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 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
   
Location: Montana | I'm hoping you can maybe give me an idea on what you would do. I want to go to college to get a B.S. in biology, and then further schooling into another field. My issue is my parents don't want me to go to college. My mom is okay about it, but my dad is pretty adamant that college is a bad influence and has corrupted many young people, on a moral perspective not academicly. I believe there is a mixture of both good and bad, in college and the world, and you can separate yourself from certain issues. Plus the first two years of college I can do more than 50% of school online. I have talked with dad before, and dad more or less waffles back and forth between being okay with college and being adamantly against it. Its confusing to say the least.
The only reason this is kind of a problem is I still live with my parents and work with them at the family business. I don't know how to reconcile going to college, my parents not wanting me to, and how to do it while still living at home and working with/for them. I feel I wouldn't be able to afford to go to college without working for/with them and living at home. I love my parents, and do my best to honor them and please them, as I believe what the Bible says about that. But I also feel I'm old enough (I'm in my mid twenties) to make some decisions on my own and that they should be supportive of my decisions. Any advice would be most appreciated as I'm just not sure how to go about this. Thanks much.
Edited by mtcanchazer 2016-07-21 3:01 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 516
| mtcanchazer - 2016-05-11 10:49 PM
I'm hoping you can maybe give me an idea on what you would do. I want to go to college to get a B.S. in biology, and then further schooling into another field. My issue is my parents don't want me to go to college. My mom is okay about it, but my dad is pretty adamant that college is a bad influence and has corrupted many young people, on a moral perspective not academicly. I believe there is a mixture of both good and bad, in college and the world, and you can separate yourself from certain issues. Plus the first two years of college I can do more than 50% of school online. I have talked with dad before, and dad more or less waffles back and forth between being okay with college and being adamantly against it. Its confusing to say the least.
The only reason this is kind of a problem is I still live with my parents and work with them at the family business. I don't know how to reconcile going to college, my parents not wanting me to, and how to do it while still living at home and working with/for them. I feel I wouldn't be able to afford to go to college without working for/with them and living at home. I love my parents, and do my best to honor them and please them, as I believe what the Bible says about that. But I also feel I'm old enough (I'm in my mid twenties) to make some decisions on my own and that they should be supportive of my decisions. Any advice would be most appreciated as I'm just not sure how to go about this. Thanks much.
What I would do is take out loans and get out from under their wing. I'd understand if they weren't supportive of running off with your first love you just met, but this is college for goodness sake. This is bettering your future - for yourself and others. Find a school that's a good fit for you and just do it. Many kids these days don't have the drive or the want to go to college. You do - don't lose that.
Have a heart to heart discussion with both of them and explain why you want to go, why you think it will benefit you, etc but be serious about the fact you want to go. It may surprise you how parents can open up.
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 Regular
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Location: here there and everywhere! | To be honest your a grown **** woman! At some point you need to realize what you want to do with your own life and do it. Obviously a direction should as Biology would not later on in life involve working with your family. You must have a career in mind to want this field. Family is to support each other no matter what. If they wont help financially (which i wouldnt expect mine didnt) start small go to a community college which is way more affordable and start small. One or 2 classes here or there that you can pay off on your own. Dont let the money part scare you. There is help out there
If this is something your serious about do it because to be honest with you this is the time and the chance you need to take now. I decided out of high school to not go and I regretted it BIG TIME. Going back to college in your late twenties early 30's with a bunch of KIDS sucks! I felt like crap everytime I looked around and realized i wasted that time in my life when i should have stuck with school. Now in my career I watch people younger than me and with no experience fly up past me just because they have more schooling than I do. Dont make that mistake and not go out of a misguided loyalty. You need to live your life not theirs. |
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Expert
Posts: 1586
Location: west of East Texas | You definitely need to be making your own decisions by this age. You could respectfully tell the parents that you have decided that this is something you need to do. Explain that initially a portion will be online and that this would give you and them both the opportunity to get accustomed to it. Then ask them to be supportive emotionally if not financially. If they choose not to support your decision, then you need to move on on your own, both with a new job and a new home. You should not feel obligated to grant this much control over your adult life. Good luck that this can go peacefully and they realize how beneficial an education is. |
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Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | Thanks very much for all the input. I have talked with them before, and have had talks go smoothly and other ones go roughly. My mom went to college and acquired her teaching degree, and a lot of their opinions I think come from some of her experiences and her friends' experiences way back when (late 1960's, early 1970's). I know my parents want to protect me, and I appreciate that. I love them a lot and overall they have been extremely supportive of things I have wanted to undertake. I waited on college because I didn't know what I wanted to do when I graduated, but I was also only 17 when I finished high school. I'm not trying to make my parents sound like the bad guys (or me good), I am just not sure how to handle it all. |
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 Mature beyond Years
Posts: 10780
Location: North of the 49th Parallel | Go to school! And you don't need to consult your parents, you are plenty old enough. I'm in my early twenties and told my parents I was moving 12 hours away for a job, after I got said job and found a place to live, with them not even knowing I was looking for jobs out this way. Your education is something you'll never regret. I have an expensive piece of paper saying I have a bachelor's degree but I wouldn't have gotten this job if I didn't have my BA. ETA- my job isnt even in the field of my degree.
Edited by bccanchaser16 2016-05-11 11:54 PM
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | mtcanchazer - 2016-05-11 10:49 PM
I'm hoping you can maybe give me an idea on what you would do. I want to go to college to get a B.S. in biology, and then further schooling into another field. My issue is my parents don't want me to go to college. My mom is okay about it, but my dad is pretty adamant that college is a bad influence and has corrupted many young people, on a moral perspective not academicly. I believe there is a mixture of both good and bad, in college and the world, and you can separate yourself from certain issues. Plus the first two years of college I can do more than 50% of school online. I have talked with dad before, and dad more or less waffles back and forth between being okay with college and being adamantly against it. Its confusing to say the least.
The only reason this is kind of a problem is I still live with my parents and work with them at the family business. I don't know how to reconcile going to college, my parents not wanting me to, and how to do it while still living at home and working with/for them. I feel I wouldn't be able to afford to go to college without working for/with them and living at home. I love my parents, and do my best to honor them and please them, as I believe what the Bible says about that. But I also feel I'm old enough (I'm in my mid twenties) to make some decisions on my own and that they should be supportive of my decisions. Any advice would be most appreciated as I'm just not sure how to go about this. Thanks much.
As a mom I appreciate so much that even at your age you care what your parents think and how your decisions still affect them. It is ultimately your decision, but I think it says a lot about you AND your parents that you want to include them in this part of your life. Good luck in what you decide. . . . |
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| bccanchaser16 - 2016-05-11 11:53 PM
Go to school! And you don't need to consult your parents, you are plenty old enough. I'm in my early twenties and told my parents I was moving 12 hours away for a job, after I got said job and found a place to live, with them not even knowing I was looking for jobs out this way. Your education is something you'll never regret. I have an expensive piece of paper saying I have a bachelor's degree but I wouldn't have gotten this job if I didn't have my BA. ETA- my job isnt even in the field of my degree.
Mid twenties is well past the time you should have developed your wings and learned to fly away from the parental nest.
First you must learn to live on your own and what the real expenses are vs living at home and riding the wave.
Once you have your daily life and living expenses figured out as a normal adult function .... then you can add on the responsibilities of going to college ...
GOOD LUCK .. |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| WTF? Go to college. Your father's paranoia shouldn't stop you from bettering yourself. |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| I'll have to say this is the first time I think I've EVER heard of someone's parents NOT wanting them to go to college!
GO, move out, get a job, get student loans if you have to but GO. If you are in your mid-20s, you could have already been done with this! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| Fill out the FAFSA so you are eligible for loans, possibly grants, and start applying to scholarships. Maybe you'd be eligible for federal work study with your school or find a job elsewhere. It may be difficult financially but it will be doable and if it's something you really want to do go for it! Don't let anyone tell you not to, especially with you being the age that you are. He may be worried but it's time for you to separate yourself and experience life. There are bad things out there but it doesn't mean you have to get involved, and some things still don't make you a bad person. I swore I'd never get into drinking when I went to college (tried it once in high school) and boy did that change. Lol. I'm graduating tomorrow with a Bachelors degree and I've changed so much, grown up so much, and become my own person and the experience is so worth it. I drink occasionally, dance, etc but it doesn't make me a bad person as we're all sinners and I'm still religious. Stick to your personal morals and values if that's what you want but don't restrain yourself or let anyone else for that matter. It may be tough and a change, but you won't regret it! |
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 Saint Stacey
| Is college the real issue with your dad? You said they have a small family business you help run. Reading between the lines I have to wonder if your dad maybe feels that if you go to college instead of following his plan, what he's worked so hard at dies because no one will be there to take his place. That's the only reason I can see why he's against it. The other is just his excuse for hiding his real fear.
You DO need to follow your own dreams. You also need to be prepared to do it on your own if need be. I applaud you for wanting to protect the relationship you have with your parents. As a parent, it can be really hard to let go of your only child. It isn't that you want to hold them back. They've just been such a huge focus for so long that it's hard to watch them walk away. Too many kids anymore are self centered and only think about Self. They don't stop to think what their parents are going through.
I'd recommend coming up with a list of why college will better your future and why this path is what you want to do with your life. Let your dad know you love him and appreciate all he's done/sacrificed, but you need to find your own goals and dreams. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 788
| I pretty much agree with everyone else. If I could talk everyone into going to college, I would. It was the best experience of my life! I went to a small public university. I would actually suggest Not doing the community college thing first because I seen many many people that had went that route before going to the university and a lot of the classes they had paid good money for didnt count and it took them twice as long to graduate. But if you want to go to college, please do. They are your parents, they will come around. They love you no matter what.
With that being said, if you want to go into biology, you do need to make sure that you have all your ducks in a row so to speak. There isnt a whole lot of jobs that you can do with just a biology degree, so you need to have a plan for what is to come after that. It is an excellent field and everyone that I know that did it makes great money now but they went on to bigger schools and finished doing whatever it is they were setting out to do.
Also, I want to say that my parents did not help with a single dime of money when I was in college. Go to the Financial aid office first thing! They can give you info on grants (money you dont have to pay back) and other scholarships you may not have known about as well as loans if you must have them. But, if you can avoid loans with a job and such then that is the best thing you can do for yourself. They do give you time to pay your loans back and your payments dont start until after you graduate, but you dont want to owe the government money for the rest of your life!
Good luck! and prayers! college can be rough but so worth it! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | You mentioned the bible....perhaps your dad needs a refresher on Proverbs 22:6 ("Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.")
He needs to have faith that his teaching in your youth will carry you down the right path as an adult.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 729
Location: south central usa | SKM - 2016-05-12 5:37 AM
Is college the real issue with your dad? You said they have a small family business you help run. Reading between the lines I have to wonder if your dad maybe feels that if you go to college instead of following his plan, what he's worked so hard at dies because no one will be there to take his place. That's the only reason I can see why he's against it. The other is just his excuse for hiding his real fear.
You DO need to follow your own dreams. You also need to be prepared to do it on your own if need be. I applaud you for wanting to protect the relationship you have with your parents. As a parent, it can be really hard to let go of your only child. It isn't that you want to hold them back. They've just been such a huge focus for so long that it's hard to watch them walk away. Too many kids anymore are self centered and only think about Self. They don't stop to think what their parents are going through.
I'd recommend coming up with a list of why college will better your future and why this path is what you want to do with your life. Let your dad know you love him and appreciate all he's done/sacrificed, but you need to find your own goals and dreams.
this is what I would think as well...whether it be the "business/family plan" or that you are also work in the family business and you would probably be difficult to replace...someone who has a vested interest will work harder/care more than your typical lay person hired off the street |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Agree with the above. Tell them they raised you right and you are old enough to think for yourself and not let others influence you. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 178
| I think it is awesome that you have so much respect for your parents. You are obviously a very close family. Having said that, I think it's time you may need to leave the nest a little. Change is uncomfortable, but it is how we grow as a person and learn.
I most definitely think you should go to college, and it is great if you can make your family feel like they are part of the decision and will hopefully support your goals. If not, then it's time to put your big girl panties on and step out into the real world and learn to be independent. The money, place to live, and job would all just be excuses for not going. There are so many programs to help you, and some hard work will get you through no problem...how do you think (most of) the rest of us had to do it? I got a job waiting tables and bar tending to pay for my living expenses, and took out loans to pay for my schooling. My college years really helped me to grow and shape me as a person. I really hope you give it a try, I think you'll be glad you did! |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Well....you can always do online classes and just not tell your parents  |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| As I drove to school the other morning, I thought about some choices that I have made in the past. By far the best choice that I have ever made was finishing college. I got married and lived overseas two years and only lacked 24 hours finishing college. Summer school and fall and I was finished when I came home. Education is about the only thing that no one can take away from you. You feel a sense of accomplishment when you finish. I understand that you are close to your parents but this is a control issue. You can be morally corrupted anywhere not just college. You need to create your own life. You never know when circumstances will change and you have to support yourself. Good luck. |
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 Born not Made
Posts: 2937
Location: North Dakota | mtcanchazer - 2016-05-11 10:49 PM I'm hoping you can maybe give me an idea on what you would do. I want to go to college to get a B.S. in biology, and then further schooling into another field. My issue is my parents don't want me to go to college. My mom is okay about it, but my dad is pretty adamant that college is a bad influence and has corrupted many young people, on a moral perspective not academicly. I believe there is a mixture of both good and bad, in college and the world, and you can separate yourself from certain issues. Plus the first two years of college I can do more than 50% of school online. I have talked with dad before, and dad more or less waffles back and forth between being okay with college and being adamantly against it. Its confusing to say the least.
The only reason this is kind of a problem is I still live with my parents and work with them at the family business. I don't know how to reconcile going to college, my parents not wanting me to, and how to do it while still living at home and working with/for them. I feel I wouldn't be able to afford to go to college without working for/with them and living at home. I love my parents, and do my best to honor them and please them, as I believe what the Bible says about that. But I also feel I'm old enough (I'm in my mid twenties) to make some decisions on my own and that they should be supportive of my decisions. Any advice would be most appreciated as I'm just not sure how to go about this. Thanks much.
There are plenty of people in this world who put themselves through college.
You can too. Might have to make some sacrifices, but I for one believe that EDUCATION is so very important. If you want to go to college, then go.
Do you think your dad doesn't want you to go to college because he wants you to take over the family business someday?? I too have rarely heard of a parent who is NOT supportive of their child going to college! Personally, I think his argument is ridiculous. There are corrupt people in life. Period. They are in the real world. Sounds like your parents raised you to have a good head on your shoulders and so you should have zero trouble navigating college, or real life.
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