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Expert
Posts: 1477
  
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | Y'all tell me if this is normal and in being overly jealous or if there's more going on. And sorry it's long. I have been in a relationship for a little over a month. This is my first real relationship. My bf had been dating a girl on and off for 3yrs. They finally called it quits in December. She's crazy like literally psychologicly crazy and is on meds for some of these problems. He still has to work with her so therefor he sees her everyday. That part I can't do anything about. Here's what gets me though. One night he was at my house and she kept calling and texting and he was ignoring her but finally gave in. This wasn't the first time she had called and text him since we been together. When we were officially in a relationship she tried her hardest to make me hate him. It has happened on several occasions. Ever since we started dating the only thing he has asked me to do is to not let her pull me into her drama and go just stay away from her. But I had had enough So I called her. I was really nice to her even thought I didn't want to be. Of coarse she got mad but not too bad. As soon as I got off the phone I text him and told him I called her because I didn't want him to find out from her. He got mad for about 20min then he text me saying he wasn't mad but he was hurt that I didn't trust him to leave it alone. He said a lot of why he is still nice to her is because he has to work with her. So after making me feel bad for doing it I apologized and admired maybe I shouldn't have done it. BTW I still don't think i did anything wrong. So Fast forward to today. Every year our county has a benefit to help raise money for relay for life. It's called Arrest a friend day. What it is is a person can pay $3 to have a friend "arrested" and then set their "bond" it's all for fun and all the money goes to Relay for Life. Well today I went to her page just to see if she has posted anything regarding either of us because she has been doing that quite often. And I see where she posted that he had her arrested for Arrest a Friend day. I mentioned it to him and he said it was all in fun and for a good cause. Maybe I'm over reacting. I know I can be a very jealous person. He works in a female dominated feild so I know he's naturally going to have more female friends but can someone be friends with there ex after 3yrs? He told me more than once he's done with her. She told me that she was done with him and had no interest in being in a relationship with him. The lady that introduced us told me he was done with her and she later told me she talked with the guy that is like his dad and he said the same thing. I've never been cheated on but I have been lied to by so many people. So am I just being paranoid or could there be more going on?
ETA: my family thinks there's more going on between them but honestly I do not believe he is cheating on me. I may be over reacting and if I am it's because of them. No lie from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed it's all about them. Im done telling them anything else because of this. Just like a comment made tonight about them. He is gone to work at a bar close to here. That's some of what he does on the side. As soon as I mentioned it my dad said oh are you sure him and her aren't going to the bar and he's just using working as an excuse. Stuff like that gets to me and makes me second guess my thoughts until now I'm just so confused as to what I think.
Edited by TessBelle 2015-04-11 1:06 AM
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| The advice I always give is: There are things you can live with, and things you can't--only YOU can put certain behaviors into those two categories. If he is not willing to cut her off 100% outside of work, you have to decide if you can live with him continually doing these things. He's making the CHOICE to do these things. Yes, she may be egging it on but he's choosing to continue to let them happen. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
 
Location: Arkansas | I agree with FT---only you can decide what you can live with. I'd personally have a hard time with something like that. Especially this early in the relationship. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| IThis is perfect for your thread and the one I just posted!
Hopefully I can get it to lad from my tablet...well shoot it won't load. It said: When a man wants to be with you, he'll be with you. Period. There won't be any excuses, shadiness, drama or uncertainty.
Edited by MissouriJen 2015-04-11 1:40 AM
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | If your consumed by "their" relationship " then your in wrong one. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Never ever contact the psycho-biatch ex. Just for future reference. That's a can of worms you're better off not touching. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | This is your first real relationship.It SHOULD be full of excitement,butterflies,sweep you off of your feet flutters! It shouldnt be full of drama,worries,is he ,isnt he? You should be first,he should be first. I say move back out of this slowly but firmly.Expect more next time,put yourself first and foremost,respect yourself enough to get what you deserve.Good luck to you.This is how you Should be feeling             NOT this.........           |
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 Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| I wouldn't dump him yet, but if you continue to worry and feel unhappy then that alone is reason to move on. (before you find yourself being the one taking meds) Beyond that, it doesn't sound like this issue is going anywhere soon. The only change can be made will have to come from you. Good luck. |
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What Name?
Posts: 1994
| I agree with this... Trials and problems are great to work through... but after you've been together a while. If you're questioning the situations, then you're always going to, short of him quitting his job. Which will make you both unhappy. You're not happy. So let it go girl. It'll suck, because I'm the type they hates giving up on anything. But this is a loss better cut now.
You should have trust to build on in the beginning. This is WAY too early for you to be questioning him. Which is a sign this isn't the man for you. He hasn't proven his feelings for you, and you're playing guessing games. I just had to do this with my bf. It's better if you just rip it off like a bandaid and move on.
We're here for you!
Edited by americanpride08 2015-04-11 8:56 AM
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| It sounds like you have a communication issue.
Yes I do think you were out of line calling up the x girlfriend. You went behind his back, then to cover your tracks you begged for forgiveness after.
If a boyfriend did what you did to me I would feel hurt and betrayed, for the reasons he said, you didn't trust him to handle it himself.
Since you have only been dating a month, none of these issues should be coming up, this is honeymoon phase.
I wonder if you are blowing things out of proportion
Have you ever sat him down and told him your concerns? If not I would start here.
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Rad Dork
Posts: 5218
Location: Oklahoma | My philosophy (but doesn't apply to me anymore since I'm married!): No relationship is better than one you're constantly fretting over. This seems like too much to worry about too soon in the relationship. And always keep in mind what MissouriJen posted. There is a lot of truth in that!! |
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 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
Location: LaBelle, Florida | I'm gona say RUN!
Relationships are based on TRUST. If there is even a small amount of distrust it will only build.
Boyfriend should not be asking you to stay out of it.
Boyfriend should not be talking with ex other than WORK related issues (seeing that he does work with her).
There are too many real men out there that want an honest relationship than to waste time on a shaky one unless you are in it for FUN.
Discuss with boyfriend and if he isn't willing to cut comunication with EX (other than work), ditch him. |
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 Quarter Horse HIstorian
Posts: 2878
Location: Aubrey, Texas | IMHO he is enjoying the attention from this girl, even if he's not interested in her romantically (or sexually) anymore. A BIG red flag is that he had her "arrested" and not you. Plus, he didn't have the guts to tell you- I think you deserve someone with a healthier ego.
Edited by cloverleaf 2015-04-11 9:47 AM
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | I never comment on these but its rainy out and so I will again...I dont think at a month into a relationship or dating someone you can tell them who they can be friends with or not.. in my opinion your dating and you have no clue if shes really "that crazy" or he just says that or you just think that. shouldnt judge a person based on a ex.why not just date him and not be a in a committed relationship and see where it goes. if hes over her then he will stick around and if hes not then he wont.. simple as that but to me being that consumed with HIM and her really is not healthy.... |
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Expert
Posts: 1477
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | Were going to lunch and to watch Longest Ride. I'm going to bring it up and see what happens. I did ask him last night to don't lie to me if he's not done with her tell me. If you are then quit talking to her outside of work. He said he's done with her but didn't say anything about not talking to her outside work. I know his mamma came unglued on him yesterday about it. He said she had never chewed him out like she did then. So maybe that will make a differance.
Edited by TessBelle 2015-04-11 10:13 AM
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Quarter Horse HIstorian
Posts: 2878
Location: Aubrey, Texas | Good luck! You've gotten lots of food for thought here- |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| cloverleaf - 2015-04-11 9:46 AM IMHO he is enjoying the attention from this girl, even if he's not interested in her romantically (or sexually) anymore. A BIG red flag is that he had her "arrested" and not you. Plus, he didn't have the guts to tell you- I think you deserve someone with a healthier ego.
Ditto |
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Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| Mom came unglued huh? Are you guys young? If Mom doesn't like her, then he's not going to give her up. That's just me talking from many personal experiences I've witnessed. |
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 Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | RidenFly - 2015-04-11 11:21 AM Mom came unglued huh? Are you guys young? If Mom doesn't like her, then he's not going to give her up. That's just me talking from many personal experiences I've witnessed.
Just wondering why you say this? Most guys i've known were momma's boys and would do anything for their moms.. I'm young and clueless about this stuff though so i'm confused why they would go against their mom? Unless this guy has no respect for his mother? Idk |
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Expert
Posts: 1477
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | RidenFly - 2015-04-11 11:21 AM
Mom came unglued huh? Are you guys young? If Mom doesn't like her, then he's not going to give her up. That's just me talking from many personal experiences I've witnessed.
I'm 22. He's 25. |
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