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 Expert
Posts: 2276
  
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | most of you know my fiance was in an accident last sunday. he was pulling out onto a hwy, at a green light when he realized a car was coming and it wasnt stopping...he quickly turned the wheel trying to avoid being hit but they caught the front corner.
we knew the passenger of the other car was in bad condition when they took him by ambulance but were told later they had him stabalized...well, we found out last night that the man passed.
fiance is now feeling extreme guilt. i knew he felt bad before but now its over the top. he feels like he is responsible for killing this man even though, they hit him. he keeps saying that if he would have looked better before he went, it could have been prevented...yes, it could have but it wasnt his fault.
what can i do for him? i just keep telling him that it wasnt his fault and he isnt responsible. im really worried about him. he went straight to bed after coming home tonight.
would counceling help?
Edited by lexyy12 2015-01-23 9:40 PM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1062
Location: Probably On the Road to the Next Barrel Race! | yes, counseling. If he won't go, YOU go, you can still help him work through this. I am praying for both of you. | |
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 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | My gosh, prayers. I sure wish your fiance could talk to my dad. When my dad was a young man (late 1960's I believe) he was in a car accident that he was the only survivor and he was severly injured...it wasn't my dad's fault either. I'm not telling you this for sympathy, but to let you know I know, from what my dad has said, it will be something that will be a life changing occurence for the rest of your fiance's life. I have great sympathy for you and for your fiance.
All I can say is be there for your fiance...think, if it had happened to you instead, what you would want him to do. While guys completely confuse me a lot of the time, they aren't really all the much different than us; they want sympathy, love, understanding, and sometimes that is the best we can do for them. I'm not against counseling, so don't take it as that, but sometimes life issues need the care of those closest to us. Hugs and prayers.  
Edited by mtcanchazer 2015-01-24 12:22 AM
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Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | mtcanchazer - 2015-01-23 11:40 PM My gosh, prayers. I sure wish your fiance could talk to my dad. When my dad was a young man (late 1960's I believe) he was in a car accident that he was the only survivor and he was severly injured...it wasn't my dad's fault either. I'm not telling you this for sympathy, but to let you know I know, from what my dad has said, it will be something that will be a life changing occurence for the rest of your fiance's life. I have great sympathy for you and for your fiance.
All I can say is be there for your fiance...think, if it had happened to you instaed, what you would want him to do. While guys completely confuse me a lot of the time, they aren't really all the much differet than us; they want sympathy, love, understanding, and sometimes that is the best we can do for them. I'm not against counseling, so don't take it as that, but sometimes life issues need the care of those closest to us. Hugs and prayers.
Thank you so much. I can't even imagine how he is feeling. He even mentioned selling the truck bc of it. I really don't think he would go to counseling...he is the type to keep things to himself and rarely talks to me about things but he is talking to me about this, thank goodness. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | It's a normal reaction, and I would be worried if he wasn't having those feelings. He might just need you to listen, be there for him and love him through it. It will get better. Ask him if there is anything you can do for him and keep reassuring him. Just be there to listen when he needs someone to talk to. You might look up the kubler-Ross five stages of grief for a better understanding of what he is experiencing and don't be too worried unless he gets stuck in grief or anger stage or something like that. Sounds like he's in bargaining right now, which is normal. | |
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Blessed 
Location: Here | CrossCreek - 2015-01-23 10:28 PM yes, counseling. If he won't go, YOU go, you can still help him work through this. I am praying for both of you.
I agree. | |
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What Name?
Posts: 1994
| CrossCreek - 2015-01-23 10:28 PM yes, counseling. If he won't go, YOU go, you can still help him work through this. I am praying for both of you.
Agreed. Words are hard to express when we feel extrem emotions. Counseling might help you find the words you both need, or an outlet for him to use to help me work this out. | |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| I am so sorry to hear this. We just recently went through a major tragedy as well. My father in law committed suicide two days after Christmas. We are doing okay but there have been feelings of guilt. Not to mention we had to put our dog of nine years down last weekend in a very traumatic way. He would not come out of a seizure.
I have come to realize that even though I would move mountains for my husband sometimes your loved ones need more help then what you can give. My husband has gone to one doctor twice and this weekend we are going to a specialist counselor. Grief is hard. I am looking forward to learning ways I can be there for my husband and what I need to do. If your boyfriend won't go I would without a doubt go. It will only help. I went to one of the other appointments with my husband and it was amazing how much that one appointment helped and it was only with his doctor that helps him with his medication. They just seem to know exactly what to say and how to offer comfort and guidance. I also figure as his wife I took a vow so I will do whatever it takes to educate myself on what I need to do to be there for him. | |
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