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 Expert
Posts: 1304
 
| This is kinda long, sorry! And no rude comments please! I'm in a serious relationship with someone who does not necessarily like my dog and my dog doesn't like him. He poops and pees and acts out when he comes over and I'm not there, even if my SO tries to bond with him or play with him (trying to make it better). My dog was a rescue and has had a problem with young men (my friends, boyfriend, etc) so he must've had some bad history with one. Now we're at a cross roads because we would like to live together in the future he doesn't really want him and doesn't understand how I can put up with his behavior, but he doesn't understand because my dog is fine otherwise. My SO works hard for what he has so it's understandable that he doesn't want an animal ruining things inside such as carpet, etc once we live together. I want to keep him, obviously, and he does not so we're trying to come to a middle ground. We've contemplated having him outside in the future, bringing him in on occasion, and getting him a buddy for company which I have greatly considered and is the best option we've come up with but he's also only 11/12 lbs and it makes me nervous to have a small dog outside. Not only that, but he's somewhat high maintenance so I'm just not sure about how he would do. We've tried many things to cure my dog of this behavior as well as work on my SO and dog's dynamic and will continue to work on this but in the mean time we're looking at future options in case he doesn't stop. Other than this problem, we get along great and are on the same page! And my dog is well behaved! Any suggestions or options we haven't thought about? I'm thinking the outside option might be best. We have a while until we move in together but we're talking about it now so there's no problems. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 372
| dump him |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Yea I said no rude comments and that's not gonna happen so further suggestions are welcome. |
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  Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | They say if your dog doesn't like your dude, then you should get rid of the dude. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 614
Location: Usually on my horse | I know what I would do. I have several rescue dogs and when I take one in, it is for life, and there are no options but to make the situation work.
I am not sure how you could even consider keeping a dog that size outside. Getting the dog a buddy might help, but then you need to consider another living breathing animal with feelings that you will have to commit to for life. The dog was there first and I think you need to consider that. If you really love that dog, there should be no question as to who will come first. My dogs are "my children". Would you make your children live outside if they did not get along with with your boyfriend ??? |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Dear Lord. Although he doesn't like him, he wants me to be happy and to come to an agreement. I was searching for advice on possible options, I don't need to be criticized. I'd never consider getting rid of him let alone throw him out into the elements. Although it makes me nervous, I would have him a heated/air conditioned shed and everything I could to make him happy. My dog doesn't like any younger men (20's-30's), none. Does that mean I have to wait til I'm older and gray to invest time into someone? We get along other than the simple fact that my dog acts out and creates a mess when he's around and we're trying to solve it. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | First, I wouldn't get rid of the dog., or keep him outside. Second, is there a dog trainer in your area that can observe the behavior? Or work with you guys? Maybe spending more time together will help ease the situation. |
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 Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| Clearly the poor dog was traumatized at some point so this is going to take some time. Have your boyfriend feed your dog at feeding time - the dog will associate him with food and that is a positive. Build up from there. A buddy may help but in the meanwhile your boyfriend is going to have to compromise and give the dog a chance. If he pees when he sees him, he's scared. So the boyfriend needs to pet him, tell him its okay, give him treats, etc. After a while the dog will learn the boyfriend is not a threat. Good luck to you. |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| Could you have your BF wash his clothes with your laundry soap and wash with your body wash and shampoo to try to make him smell like you?
Does he have any animals that might be threatening to the dog? My mom's cat hates me because I have my dogs scent on me, he hates my dog. Since he's a rescue, you never know what'll trigger them. My mom's dog showed up at my house as a 6 week old pup, we rescued her. She freaks out over red pickup trucks. So obviously whoever dumped her had a red truck. She literally growls and cowers and tries to run the other way around red trucks. She never even notices other trucks. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | I believe that in time your dog and boyfriend could get along.
My SO and my Aussie/Pit mix hated each other in the beginning. My lab/chow mix was afraid of him and yelped everytime he tried to pet her. Literally for a whole year this went on! My Aussie/pit would nip at him and put him back in his truck whenever he would pick me up for dates... And she's only about 35-40 pounds soaking wet. And my lab would run and hide. Both of mine are rescues.
After a weekend of ice and snow inside the house with only my SO to feed/care/discipline/ and keep them warm, they all came to terms with each other. My lab will wiggle her whole body when he comes home from work and snarl at him like she's smiling. It's quite the scene to see.
My aussie/pit goes for rides with him around our small place in his pickup and waits for him by the door when he gets home. (But she's my dog when she nips an unknown visitor or brings up dead wild animals like birds and jack rabbits she's caught that need cleaned up.) We love them and have thought about adding another but decided it was best to keep just them for now.
How long has it been since your dog and boyfriend have known each other? If it's not been at least a year, I wouldn't change a thing. I know messes are terrible to clean up, but it isn't your little furbaby's fault. Give him time, he will come around. |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | Id keep the dog...i will not ever choose a person over any of my animals.......M |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Have you tried crate training the dog? That would at least limit any accidents to one area while you are gone.
Also, if the dog is not fixed that will help.
Funny story, my male corgi was intact when I got him. He never had any accidents or marked. When my husband started coming around, I though he had super bad aim in the bathroom- IT ALWAYS SMELLED LIKE PEE. Turns out, the dog took to marking the bathroom right after my (then BF, now husband) would use it. A little snip, snip (of the dog HAHA), and voila, no more marking. Dang dog even peed once in my tub! He was not super keen on my husband since he was taking his mommy away, but he has adjusted. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1392
Location: Central Texas | Since you are not willing to get rid of the guy I say get a crate and have the dog crated when your not home. This way the only thing he is ruining is whatever blankets are in the crates. They will probably, eventually come to terms with each other. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| About a month after my husband and I started dating, he got me a dog. The dog was supposed to be for both of us and was going to be a hunting dog for my husband. That did not work out so well. Chase was absolutely scared to death of my husband for YEARS. I'm not going to say there wasnt' some arguments about the dog and what I should do with him, but eventually my husband started to just ignore the dog (rather than trying to be "friends" or, the opposite, getting angry at everything). Eventually Chase started to just get used to Jared being there without any expectations (good or bad) and he started warming up to my husband. He got to do it on his own terms, which seemed to help a lot. Chase literally went from cowering and hiding every time Jared was around to now looking for him for protection. It was definitely not a fast transition, but well worth it! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1898
| I had a heeler that hated my husband, then boyfriend, when we first started dating. He was not allowed on the couch ever but would try his dangedest to get up between him and I. When my husband would try to hug me or give me a kiss my dog would snarl and growl. He even peed on his leg once, it mortified me but hubby took it in stride. This went on for over a year. It never really concerned my husband and eventually the dog warmed up to him.
These things take time. The boyfriend is going to have to invest some time in the dog plain and simple. And if he has a bad attitude about the dog, the dog is not going to respond favorably to his presence.
I would not get rid of the dog or leave him outside, but I sure wouldn't allow the dog to keep me from forming a partnership with someone I love. You're going to have to put some effort in it and not give up in the first month. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you everyone for the suggestions. I will look into possibly a trainer. I have a special treat that only my SO gives him and I'm also looking into getting him some puppy Prozac because I feel that he's very skiddish and that might help. My grandmother has a rescue Bassett that is on it and it's done wonders for her! He is crate trained and is better when I'm home with him but is still scared. One day he'll run and hide and the next he'll lick his hand and lay beside him, but if my boyfriend tries to let him out for me, bond with him, or pet him when I'm not there more times than none he will poop, pee, or freak out like he's never seen him before! I wouldn't get rid of him so let me reassure that to everyone. I think it will take time, I'm just nervous that in that time he's going to destroy things and make matters worse. It makes me feel better to hear that others have went through the same thing and I hope that it gets better! |
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 Stinky Cat Owner
Posts: 4097
Location: Oregon | And this is one of the reasons I am single.   |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| We've only been together around 7 months and I sincerely feel that he's the one for me. I was in a relationship for almost 4 years prior and although this hasn't been as long we're light years ahead and this is just better than anything in the past and I couldn't be happier. Other than this dilemma. I know we can push through it though. |
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 Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | When my long time boyfriend passed away, I took his little jack rat terrier home with me..."Goose" hated me and I couldn't even pick him up without wrapping a towel around him first....it took him awhile, but I knew he was traumatized by the loss and he needed extra attention....it took over a year for him to really warm up to me, but he did and now he's my buddy and no more snapping and biting at me.....I've had him 2 years now and he's a different dog...I think your boyfriend should be tolerant of him and make a big effort to make friends and let your dog warm up to him in his own time...but your boyfriend will have to genuinely love the dog and the dog will know the difference.... |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Hell he's like this with my guy friends and any other young males he's met (at work, in public, vets) it's not a matter of bein single in my case. I'd probably have to be a lesbian if anything and that ain't happenin. Lol |
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