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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
 
| This is totally off topic and personal but I'm at a total loss on how to handle this or really even how to feel about it. I've got a 15 year old step daughter been married to her dad for 5 years for the most part we all get along pretty well... she lives with her mother and visits us every other weekend. Mom is remarried ( I have to add this is husband # 2 for her since her and my husband quit) anyway, I've noticed the last few visits she's been acting extremely and overly affectionate towards her dad... holding hands in the grocery store in the truck keeping her hand on his thigh when sitting next to him laying her head on his shoulders rubbing his arms and massaging shoulders any chance she gets... she hasn't exhibited this kind of affection before... just lately. . I talked to my husband about it last night and told him my concerns and he actually agreed with me and admitted it is making him uncomfortable because it's so over the top with her ... enough that even my 10 year old daughter noticed and said something to me. We discussed the possibility of something inappropriate going on at her home .... she acted out several months ago at the home of her mother's boyfriend before they got married... she took a butcher knife and stabbed all his kitchen cabinets . We confronted her and she blamed it on being bullied at school. My husband has asked her about it and she always says everything's fine nothings wrong... I've had to block and put a pass code on our tv because I've caught her watching inappropriate movies and shows before.. she also lost her cell phone privilege by her mother because she got caught "sexting" with a boy from school. So yes there are HUGE red flags popping up.. we are at a loss on how to handle this. My husband thinks he can take her to a doctor to find out if anything is going on but I don't think that'll work and she won't ever admit to anything , IF in fact there is anything ... |
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  Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
 
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | Oh dang! :( that sounds like trouble to me. I'm sorry. I hope you can get it figured out. I have no advice, but many prayers to you. |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
 
Location: Displaced Iowegian | You have already admitted that she will tell you and your husband nothing.......so what is the harm in taking her to a family "counselor"..... If she is stabbing cabinets and expressing other inappropriate behavior....where there is smoke, there is generally a fire burning! |
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Expert
Posts: 1343
Location: East Texas | A counselor may be in order, as well. Prayers for getting some answers!
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| It'll have to be on our time ... the counseling. Her mother isn't exactly easy to work with. She will think it's ridiculous and that I'm overreacting on the matter. Her mother has taken her to counseling before. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 490
| If it seems inappropriate and your uncomfortable, there is probably something going on, please step in. I wont share details, but I bought that t-shirt. Enough said? It was forced and I am still being blamed by my mom to this day. I wish someone would have stepped in. But they didnt. |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Jazz's Girl - 2016-01-04 9:07 AM
If it seems inappropriate and your uncomfortable, there is probably something going on, please step in. I wont share details, but I bought that t-shirt. Enough said? It was forced and I am still being blamed by my mom to this day. I wish someone would have stepped in. But they didnt.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Am I the only person that thinks it's creepy she's holding her dad's hand at 15 years old?
Definitely a counselor.
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Please try to find out what is going on. My son is dating the GF from hell right now. She was abused by her mother's boyfriend for years and she has all kinds of issues. Her family just ignored it or couldn't be bothered, I can't tell which. It is sad because when she wants she is someone I love to hang out with. But more and more often she is flipping out on him and it is scary. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | hoofs_in_motion - 2016-01-04 1:02 PM Am I the only person that thinks it's creepy she's holding her dad's hand at 15 years old?
Definitely a counselor.
My 15 (soon to be 16 year old) niece is kinda like that also. She has massive daddy issues though. She'll look for attention anywhere. IMO, yes, it's creepy. I also think it's creepy when teenagers and adults call their fathers "Daddy".
I also suggest a counselor. Take her when you have her, it's better than nothing. This isn't a phase. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Murphy - 2016-01-04 12:15 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-01-04 1:02 PM Am I the only person that thinks it's creepy she's holding her dad's hand at 15 years old?
Definitely a counselor.
My 15 (soon to be 16 year old) niece is kinda like that also. She has massive daddy issues though. She'll look for attention anywhere. IMO, yes, it's creepy. I also think it's creepy when teenagers and adults call their fathers "Daddy".
I also suggest a counselor. Take her when you have her, it's better than nothing. This isn't a phase.
I have always call my Daddy daddy all my life untill the day he died he was daddy, lol I guess being from Texas it dont sound creppy to me at all when someone calls their father daddy.. What do you guys up your way call your daddys? |
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 Shoot Yeah
Posts: 4273
Location: Where you need a paddle... Oregon! | How is her school behavior? You can contact the school counselor and express your concerns. Sometimes that can be an avenue. Our school works with our county's mental health department and we can refer them. Then a counselor from mental health comes to our school during the day to meet with the kids on their caseload. It is free and it also eliminates the need to take a kid to the counselor, so it removes that roadblock. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 477
Location: IA | If she won't tell you guys, says she is fine, you have a few options and reasons why:
Either she wants you to keep probing, trying to get her to talk--which could be her way of saying that she needs to feel safe, and that she can trust you to hear what she has to tell you. This is where a great counselor can help you (even if you go to them yourself for advice on how to get her to open up. Use what they teach you, and if that doesn't work, then maybe take her to see that counselor or another one). Dad maybe should go too, because it's different how men and women relate, and any counselor worth their salt would be able to give each of you a different approach that could work.
Does she have ANYONE else in the family or her circle (teacher, coach, friend) that she would talk to? Contact them and tell them that you are really concerned about her. Don't ask/make them tell you anything, but if they are a true friend and care about her, they will give you clues as to where you can direct your energies to help her, without betraying her trust and confidence.
Most victims are reluctant to tell what is happening to them for fear of reprisal, or throwing the entire family into an uproar, and then feeling guilty for that. On top of the abuse or whatever is psychologically wrong with them.
I agree that her behavior is inappropriate, and likely it's her way of asking for help. At 15, so much is happening that they just don't understand, but they are usually so emotionally unstable that they waver between asking for help and trying to cover it up. But the stabbing kitchen cupboards--if she hasn't done anything before or since like that--was a big red flag. I'm not saying anything did or did not happen, but if something were, a way to keep her from reacting outwardly again was probably used. Finding a safe way for her to share is going to be critical to helping get to the bottom of this.
I hope that some of this is helpful, she is lucky to have you and her father in her corner and concerned for her well being.
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 Not Afraid to Work
Posts: 4717
| Definetely look into counseling... they are trained professionals and kids can say a lot without saying anything at all. I think the behavior is very strange and sounds like she is going down a dangerous path. |
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | Southtxponygirl - 2016-01-04 1:27 PM Murphy - 2016-01-04 12:15 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-01-04 1:02 PM Am I the only person that thinks it's creepy she's holding her dad's hand at 15 years old?
Definitely a counselor.
My 15 (soon to be 16 year old) niece is kinda like that also. She has massive daddy issues though. She'll look for attention anywhere. IMO, yes, it's creepy. I also think it's creepy when teenagers and adults call their fathers "Daddy".
I also suggest a counselor. Take her when you have her, it's better than nothing. This isn't a phase.
Never thought of it being a demographic thing, but it very well may be! We just stick with Dad, usually. |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| I have no idea how to help but prayer. I'm very sorry for the whole situation. |
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 I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
| Southtxponygirl - 2016-01-04 12:27 PM
Murphy - 2016-01-04 12:15 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-01-04 1:02 PM Am I the only person that thinks it's creepy she's holding her dad's hand at 15 years old?
Definitely a counselor.
My 15 (soon to be 16 year old) niece is kinda like that also. She has massive daddy issues though. She'll look for attention anywhere. IMO, yes, it's creepy. I also think it's creepy when teenagers and adults call their fathers "Daddy".
I also suggest a counselor. Take her when you have her, it's better than nothing. This isn't a phase.
Agree. My Daddy passed 10 years ago at age 90 and he was and always will be "Daddy" for myself and all my siblings (6 sisters and 1 brother). Funny thing is, my Mom was "Mother". I can remember around 5 years old(and the baby of the family) I decided I was too old to call my mother Mommy and switched to Mother, like the rest of my siblings and saw her just crumple the first time I did.
That is just who they are/were....Mother and Daddy.
As for the OP, I wish I had some advice on how to handle this situation...and handle it you should. Do you have a close enough relationship to have a heart to heart with her? Maybe it is as simple as needing to be close and feel valued by her father or an indication of something more serious. I would sit down without accusing her of wrong doing and explain that now she is growing in to a woman that some behaviors make both you and her father uncomfortable and is not appropriate. Ask her if there might be other ways to make her feel loved and valued. Tell her that you are both there for her if she ever has any questions or issues. If that doesn't get anywhere, THEN I would suggest counseling. |
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Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | rodeoveteran - 2016-01-04 11:53 AM Southtxponygirl - 2016-01-04 12:27 PM Murphy - 2016-01-04 12:15 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-01-04 1:02 PM Am I the only person that thinks it's creepy she's holding her dad's hand at 15 years old?
Definitely a counselor.
My 15 (soon to be 16 year old) niece is kinda like that also. She has massive daddy issues though. She'll look for attention anywhere. IMO, yes, it's creepy. I also think it's creepy when teenagers and adults call their fathers "Daddy".
I also suggest a counselor. Take her when you have her, it's better than nothing. This isn't a phase. Agree. My Daddy passed 10 years ago at age 90 and he was and always will be "Daddy" for myself and all my siblings (6 sisters and 1 brother ). Funny thing is, my Mom was "Mother". I can remember around 5 years old (and the baby of the family ) I decided I was too old to call my mother Mommy and switched to Mother, like the rest of my siblings and saw her just crumple the first time I did. That is just who they are/were....Mother and Daddy. As for the OP, I wish I had some advice on how to handle this situation...and handle it you should. Do you have a close enough relationship to have a heart to heart with her? Maybe it is as simple as needing to be close and feel valued by her father or an indication of something more serious. I would sit down without accusing her of wrong doing and explain that now she is growing in to a woman that some behaviors make both you and her father uncomfortable and is not appropriate. Ask her if there might be other ways to make her feel loved and valued. Tell her that you are both there for her if she ever has any questions or issues. If that doesn't get anywhere, THEN I would suggest counseling.
I call my dad, dad (from WY). But my 89yr old grandma (from CO) still talks about hers as daddy. I see more southern people call theirs daddy. It doesn't bother me I guess. I am called mom mostly, but when my little guy (3) really wants to melt my heart, he will call me mama. He usually gets extra snuggles that way. |
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Regular
Posts: 78
| definitely creepy- hand on the thigh, massaging arms and shoulders holding hands, the entire thing. These are things I do to MY husband. A kid should not be doing this to her dad, daddy or whatever!  |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I agree the shoulder and arm rubbing and hand on thigh thing is just to much. |
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