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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 421
Location: Central Iowa | Over the weekend I had a friend loose her husband to a heart attack at the age of 37. She woke up next to him the next morning and he was gone! They have two wonderful children 8 & 11 and are very involved in the community! I have known her for about 5 years and helped them sell their house and buy a new home just over a year ago! We are a very small close community and I wouldn't say she is a friend that I just stop in and hang out with or go shopping with but we enjoy talking with each other at community events and catching up with each other when we see each other at places!
I know she is just devastated and an emotional wreck thinking about her kids, finances, responsibilities her husband took care of and just loosing her best friend! She is one of the most kind hearted and loving people I know and always puts people before her and goes out of her way to help others! My question to people who have lost spouses unexpectedly or have had friends that have lost spouses what are some good, kind things you can do for them!
I am stopping at grocery store and getting a bunch of food to put in her fridge for her kids to grab and eat and family to grab and munch on but what are some other ideas!! |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
  
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I dont know what you do when something like this happens, but what you are doing now is really sweet, all I can say is just keep doing what you are doing and be there for her. How sad to lose someone so young  |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| Some things I've experienced that help along with food, is cleaning their house, mowing their yard, or helping take care of their animals. I feel like this helps them focus on what's really important so they don't have to stress over these unnecessary things in a time of grief. Prayers to her, her family, and you
ETA that taking care of your animals is necessary. I just meant that although it's a priority, it's nice to take it off of their hands so they can focus on other things.
Edited by blccwgl55 2015-06-08 9:52 AM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1162
Location: White Mountains of AZ | Oh, how tragic!! I'm am so so sorry for their loss. Thank goodness she has a friend like you to help!  |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
 
Location: Kansas | Absolutely heart breaking, I would be a completely devestated if I were in her shoes. Maybe holding a fundraiser for her? |
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  Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | I have no advice, but my thoughts and prayers are with this young family. I cannot imagine losing my husband like that! Maybe a fundraiser like someone else said? Bless their hearts and yours for trying to help in their time of need! |
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 Country Fried Chicken Gal
Posts: 7697
| Just a thought.... Grab some non-perishable food/snack stuff too. Also, stuff that can be frozen and used later is good too. During this time there will probably be an abundance of food/meals being brought to her house. There is sometimes more than what can be eaten and some will have to be thrown out. My brother passed away last year (he was 42). While it wasn't my spouse, the loss was/is overwhelming. We had tons of food and were so very thankful for all of it, but finding enough room in the fridge to store it all was hard. Also, we just couldn't physically eat it all. |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-06-08 9:56 AM Absolutely heart breaking, I would be a completely devestated if I were in her shoes. Maybe holding a fundraiser for her? ^^^^^ Even though they probably have life insurance, etc., there will be day to day expenses (food, utility bills, loan payments) and unexpected expenses pop up before they receive any money. Not worrying about this, helps take the stress off of a person.
Edited by NJJ 2015-06-08 11:25 AM
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Country Fried Chicken Gal
Posts: 7697
| Oh.. And something that was helpful was one friend brought paper plates, cups, plastic spoons/forks. That was nice because we didn't have to worry about washing dishes/cleaning the kitchen for a while. |
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 Not a Long Term Trail Rider
Posts: 3201
Location: Henryetta, OK | Since several have mentioned the large amounts of food maybe get her a food saver vacuum. I cannot think of what they are called. Help her freeze some of it for later on when the people are gone and she is faced with trying to figure out what to cook. This will really help not to waste so much food.
I like the one who suggested mowing lawn. Get her car washed too. Help her figure out what she will wear and what her children will wear. Make sure it is all washed and pressed.
Prayers for you and her family. |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Since this just happened Id give her time to grieve although she doesnt need to feel lonely.. does she have family staying with her? Id not smother her or be to overwhelming.. by going there daily or trying to do to much.you mentioned your not real close but are friends... Its all great and apprecaitive but she has to have her family quiet time as well.. maybe in a few weeks the other stuff.. Id make frozen food and take to her. let her know your there for her and call every few days and go by weekly to check on her.. but Id not overwhelm her at this point.. animal care is huge though so maybe offer to do that as well..give her a ear and a shoulder and talk to her if she wants to talk.
Edited by Bibliafarm 2015-06-08 10:31 AM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| I am so sorry to hear this. Just recently lost a family member that was kind of expected. (She had been sick for a long time) but one thing that really helped us was a cousin brought items like paper plates, toilet tissue (for all the family being in one place) napkins, a cooler full of soft drinks and water and flatware. It was by far the best help ever. A friend checked on the horses and cows everyday for like a week again this was so nice to have someone we trusted taking care of those things. One thing that really helped was the friend who helped with the animals didn't just offer but came by and said I am going to take care of this or this. Don't just offer but actually do. |
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 Quarter Horse HIstorian
Posts: 2878
Location: Aubrey, Texas | I am so sorry to hear about this. I can't imagine the shock of such a thing! I think a fundraiser is a great idea- it would let everyone in the community feel like they can do something to help- ETA: When my cousin was in nursing school, I would make a double batch of homemade spaghetti sauce (I already knew her family liked it) and divide it into 4 gallon freezer baggies. I would take this to her once a month for those days that she just didn't know what to fix for supper. You can also take pkgs. of spaghetti, maybe boxes of jello & canned fruit-
Edited by cloverleaf 2015-06-08 10:52 AM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 393
Location: East Texas | Toilet paper and kleenex and house sit for the family during the furneral that way if anyone shows up there will be someone there to accept anything they might bring or direct them to the funeral home. |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | I have no advice. Just wanting to extend my condolences and offer prayers for her. You sound like a sweet friend and I sure would appreciate what you're doing for her. I can't even imagine being in that situation. And so very young... |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 762
Location: NC | Offering condolences
I didnt lose a spouse but I lost my father and my mom lost her husband to a heart attack while shoveling snow. He died in front of us. It was a shock. He literally said oh shoot and was down and gone. Everything was a blur for a good while. The best thing was the edible arrangements we got from a few good friends. Meant we had to eat something. A fundraiser would prob be a good idea. My father didnt have life insurance and it was tough (still is).Cant imagine having 2 younger children. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Also, maybe some coloring books or some little game books to keep the children's minds busy would be nice. Not a bunch of toys or expensive gifts that they might not be interested in, but something hands on to keep them busy especially when they have to sit and wait during funeral arrangements, etc. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 597
| A cheap cooler filled with drinks and ice, paper plates , plastic cups, toilet paper, paper towels. Crayons and markers and coloring books for the kids. One of my best friends lost her husband and their three babies lost their daddy at the age of 29, it was a horrible and heart breaking time. Just be there for her, try to lend a listening ear and remember that it won't just be hard for a while, it's hard for ever. People get back to their lives and then you're left alone, try to call her or text her just to let her know you're thinking of her. Don't let the support dwindle. Like others said feed her animals, run errands for her, ask for her grocery list ang go shopping for her so that she doesn't have to be overwhelmed by people at the store. My sincerest condolences. |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 345
| This happen to me 13yrs ago, that is a wonderful thought. The food was overwhelming I had more then me and the kids could eat. The best was when a friend bought pizza and soda and a movie over we talked for hours the kids watch the movie it was a break from my pain and worries for a little while this is what stick in my mind the most. |
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