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Elite Veteran
Posts: 617
 
| I'm in a wedding and the bachelorette party is 2 nights downtown Chicago. I can't get off for the one night so I'm just going down for the second night (about a 2 hr drive). It's about $100 per night per person because they picked a fancy hotel. Well the gal planning told me I owe her $195....but I'm not going to be there the one night. I'm not trying to be selfish, but I'm in college...so spending that extra hundred is not reasonable for me.I wish that the hotel pick would have gotten discussed before hand, but it wasn't. Not sure if I should say something or just pay the extra hundred. I feel cheap saying something but I don't know how I'll pay for all the other stuff they want to do too :/
Also she decided to plan her wedding only 5 months in advance so I haven't had much time to save for everything which all together will be around $1000.
Edited by cn1705 2015-07-23 3:03 PM
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
  
Location: Kansas | is she saying you have to pay for the 2 nights? |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I think that is absolutely crazy to expect bridesmaids to shell out big bucks to be in a wedding. If you can't afford to pay for your bridal party then you need to plan something that is very inexpensive.
Edited by rodeomom3 2015-07-23 3:13 PM
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | rodeomom3 - 2015-07-23 3:12 PM I think that is absolutely crazy to expect bridesmaids to shell out big bucks to be in a wedding. If you can't afford to pay for your bridal party then you need to plan something that is very inexpensive.
agree |
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 Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | If they do not want to pay for the bridesmaids themselves then they need to discuss this with everyone before hand. I'm sorry your having to deal with this.. Just be honest with her, maybe she forgot you wouldn't be there one night? |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 617
| The maid of honor wants me to pay for the night I'm not there. I did a Bach party last Summer camping and it was so fun! This particular one is expensive because of her bridal party. Expensive hotel, spa, going to some men in underwear show, dinners, bars ...in sure there's more. The bride picked ok dresses. They are $220... We are wearing boots with the dresses but I need to buy a new pair because all my boots are trashed. You also have to figure in shower and wedding gift. Adds up super fast!! That's why I'm not sure I can front that extra money when I won't even be there! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 477
Location: IA | Did you originally say that you would be there both nights, and now won't be because you can't get off work? |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 617
| I'm afraid to say anything to the bridesmaids...I don't even know them. I don't want to make a fuss to my friend or make things awkward. I mean if this isn't the norm then maybe I'll just have to pull on my big girl britches and say something.. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 617
| No I told them I needed to see if I could get off first. I only got off one of the nights. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 477
Location: IA | What likely would happen is that the cost you don't pay gets spread among the other bridesmaids---and if you don't know them now, that's not a good way to make an impression.It is a pain, but so many times you just have to roll along for the sake of your friend and her day. And remember when it's your turn, how you want things to go. |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| Be upfront. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. I don't think it is fair to pay for a night you are not using and that is something I would not expect others to pay either. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 928
Location: Northern CA | The same exact thing happened to me for a friend's wedding this year. I ended up not going to the party at all. I had to work the first day of it, and it was crazy expensive just to rent the cabin. That didn't include all of the eatting, drinking, travel, etc. I politely excused myself from the whole ordeal. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| As much as you wanna make your friend happy and do the best you can do, it's not worth being put in a bind financially especially for one weekend and for a night you're not using. It sounds like you've done enough already and she'll be happy enough you're there. I would just be straight up with them and tell them you can't afford it. Hopefully they'll be understanding since you're in college. I'm in the same boat and it can be tough!! |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | I'd just suck it up and pay it. It's going to be really awkward (especially since you don't know the other girls). IDK when weddings got to be so out of hand, it's ridiculous what it winds up costing to be a bridesmaid in some of them. I'm not saying that you really should owe it, but I'd just pay it to keep the peace. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| I'd just tell them that I'm going to pay for the night that I am there, then only pay for the night I am there! Sounds to me they should have included everyone on the plans and since you told them you didn't know if you could get off before hand, it's their problem to figure out the extra cost! Tell your friend, I bet she'll understand and if the other bridesmaids get mad.... Oh well, they didn't take you into consideration anyways! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| How much is the hotel total. I thinking like four girls at 200 per night that is 400 per night. Does the butler come with that? That is ridiculous for a night to sleep. The Opryland Hotel doesn't even cost that much. I would question that.
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | When I was in college there is no way I would have paid almost $1000 for a friends wedding. I would either just not go to the party or flat tell the one bridesmaid that I would pay the one night I was coming or I couldn't come at all. Honestly what are the odds you are going to see these other bridesmaids much after the wedding? Who cares if you tick them off by paying only your fair share? |
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Since when does the bridal party have to pay for that stuff??? I could see food etc but we paid for the dresses, hotels , flowers etc.. afterall its their wedding not yours and if you cant afford it then be honest and tell bride.. i dont think you owe that.. imho.. |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | I think weddings have become ridiculous and I wouldn't put myself into a money bind for anyone. I would bow out of all of it and just go as a guest. JMHO |
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | That is nuts. When planning the party the MOH should have checked the hotel choice with everybody. If the majority were cool with having the fancy hotel, but one person wasn't (or would be absent for a night) - the covering of that expense should have then been factored into everybody's "tab".
Wedding's have gotten so silly. When I got married five years ago we originally were planning a gigantic wedding with a guest list of over 400 people - and then we got the catering quote and nearly choked on our samples. We ended up "eloping" to our hometown and just having family (still around 100 people) and around ten friends on the guest list. I had a maid of honor and my husband had a best man and that was IT. And it was SO MUCH STINKIN FUN.
Since I only had the one bridal party member we got to do super fancy things like have an all day spa extravaganza, buy new Lucchesse to wear with our dresses (I bought hers as her "thank you" gift), and there was NO DRAMA - because she is my best friend and like a sister to me. |
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