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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 385
 
Location: TN | I just wanted to talk to some others who've dealt with this problem. I've suffered from depression since I was very young, as well as my dad and brother. My dad's whole side of the family pretty much suffers from either depression or some type/form of mental illness. I've managed to keep mine pretty well under control, for quite a while now without the help of medication. I've taken tons of meds over the years, and several seem to help in the beginning but they always seems to fizzle out. I feel like I've done very well up until the last month. I've been going to the gym, and have lost about 30 lbs since the first of the year. That seemed to help, but I've let myself slip back into the whole 'I don't feel like going' routine again. About a week and a half ago I drove down to TX to buy a horse, and just couldn't make myself feel excited about it. I mean, this was a big deal for me! He's hands down the nicest horse I've ever owned and I can't make myself feel excited like I feel as though I should be. I mean, I'm happy about it and I love the horse, don't get me wrong. Maybe its just a buyers' remorse thing, I don't know. I guess more than anything, I just needed to vent a little and this is generally where I come to do that. Sorry to be 'Debbie Downer' here. But I know there's bound to be others out there having similar problems. | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I am sorry you are feeling this way. Post pics of your new guy and we will help you get that excited feeling. I think it is normal to feel a little buyers remorse and wonder if all that money you just spent was worth it. I have no experience with depression but I am glad you are reaching out. Hugs and I do believe that you have better days ahead of you, how you feel right now does not define you or your life. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1062
Location: Probably On the Road to the Next Barrel Race! | I'll weigh in...I've battled depression in one form or another since puberty...not until i gave birth to a special needs child 14 years ago, though, did I require medication. The struggle is real, it's difficult, it's heart breaking. Even with a great psychiatrist, tons of counseling, and the peace of Jesus Christ, I still suffer with bouts of sever depression. I'm daily depressed to some degree. Every. Single. Day. I can easily believe you're not excited about a new horse. I take Pristiq, which is one of the newer drugs, and abilify, which has been shown to augment the effects of some anti-depressant meds. I hope you are getting professional, medical help for this, as it is chemical in nature, and not likely to go away. You may pm me, if you like, if you have other questions. Believe me, I've been there and done that. I'm diagnosed with a depression that changes and mutates, making it impossible to stay on any one drug for long periods of time. THAT sucks!! But, most people don't know I battle severe depression. Some days I spend hours in bed, some days, i don't hardly have a problem with it...I just live for those days. I'm keeping a journal, and one day I may write about it, I've even thought of the title..."The Lost Days..." there are so many things I would love to accomplish and do, but I'm too strapped by this disease to do them. Hope this helps. Ill include you in my prayers. Meanwhile, TRY to enjoy your new horse, THAT is a gift from GOD!!!! | |
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 Experienced Mouse Trapper
Posts: 3106
Location: North Dakota | I hope that you're seeing a therapist-I think having a nonbiased person to vent to is so relieving. I do not think I'm depressed, however, I may have some over the top opinions about things and needed some help figuring things out. So many people pray for the cure for cancer and I think the biggest medical break through would be finding a cure to "normalize" the brain. Realizing that sometimes it's ok to be down and then allowing yourself to be happy seems to be my biggest struggles. There are so many factors to worry about, whether it's your spouse, kids, fellow workplace people, it does get overwhelming. | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas |  | |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | I grew up in a home where both parents suffered from depression. My mom did not get up in the morning, my sister would tell me to get dressed. I caught the bus at 6:15 am from Kindergarten to 9th grade and not once did my mother ever get up. In the summer when I was home she wouldn't get up until 11:00 and would go back to bed at 1:30 until 4:00 then would get up tp cook and it was back to bed for the night. My dad was always depressed or drunk or both. I married a man that suffers depression and both his parents did too. Believe me now that I am 40 I can feel the years and years of being around depressed people starting to pull me down. Medication did nothing for the family members I have and I will NEVER take anything like that to me it is poison to the mind! I am sorry you feel the way you do but keep up the good work and ride that new horse everyday!! | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 999
Location: Sunny So Cal | | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 464
| I'm a guy BTW. on serious subjects, I always feel the need to point that out. I don't know why. I'm 44, been depressed since I was 18. Never sought help, never will seek help. Definatly not going to take meds for it. I "self" diagnosed myself with OCD, about a year ago. Come to find out, it has many forms. I don't turn light switches on and off 40 times, but I do have what is known as ruminating thoughts. You might Google it. Somebody pushed me in that direction, and I'm convenced that what I have. I will get to thinking an event in my life. It might be an event, that seems quit ordinary to most people, but it will really get my attention. I will then dwell on it over and over again. For example------My mother had some harsh words for me other day about having my children work out in the heat. It upset me, because I thought she should mind her own business. I started thinking about it over and over again. I have to think about it, until it makes sense. After a while, I came to the logical conus ion she was just worried about them. Once it made sense, I could get off the wheel. Now-------If something happens that I just can't make sense of, we got trouble. I will dwell on it, until it has ran its course. It makes absolutely no sense at all to my wife (the only person I've ever told), but it makes perfect sense to me. She will say why think about something you can't change? That is great advice, I just can't ever get there. I have found some tips online, that help me move on. It may not be what's going on with you, but it helped me just knowing that's what I have. I would like to give you some examples of things that set me off, but it's a little embarrising.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1062
Location: Probably On the Road to the Next Barrel Race! | angelica - 2015-06-23 3:47 PM I grew up in a home where both parents suffered from depression. My mom did not get up in the morning, my sister would tell me to get dressed. I caught the bus at 6:15 am from Kindergarten to 9th grade and not once did my mother ever get up. In the summer when I was home she wouldn't get up until 11:00 and would go back to bed at 1:30 until 4:00 then would get up tp cook and it was back to bed for the night. My dad was always depressed or drunk or both. I married a man that suffers depression and both his parents did too. Believe me now that I am 40 I can feel the years and years of being around depressed people starting to pull me down. Medication did nothing for the family members I have and I will NEVER take anything like that to me it is poison to the mind! I am sorry you feel the way you do but keep up the good work and ride that new horse everyday!!
You are, of course, entitled to your opinion..."poison to the mind", huh? You are seriously uneducated about the medical nature of depression. Have you ever taken an aspirin, ibuprofen, Tylenol or perhaps an antibiotic like penicillin? No difference, hon...the brain can be unwell, too. People like you are what keeps people like me from seeking the help they need. I am sorry you got a poor lot in life...that does not change the FACT that depression is very often a treatable disease. You sound bitter and angry...maybe you need to talk to someone about YOUR situation. Help IS out there... | |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Dellas Speedy Devil - 2015-06-23 2:16 PM
I just wanted to talk to some others who've dealt with this problem. I've suffered from depression since I was very young, as well as my dad and brother. My dad's whole side of the family pretty much suffers from either depression or some type/form of mental illness. I've managed to keep mine pretty well under control, for quite a while now without the help of medication. I've taken tons of meds over the years, and several seem to help in the beginning but they always seems to fizzle out. I feel like I've done very well up until the last month. I've been going to the gym, and have lost about 30 lbs since the first of the year. That seemed to help, but I've let myself slip back into the whole 'I don't feel like going' routine again. About a week and a half ago I drove down to TX to buy a horse, and just couldn't make myself feel excited about it. I mean, this was a big deal for me! He's hands down the nicest horse I've ever owned and I can't make myself feel excited like I feel as though I should be. I mean, I'm happy about it and I love the horse, don't get me wrong. Maybe its just a buyers' remorse thing, I don't know. I guess more than anything, I just needed to vent a little and this is generally where I come to do that. Sorry to be 'Debbie Downer' here. But I know there's bound to be others out there having similar problems.
I just want to say congratulations on your weight loss and your new boy! I have no expert words for you, but please know people are here for you and praying. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | rodeomom3 - 2015-06-23 2:25 PM I am sorry you are feeling this way. Post pics of your new guy and we will help you get that excited feeling. I think it is normal to feel a little buyers remorse and wonder if all that money you just spent was worth it. I have no experience with depression but I am glad you are reaching out. Hugs and I do believe that you have better days ahead of you, how you feel right now does not define you or your life.
Hugs to you girl I just dont know what to tell you but just wanted to send you a few hugs, and I agree with Rodeomom we really need to see pictures of your new man so we can uuoooo and aweee over him so get your booty in gear and post some pictures  | |
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One Grateful Mom
Posts: 2702
Location: wolverton,mn | I certainly hope you will visit with cross creek. Letting go of the stigma attached with a counselor or meds may be a good first step.
good luck | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1131
| I'm currently on a new medicine called Fetzima, not really a fan of it because I feel like this a lot. I start college in less than 2 months, and yet I really couldn't care less about anything. But the couldn't care less is better than the crying or screaming over everything that I did have on Zoloft. Depression is not a good disease. Mine was due partially from family history and partially from emotional abuse when I was younger. That's what they say at least. I'm here to talk if you like, but I don't deal with it very well, so I'm probably not a good role model.
FYI...I'm psychotic with vicious mood swings and anxiety attacks. It is not pretty when I'm pushed past the medicated 'dead' state. I actually lose all control of my actions, and you better duck for cover because fists will start swinging and then eventually I break down into a crying mess when I wear down. Then I won't remember it afterwards.
Major Kudos to the poster above who has a special needs child. I can't handle anyone special needs at all, like I make them stay far away from me because I cannot promise that I can be nice, and it isn't fair for my disease to hurt them for theirs.
ETA: I too have days where I can't even get out of bed, then there are days where I'm ok or even feel great. I've been on 8 different medications in the last year alone. Trust me, it's sucks when drugs that once made you feel great just don't work anymore. It makes it really hard. It makes it even harder when you have family who believe it's just a cry for attention, or it's just a phase. That makes it really hard. So make sure you have your support network. I know that it really helped me when I got my supporter.
Edited by FlyingHigh1454 2015-06-24 12:20 AM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 385
Location: TN | Thank you all so much for the kind words and sharing your own struggles. I can't tell you how many times I've had friends say, 'stop being so negative' or 'you need to be happy'. Well, if I could just 'get over it and be happy', I'd have done that a long d@mn time ago. I WANT to be happy, I LONG to get up and look forward to something that day. Don't get the wrong impression, I'm not suicidal. I mean let's face it, what would my husband do without me??? Lol (jk). But feeling this way just makes it incredibly hard to feel anything about anything. I love my husband, but sometimes when I come home I just wish he wasn't there. I love my horses but some days just the thought of riding exhausts me. The last month has been rough. It seems as though everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. This has only made my problems worse. I have several medical problems that I go to specialists for and I'm sure they affect the depression as well. I was also diagnosed a couple years ago with a mild form of bipolar disorder (which isn't surprising since I already have 2 relatives on my dads side with it). I will try to post a picture of my new guy when I get home tonite :) | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| Getting a new horse and losing all that weight sounds so exciting!  Growing up (and I don't think I'm the only one) I didn't understand depression and mental diseases and how medication can really help. I have a lot of family members that are reluctant to take medicine and others that deal with depression and anxiety who DO take medicine. After seeing depression and anxiety effect those that I love, and then them helping themselves with counseling, medicine, etc I am not against using medication. I wish some people I love would stop being so hard headed and would look into those options. Hey..if you need it, you need it and that is OK. You're not crazy or a bad person for needing it. If you don't need it, that's ok too. Talking to a doctor and seeing what's best for you is a good first step and it might not work the first try, sometimes you have to try a few different things. But God is here for you and will always be here for you so turning to him helps as well whatever journey you take. Prayers for you, keep your head up!! | |
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  Rebel Without a Cause
Posts: 2758
Location: Adopt a homeless pet - www.petfinder.com! | CrossCreek - 2015-06-23 10:23 PM angelica - 2015-06-23 3:47 PM I grew up in a home where both parents suffered from depression. My mom did not get up in the morning, my sister would tell me to get dressed. I caught the bus at 6:15 am from Kindergarten to 9th grade and not once did my mother ever get up. In the summer when I was home she wouldn't get up until 11:00 and would go back to bed at 1:30 until 4:00 then would get up tp cook and it was back to bed for the night. My dad was always depressed or drunk or both. I married a man that suffers depression and both his parents did too. Believe me now that I am 40 I can feel the years and years of being around depressed people starting to pull me down. Medication did nothing for the family members I have and I will NEVER take anything like that to me it is poison to the mind! I am sorry you feel the way you do but keep up the good work and ride that new horse everyday!! You are, of course, entitled to your opinion..."poison to the mind", huh? You are seriously uneducated about the medical nature of depression. Have you ever taken an aspirin, ibuprofen, Tylenol or perhaps an antibiotic like penicillin? No difference, hon...the brain can be unwell, too. People like you are what keeps people like me from seeking the help they need. I am sorry you got a poor lot in life...that does not change the FACT that depression is very often a treatable disease. You sound bitter and angry...maybe you need to talk to someone about YOUR situation. Help IS out there...
I totally agree with you. I've suffered from despression at varying degrees since I was a child. Not a lot of time to post this morning but I just want to say that I think you're right on. Depression is a MEDICAL problem, there's no shame in seeking treatment! People think nothing of taking meds for blood pressure, diabetes, migraines, etc... but there is such a stigma about mental illness and mood disorders that people are afraid to seek treatment. Anyway, preach it sista! | |
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 Queen Boobie 2
Posts: 7521
| Bigfoot - 2015-06-23 4:59 PM
I'm a guy BTW. on serious subjects, I always feel the need to point that out. I don't know why. I'm 44, been depressed since I was 18. Never sought help, never will seek help. Definatly not going to take meds for it. I "self" diagnosed myself with OCD, about a year ago. Come to find out, it has many forms. I don't turn light switches on and off 40 times, but I do have what is known as ruminating thoughts. You might Google it. Somebody pushed me in that direction, and I'm convenced that what I have. I will get to thinking an event in my life. It might be an event, that seems quit ordinary to most people, but it will really get my attention. I will then dwell on it over and over again. For example------My mother had some harsh words for me other day about having my children work out in the heat. It upset me, because I thought she should mind her own business. I started thinking about it over and over again. I have to think about it, until it makes sense. After a while, I came to the logical conus ion she was just worried about them. Once it made sense, I could get off the wheel. Now-------If something happens that I just can't make sense of, we got trouble. I will dwell on it, until it has ran its course. It makes absolutely no sense at all to my wife (the only person I've ever told), but it makes perfect sense to me. She will say why think about something you can't change? That is great advice, I just can't ever get there. I have found some tips online, that help me move on. It may not be what's going on with you, but it helped me just knowing that's what I have. I would like to give you some examples of things that set me off, but it's a little embarrising.
It's pretty brave of you to share this with us. I want to thank you, because reading you post helped me. | |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | One of the biggest hurdles I've found in dealing with depression is learning how to spot when you are in the down part of the cycle and being patient with yourself as you go through it. If I feel myself starting to get into that blah mentality, I start telling myself it's not the real me but the depression acting up and to stop being so hard on myself. It's at those times when I need to be the nicest and easiest on myself so that I'm rested to fight the beast within. Learing how to "call it out" so-to-speak has helped me deal with it. If you can't recognize it when it happens, you'll always lose to it when it comes calling. It's taken a long time but I'm getting better at spotting it when it happens and trying to box it off from the real me when it's raging and roaring in my mind. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 628
Location: Missouri | I know exactly how you feel. Lately I have had the hardest time even riding my horses. I go through these phases a lot and have found the best thing that works for me is taking them one step at a time. On days I don't wanna ride I will make myself go down and at least brush them and give them some extra love, this usually gets me in the mood to ride.
I make sure I reward myself when I do do something I really didn't wanna do. I'm a competitive person so making things into a competition REALLY helps. I know that going to the gym gets my endorphins (SP) up and I feel so much better and can deal with the day. Sometimes when I don't wanna haul to a race I will FORCE myself to do it. I know in my logical mind that sitting around my house on a Saturday is only going to make me more depressed, so I try and get people to go with me. Having a hauling buddy helps, especially someone you can talk to about this, REALLY REALLY helps. It gets you out of the house and allows you to be around a positive force.
Keep your chin up girl! Depression sucks and there are so many different levels to it. I try and be as positive as possible and keep a busy lifestyle so I don't have a chance to get down. Try finding someone to go to the gym with you or go on walks. I know having my puppy around, I can really have some fun playing with her and getting outside. Sometimes a little outdoors is all I need.  | |
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 To the Left
Posts: 1865
Location: Florida | I will chime in since I am almost 60. I have had depression since I was a child, along with a mild case of Tourets Syndrome. Put the two together and every time I have the constant bad thoughts, I vocalize something. I remember everything I regret doing since I wad 6 years old, and it still bothers me. I also remember every insult I ever heard about me. I am wildly sucessful considering my where I come from. First in my family to graduate college, get a Masters degree, get a high paying job, raise my little sister, and win rodeos. Yet I still get depressed and insecure.
It is a constant battle, but it is winable. Rodeo was my saving, I loved it and it got me through most of my life. Enjoy your new guy, go run, go have fun, and you will be OK.
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