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Location: Never in one place long | What do you do when your parent is acting like a child!? My siblings who live nearby have said they basically disowned my Mom as they are tired of the way she is acting... for about a year now she has been acting irresponsibly, drinking too much, taking WAY more than enough xanax, sleeping odd hours of the day, not going to work, not being responsible watching my niece and nephew and just acting like a baby! She loves to dance and goes out dancing 3-4 times a week, always meeting different men and saying she "found the one" then they disappear and I have to hear ALL about it. I think it all snowballed when her friend died about a month ago, then her dog...I know she is depressed and lonely but nothing we seem to do helps, everyone goes through hardships in life but she's always in a "poor me" mode. We take her pills away, she just goes to her doctor and gets more pills and buys more alcohol. Since I don't live at home, I really have no control. When I talk to her, she lies, she lies to my siblings, her text messages make absolutely no sense half the time. I don't know who to believe or how to even help her at this point... can you legally get your parent checked into a mental facility?? Help! |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | Nothing you do is going to make any difference - sadly - it's her life and she can live it however she wants. It's tough to watch a loved one spiral downhill, but you're not going to be able to change anything. How is she paying her bills? |
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 Regular
Posts: 58
Location: Pa | MS2011 - 2015-10-08 9:51 AM
Nothing you do is going to make any difference - sadly - it's her life and she can live it however she wants. It's tough to watch a loved one spiral downhill, but you're not going to be able to change anything. How is she paying her bills?
Agreed.. Unfortunately there isn't anything.. She's going to do what she eats to do and that's it. She obviously wants attention so maybe try not giving it to her. I know it's hard when you care so much.. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| My question is why is the doctor giving her more pills when she goes back? Doesn't he realize that she is asking for refills too soon? Can you go to the doctor with her and explain that she is drinking and taking the pills and you are worried about her? I am sooo sorry you are going through this. I hope your mom can pull herself back up soon. Hugs to you.  |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Mine don't do drugs or drink alcohol. (Dodged that bullet!). But when you figure out what to do with irrational senior citizens making decisions and actions more worthy of 17 year olds, please let me know. I've been wondering the same thing about mental institutions. |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| You can discuss with her doctor and see if he will commit her.
Where I live a doctor or police officer can commit an individual who is mentally unstable and is a threat to themselves or intend to do harm to someone else.
The other thing you can do is when she is out drinking and you are aware, call the police and have her arrested, if she is driving. Then hopefully when she is in custody drug and alcohol treatment can be a condition of her sentence. |
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 Night Watchman
Posts: 5516
Location: Central Montana | My mom had a personality change ..... My sister and I can't quite put my finger on when it started but it has been a year and a half or more......a few months ago she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and it had metasticized to her brain. I have really gotten to the point where I hate being anywhere near the hosptial and wonder if the dr.'s ever know what they are doing.
She quit smoking over 20 years ago and I fully expected to have my mom around for another 20-25 years (she is in her 60's, my twins sister and I are in our mid/late 30's).......
Sometimes there is more going on that what we can see, that is for sure, hopefully your mom has a good doctor that can figure it out.... |
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  Roan Wonder
Location: SW MO | GoinJettin - 2015-10-08 10:03 AM
My mom had a personality change ..... My sister and I can't quite put my finger on when it started but it has been a year and a half or more......a few months ago she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and it had metasticized to her brain. I have really gotten to the point where I hate being anywhere near the hosptial and wonder if the dr.'s ever know what they are doing.
She quit smoking over 20 years ago and I fully expected to have my mom around for another 20-25 years (she is in her 60's, my twins sister and I are in our mid/late 30's).......
Sometimes there is more going on that what we can see, that is for sure, hopefully your mom has a good doctor that can figure it out....
GJ I'm so sorry you are having to go through this |
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 Veteran
Posts: 133
Location: texas | Are you religious? if so start praying for her as much a possible! im soo sorry this is happening! |
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 Twin Sister to Queen Boobie
Posts: 13315
Location: East Tennessee but who knows?! | I am in a similar situation.and live 3 hours away. I would talk to all of her docs and actually fax a letter as well so that it goes in her chart as a permanent record. Unless she has put you on the release form they can't tell you anything but they can accept information from you.
Another thing I would do is suggest they do a test for Alzheimer's. Personality changes / bad decisions are a sign of that. Also, nutritional deficiencies too. |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | my advice.....walk away...............you can only help someone who wants help
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 pressure dripper
Posts: 8696
Location: the end of the rainbow | cheryl makofka - 2015-10-08 7:59 AM
You can discuss with her doctor and see if he will commit her.
Where I live a doctor or police officer can commit an individual who is mentally unstable and is a threat to themselves or intend to do harm to someone else.
The other thing you can do is when she is out drinking and you are aware, call the police and have her arrested, if she is driving. Then hopefully when she is in custody drug and alcohol treatment can be a condition of her sentence.
In our state it is pretty hard to have someone committed. But if she is drinking and driving an arrest is a huge wake up call. Your only other option is a find a really good therapist or pastor to help you family do an intervention to see if you can talk her into getting help. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1898
| willrodeo4food - 2015-10-08 1:48 PM
cheryl makofka - 2015-10-08 7:59 AM
You can discuss with her doctor and see if he will commit her.
Where I live a doctor or police officer can commit an individual who is mentally unstable and is a threat to themselves or intend to do harm to someone else.
The other thing you can do is when she is out drinking and you are aware, call the police and have her arrested, if she is driving. Then hopefully when she is in custody drug and alcohol treatment can be a condition of her sentence.
In our state it is pretty hard to have someone committed. But if she is drinking and driving an arrest is a huge wake up call. Your only other option is a find a really good therapist or pastor to help you family do an intervention to see if you can talk her into getting help.
From experience, you can go to a doctor's apt with her but she probably wont let you; you can call the doctor and they will listen to you but wont do a **** thing. At the end of your conversation they will say "Although we appreciate this information, there really is nothing we can do unless she discloses this information to us herself.
As for calling and reporting her as drunk driving, this is probably your best option. At least then she will get in the system and a judge can require she gets help. But the thing is, even if the help is required, it is only going to work if she wants to change.
I don't think walking away is the right path either. Although there are times that this the only thing left to do. |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | thanks for all the encouragment, yes, I'm religious and have been praying fervently. I don't think she drives drunk, luckily. She does I think drive under the influence of too much xanax maybe... it's like she just can't cope with anything! Everything that happens drags her down and she isn't resiliant at all! She needs to realize other people have trials too but she just sees the bad in HER life. It's heart breaking to see her wasting her life. She has kept a job but I'm worried about it. Luckily, she gets a lot of time off, a lot of sick days and her job is very flexible. That has saved her so far. |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12838
| I think that you can have her committed. If she is arrested. the judge may order her to go to treatment. If she is caught DUI very many times, she will go to jail. Many states have three strikes you're out policies and the third arrest means jail and you do not come out. My cousin's boyfriend called the police on her and she was forced to go to rehab by the judge. She was there for about 4 months. She now has a blow and go on her car. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | DLV - 2015-10-08 9:34 AM
What do you do when your parent is acting like a child!? My siblings who live nearby have said they basically disowned my Mom as they are tired of the way she is acting... for about a year now she has been acting irresponsibly, drinking too much, taking WAY more than enough xanax, sleeping odd hours of the day, not going to work, not being responsible watching my niece and nephew and just acting like a baby! She loves to dance and goes out dancing 3-4 times a week, always meeting different men and saying she "found the one" then they disappear and I have to hear ALL about it. I think it all snowballed when her friend died about a month ago, then her dog...I know she is depressed and lonely but nothing we seem to do helps, everyone goes through hardships in life but she's always in a "poor me" mode. We take her pills away, she just goes to her doctor and gets more pills and buys more alcohol. Since I don't live at home, I really have no control. When I talk to her, she lies, she lies to my siblings, her text messages make absolutely no sense half the time. I don't know who to believe or how to even help her at this point... can you legally get your parent checked into a mental facility?? Help!
I have no advice other than the good ones you've been given here, but prayers for your mom and you. God can turn things around in a heartbeat. |
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 Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | Everybody missed....what might be the most important fact. She lost her dog. Encourage her to get another... Maybe a shelter dog that has lost everybody too. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 287
| cheryl makofka - 2015-10-08 7:59 AM
You can discuss with her doctor and see if he will commit her.
Where I live a doctor or police officer can commit an individual who is mentally unstable and is a threat to themselves or intend to do harm to someone else.
The other thing you can do is when she is out drinking and you are aware, call the police and have her arrested, if she is driving. Then hopefully when she is in custody drug and alcohol treatment can be a condition of her sentence.
You are kidding right?? Frankly, if Moms wants to down a 5th of scotch every night and sleep with every old geezer in the local elks lodge, she has every right to do so. Sorry. No one has to like it and I can't believe that people actually think it's grounds for involuntary commitment! She's not driving drunk and is plenty old enough to make her own choices, be they good or bad. She probably shouldn't get all hopped up on Xanax and be driving around, but as for the rest of it.... ain't nobody's d@mn business!! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| She's old enough to do what she wants..... |
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Miracle in the Making
Posts: 4013
| DLV - 2015-10-08 3:03 PM thanks for all the encouragment, yes, I'm religious and have been praying fervently. I don't think she drives drunk, luckily. She does I think drive under the influence of too much xanax maybe... it's like she just can't cope with anything! Everything that happens drags her down and she isn't resiliant at all! She needs to realize other people have trials too but she just sees the bad in HER life. It's heart breaking to see her wasting her life. She has kept a job but I'm worried about it. Luckily, she gets a lot of time off, a lot of sick days and her job is very flexible. That has saved her so far.
THIS IS A ROUGH statement see if she will volunter at a spinal cord rehab or brain injury rehad or a senior then maybe she wil feel blessed and useful
its a thought |
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