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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
 
| For those who've experienced it.
How do you handle an alzheimers patient who is right on the bubble?!? Good enough that they *think* they are fine but in reality require 24 hour care that they are fighting tooth and nail.
Someone who has no sense of the person they once were, but they dont know it
someone who is physically "fine" but mentally dangerous to themselves
someone who comes across to casual acquaintences as "fine" but to those who know the person as completely changed.
Somewho after spending more than an hour with you start to see what isn't there, mentally. Holes, lack of reason, confusion, etc.
HOW do you DEAL
How do you deal when you can't reason with someone who desperately needs to be reasoned with !!!!!!!!!!!
How do you deal with the constant need to justify the choices being made to take care of said individual?!!!!!
I really need to know because Alzheimers is the worst. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 669
 
Location: Central Texas | Seek out some Alzheimers support groups! Sorry you're going through this. A couple of my friends had parents that suffered through this. It's awful. |
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 Balance Beam and more...
Posts: 11511
Location: 31 lengths farms | You can't reason with them, Alzheimers steals that part of them and you also have to remember they didnt' choose this, it chose them. My mom had Dementia, not the same but in many ways acts the same. And I will have to tell you that it gets harder to watch when they do realize they are no longer in control of themselves, hard to watch a parent who always handled every situation with complete calm suddenly be afraid to be in the living room alone anymore. You need to get a home health person ASAP for your sanity and their safety. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 226
Location: Middle Tennessee | I also suggest home health. They are trained to dealth with the condition. I worked at a nursing home in the alzheimer's/ dementia unit. Its a terrible condition, but they need your support. Hang in there, it's a tough road! Routine will become your best friend. Give them tasks constantly. It helps. |
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 Expert
Posts: 5293
| Sometimes you just have to force care on them. My grandmother died of it in 2006. You kind of have to put a wall up as well. They will say things they don't mean, etc. you just have to blame the disease, not them. Good luck! |
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 BHW's Lance Armstrong 
Posts: 11134
Location: Somewhere between S@%&# stirrer and Saint | It runs in my family and my dad always comments about his sister but he doesn't realize he is in the early stages. No one will confront him so he is getting no help.Also it bugs the crap out of me when people miss pronounce it by saying Old Timers. |
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 Lived to tell about it and will never do it again
Posts: 5409
| I lost my sister to it in 09, she was only 51 years old. Hugs to you! She got to where people were scared to be around her plus she was a danger to herself. She was in a home for about a year and half before she passed. I was one of the only ones she knew when I came to see her, she called me by name but you could tell she wasn't Denise anymore. Please Seek help not only for them but for you also. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| this person is in the nursing home. but this person is also trying like heck to get kicked out. she is young. less than 70. physically fine. and causing MAJOR problems with wanting to leave. Never actually follows thru to leave like a normal person would but if you only visit with her for a short while she seems perfectly fine. She needs 24 hour care and we've been told that over and over but SHE WONT HEAR OF IT. so what do you do? Live with the constant fight? That's what I meant about the bubble - she's good in some ways but not good enough. stage 4 weve been told. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 352
Location: Texas | My MIL has Alzheimer's and my husband and I take care of her at home. She goes to a caregiver during the day while we work. When she was on the bubble it was rough because her husband didn't believe us either. Once we finally got him to understand we had to be somewhat sneaky about how we handled things. We didn't want to get in her face and make her feel bad or belittle her without meaning to do so. We ended up having to force her into a home that medicated her. She would not swallow her medicine and take off her patch. Once they got her on her medicine regularly, it was easier, but not exactly easy. They pretty much drugged her and kept her that way until the Alzheimer's medicines to at least start to work. We had to hide her car keys. She would look for them but wouldn't ask anyone for them because she didn't want us to know she didn't know where they were. But she was a danger if she drove. We finally got someone to stay with her at all times. That was under the pretense that she was older and had worked hard all of her life and deserved someone to help. So that worked until the disease took more of a hold on her and she became dependent on us.
It's still hard. She doesn't fight us, but on occasion she will. If I leave the house without her she will still ask why I don't like her and things like that. She doesn't understand she can't come to work with me.
Many hugs and prayers. It is hard on the person as well as the family. There are support groups and it is worth it to track them down and speak with them. |
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 How freakish is that?
Posts: 3927
Location: Oregon | Is she in a nursing home or a memory care unit? Because the memory care places are much better at dealing with it.
My dad had it and died from it and he was a handful. I tried not to argue with him, just go along with what he said and then do whatever I had to do to take care of things.
Edited by crapshooter 2015-10-15 7:01 PM
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Miss Southern Sunshine
Posts: 7427
Location: South Central Florida | I just lost my Mom on Sunday. She was diagnosed 10 years ago and very very physically healthy. Her personality changed drasticaly after a few years.
She even became mean, which in my life, she never EVER was. We did small things, my brother put a switch on the car up under the dashboard, she would insist she wanted to go somewhere...we would hand her the keys. It would crank, but never catch and it worked for about 6 months to settle her down.
You can not reason with them...it's not possible. You need to find a very good support group and will probably require placement sooner than later.
We tried to keep my Mom at home, and we did for as long as possible. I have a horrible story I have posted before about how my Mom ended up in placement.
My heart is broken and I miss my Mom with every thing in me. She was my best friend. "Mom" has been gone a long time now, but losing her was much more painful than I thought it would be.
Please seek help from people with experience. If someone has never been through it, they rarely understand.. Especially when they seem so normal to the world...there was a time I thought that was the worst. But I was wrong.
Remember it is a MENTAL illness, not just forgetfulness. It is so easy to get overwhelmed and angry.
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How freakish is that?
Posts: 3927
Location: Oregon | Sorry for your loss, Swannranch. |
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Miss Southern Sunshine
Posts: 7427
Location: South Central Florida | Thank you so much.
And back to the original poster, yes, you live with the constant fight. You have to remember this is not the person they were. . .they can't help it.
If it is a good Alzheimers facility, she can't get kicked out. We were lucky because there was a locked unit in a town not far from where my Mom went. At first, she thought she was at school (college) and hated her room mate. We laugh, but it was easier because she didn't know she was in a Nursing home.
It really has to be a locked unit and not an Assisted Living facility. She is NOT trying to get kicked out. Really she is not, she just is not capable of understanding.
My Mom was the most easy going compliant person on the planet, but became dangerous to everyone especially herself. But it wasnt her. I hear where you are in your words and I understand. But it really is a constant battle. And their sleep cycles will alter also. My Mom could go days with out sleeping...then sleep for days. The sleepless days were so hard because we had to be with her all the time. At the nursing home, they were able to sedate her where at home we were not allowed legally. It gets really complicated as far as the legal world goes...you have to balance safety with safety and it doesn't always work. They can't be locked in, yet HAVE TO BE. It is illegal to lock them in their rooms but if we didn't she might get out in the middle of the night. We had to go to a different type of locks on the doors of the house so she could not get out.
I'm sorry. It's just all very fresh right now but I do understand. And you may need some help. Being angry yourself is part of the process, oh my. . . it's so complicated.
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Veteran
Posts: 270
| I have no advise as I have only witnessed it at a distance. My grandfather had it, my husbands grandmother had it and my sisters FIL had it. I can send many  's for your family though, I know it's tough to handle! |
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Location: WI | No advice, but prayers... my grandpa was diagnosed a few years ago and it has been rough, especially in the past year. This is the worst disease to deal with, it is just a constant sadness that really isn't going to get better. I pray everyday for a cure for this illness. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| I want to thank all of you who've gone out of your way to provide some insight.
This situation is absolutely made to be near unbearable because the rest of the family REFUSES to acknowledge that she is sick. Dismiss any and all (very serious) episodes of confusion or loss of sense of time, etc. They constantly tell her she should be at home (alone) and I am convinced they believe if they can just get her home this will all be over and she will be normal again.
Her sons and us daughters-in-law have been dealing with with nasty, undermining, irrational behavior from the whole rest of the family.  <----------- is very appropriate for what we are dealing with. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 352
Location: Texas | star1218 - 2015-10-16 8:44 AM
This situation is absolutely made to be near unbearable because the rest of the family REFUSES to acknowledge that she is sick. Dismiss any and all (very serious) episodes of confusion or loss of sense of time, etc.
This is one of the toughest parts in getting help. It's hard enough with the person who has it, but those around them that don't believe it will suck the life out of you. Many prayers and hugs for you.
My MIL this morning just asked me why was I taking her to school. Makes me sad. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| batkitty - 2015-10-16 10:21 AM star1218 - 2015-10-16 8:44 AM This situation is absolutely made to be near unbearable because the rest of the family REFUSES to acknowledge that she is sick. Dismiss any and all (very serious) episodes of confusion or loss of sense of time, etc. This is one of the toughest parts in getting help. It's hard enough with the person who has it, but those around them that don't believe it will suck the life out of you. Many prayers and hugs for you. My MIL this morning just asked me why was I taking her to school. Makes me sad.
Thank you. Yes, and it honestly makes me feel better just to hear that others experience the same |
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Balance Beam and more...
Posts: 11511
Location: 31 lengths farms | Heart felt condolences Swann, I just lost my mom in July and I feel empty everyday still. I was her caretaker for 10 years until she had a stroke that forced my dad to put her in a memory care facility. Thankfully it was literally 1/4 mile from my work so I went and ate lunch with her everyday for the past 2 years. She had dementia but still recognized family, she didn't know our names but would tell them "this is my daughter" or "this is my husband".
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 319
| My mother has Alzheimer's & I remember the bubble period. To anyone who didn't know her or see her often she seemed normal. She looked normal. She seemed believable, but immediate family knew what she was saying wasn't true. There was a long period where we weren't 100% sure either & doctors weren't much help. The voice was mom's but the words.....I lost all doubt when she told us our cousin had her baby but it wasn't ready so they put it back. Hard to explain what it feels like to hear my mom, who loved me, taught me, cared for me always, say such things. Anyway, we took her car away when she was discovered driving wrong way on interstate. Thank god no one was hurt. It is a horrible, cruel disease that no one deserves. Hugs to you. |
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