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 Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
  
Location: Texas | Long story short I have a male manager that has been making everyone at our store feel uncomfortable, some worse than others( really just the girls 25yo and younger). He is 32 and his wife just left him on new years day. I have always gotten a weird vibe from him but had just assumed we just didn't really click as people since he was always super nice. The past few weeks he's been too nice though, always wanting to hang out or know what im doing or try and make plans. He was doing this with multiple girls, but mainly me. On Friday night he sent me a snapchat of his crotch area. I had posted some videos out at my barn riding and he started messaging me telling me he was envious that I was riding and then sent me a picture of his dog that was laying betweeen his legs and included a full view of his crotch, he did have pajama pants on but the image was still far too detailed for me to believe he didn't mean for it come accross the way it did(disgusting). You can't save snapchats but my friends who also works with me was there and saw it. Anyways I ended up telling one of our shift leaders and then the store manager and now it's this big deal. In a way though I feel bad, because I know the guy is going through a tough time, but really? this was just plain creepy! I just so wish he wouldn't have started to act like this because he is now obviously gonna lose his job and he doesn't have any friends & is going through a divorce. I can't help but feel bad even though I know it's the right thing. Have any of you dealt with situations like this? I've had 6 jobs over the last 4 years, this will be my 2nd manager to get fired over harrassment reasons, the other one also mainly dealt with me as well, and every other job i've also left due to unprofessional circumstances. Is this normal or am I just extremeley unlucky with jobs? Sorry for the book, I just needed to vent. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| Don't feel bad. There's no excuse. It's completely unprofessional to bring that kind of behavior to work per say, by talking/acting like that with other coworkers and employees. But because I can be too nice I'm going to say stop being so nice!! I know it's hard but completely nip things in the bud and don't add people/managers that act like that on snap chat or anything personal if you have a weird feeling. Don't feel bad about it, you'll avoid a lot of unnecessary stress this way. This is coming from someone that has been too nice to people and then always feel like I'm dealing with a creep or somethin along those lines. But don't blame yourself. It's sad, but his divorce isn't your problem and he should've taken his feeling to Craigslist casual encounters.. |
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| You are having too many encounters of the 3rd kind .. so stop flirting and sending the wrong messages at work and become a co-worker and make your friends elsewhere and private from work!!
Somehow you are giving an Ok or a green light signal to the guys and they
are treating you like another guy or trying to take you up on the signals
you are emitting.
wear your business hat at work and don't share your personal stuff at work and
you can wear your party hat on your own time with people you do not work with..
You are giving this guy a pity party right now by reporting him instead of
clearing your phone and telling him in no uncertain terms never to contact
you again ...
I am not being mean ... but you overlook the fact you and the guy were having
a phone chat while you were riding horses and somehow the conversation got out of hand in your mind.
I would love to look at the history of your phone conversations with him
and see what was really going on ... and how often you talked or texted etc
Sorry for the fatherly advice but I think you need to take a hard look why
things are always happening to you...
If this guy has a good reputation etc etc ... they may be re-viewing the store videos to see what both of you were doing to create this situation so everything may backfire in your direction ... one can only hope both of you learn a very
important lesson and abide by what you learned in the future ..
Edited by BARRELHORSE USA 2016-02-15 11:06 PM
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Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | BARRELHORSE USA - 2016-02-15 11:03 PM You are having too many encounters of the 3rd kind .. so stop flirting and sending the wrong messages at work and become a co-worker and make your friends elsewhere and private from work!! Somehow you are giving an Ok or a green light signal to the guys and they are treating you like another guy or trying to take you up on the signals you are emitting. wear your business hat at work and don't share your personal stuff at work and you can wear your party hat on your own time with people you do not work with.. You are giving this guy a pity party right now by reporting him instead of clearing your phone and telling him in no uncertain terms never to contact you again ... I am not being mean ... but you overlook the fact you and the guy were having a phone chat while you were riding horses and somehow the conversation got out of hand in your mind. I would love to look at the history of your phone conversations with him and see what was really going on ... and how often you talked or texted etc Sorry for the fatherly advice but I think you need to take a hard look why things are always happening to you... If this guy has a good reputation etc etc ... they may be re-viewing the store videos to see what both of you were doing to create this situation so everything may backfire in your direction ... one can only hope both of you learn a very important lesson and abide by what you learned in the future .. I understand where you are coming from, but I was not the first person to come forward and say something about this situation, and I have showed multiple people all the conversations and no one has said they thought I was doing anything out of line, unless they are lying to me. But most of my replies are "I know" or "yeah" or "okay". Very plain text. I would be willing to fix it if I thought I was doing something wrong but I feel like when all the girl co workers are creeped out it isn't just me being the problem.
eta: the guy does not have a good reputation, I just thought he was a nice person.
Edited by outrundaizy 2016-02-15 11:17 PM
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | Back in the day (haha), I was a very pretty, shapely blonde - back when sexual harrassment was ignored.
I learned a lot of good comebacks when asked something inappropriate, like:
Yeah, right.
In your dreams.
Is your wife coming with us?
Your horns are showing.
Of course, that was also before cell phones. I think the most important thing to remember is to display a very strong boundary at work. Fine to be friendly with coworkers, but draw a line in the sand that cannot be crossed.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 516
| I guess if it were me I wouldn't have even had him on snapchat, nice guy or not. If he's got a bad reputation there's a reason for that.. |
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Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | WiscoRacer - 2016-02-15 11:26 PM I guess if it were me I wouldn't have even had him on snapchat, nice guy or not. If he's got a bad reputation there's a reason for that..
I do realize that now too, he did add me on everything, but I did choose to accept it. I just never would have thought things would go down hill this quickly, lesson learned! |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| WiscoRacer - 2016-02-15 11:26 PM
I guess if it were me I wouldn't have even had him on snapchat, nice guy or not. If he's got a bad reputation there's a reason for that..
THIS! And gosh, his wife left him - what a surprise - NOT. He sounds VERY creepy. I would stop ALL contact with him outside of work. |
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| So I'm confused as to why you would automatically go to your boss and co-workers before having the guts to stand up for yourself and tell him it was inappropriate and to back off. JMO |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | First block him on all social media. Tell him it's inappropriate and ask him to stop. If he continues, go to HR. I am in HR and this is protocol. They will ask you if you have asked him to stop the behavior, so you need to cover your bases. This is completely inappropriate behavior, but you are allowing it to happen. Stand up for yourself, and don't feel sorry for him. He is a creeper. By responding to his behavior, you are saying "this is ok". He thinks by your responding, that you are allowing it. Which, you are.
Edited by Murphy 2016-02-16 7:07 AM
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 Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | Like Murphy said, block him. He should of never been added to anything like that in the first place but that can't be changed but you can most certainly block him now.
I work in management and I travel to 10 different store in my marketing company and there is one store that always seems to have these kinds of problems. There is several young(21 and younger) girls that work there and all they do is flirt and go back and forth with all the men there. Not saying that is what was happening in your case but you said this has happened at several of your past job. If you go in for an interview and they ask you why you left your last job(s) and all of your replies are the same, "unprofessional circumstances", that doesn't look good.
This should be a learning experience for you, don't mix work and personal life, ever.
Side note - Just because you are only sending one word answers back doesn't mean anything. You are conversing with him and not telling him to stop. Make your point and move on. |
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  Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | That is why you never add managers or co-workers to your social media. Work is work, private life is private life. There is a boundary there that should not be crossed.
Just delete him from everything, and tell him clearly to stay away, you are not interested.
Oh, and don't fret about him losing his job. He is an adult that knows (or should know) that his actions have consequences.
Just take it as a leason learned for you and move on. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1631
Location: Somewhere around here | teed - 2016-02-16 5:24 AM
So I'm confused as to why you would automatically go to your boss and co-workers before having the guts to stand up for yourself and tell him it was inappropriate and to back off. JMO
I'm not confused at all! There was a man exactly like this at one of my old jobs and we had to work together at close quarters. He was creepy and old. He's gotten a girl, who worked with him, pregnant and they have a girl now but it wouldn't surprise me if he got another worker girl pregnant. I think she did the right thing going to her boss, this way no other girl who thinks "he's just being nice, kinda feel sorry for him for getting divorced" at her work place will have to go through those uncomfortable and awkward creepy moments! Not all women are strong and confident to tell a creepy guy to straight up back off. |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| I agree with barrel horse USA to an extent.
Keep your professional life professional
Do not blur the lines between professional and social.
Don't add coworkers to your personal accounts ie fb, Twitter, snapchat
If someone texts you from work about personal business, reply back please refrain from texting me about social matters, it is inappropriate.
You have to be consistent no gender discrimination, do not accept or be social with either gender.
I do believe women should be able to be confident in their own skin and not worry about the opposite sex hitting on them. However it is the woman's responsibility to not give any signals that could be misinterpreted. No touching, no speaking about social life, etc |
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| If he's that creepy why does she have him on her media page/why is she replying to his messages-you have to take control of your own life/friends/not friends/etc... Have a backbone and take a stance don't go whining to someone else so they can take control of your life. Now with that said; if he continued after telling him to back-off, then take the next step. I had something similar happen and told the guy twice to stop-the second time I told him if he didn't back off I would go higher and file a complaint-bingo! He backed off.... Once again JMO:) |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| BARRELHORSE USA - 2016-02-15 11:03 PM You are having too many encounters of the 3rd kind .. so stop flirting and sending the wrong messages at work and become a co-worker and make your friends elsewhere and private from work!! Somehow you are giving an Ok or a green light signal to the guys and they are treating you like another guy or trying to take you up on the signals you are emitting. wear your business hat at work and don't share your personal stuff at work and you can wear your party hat on your own time with people you do not work with.. You are giving this guy a pity party right now by reporting him instead of clearing your phone and telling him in no uncertain terms never to contact you again ... I am not being mean ... but you overlook the fact you and the guy were having a phone chat while you were riding horses and somehow the conversation got out of hand in your mind. I would love to look at the history of your phone conversations with him and see what was really going on ... and how often you talked or texted etc Sorry for the fatherly advice but I think you need to take a hard look why things are always happening to you... If this guy has a good reputation etc etc ... they may be re-viewing the store videos to see what both of you were doing to create this situation so everything may backfire in your direction ... one can only hope both of you learn a very important lesson and abide by what you learned in the future .. How typical of you that you want to blame her. The guy is 32 and married and she is much younger. He knows better regardless of how often she may or may not have engaged in text messaging, which according to her was very little. It is difficult for a young employee to know how to handle a situation like this from a boss. You assume she led him on, you don't know that. Yet what an insight to how creepy you are.
This guy is the manager, he should have never blurred the lines. Yes, you accepting his requests plays into it, delete him from everything.
Edited by rodeomom3 2016-02-16 7:52 AM
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | BARRELHORSE USA - 2016-02-16 12:03 AM
You are having too many encounters of the 3rd kind .. so stop flirting and sending the wrong messages at work and become a co-worker and make your friends elsewhere and private from work!!
Somehow you are giving an Ok or a green light signal to the guys and they
are treating you like another guy or trying to take you up on the signals
you are emitting.
wear your business hat at work and don't share your personal stuff at work and
you can wear your party hat on your own time with people you do not work with..
You are giving this guy a pity party right now by reporting him instead of
clearing your phone and telling him in no uncertain terms never to contact
you again ...
I am not being mean ... but you overlook the fact you and the guy were having
a phone chat while you were riding horses and somehow the conversation got out of hand in your mind.
I would love to look at the history of your phone conversations with him
and see what was really going on ... and how often you talked or texted etc
Sorry for the fatherly advice but I think you need to take a hard look why
things are always happening to you...
If this guy has a good reputation etc etc ... they may be re-viewing the store videos to see what both of you were doing to create this situation so everything may backfire in your direction ... one can only hope both of you learn a very
important lesson and abide by what you learned in the future ..
Right... Because men (specifically this one.) have/has/had no responsibility for his actions whatsoever in this situation.... Get your head out of your a** |
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | Crowned Image - 2016-02-16 8:52 AM BARRELHORSE USA - 2016-02-16 12:03 AM You are having too many encounters of the 3rd kind .. so stop flirting and sending the wrong messages at work and become a co-worker and make your friends elsewhere and private from work!! Somehow you are giving an Ok or a green light signal to the guys and they are treating you like another guy or trying to take you up on the signals you are emitting. wear your business hat at work and don't share your personal stuff at work and you can wear your party hat on your own time with people you do not work with.. You are giving this guy a pity party right now by reporting him instead of clearing your phone and telling him in no uncertain terms never to contact you again ... I am not being mean ... but you overlook the fact you and the guy were having a phone chat while you were riding horses and somehow the conversation got out of hand in your mind. I would love to look at the history of your phone conversations with him and see what was really going on ... and how often you talked or texted etc Sorry for the fatherly advice but I think you need to take a hard look why things are always happening to you... If this guy has a good reputation etc etc ... they may be re-viewing the store videos to see what both of you were doing to create this situation so everything may backfire in your direction ... one can only hope both of you learn a very important lesson and abide by what you learned in the future .. Right... Because men (specifically this one. ) have/has/had no responsibility for his actions whatsoever in this situation.... Get your head out of your a**
Exactly. Regardless if she was receptive to his "advances", in what world is it appropriate/ok to send crotch shots to someone via text/Snapchat??? Especially a 32 year old MAN? |
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 Expert
Posts: 1273
Location: South Dakota | WiscoRacer - 2016-02-15 11:26 PM I guess if it were me I wouldn't have even had him on snapchat, nice guy or not. If he's got a bad reputation there's a reason for that..
I agree with this. I grew up long before social media but trust me there were plenty of weirdos around. We would do our best to avoid them or at least minimize contact with them. You guys are growing up in a different era but just because you can have everyone on your snapchat, don't. Keep your circle smaller and you'll be safer from the creeps like him. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | I work in the discrimination "business".....that is sex discrimination. And honestly if I were you, and nothing is resolved from the situtation, I would contact your state's human rights commission and file a sex discrimination complaint against the employer. There are discrimination laws in place, and regardless of if BHUSA or whatever his name is thinks you are giving mixed signals......it's not right. Block him from social media, if it continues file a grievance within the company....and if it worsens, file a sex and retaliation complaint with the Human rights department. |
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