your sounding board.
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| I just want to add
EVERYONE, including YOU is WORTHWHILE in the barrel pen, it doesn't matter if you hit all three barrels, do three laps around the arena, or skydive out of the saddle (we have all had this happen, I was told you really aren't a barrel racer till you have fallen off, lol)
As long as YOU are having fun, that is all that matters | |
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 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6437
Location: Montana | cheryl makofka - 2015-01-10 7:45 PM I just want to add EVERYONE, including YOU is WORTHWHILE in the barrel pen, it doesn't matter if you hit all three barrels, do three laps around the arena, or skydive out of the saddle (we have all had this happen, I was told you really aren't a barrel racer till you have fallen off, lol) As long as YOU are having fun, that is all that matters 
Listen to Cheryl!
By the way, I want to give you a hug. I know the feeling when it is all the courage you can muster to go in that arena. I know the feeling when your biggest supporters don't understand what is going on all the time, and sometimes make silly statements. In 2013 I went through a slump...went to a race, did horrible (it was my fault), then had a fairly bad accident, healed up, went to another race and didn't do well, and I just pretty much took the rest of the year off knowing I needed to change something, whether it was me, or my horse, or even quit barrel racing. But in 2014 I got a trainer to help my horse, and that trainer gave both my horse and me such confidence that I never had more fun than in 2014. We only won 1 check...for placing in the 4D, but win, lose, or draw, we had fun, we competed against ourself and even surprised ourselves with the times we ran. Not winning times, but better than the last time. But I learned to not worry about what happened, as long as we went in there, kept the barrels up, didn't have any accidents, it was a good run...and if we could go faster than the last time we were there, that was an added plus. And if we won a check, we were over the hill. But it got me back to having fun again...so much now that in October I bought a 2 year old prospect to hopefully get on track for futurities, and maybe become a rodeo horse.
But as Cheryl said, set yourself small goals. Last year my originaly small goal was to go do time onlies until I felt I was ready to compete. Well, once I got to the first race of the summer, I did a time only, and entered too! And learned something good about my mare...she hates time onlies, only wants to go in that arena once in a night for that cloverleaf pattern, and we do better if we make the one run count. Anytime that we have a good, solid, clean pattern it is a successful day. If we beat our last time, it is a plus, and if we win a check, we are over the top excited.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is ignore what people say. The thing is, most people mean well and they don't even know that what they are saying is hurting your feelings. And sometimes it is best to let them know that it is hurting your feelings, that you'd really like some encouragement. I've had to learn this the hard way, because I'm considerably reserved when trying to state how I feel and I expect people to read my mind when I don't tell them exactly how I feel.
So once again, here is a hug, and remember tomorrow is a new day with nothing wrong in it yet! 
Edited by mtcanchazer 2015-01-10 9:44 PM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1062
Location: Probably On the Road to the Next Barrel Race! | Dear Pistol Annie,
I am sorry people have said things like that to you. This is a sport that requires a tremendous amount of mental toughness. Actually, life in general requires that, so work on being positive. Research the internet, read books, immerse yourself in the culture and knowledge of staying focused on the positive. Nothing I can say to you will remove the sting of those unkind remarks, but trust me on this...the people that say those things to you have serious personal issues. They are not kind and caring people...forget about them immediately! If you are looking for someone to tell you are worthwhile, I will do that. You are. I admire you for getting on this forum and looking for help...some people just whine, moan and complain, and never look for answers. Well, here's to you! You've reached out, seen people be supportive. There are a lot of good people out there. Find them and hang with them !
Sincerely,
Someone Who Has Been There
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 600
Location: Oklahoma & Texas | Hugs....We've all been there....repeat after me.....i can do ANYTHING i put my mind to...ANYTHING.....repeat that phrase anytime you feel down...or your goals are out of reach....if you are willing to work at it each day you ARE good enough...some goals are worth working hard and long at...we have sh*tty days. ..we get bucked off...our horses duck off or work bad...tomorrow is another day...they have bad days too...celebrate the small victories and baby steps as each one is getting you closer to your goal...know when to quit on a good note...don't ever let anyone discourage you from your dreams...they are yours...and YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO!!!
Edited by BBrewster 2015-01-10 9:28 PM
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12838
| I know exactly how you feel. Will try to keep this short. I have always trained my own horses. I grew up on a ranch and my dad raised cattle but we raised horses to work the cows. This was in the 1950's and 60's. I always wanted my dad to buy me a registered horse but had to ride what we had. I had to get to a barrel race the best way I could with friends and if I was lucky I got to use our cattle trailer that had no top. When I got my first teaching job, I bought my own horse and a little one horse trailer with a canvas top--i thought I was high class cause my trailer had a top. I learned quickly if you have a training problem,no matter how small, get someone else to fix it as in trainer. I married a man that did not have anything to do with horses and he made me stop riding. I did not ride for more than 15 years. My husband died and I bought new horses. Started training my horses. Diesel fuel went sky high and I decided to let someone else haul my horse to save money. My trainer and I have become wonderful friends. I had a young horse rear and fall over backwards with me. Fortunately, I did not get hurt but it scared me. I have gotten where I just cannot ride at all. I asked my trainer if going to a clinic would help me and she said she thought that was a great idea. I have known Martha Josey for about 50 Years and I work right down the road from Josey's anyway. I signed up for the fall clinic. Friday night they videoed our run and Saturday I called my trainer crying because I had run SO bad. She gave me a little pep talk that helped me make it through the day. I almost had a panic attack before they reviewed my video but you know it really did not look that bad,much to my surprise.I have such a nice horse and I am going to get back with her period. My trainer is the ONLY person who has ever encouraged me.
I have several sugestions. Find someone to ride with who will encourage you even if you have to pay them. Go to a clinic and get some saddle time that will build your confidence. It sure did mine. Go to a barrel race to have fun, I know if I try too hard I do terrible. When someone gives you a compliment don't take it the wrong way. After that video, I am telling you people don't see what you think they see. Tell them thank you for tne compliment it will actually make you feel good. I haven't seen you ride but I can tell that you are doing a good job. Don't try to please anyone and remember little steps get you farther. Be glad you can still go to barrel races. I know a lot of people who cant.
Josey clinics are good but if you want to get motivated go to a Reinhard clinic. I am ready to go to another clinic!!!!
Edited by streakysox 2015-01-10 10:11 PM
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 Georgia Peach
Posts: 8338
Location: Georgia | I personally would have told that man that he could shove his thoughts where the sun dont shine. People bug me. But anyway, I understand what you are going through. I too have been in a slump for over a year. I have a nice mare that I have clocked 1D times with in the past, and over the last year I cant seem to get out of the 3D - No fault of her own. My riding has gone from mediocre to plain embarrassing. My other, go-to consistent mare, was out for a year (in foal) so I didnt even have her to fall back on. It has become exhausting. I quit attending barrel races at the start of fall because I felt like I was just wasting my time and money. I've contemplated a lot of different things over the past couple months and I ultimately decided to put my good mare up for sale. While this may seem like an easy way out, I feel that I am not doing her justice. She needs a better jockey and I need time designated to building my confidence back up. If that means pulling checks in the 3D and 4D, thats what ill do. I seem to have more fun in those divisions anyway.
I have come to realize that confidence is such a huge factor in this sport. I lost mine and now I have to work to get it back. Point is, dont give up on yourself. Dont ever think you cant succeed. Make changes that will make you happier and give you confidence in the long run. As others have said, set small goals and once you achieve those, set more small goals. And the BIGGEST advice I can give you, is DO NOT compare yourself to other barrel racers. Doesnt matter if they are your friends, your foes, or people you have never seen before. Just dont do it. It will drag you down. Only compete against your last run, not other people's runs. | |
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 Certified Snake Wrangler
Posts: 1672
Location: North MS | Losing your best friend/champion/horse that would do anything for you and having to rely on young ones- does the same thing to you. Tears you back down. People wonder why YOU aren't improving and not realizing that you have actually made the young ones step up near where your dependable horse was. It looks like I have regressed yet they don't realize that everything is now different. You won't have the ability to go back to the dependable horse you could trust to do anything. You just have to hope the young horses remember what they are suppose to do and just go do your best. Things like what happened to both you and I- show you exactly who your true friends are. It appears I have about 5 close friends and just a lot of "hey, how are you doing" type aquaintances. Everyone needs encouragement and compliments. From winner of the 1D to bottom of the 5D. | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Barnmom - 2015-01-10 8:39 PM Maybe your riding is not as much of a problem as your taste in friends?
Unless they are truly concerned that you are going to get hurt or put yourself in a financial bind, you shouldn't be concerned with thier opinion of you. Find some new friends or just tune them out if the crap is coming from family. The mental game of this sport is hard enough without having negative dead weight dragging you down.
Ditto | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1355
| This was my devotional this morning. I hope
It helps you too.
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. (?Isaiah? ?41?:?10? NLT) | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 561
Location: somewhere in the south | streakysox - 2015-01-10 11:07 PM I know exactly how you feel. Will try to keep this short. I have always trained my own horses. I grew up on a ranch and my dad raised cattle but we raised horses to work the cows. This was in the 1950's and 60's. I always wanted my dad to buy me a registered horse but had to ride what we had. I had to get to a barrel race the best way I could with friends and if I was lucky I got to use our cattle trailer that had no top. When I got my first teaching job, I bought my own horse and a little one horse trailer with a canvas top--i thought I was high class cause my trailer had a top. I learned quickly if you have a training problem,no matter how small, get someone else to fix it as in trainer. I married a man that did not have anything to do with horses and he made me stop riding. I did not ride for more than 15 years. My husband died and I bought new horses. Started training my horses. Diesel fuel went sky high and I decided to let someone else haul my horse to save money. My trainer and I have become wonderful friends. I had a young horse rear and fall over backwards with me. Fortunately, I did not get hurt but it scared me. I have gotten where I just cannot ride at all. I asked my trainer if going to a clinic would help me and she said she thought that was a great idea. I have known Martha Josey for about 50 Years and I work right down the road from Josey's anyway. I signed up for the fall clinic. Friday night they videoed our run and Saturday I called my trainer crying because I had run SO bad. She gave me a little pep talk that helped me make it through the day. I almost had a panic attack before they reviewed my video but you know it really did not look that bad,much to my surprise.I have such a nice horse and I am going to get back with her period. My trainer is the ONLY person who has ever encouraged me. I have several sugestions. Find someone to ride with who will encourage you even if you have to pay them. Go to a clinic and get some saddle time that will build your confidence. It sure did mine. Go to a barrel race to have fun, I know if I try too hard I do terrible. When someone gives you a compliment don't take it the wrong way. After that video, I am telling you people don't see what you think they see. Tell them thank you for tne compliment it will actually make you feel good. I haven't seen you ride but I can tell that you are doing a good job. Don't try to please anyone and remember little steps get you farther. Be glad you can still go to barrel races. I know a lot of people who cant. Josey clinics are good but if you want to get motivated go to a Reinhard clinic. I am ready to go to another clinic!!!!
The Reinhardt's, Danny and Vicki, are the absolute best! They make you feel like you can accomplish your goals and they show you how! No matter how long it takes................I spent an actual 8 hours in the saddle at one of their clinics, I'm a little hard headed!! They never quit on me and I wouldn't go to anyone else! Love them, their attitudes, their drive to help you and their love of the Lord!! | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | Find Joel Osteen and listen to one of his messages everyday | |
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 Lady Di
Posts: 21556
Location: Oklahoma | firewaterfuelsme - 2015-01-11 10:43 AM
Find Joel Osteen and listen to one of his messages everyday
This. ^^^ Joel Osteen is great and he tells you a truth most people don't realize. The devil wants you to believe you're worthless, but you are actually royalty!! A child of the most high God!! I play Joel's CD's in my truck when I go somewhere. I get his devotionals in my email every day. He shows you that God WANTS you to achieve your dreams, and barrel racing is very much a mental game. I am 62 years old. 20 years ago, I could run with the best of them and outrun them as much as they outran me....but the kind of horse I was mounted on doesn't come along very often, and what's more, at this stage of my life, I can no longer stay with a horse that strong and quick. I ride my young ones and when their ability gets to be more than I can handle, I sell them to someone who really wants to go fast, as I don't really want to any more. 3D feels fast to me now, and the nice thing about that is my horses come along with no pressure so by the time I sell them to someone else, they're solid and sane.  God placed a love of running barrels in your heart for a reason. The devil takes many forms, and some of them are as "friends". Personally, if the person making a judgement of my riding isn't out there outrunning me, I really don't pay them much attention. Surround yourself with positive friends, and find at least one thing you do well, and soon you will find there are many things you do well....you just didn't see them because of the negativity. Negativity breeds negativity and Positivity breeds positivity....Don't listen to the haters....all that matters is you and your horse. Unless someone is paying my entries and paying for my horses, I really don't care what they think. ;) | |
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Take a Picture
Posts: 12838
| turn3nhome - 2015-01-11 9:59 AM
streakysox - 2015-01-10 11:07 PM I know exactly how you feel. Will try to keep this short. I have always trained my own horses. I grew up on a ranch and my dad raised cattle but we raised horses to work the cows. This was in the 1950's and 60's. I always wanted my dad to buy me a registered horse but had to ride what we had. I had to get to a barrel race the best way I could with friends and if I was lucky I got to use our cattle trailer that had no top. When I got my first teaching job, I bought my own horse and a little one horse trailer with a canvas top--i thought I was high class cause my trailer had a top. I learned quickly if you have a training problem,no matter how small, get someone else to fix it as in trainer. I married a man that did not have anything to do with horses and he made me stop riding. I did not ride for more than 15 years. My husband died and I bought new horses. Started training my horses. Diesel fuel went sky high and I decided to let someone else haul my horse to save money. My trainer and I have become wonderful friends. I had a young horse rear and fall over backwards with me. Fortunately, I did not get hurt but it scared me. I have gotten where I just cannot ride at all. I asked my trainer if going to a clinic would help me and she said she thought that was a great idea. I have known Martha Josey for about 50 Years and I work right down the road from Josey's anyway. I signed up for the fall clinic. Friday night they videoed our run and Saturday I called my trainer crying because I had run SO bad. She gave me a little pep talk that helped me make it through the day. I almost had a panic attack before they reviewed my video but you know it really did not look that bad,much to my surprise.I have such a nice horse and I am going to get back with her period. My trainer is the ONLY person who has ever encouraged me. I have several sugestions. Find someone to ride with who will encourage you even if you have to pay them. Go to a clinic and get some saddle time that will build your confidence. It sure did mine. Go to a barrel race to have fun, I know if I try too hard I do terrible. When someone gives you a compliment don't take it the wrong way. After that video, I am telling you people don't see what you think they see. Tell them thank you for tne compliment it will actually make you feel good. I haven't seen you ride but I can tell that you are doing a good job. Don't try to please anyone and remember little steps get you farther. Be glad you can still go to barrel races. I know a lot of people who cant. Josey clinics are good but if you want to get motivated go to a Reinhard clinic. I am ready to go to another clinic!!!!
The Reinhardt's, Danny and Vicki, are the absolute best! They make you feel like you can accomplish your goals and they show you how! No matter how long it takes................I spent an actual 8 hours in the saddle at one of their clinics, I'm a little hard headed!! They never quit on me and I wouldn't go to anyone else! Love them, their attitudes, their drive to help you and their love of the Lord!!
I live kinda in between Josey and the Reinhardts. They are both good friends. Just after the clinic I attended at Josey's, I was at a barrel race and Vicki and Danny were there. Vicki ran number 393 and I was 433. It was actually about an hour and a half between our runs and they stayed to watch me run then came around the back to tell me how good I ran.
Surround yourself with people who build you up. I am lucky that I have numerous clinicians who all are good friends that live fairly near me. Let me add that if you have to run right after Firewaterontherocks it can challenge your confidence.......laughing. | |
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Regular
Posts: 50
Location: Canada | I want to thank everyone who responded to this post, I cannot express my true appreciation to all of you! It was a heartbreaking day, but I've dug deep, shook it off and going to COWGIRL UP and get work done...positive thoughts only! Sometimes you just need to know there are good people near and far, and BHW has proven that.
Thank you so much! Hope y'all have a good ride today! | |
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