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 Expert
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| I really hate to vent...I feel like I'm always coming on here complaining/inquiring about non-horse related things but I don't have horses right now so that's mostly why! Anyways. I'm going through another break up..I'm young and was dumped in 2014 after a relationship of three and a half years. I posted about that so thought I'd add the year cause I'm sure some remember. I realized it was a long time comin and I really had needed to do the dumping. Well I had met someone not too long after and didn't wanna jump into anything but kinda did because it felt right. This was a more mature relationship but ended about three weeks ago, week or so ago officially. We both saw where things went wrong on both sides. He was more unhappy than I was so I obviously didn't want/wasn't going to make him stay. Something I'm wondering is can you really feel that feeling that someone's the right one? Or is that just mushy BS? I'm wondering because I still feel that way with this one. The last one I knew was just headed downhill. This time, we both made mistakes in how we communicated/handled things, etc, but I still have this feeling that he may be the one. I would be willing to work on some things but that's one sided I'm sure. Of course I'm sure he doesn't think I could be the one right now..ha. I over-analyze things so I don't know if I'm supposed to feel these butterflies that tell me he's definitely the one or if it's more logical (do we get along, do we have the same values, etc). It doesn't really matter right now anyways because he called more of the shots breaking up than I did. I believe if it's meant to be it will be..I'm just not sure. I've been pretty strong but have been a mess this weekend for some reason and just can't sleep right now. And for anyone about to say it, don't worry I won't be getting into another relationship for a longgggg time. I graduate with my bachelors in May and don't want any kind of anything, especially until I've decided whether to get a job here in WV, move and get a job, or get my Masters. I know there are many others with more legitimate concerns and problems that need prayers right now so pray for them first. But if you could spare a few from me, it'd be greatly appreciated! This instability in my life right now makes me feel like I'm drowning and honestly for some reason I just feel dumb and like a fool since it's happened to me twice.
Edited by blccwgl55 2016-02-07 11:21 PM
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
  
Location: Arkansas | How old are you? | |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| 22 going on 23. Like I said, I know I'm young. I really just want to "do me" for awhile. I was just curious about how you'll know, how you'll not know. I'm probably better off doing my own thing for awhile and establishing myself, but I still feel really crappy right now. I felt like things were really goin somewhere!
Eta: I'm not someone that always has to be in a relationship and I'm not going to for a long time, especially before I know what I'm wanting to do in the next step of my life and get to do what I would like to do. I just am not a person to waste my time or date around so I was wondering if there were clear ways to tell if someone's worth being around in the future (like you can tell if they're the one or not), and so I don't make the same mistakes I've made now. I probably sound really naive asking that, but I'm being serious. I've heard people say "they just know" and others say that's crap. I either wanna feel it or don't feel it because I don't like to just date and get my feelings involved if it's not worth it. I'm just done with anything like that for awhile. I just want a horse and my dog! 
Edited by blccwgl55 2016-02-08 4:42 AM
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| To answer your question - yes, there was/ is the feeling of this guy is the one. At least for me there was. We've been married 30 years. When other people talk about marriage being hard work, I don't understand what they mean. We have had to make hard decisions for our future and family but we made them together and moved happily on. I truly feel God blessed me with my husband. Soooo, I will pray for you to eventually find the love of your life, too. Oh, my daughter found her love just 1 1/2 years ago and she is fixin' to be 30. | |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I had just turned 29 when I met mine. And yes, we both knew pretty early that we were very compatible and wanted each other for a life partner. Yes, there were butterflies, but it wasn't any lightning strike, angels singing, great passionate love affair. It was more like coming home--someone who saw who I really was (rather than what he wanted me to be) and loved and treasured me anyway. After that, it's a choice of making things work through the hard stuff. You make the choice every day to stay and love this person even when you're not feeling in love with them.
Before that, I had a broken engagement from my on again/off again 3 times since high school should have known better than to try boyfriend, and a failed marriage to a verbally abusive alcoholic/gambling addict to my credit. I learned a lot from making mistakes in my 20s. LOL | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | I am far wiser now and wish I could go back and talk to my 22 year old self. I'd have saved myself a lot of heartache with all I have learned along the way...but that's just the thing...we have to live to learn. That's what you are doing now. Consider it character development. You will earn a masters in this before it's done.
Some folks meet THE ONE early on and marry...stay together happily and I am glad there are those folks out there to show it's possible.
For most of us...we stumble around looking...thinking we may have found it...maybe...then it falls apart. Sometimes several times. Some make the square peg fit the round hole for many years...that takes strength...but I don't know if they are truly happy or just muddling through.
But looking back now from the happy place I sit...all of that mess for me was passing time. When you truly meet the one for you...you just FIT. It's easy...it's not difficult. Everything makes sense and it could never be described as taking "Work" to keep it together. You genuinely enjoy being together...there's no drama...just love and a true partnership through life. THAT's worth waiting for. Don't settle...be patient. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| TrailGirl - 2016-02-08 7:25 AM
I am far wiser now and wish I could go back and talk to my 22 year old self. I'd have saved myself a lot of heartache with all I have learned along the way...but that's just the thing...we have to live to learn. That's what you are doing now. Consider it character development. You will earn a masters in this before it's done.
Some folks meet THE ONE early on and marry...stay together happily and I am glad there are those folks out there to show it's possible.
For most of us...we stumble around looking...thinking we may have found it...maybe...then it falls apart. Sometimes several times. Some make the square peg fit the round hole for many years...that takes strength...but I don't know if they are truly happy or just muddling through.
But looking back now from the happy place I sit...all of that mess for me was passing time. When you truly meet the one for you...you just FIT. It's easy...it's not difficult. Everything makes sense and it could never be described as taking "Work" to keep it together. You genuinely enjoy being together...there's no drama...just love and a true partnership through life. THAT's worth waiting for. Don't settle...be patient.
Well said Trail Girl, especially the last paragraph. | |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I dunno, when you're exhausted and he's snoring, it kinda feels like work to not smother him with a pillow. | |
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | you need to just work on yourself being happy alone..
There is a thing as you will know..............but hes not yours if he wanted to end it.
move on, dont be "that" girl that needs someone..
your so young.. enjoy your singlehood and control of your own life.. some girls think they need a man... they dont.. be happy with yourself be independant and if one comes along later on that compliments your life so be it... let him enjoy things with you but id not rush into anything.. friends are more important in the beginning .. | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
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Location: Kansas | I'm glad I'm single lol, don't have to deal with a man...... | |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | GLP - 2016-02-08 4:35 AM
To answer your question - yes, there was/ is the feeling of this guy is the one. At least for me there was. We've been married 30 years. When other people talk about marriage being hard work, I don't understand what they mean. We have had to make hard decisions for our future and family but we made them together and moved happily on. I truly feel God blessed me with my husband. Soooo, I will pray for you to eventually find the love of your life, too. Oh, my daughter found her love just 1 1/2 years ago and she is fixin' to be 30.
My husband and I have been together 10 years. Married for 6. I am 27. He's 31. We were both young when we met. But I absolutely knew he was "the one" for me.
I also don't feel that my marriage is hard work. Have we had arguments here and there? Yes. Do we have difficult decisions to make? Absolutely. Have I ever felt it was hard or work to be around my husband. Never. He's the love of my life. God has given me everything I need. But he outdid himself when he paired us up.
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| I haven't read all the replies, but I wanted to share with you that I have been in your exact same shoes.
I started dating someone when I was 22. . . I actually left a relationship to be with him. There was no cheating, but I felt like I was on the way out with the other guy anyway; knew we didn't have the same interests or goals. It just kind of put the nail in the coffin. He felt perfect for me; he was into horses and I had a crush on him back when we were kids, but we never really were friends.
A year and a half into our relationship we broke up for 5 or 6 weeks. I was in college 4 hours away from home and felt so helpless and lost. In the past I have lost my "once in a lifetime" horse in a tragic accident; and the pain I felt from this break up was more hurtful than losing my mare. I didn't know why I clung on, or why I needed him so bad - but I just knew I did. After time had passed we finally were civil enough to talk to one another - we explained where we both had gone wrong and what we each needed to do if we wanted to try again.
I am marrying him 2 months from tomorrow, and we will have been together for 5 years (with the exception of that one month break lol) this spring. If you feel something is right, I would say listen to your heart. I am not telling you to run to his doorstep, text/call, annoy him, beg and plead with him....but give it time. Right now he is probably hurt or angry and it's impossible to have a mature discussion through those kind of emotions.
Good luck and hugs....it's something I would never want to go through again. | |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| When I met my husband, I wasn't sold. It took months, because I was so suspicious, he seemed too good to be true. I liked him, had the hots for him, spent a lot of time with him, but always held back a bit. There's a few BBs on this board that watched it all go down with some amusement as they know me personally. Anyway...he wouldn't go away. He decided he wanted me in his life and did everything he could to prove it.
My point, you don't have to chase or change yourself to convince the right guy to stay, he looks you in the eye and asks you if he can. You have to be nice and do good things for him, and treat him well, remember men aren't door mats, but you're not going to have to break apart the things that make you, well, you.
The right guy is someone that doesn't change himself to make you happy, and whom you don't change for either. You simply have to make room for each other.
As far as making a commitment to someone in the long run, for marriage etc, for the right guy, it's worth it. It's not something to do with someone because you need validation, or it's what you want to do because you're "so in love". It's something to do with someone who's got your back, who can pull his weight, and who will defend his friendship and love with you fiercely. You marry a partner, not just a guy that you have to cater to, or that is just there to cater to you.
As someone said, you gotta marry your partner, because just some guy would probably end up the victim in a "Snapped" episode.
Edited by classicpotatochip 2016-02-08 8:53 AM
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | Here's what reassures me that I've found the one: if he's picking me up (like from work if we carpool) I get probably one butterfly in my stomach that flops and I become giddy to see him. We usually make goofy faces at each other as I approach. He practically called us being together right after we met. He offered to drive to Vegas and get hitched because "his jeep was full of gas". =P (he had been drinking haha)
My college years were tough on my psyche because I was an over thinker and didn't know what I wanted in life. I wasn't really looking but he just happened along. He wasn't my ideal choice on paper, but it's worked out so much better. | |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| Three 4 Luck - 2016-02-08 7:15 AM
I had just turned 29 when I met mine. And yes, we both knew pretty early that we were very compatible and wanted each other for a life partner. Yes, there were butterflies, but it wasn't any lightning strike, angels singing, great passionate love affair. It was more like coming home--someone who saw who I really was (rather than what he wanted me to be) and loved and treasured me anyway. After that, it's a choice of making things work through the hard stuff. You make the choice every day to stay and love this person even when you're not feeling in love with them.
Before that, I had a broken engagement from my on again/off again 3 times since high school should have known better than to try boyfriend, and a failed marriage to a verbally abusive alcoholic/gambling addict to my credit. I learned a lot from making mistakes in my 20s. LOL
I agree with this. I'll be 29 in June. My SO just turned 31. There's no doubt in either of our minds that we're in it for the long haul. We haven't been together very long in the grand scheme but there's just no doubt. Big life decisions seem easy when being with him is the end result.
Less of the butterflies, more of just a very comforting at ease feeling. Kind of makes you wonder if the butterflies all the years and relationships before were good butterflies or your gut trying to tell you something.
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| ~BINGO~ - 2016-02-08 8:30 AM
GLP - 2016-02-08 4:35 AM
To answer your question - yes, there was/ is the feeling of this guy is the one. At least for me there was. We've been married 30 years. When other people talk about marriage being hard work, I don't understand what they mean. We have had to make hard decisions for our future and family but we made them together and moved happily on. I truly feel God blessed me with my husband. Soooo, I will pray for you to eventually find the love of your life, too. Oh, my daughter found her love just 1 1/2 years ago and she is fixin' to be 30.
My husband and I have been together 10 years. Married for 6. I am 27. He's 31. We were both young when we met. But I absolutely knew he was "the one" for me.
I also don't feel that my marriage is hard work. Have we had arguments here and there? Yes. Do we have difficult decisions to make? Absolutely. Have I ever felt it was hard or work to be around my husband. Never. He's the love of my life. God has given me everything I need. But he outdid himself when he paired us up.
30 years later I can look over at him sleeping in his chair and get tears in my eyes and a soft smile. He still thinks I am the cutest thing when I sleep. Wild passion- not so much anymore. Heart swelling, eyes welling with tears love - yep everyday.
Lol, just noticed the commonality of my words - sleeping. Maybe that's our secret- we look at each other only when the other is asleep! Jk | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| GLP - 2016-02-08 6:35 AM To answer your question - yes, there was/ is the feeling of this guy is the one. At least for me there was. We've been married 30 years. When other people talk about marriage being hard work, I don't understand what they mean. We have had to make hard decisions for our future and family but we made them together and moved happily on. I truly feel God blessed me with my husband. Soooo, I will pray for you to eventually find the love of your life, too. Oh, my daughter found her love just 1 1/2 years ago and she is fixin' to be 30.
Ditto, I have never considered my marriage hard work, we have never had a rough patch. We rarely fight. We met and married within 5 months, it will be 29 years in May, we had 4 kids the first 4 years of our marriage. Wait for the right guy, he is out there. Our friends 31 year old daughter is getting married in April and there are so many red flags even the priest who did their pre marriage counseling said they were the most dysfunctional couple he had ever met and refused to marry them. She has called off the wedding twice but as of now it is back on. It makes me sad for her because she is going to have and unhappy marriage but she wants to be married so bad she is determined to go through with it. In my younger years I dated a lot of jerks then made the decision no more jerks in my life-they had one shot and the first sign of inconsiderate behavior they were out the door. Good luck snd do not settle. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1129
Location: OH-IO | Three 4 Luck - 2016-02-08 9:11 AM I dunno, when you're exhausted and he's snoring, it kinda feels like work to not smother him with a pillow.
lololol amen sista!  | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1129
Location: OH-IO | ~BINGO~ - 2016-02-08 9:30 AM GLP - 2016-02-08 4:35 AM To answer your question - yes, there was/ is the feeling of this guy is the one. At least for me there was. We've been married 30 years. When other people talk about marriage being hard work, I don't understand what they mean. We have had to make hard decisions for our future and family but we made them together and moved happily on. I truly feel God blessed me with my husband. Soooo, I will pray for you to eventually find the love of your life, too. Oh, my daughter found her love just 1 1/2 years ago and she is fixin' to be 30. My husband and I have been together 10 years. Married for 6. I am 27. He's 31. We were both young when we met. But I absolutely knew he was "the one" for me. I also don't feel that my marriage is hard work. Have we had arguments here and there? Yes. Do we have difficult decisions to make? Absolutely. Have I ever felt it was hard or work to be around my husband. Never. He's the love of my life. God has given me everything I need. But he outdid himself when he paired us up.
Husband and I have been together 9 years, married for 5, just had our first child in March of 2015. I knew he was the one, but let me tell you it was not easy. Its never "easy" to LOVE each other, but it is easy to make the decision to do it anyway. I love him and always have. That doesnt mean I havent thought about what life would be like on the other side. It is hard, but I knew from before day 1 that he was it. Hes a great dad, wonderful husband, and I do not fear for my life in anyway. (I, however, do fear for his-if he leaves his boots on the steps for me to fall over one more time) | |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Life isn't a fairy tale. Marry the man who will love you and stay by you even if you wake up one morning ugly, disabled, and unemployed, living with your parents, needing to be milked like a dairy cow, mad at the world, and with 2 rug rats screaming for your attention. Bonus points if you can still love him and stay with him after he whines about it.  | |
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