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 California Cowgirl
Posts: 14973
    
Location: California | Ive given my marriage more than two hard attempts at fixing what is no longer salvagable . The lies , betrayel and cruel words are beyond what I can tolerate. I am emotionally exhausted and beyond hopeless in my current situation. Sitting here in this dark room knowing someone who has become my enemy with no care is breaking me down.
I am leaving tomorrow and loading up my dogs and clothes and heading back to California to my Dads. I have no hope here and have to do what hurts but what I know I have to. I wish that reminding myself of all the emotional abuse and verbal lashings would make things easier but it doesn't hurt any less.
I am fearing this 18 hour drive alone . I am sad my dogs have to endure another trip like this . I am upset I ever came back when I escaped last time. My heart hurts . My head hurts. I know I need sleep to make this trip but my eyes won't shut.
Please give me the strength to do what is best for myself . I will check in when I get a hotel halfway. I need a support system right now. I feel so alone.
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 Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | Haven't you posted this before? Not sure if i'm remembering the right BB, but I thought I'd ask?
If so, i'm not sure why this is happening again, I have no advice, I just hope you can make it somewhere safe and get on a good track. Please update us so we know you are okay |
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California Cowgirl
Posts: 14973
Location: California | outrundaizy - 2015-01-28 11:26 PM Haven't you posted this before? Not sure if i'm remembering the right BB, but I thought I'd ask?
If so, i'm not sure why this is happening again, I have no advice, I just hope you can make it somewhere safe and get on a good track. Please update us so we know you are okay
Yes last time I left after he tore the house apart. I don't know why I ever came back . I dont understand why I thought I could fix this . |
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 Go For It!
Location: Texas |
Many of us have been in the same place and gotten through it. You will get past this and it will be only a memory one day. I remember leaving with nothing but my two little ones (3 and 5) and a few trash bags full of clothes. I literally had NO WHERE to go. But I got out of there and met an awesome man and we have been married for 23 years. First thing I did when I got out of there... Fixed my picker, ;).
Just trust that God has a plan and that He will see you through. Be grateful that you have someone to turn to and a place to go. That's a lot of positives!
Safe travels and I'll say a prayer for you.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 600
Location: Oklahoma & Texas | You went back because you are tough and you thought you could fix things...nothing wrong with trying but also nothing wrong with cutting your losses and moving on....best quote..."Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength...however there are times that it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.".... i think you know it's time...you certainly deserve so much better ...no one deserves to be emotionally or physically abused and you certainly don't want to waste 1 more day with him...it can only get better and there is someone out there who will treat you like a queen and with respect . Hugs dear...and sending prayers!!! Wish I could help you pack! |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| Big hugs and have a safe trip. You have a wonderful support network here on BHW!! |
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 The Vaccinator
Posts: 3810
Location: Slipping down the slope of old age. Boo hoo. | I remember your post when you fled the abuse before -- sending you a hug. Travel safely. Move forward and live a wonderful life. Key word LIVE. You have not been "living" there. You deserve so much more -- go forth and live it. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Hugs and prayers for your safety. Take that first step to a better life and don't look back. Give us an update when you arrive in Cali. Life is too short to be unhappy, stay strong. |
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Blessed 
Location: Here | rodeomom3 - 2015-01-29 6:25 AM Hugs and prayers for your safety. Take that first step to a better life and don't look back. Give us an update when you arrive in Cali. Life is too short to be unhappy, stay strong.
I agree. dont beat yourself up about the past. Today is a new day. A new start to your new life. Chin up and smile and say Yes, I can do this. Put your faith on the Lord and know he will guide you safely. Prayers |
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  Roan Wonder
Location: SW MO | Prayers & hugs
Remember every day is a new beginning... a new opportunity
You are a wonderful person you deserve a wonderful life. Go out there find yourself & the new life you deserve
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | Put your chin up high and reach for the sky!!!! Walk out that door and feel new again,raise yourself up and WALK ON!!!! SMILE, YOU GOT THIS!!!!!! Hugs and prayers for a safe journey. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 617
Location: London Ontario | Good Luck, you have a huge support group here on BHW! I only wish you the best, please let me know if you ever need to talk, you can always PM me! Please drive safe and make sure you stop to rest |
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 Triple Extra-Ordinaire
Posts: 4244
Location: Okla | You are a strong woman! This is a new beginning!! you'll look back on this day as a fading memory. Prayers for you to give you the strength and conviction to start this new chapter of your life. Remember you've got friends, here. We'll always be here for you. Safe travels. |
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What Name?
Posts: 1994
|  You can do this girl! It's hard and I'm the type that my pride takes a kickin' on anything I have to force myself to let go of. But this is what is best for you! You owe a happy life to yourself and you deserve it! Many hugs on your journey home and prayers also! |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| Glad you are able to take that first step again. There is nothing wrong with trying to fix things, but if only one person thinks there needs to be a fix, you fought a losing battle. Chin up and remember, most dogs love road trips! Hang your head out the window, throw your tongue out, and take that deep breath of fresh air and find happiness! |
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 Veteran
Posts: 232
Location: Winging It in KY | God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way. As the sun rises for you today, think of it as a new beginning, take a deep breath and smile at least once today! Good luck, you got this :) |
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 Not a Long Term Trail Rider
Posts: 3201
Location: Henryetta, OK | You can do this. This is an amazing place for support. I will pray for you and your dogs safety and you take this journey. |
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 pressure dripper
Posts: 8699
Location: the end of the rainbow | Prayers for a safe trip. You are a strong woman and you will heal emotionally. Just remember that it will take some time and perseverance, but you will get through it.
Edited by willrodeo4food 2015-01-29 7:50 AM
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | Prayers for a safe trip. You gave it more than you should've. You deserve better. Sending you my number in a pm if you need to talk while driving. |
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 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | You have a wonderful life ahead of you please believe that. Don't berate yourself for going back. You must have felt you could change things. By having gone back you will not second guess yourself in the future. You will know you gave it your all and now you know you did all that was possible. Time will allow you to put this behind you even if it is hard to believe that now. The light will come into your life and your dark place will go away. Safe travels for you and please keep us posted. |
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