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Member
Posts: 23
| Today is a bad day. It appears as though my marriage is at an end. I've tried but things just get worse. We do nothing together and have very few joint interests. He's totally uninterested and not supportive of my horses. I have no interest in his hobbies but am supportive.
It appears we live one another, but are no longer in love. I keep praying for change but those prayers go unanswered.
What do I do? I don't even know where to start if this really is the end. Does it matter who files for divorce? Any advantage one way or other? How do you choose a good attorney? Who gets the home if you both want it? Any advice, I need it and any strength you can spare for me. |
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Regular
Posts: 94
Location: Texas | Sorry to hear that your marriage is at it's end and it does sound like it since he is uninterested and unsupportive. My prayers go out to you, I've been their twice now and it hurts, sometimes people just grow apart and theirs nothing that you can do so don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe it's time for another chapter in your life to open.
If you live in Texas I can tell you from what I have experienced but if you don't check out the laws in your state. For one you need to find a good attorney if your spouse plans to protest the divorce, you will need one. If you both can agree on dividing up the assets then you will be a lot better off (attorney's are expensive). You need to file for divorce first and stay in the house and don't move out, more than likely the judge will allow you to keep it if you can show that you can pay the bills especially if you have kids. I found a local home town attorney (I live in a small town) and he had an idea of how the judge for that area would react to a divorce and what he would probably decide, in a large city that may be hard to do but ask around someone may know some information as they see divorce cases all the time. Hope this helps.
Good luck. Prayers and hugs......
Disclaimer---The above information is only my own opinion and is in no way shape or form is to replace advice of an attorney or any legal counsel and does not reflect the view of this website. |
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
   
Location: Texas | Divorce is a devastating thing to go through. If your marriage is salvageable, it's worth it.
I always recommend a book that really opened my eyes: You can get it on Amazon.com, and it's called "The Surprising Way to a Stronger Marriage; How the Power of One Changes Everything" by Michael Smalley. |
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Member
Posts: 23
| I'm all for trying to heal the marriage, but the attempts made haven't helped so far. I don't want to walk away not having done all I can, but it takes two and right now he's just being mean and heartless. He has some issues going on mentally. I think he's bipolar or something. He will cycle from happy and loving to mean and darn near evil to just blah, back to loving... Just all over the board. That's a huge part of all this, but you can't help those who don't want it |
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Member
Posts: 23
| prober - 2015-06-28 9:10 PM
Sorry to hear that your marriage is at it's end and it does sound like it since he is uninterested and unsupportive. My prayers go out to you, I've been their twice now and it hurts, sometimes people just grow apart and theirs nothing that you can do so don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe it's time for another chapter in your life to open.
If you live in Texas I can tell you from what I have experienced but if you don't check out the laws in your state. For one you need to find a good attorney if your spouse plans to protest the divorce, you will need one. If you both can agree on dividing up the assets then you will be a lot better off (attorney's are expensive). You need to file for divorce first and stay in the house and don't move out, more than likely the judge will allow you to keep it if you can show that you can pay the bills especially if you have kids. I found a local home town attorney (I live in a small town) and he had an idea of how the judge for that area would react to a divorce and what he would probably decide, in a large city that may be hard to do but ask around someone may know some information as they see divorce cases all the time. Hope this helps.
Good luck. Prayers and hugs......
Disclaimer---The above information is only my own opinion and is in no way shape or form is to replace advice of an attorney or any legal counsel and does not reflect the view of this website.
I'm not in Texas. We don't have kids together, but he has one child from prior. We live where we do because I had horses before we got married. I need the place for them. He can move anywhere really. The house is probably only thing I envision arguing over if it comes to that |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | troubledracer - 2015-06-28 10:20 PM
prober - 2015-06-28 9:10 PM
Sorry to hear that your marriage is at it's end and it does sound like it since he is uninterested and unsupportive. My prayers go out to you, I've been their twice now and it hurts, sometimes people just grow apart and theirs nothing that you can do so don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe it's time for another chapter in your life to open.
If you live in Texas I can tell you from what I have experienced but if you don't check out the laws in your state. For one you need to find a good attorney if your spouse plans to protest the divorce, you will need one. If you both can agree on dividing up the assets then you will be a lot better off (attorney's are expensive). You need to file for divorce first and stay in the house and don't move out, more than likely the judge will allow you to keep it if you can show that you can pay the bills especially if you have kids. I found a local home town attorney (I live in a small town) and he had an idea of how the judge for that area would react to a divorce and what he would probably decide, in a large city that may be hard to do but ask around someone may know some information as they see divorce cases all the time. Hope this helps.
Good luck. Prayers and hugs......
Disclaimer---The above information is only my own opinion and is in no way shape or form is to replace advice of an attorney or any legal counsel and does not reflect the view of this website.
I'm not in Texas. We don't have kids together, but he has one child from prior. We live where we do because I had horses before we got married. I need the place for them. He can move anywhere really. The house is probably only thing I envision arguing over if it comes to that
I agree, get advice from a lawyer in your area. I went thru a bad divorce; I got to keep the house, but of course assumed the mortgage. Also had to pay him 20000 and I got the credit card debt he helped create. I had a horrible lawyer. Got full custody and he only had supervised visitation because he's an alcoholic, so it was worth whatever I had to do to keep my son safe. I pray things work out for you the very best way possible. |
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 BHW's Lance Armstrong 
Posts: 11134
Location: Somewhere between S@%&# stirrer and Saint | Something caught me eye in your statement. You are praying for change but the prayers are unanswered. Maybe instead of praying that he may change that you ask God to help you change. You can only change yourself. |
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Expert
Posts: 1561
| troubledracer - 2015-06-28 10:18 PM
I'm all for trying to heal the marriage, but the attempts made haven't helped so far. I don't want to walk away not having done all I can, but it takes two and right now he's just being mean and heartless. He has some issues going on mentally. I think he's bipolar or something. He will cycle from happy and loving to mean and darn near evil to just blah, back to loving... Just all over the board. That's a huge part of all this, but you can't help those who don't want it
research this...
http://www.bulksupplements.com/l-theanine.html |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Douglas J Gordon - 2015-06-29 12:05 AM
Something caught me eye in your statement. You are praying for change but the prayers are unanswered. Maybe instead of praying that he may change that you ask God to help you change. You can only change yourself.
I read it that she was praying for change period, not necessarily that HE would change?? |
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Member
Posts: 23
| I'm praying for change in general. I can't live the way he treats me anymore. I'd love it if he'd come to his senses, but pretty doubtful he will wake up one day and say gee, maybe I shouldn't be so hateful and abusive to my wife. So whether he can get a grip on his behavior or a change that means divorce.. Something has to give. I live with a empty nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach every day. |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | Thoughts on credit card debt. With my first husband, we went 50/50 on the CC debt. He moved out of state, did not pay, the CC companies came after me. To go after him I would have had to hire an attorney in his state. |
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Regular
Posts: 94
Location: Texas | I hate that your having to live like that...life is to short to have to live it being unhappy...I feel for you and keep praying GOD does answer our prayers.
Have you talked to your husband about a divorce? Does he want one as well? When I was ready for a change I talked and talked to mine and he said he wanted a change but unfortunately he never did change. So I filed for divorce but he didn't move out right away instead we lived in separate bedrooms until he left. If you lived in the house before ya'll married that may go in your favor with the judge. But you may have to pay a portion of the equity to him depending on the market value and what is still owing on the home and then split the debt on other bills as well. But I would really talk to him and see if he really wants a divorce, if he doesn't maybe consider going to a marriage counselor an see if they can help or find a unbiased friend that you both could talk to. Your right I think something has to give/change and it will GOD has the right path for you and HE will show you the way just keep praying. Hugs and prayers for you.....
Disclaimer----This above information is that of my own opinion and not to replace the advise of an attorney or legal counsel and is in no way the view of this website. |
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 No Name Nancy
Posts: 2715
Location: never in the right place | if you think he could be bi-polar maybe he needs to see a Dr and see if meds will help him |
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Member
Posts: 23
| This has been a viscous cycle. Right now he acts like he wants a divorce. He'll go around house, blatantly ignore me, but act very happy to others. I've suggested counseling, doctors, you name it. He's unhappy because we aren't super close. But after his fits time and time again, I don't emotionally trust him, so my guard is up.
He was married once before. Same dance, just different song |
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 The Purple Princess
Posts: 2226
Location: Charlestown, IN | troubledracer - 2015-06-28 11:18 PM I'm all for trying to heal the marriage, but the attempts made haven't helped so far. I don't want to walk away not having done all I can, but it takes two and right now he's just being mean and heartless. He has some issues going on mentally. I think he's bipolar or something. He will cycle from happy and loving to mean and darn near evil to just blah, back to loving... Just all over the board. That's a huge part of all this, but you can't help those who don't want it
I feel your pain. Currently going thru all of this and trying to figure out if divorce is the answer. Mine is supposed to be in counseling and I opened the mail Saturday to find he's missed his last 3 appointments so........... Good luck in whatever you decide. Life's too short to live unhappy. |
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | My divorce took 3 1/2 years to finalize. He thought if he ignored everything it would just go away. It was expensive, but I had a good attorney. I assumed the truck and trailer as we had a horse transportation company so I got to keep the rig. He was supposed to pay a portion of the attorney fees, never did. Medical debt on our daughter he refuses to pay and he's way behind in child support. The good thing is... I have SOLE custody of our daughter and he has no contact. He was abusive and an alcoholic so I did whatever I had to do to protect our daughter. It isn't easy. But I would recommend filing first. I've been told to put everything plus more you want and then settle in agreement over things. |
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  Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | Divorce is no fun even under the best circumstances, but I can tell you that it's not the end of the world and things can and do get better. When my husband left, I took the house, the mortgage and had to write him a check for $20000 for his part of the equity in the place (even though my parents gave us the $20,000 down payment). It was worth it but the financial part did scare me. Despite some other crazy things happening in my life shortly after my divorce was final that didn't have anything to do with my ex, I made it, and ended up meeting a man that IS exactly what a husband is supposed to be. I try not to encourage divorce, but on the flip side, it's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Best of luck to you. Life is short, and I choose to make the most of it. Most of all, HUGS!!!!!  |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | no advice, just thinking of you through this tough time.  |
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| I think that whomever files first is really in a better position. Assume everything will be a huge fight. It seems that things start out civilized and reasonable, but that usually changes to a fight and things can get nasty quick. I don't know if that is because the attornys stir that up or just the nature of when the realization hits. When/if you file, be sure he cannot clean out the bank accounts leaving you with no money; also that he cannot run up the credit card debt on you. |
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 Regular
Posts: 63
| I am sorry you are going through this. |
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Folks on-line