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 Tried and True
Posts: 21185
   
Location: Where I am happiest | I am posting for a friend. She isnt a member here but can read the board. I told her she can get alot of perspective here from everyone far removed from her personal life. My husband drives truck as does hers so I can certainly relate but I may be to close to the circumstances to offer unbiased advice and opinions. You know the old saying "To close to the forest to see the tree's", so here goes.
Her husband drives truck for a large trucking company. He has been with this company for over 10 years. He is gone on the road 5 days a week and home 2. They have a new hire, been there about 2 months. It is a woman. He met her at a truck stop in another state and started talking because they drive for the same company. Turns out, she has the same day out a week as he does, and the same time out each morning. They also go to the same state first run of the week. So they leave the gate pretty much the same time and end up driving tailing each other all the way through 3 states. They also end up spending the night when they are out of drive time at the same truck stop each week that first night out and tailing each other back. They have become close friends and talk on the phone numerous times a day, every day amounting to hours spent on the phone each day and meals together at least on that first run of the week. She has noticed a marked attitude change in him lately. She is having a very hard time with this "friendship" with this other woman. It has become a point of disention between her and her husband. Many fights, and many tears on her part and much frustration on his part. She has told him numerous times he needs to tone it down and not be talking to her so much and spending so much time with her. He says he likes her and enjoys her company and thinks she's funny. Tells her she will just have to "get over it" he's not going to stop talking to her and he's not going to be rude to a co-worker. He tries to make out his wife is crazy for having a problem with this and it is her problem, not his. So, what say you all? Is she wound up for nothing or is this "friendship" crossing the line? ** edited** to add, she ?also wants advice on how to handle this situation. What would you do?
Edited by ThreeCorners 2015-12-22 6:54 AM
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
 
Location: MD | Who's more important... wife or co-worker?
Follow your gut. Also, when something I don't like or am uncomfortable with is happening the response would be something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize, I love you." not, "It's your problem, get over it." He's responding with a defense mechanism.
there's my two pennies. |
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 Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | I would most definitely have a problem with this. I understand getting close to co-workers, but this sounds like it is a lot more. I mean, having the occasional meal together when you are at the same rest stop is one thing, but talking on the phone for hours on end is a totally different thing.
I agree with her, the husband needs to tone it down. Yes, there has to be trust in a relationship, but since his attitude is changing I would be suspicious too. And with trust there also needs to be respect. If she asked him to tone it down and he doesn't do want too, that is hurtful and not a good sign.
If it was happening to me I would sit my husband down and explain to him that I am very uncomfortable with what is happening and aks him to talk to his dispatcher to request another route. I'd rather him being rude to a co-worker then to me. It is still just a co-worker, (or I hope it is....) and the wife should trump that at all times.
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| This is a perfect example of how affairs start. They don't start with a hot night of passionate s*x.
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I agree with above. When she expressed concern about the friendship, the response should have been "I'm sorry, I didn't realize, I love you." Then put her first and backed the hell off. If I were her, I would try to get him into couples counseling. He needs some perspective and it sounds like he won't get it from talking with his wife because he's too busy defending to her having his nose up another woman's butt. |
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 "Hottie"
Posts: 1373
Location: Okemah,OK | She's got a problem! Different lifetime ago but I had a high school boyfriend react almost the same way when he got close to his friend's girlfriend. Long story short, they're married with two kids now. You don't defend another woman rather than your girlfriend or wife without reason. She's got a problem (or two)! |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8552
Location: sunny california | I am sorry to say your freind has a problem. I basically have no respect for that other woman, she is also crossing the line. I would not put up with that crap at all. btw I have been married 30 yrs |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | She has been voicing her concernes and gets met with yelling and defenciveness and complete shut down and telling her she's pushing him away and if she keeps it up the marriage wont survive. He then tells her he's not doing anything wrong, she needs to trust him and he loves her and is not going anywhere. What would you guys do? How would you handle this? |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | ThreeCorners - 2015-12-22 9:10 AM
She has been voicing her concernes and gets met with yelling and defenciveness and complete shut down and telling her she's pushing him away and if she keeps it up the marriage wont survive. He then tells her he's not doing anything wrong, she needs to trust him and he loves her and is not going anywhere. What would you guys do? How would you handle this?
Give him an ultimatum. It's either his wife or his co-worker. |
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| I handled it wrong, because I am divorced over it, LOL!
It is very hard for the old to compete with fresh, new, and exciting. |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7550
Location: In The Land of Cotton | Having driven over the road, having owned trucks, managing drivers too, she has a problem. She needs to talk to him again, and get him away from her. I handled mine the wrong way when I got off the truck - we drove as a team. He assured me they were just friends, etc., etc. He kept on cheating.
It is an affair waiting to happen.
Edited by 3canstorun 2015-12-22 8:23 AM
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 The Worst Seller Ever
Posts: 4138
Location: Oklahoma | I am in the same situation, met with the same line of bull crap. I have no advice, just sympathy. The popular culture today see this type of behavior as acceptable. If she really wants to make a statement, then she needs to do it. Don't look for evidence to try to justify her actions. I preach this to myself, but I am not ready to make that final foot-on-the-floor statement. There is always a way for him to change, he has to do it and he has to see it himself. His wife, friends, family preaching at him for being a moron will only make him want the friendship more. Men are stubborn and bull headed, much more so than women. LOL
Has she talked to other woman? Maybe the woman doesn't know it is causing an issue, maybe she does. If she does then that is an even bigger issue. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I agree with the other and him saying "she's pushing him away" and her getting yelled at shows he's totally on the defense when he should be understanding. Because he wouldn't like if his wife got that close to another man would he? No. I also feel that if someone has something to hide, some people will try to throw it on you and make it your fault. Not sure how they sleep at night. Either he's legitimately blind to why she feels the way she does and needs a third party to show him (counseling) or he has something to hide and she should definitely tell him exactly how she feels with no interruptions from him and lay it out on the line what she wants and what needs to change. If he's not receptive to any of that and is defending that woman more than her, there's problems and I can only pray for her  |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8552
Location: sunny california | ThreeCorners - 2015-12-22 6:10 AM She has been voicing her concernes and gets met with yelling and defenciveness and complete shut down and telling her she's pushing him away and if she keeps it up the marriage wont survive. He then tells her he's not doing anything wrong, she needs to trust him and he loves her and is not going anywhere. What would you guys do? How would you handle this?
honestly the more he wants to fight over it the more guilty he looks. He may not have crossed any lines yet but he is addicted to her company and that is just the beginning. I am sure that inside his head he is fighting a loosing battle and is feeling the guilt. Easiest way to get over the guilt is to blame someone else. the fact that he even mentioned that the marriage could be in trouble is all i would need to know.
She has limited options right now. see a counselor that he respects. basically he needs to hear from an outsider that he is in the wrong and is behaving very inappropriately and treating his wife with total disrespect. Another thing might be to talk to the gal and see in a very nice way to see if she would back off. honestly that lady needs to hear from someone that she is behaving inappropriately.
He should not be best freinds with this gal his wife should be his bestg friend. he should be talking for hours on the phone to her!
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | In my eyes.....if he loves his wife and values his marriage....he needs to cut off communication with the other woman.
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 Desert Diva
Posts: 4946
Location: The birthplace of Honest Abe | If he is already threatening the marriage than in my opinion he is already out the door. Unless that thought is already in your mind you dont threaten with the marriage. That should be his last thought not one of his first.
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | If he isnt cheating yet... He will be soon.
At the very least, he is emotionally cheating on his wife just by engaging with the other woman on such a frequent basis. I couldn't deal with it. Either she goes, or I go. Done. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Oh how sad for the wife, poor thing. She has all the right to be hurt, his attitude really brings up red flags. So I wonder is this other truck driver {women} is she married?
I agree with all the above posts something is going to happen are already has if hes acting like this. If he loved his wife he would have asked to be put on another route. Red flag here.. |
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | I wonder if the "other" woman even knows he is married? |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | Yes, she ( the "friend") knows he's married and she is married as well. Although, how many times has that not stopped someone? So you guys would call t?his other woman? Even though you know darn well she would call and tell the husband of her rather interesting conversation with the little wifey and it would surely p*ss him off. |
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