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Posts: 1631
   
Location: Somewhere around here | I think I need some advice on what to do with my hubby. Recently we have been able to have a little more money than usual, just from the holiday season and watching our money. I'm very happy about this, seeing as we are wanting to buy a Jeep within the next 2-3 years, and I'd like to just keep everything extra into our savings account. My husband seems to be one a spending spree lately. It started a little before Christmas, him wanting cast irons to cook on. I said ok, as long as he cleans them and not me, so we accumulated about 7 now (and the goo ones aren't cheap). Next he's wanting a outdoor metal cook setup so he can use his cast irons outside in the summer. A "cowboy bbq" if you will. And next he's wanting to buy video games for a Wii that was recently given to us. I said ok to a few games but now it's like one thing after another (more games, more accessories to games. Ugh.). He's just wanting to spend money on things that I see as things that we just don't NEED. Whenever I bring it up he will mention how I've spend money on clothes even though I have clothes in my closet (wait, who doesn't?), or I bought some makeup when he thinks I look fine without any makeup on, and we get into an argument. This has happened a few times are I've given up hope and just told him to buy whatever he wants, I don't care anymore...Obviously I do. I really just don't know what to do about it anymore. Tips?
Edited by cecollins0811 2016-01-08 7:49 AM
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 Buttered Noodles Snacker
Posts: 4377
Location: NC | Sounds liked my husband! hahahaha I am always the cheap one (well except with my horses) and he is the shopper!! I actually hate shopping. I am always telling him "We don't need to spend money right now, we need to pay stuff off" but I swear its in one ear and out the other. Then if I push it he throws how i buy horse stuff (supplements, feed, tack here and there) in my face. Drives me crazy. Not that he ever says I shouldn't buy those things, just that I can't tell him not to buy stuff. though I feel I buy more necessity items and he more wants and desires... Good luck let me know if you find the answer!  |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| Maybe compromise and say ok. We each have X$ to spend on things we WANT, not NEED each pay period. Everything else we save. That way he can't gripe about your make up and if he WANTS something expensive he will have to save up HIS extra want money for a few checks to get it.
ETA this is how we do stuff, each pay period I have $X to spend on extra horse stuff (feed & hay not included because those are needs just like groceries lol) and he has $X to spend on whatever he wants. The rest I use to make extra payments on stuff.
Edited by RoaniePonie11 2016-01-07 7:28 AM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | RoaniePonie's Idea is spot on.
What we do is we have our direct deposits set up from our paychecks to go in set amounts into the different accounts. Most goes in the joint account for household expenses which includes feed etc for the horses as they belong to both of us...we both ride. Some goes to savings...and then the remainder goes to each of ours individual accounts. We can do whatever we want with that money. The other doesn't care what we spend it on....or save it for. Makes it so nice at Christmas etc when I can buy him a gift that will both be a surprise and truly from ME. And...when I want that new bridle or whatever...If I've got the cash in my account...I can buy it and feel 100% awesome about it.
And the same is true for him. He can buy whatever truck accessory he wants.  |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| RoaniePonie11 - 2016-01-07 7:25 AM
Maybe compromise and say ok. We each have X$ to spend on things we WANT, not NEED each pay period. Everything else we save. That way he can't gripe about your make up and if he WANTS something expensive he will have to save up HIS extra want money for a few checks to get it.
ETA this is how we do stuff, each pay period I have $X to spend on extra horse stuff (feed & hay not included because those are needs just like groceries lol) and he has $X to spend on whatever he wants. The rest I use to make extra payments on stuff.
I agree with this^^^. |
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Good Ole Boys just Fine with Me
Posts: 2869
Location: SE Missouri | Guys I hate to say it but if you are buying non essentials then he's going to also. Tack, supplements, makeup, etc are also non essentials.
I only say that Bc I was cracking down on our spending but still buying some expensive supplements (notice the word is supplement and not feed) that they all "need" but can survive without. So we had to figure out what we both agreed on was essential and what wasn't. (Just glad it's his horses too so we ended up agreeing the supplements were something we wanted to continue)
Just be totally honestly with categories of what is/isn't necessary and it should be way easier. |
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Buttered Noodles Snacker
Posts: 4377
Location: NC | TrailGirl - 2016-01-07 7:32 AM RoaniePonie's Idea is spot on. What we do is we have our direct deposits set up from our paychecks to go in set amounts into the different accounts. Most goes in the joint account for household expenses which includes feed etc for the horses as they belong to both of us...we both ride. Some goes to savings...and then the remainder goes to each of ours individual accounts. We can do whatever we want with that money. The other doesn't care what we spend it on....or save it for. Makes it so nice at Christmas etc when I can buy him a gift that will both be a surprise and truly from ME. And...when I want that new bridle or whatever...If I've got the cash in my account...I can buy it and feel 100% awesome about it. And the same is true for him. He can buy whatever truck accessory he wants.
I like this set up. Hopefully one day we can do something like this. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | open a separate account, and put aside some money from your paycheck into that. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | What I do is set an unrealistically low budget and say "this is what we can afford to put towards that. If you can find what you want in this price range, go on and buy it." And then it doesn't happen. |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | Three 4 Luck - 2016-01-07 6:35 AM What I do is set an unrealistically low budget and say "this is what we can afford to put towards that. If you can find what you want in this price range, go on and buy it." And then it doesn't happen.
I did that and it only took 15 yrs to buy a Living Quarters LOL |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| Get your own bank account or savings account? My husband is the exact same way, if he see $20 in savings, he will spend it. Separating finances can help a marriage. Now we have a healthy savings account. Ive realized he isn't great with money. Good Luck! |
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  Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter... |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 7:04 AM I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter...
i agree but disagree. some people have no control over spending and I could not loose everything over someone needing gadgets. I know it is only a few pans and to some people that is nothing, but to others it might be a significant dip in the savings.
I agree with the others that say seperate "fun" accounts, then allocating a certain amount of fun money for each. I don't want to know what hubby wastes money on. Sometimes he asks what something costs and i just say "you do not wnat to know" that means it is a hill i will die on...usually a vet bill
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | We both do like what Roanieponie said. We both have seperate accounts. We both have access to another account we pay bills from. Only groceries/rent/electric/gas/water, etc come out of the joint account. He pays his truck payment soley from his check and I pay my car payment soley from my check. We do this simply because if we split the cost of both payments I would have no check left LOL
We both split the cost of phones as well.
Keeps everything seperate and fair. We have never had a fight about money.
His ex wife and him only had one account. Needless to say he never had money to spend on things he wanted because she spent the money on clothes, etc for herself after all bills were paid. It isn't fair when only one person gets to enjoy the fruits of their labor.
So that's why we have seperate accounts to spend money on non neccessities. If I want a pair of $50 reins I'll buy them. He will think i'm nuts but he can' get mad at me. Just like when he saved up to buy his programmer and headers and exhaust for his truck. I thought he was nuts but it was so nice to see him so happy to buy something fun with his own money he worked for. I love our system.
Edited by IRunOnFaith 2016-01-07 9:18 AM
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 Expert
Posts: 1367
Location: mi | We have also set ours up so that so much goes for bills and the extra is our fun money. We both work. He makes more then me. We each have a set amount from our pay checks that has to go into the household expense account. Any extra is ours to spend on what we want. If either of us work over time that is our fun money to keep and do with what we want. Or tuck it away incase we have a short week and don't have the extra pocket money. It works great. He doesn't question when I go buy new tack and I don't question when he goes and buys new hunting crap. |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| I wanted to add that we have 1 account that we share. Both of our checks go into it. When we get paid he pulls out $X in cash to do whatever with and I usually leave mine in the account accept for barrel race money which I need cash for but I do my shopping mostly online (supplements and such).
I agree with not liking not being able to trust your SO with money. I am much *better with money than he is so I make sure all of the bills gets paid but i trust him to have access to the $ because he wouldn't go spending a bunch of extra on stupid stuff knowing we are trying to get ahead of the game. If there is something that our spending money can't cover during that pay period (like the stud fee I'll be paying next check) we talk about it. Not like hey I'm doing this but like hey is it ok with you if I... And neither of us have ever said no to the other but it's courtesy and respect that we talk about it first. I'm extremely lucky to have a non horse man that loves my four legged children. |
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | kwanatha - 2016-01-07 9:13 AM Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 7:04 AM I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter...
I agree with the others that say seperate "fun" accounts, then allocating a certain amount of fun money for each. I don't want to know what hubby wastes money on. Sometimes he asks what something costs and i just say "you do not wnat to know" that means it is a hill i will die on...usually a vet bill
My SO helps me out when I have a big bill come in that I didn't plan on getting. I save as much as I can from each check just in case but sometimes unexpected things happen. That's what our credit card is for. We keep it for hospital bills and vet bills. We both split the cost of the minimum payment on it from our checks. Sometimes if I can afford the minimum payment on a vet bill I pay for it out of my seperate account alone. Mainly because a vet bill is considered a non necessity in our home. Here me out: I have horses. He doesn't. He has dirtbikes and motocycles. I do not. Therefore if the horses need routine work I pay for it. If his bikes need parts he pays for it.
Horses are a hobby in our home. Motocross is a hobby in our home. But he understands that sometimes horses will be horses and he knows how much they mean to me. So SOMETIMES he helps me with big vet bills. Otherwise, I'm on my own with my hobby horses lol. Just like sometimes I know he wants a bigger better bike or a bigger better part for a bike that he can't afford right now but either needs for a race or for practice. I know it means just as much to him as my horses mean to me.
We talk it over before putting it on the credit card and then I help him pay on it if I can. It's nice to help each other out that way. |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | kwanatha - 2016-01-07 8:53 AM Three 4 Luck - 2016-01-07 6:35 AM What I do is set an unrealistically low budget and say "this is what we can afford to put towards that. If you can find what you want in this price range, go on and buy it." And then it doesn't happen.
ETA: if he had saved the money he's spent on fishing trips, he could have paid cash for his boat. So don't feel sorry for him. LOL
Edited by Three 4 Luck 2016-01-07 9:55 AM
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | IRunOnFaith - 2016-01-07 7:35 AM kwanatha - 2016-01-07 9:13 AM Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 7:04 AM I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter...
I agree with the others that say seperate "fun" accounts, then allocating a certain amount of fun money for each. I don't want to know what hubby wastes money on. Sometimes he asks what something costs and i just say "you do not wnat to know" that means it is a hill i will die on...usually a vet bill
Horses are a hobby in our home. Motocross is a hobby in our home. But he understands that sometimes horses will be horses and he knows how much they mean to me. So SOMETIMES he helps me with big vet bills. Otherwise, I'm on my own with my hobby horses lol. Just like sometimes I know he wants a bigger better bike or a bigger better part for a bike that he can't afford right now but either needs for a race or for practice. I know it means just as much to him as my horses mean to me.
We talk it over before putting it on the credit card and then I help him pay on it if I can. It's nice to help each other out that way.
That sounds pretty healthy. Hubby sometimes helps me. like when we had major tire blow out: took out two on the dually and two on the trailer. It was kinda his fault so he bought new ones all around for me. He usually pays for truck maintence and tags. |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | Three 4 Luck - 2016-01-07 7:53 AM kwanatha - 2016-01-07 8:53 AM Three 4 Luck - 2016-01-07 6:35 AM What I do is set an unrealistically low budget and say "this is what we can afford to put towards that. If you can find what you want in this price range, go on and buy it." And then it doesn't happen.
ETA: if he had saved the money he's spent on fishing trips, he could have paid cash for his boat. So don't feel sorry for him. LOL
mine is the same way LOL. I finally wore him down and found a decent trailer that needed work. the interior is outdated he calls it "The Very Brady Trailer" LOL I think it is perfect |
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